Things to Know When Dating a Writer

1. We’re schizophrenic. Did you think I was faking it when I talk in purple and green?

2. Inspiration is urgent and cannot be ignored or postponed. I actually made Sam and myself miss a movie because I was in the middle of a short story once. Luckily he's awesome and was used to these unfortunate Things.

3. Do not interrupt while we’re writing. You know what your mom always said about "not unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire"? Well, not even then.

4. Anything you do or say is fair game. Get used to the phrase "...I'm so gonna use that someday."

5. You must be able to think quickly. When we ask you for a synonym, drop your phone, make eye contact, and start spouting. Don't ask questions. Just go. When inspiration is flowing, there's no such thing as a minor emergency.

6. And outside of the box. Thinking like a well-adjusted twenty-year-old guy is great. However, you must also be able to think like a emotionally-abused half-elf half-fire fairy who needs a quick zinger to toss out while caught in the escape tunnel of a vicious lord's dungeon. Et cetera.

6. You must pretend with us that our characters are real. It's an unrealistic pain in the ass for us to have to preface a character's name with "the guy in my story, named." Know the story, know the people. If we give you a panicked look and whisper, "I think James just died," you better gasp and return the look. {Also be ready to console us if we start to sob.}

7. Mostly don’t laugh at anything that isn’t supposed to be funny. So you think that metaphor was cheesy. Fine. But keep the mirth to yourself. We are showing you something sacred and personal. If you laugh at it, you stab us in the heart.

8. We’re pretty…moody. Because inspiration comes and goes, so does our happiness. However, if you broke Thing #3, you brought this wrath upon yourself and I have no sympathy.

9. Daydreaming is a fragile and legitimate state. If we're sitting at the computer, totally motionless, staring off into the distance, IT DOES NOT MEAN WE AREN'T "WRITING." Chances are, we're searching for the right word, trying to ask a character a question, pondering various plot choices, or exploring the realm of possibilities. Interrupting a daydream still counts as interrupting.

10. Do NOT read over our shoulders. Holy shit. Do not ever do this. It is a complete and intimate violation of privacy. We will show you our writing if and when we become ready. We don't want you to see this pitiful sentence we're currently crafting. It's total crap right now and your body warmth is disrupting our creative process.

11. We need to be encouraged. Sometimes writing is cruel. We try so hard, and half the time our effort gets thrown in our faces. And then on top of that we realize we've thrown away six hours of our lives trying to salvage this scene. But the worst thing ever is when we show you something we're proud of and you blow it off. Don't do that. Writing is incredibly important to us, so if we're important to you, our writing should be too.

~Stephanie

Things You'd Often Hear Me Say

"I don't care, I just don't want to go home."

"Does it have peanuts?"

"Dang."

"Oh, sorry, I'm trying to crack my ankle."

"I'll text you when I get there."

"Hey. I need a word for..."

"Does it come in black?"

"Sorry, I'm deaf. What?"

"Batman."

"You know that episode of Friends where..."

"I can't, I have British Literature to read."

"I'm too lonely to sleep."

"Did you dream?"

"Because there might be dogs."

"At least I'll be able to write about it."

~Stephanie

Things You'd Never Hear Me Say

"You're right, I do have too much black clothes."

"Can you spell that, please?"

"Pass the peanut butter."

"You looked really cute and classy in your mirror pic."

"It's the government's responsibility to create jobs."

"Can we listen to Taylor Swift?"

"Stop writing me letters."

"I don't really want to hear your dream."

"Smoking is hot."

"'Much' and 'many' can be used pretty much interchangeably."

"Ronald Reagan wasn't that great."

"Turn down the music."

"I think truth is a relative thing."

~Stephanie

Inescapable Dualities

{excerpt from my British Literature research paper}

Dr. Jekyll demonstrates literally what many people experience figuratively.  The duality of human nature haunts the entire race.  Dr. Jekyll correctly discerns that every person possesses an inner Good and an inner Evil.  His philosophy breaks down when he attempts to separate his two sides.  He experiments with his heart and mind, thinking that he can always repent and negate any seriously immoral progress.  Initially, he enjoys the wretched integrity of being completely evil.  The experience is “more express and single,” he explains “than the imperfect and divided countenance I had been hitherto accustomed to call mine” (Stevenson 1711).  However, Evil is “alert and swift to seize the occasion,” “kept awake by ambition” (1711).  Jekyll realizes too late that he has gone too far, and stands “aghast before the acts of Edward Hyde” (1712).  Through Mr. Edward Hyde, Dr. Henry Jekyll ruins everything he has, is, and could be.

The most fateful and real danger of the struggle between one’s Good and one’s Evil comes when the boundaries between the two are blurred.  Hyde’s residence, where “buildings so packed together it’s hard to see where one ends and another begins” (Stevenson 1680) symbolizes this danger.  However, there is also danger in compartmentalizing the two sides too much.  One loses his sense of morality and responsibility when simply passing off wrongdoings as the problem of his “other self.”  “It was Hyde, after all,” Dr. Jekyll insisted.  “and Hyde alone, that was guilty” (1712-1713).  Eventually, unchecked evil over comes good, and there is nothing the good alone can do about it.  “He [Hyde] does not want my help” (1691), Jekyll confesses helplessly.  However, the tragedy of Dr. Jekyll’s transformation is not meant to dissuade one from acknowledging his evil nature.  Stevenson hides a truer meaning in one of his descriptions of Hyde’s grotesque residence by saying “no one had appeared to drive away these random visitors or repair their ravages” (1678).  The passage, and story as a whole, suggest that while it is good not to nurture one’s evil side, it is better to dealt with it actively.

In reality, can the inescapable dualities of human nature live in harmony?  Stevenson’s pointed gothic tale warns against reckless experimentation with one’s soul.  A person never believes he will be overcome by evil—until the evil is upon him.  Practically, this translates into one’s lifestyle.  Often, people who intend only temporarily to indulge their unwholesome appetites find themselves past a point of no return.  They have alienated loved ones beyond reconciliation; they have broken trust beyond repair; they have harmed their bodies past recovery.  While The Strange Tale of Jekyll and Hyde is only a story, the danger is painfully real.

Duality infects not only the entire human race, but every facet of life, from cities to virtues to the heart.  If even virtues such as loyalty and a thirst for knowledge can lead to negative consequences, is there anything truly good in life?  With Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Stevenson makes the point that everything is double-sided.  The great quest of life is not to separate and purge the world of evil, but to synthesize both sides of every element.  Temperance is perhaps the only one-sided virtue.  Absolute transparency leads to rudeness and alienation.  Absolute loyalty deteriorates into blindness and immorality.  Absolute pursuit of knowledge leads to destructive truth.  Absolute evil destroys both the good and itself.  However, without pretension, misguided loyalty, destructive knowledge, and Evil, no one would know the concepts of openness, difficult integrity, wise ignorance, and Good.  There is duality in everything.  Stevenson’s tale makes the reader question whether or not this is a bad thing, and whether trying to isolate either side might be just as destructive.  Without life’s negative side, the positive would mean nothing.

 
~Stephanie

Is Yesterday Still a Friend?

When I was younger, I used to be really arrogant. {*irony meter explodes*} I loved to hear poems or songs or stories and dismiss them as "stupid" because they didn't speak to me. I thought that I was so much wiser beyond my years, and if there was anything to be gathered from a work, I'd be able to gather it--at age twelve.

Daddy and I talked about these things a lot. He was never rude or judgmental and he never mocked or laughed at me. He would listen to my conceited little tirades about love and life and then suggest that I might come to understand the song better as I experienced life.

My dad's profound strength in humility always caught me a little off guard, and made me at least give lip service to the fact that maybe I didn't know everything.

At nineteen, I know more than I did at twelve. However, I'm also acutely aware that I don't know what I'm doing half the time, and the other half I'm quite possibly wrong anyway.

I like to think {and I hope I'm right} that this admission of ignorance has made me less judgmental and more open to new understanding. Now, when I encounter a song, poem, or story that doesn't speak to me, I try not to write it off. I consider it from many angles, play with potential double meanings and puns, try to apply it to different scenarios, and look for symbolism.

My most exciting recent revelation deals with a line from one of my favorite Shinedown songs:

"Now that you've lost tomorrow, is yesterday still a friend?"

I tried to make sense of that line for a long time last summer, and came to the conscious decision that I had not yet experienced that phenomenon. The words made sense, but the essence of the concept was lost on me. I decided to continue to love and listen to the song, hoping that someday I would understand what it meant.

I think I finally do.

We live our lives towards a future. Sure, we all have those nights when we decide to live in the moment and make a poor decision {and by that I mean eating that third chocolate bar, of course}, but overall we are goal-oriented people. The way we live our lives today reflect what we're ultimately striving for.

This might mean making good grades...so that you can get into a good college/get a degree.
This might mean investing in a relationship...so that you can spend your lives together.
This might mean saving up your money...so that you can travel over the summer.

More or less every decision is made with "tomorrow" in mind.

But what if you were suddenly disillusioned? What if you suddenly discovered a truth that undermined your future?

What if you realized you had read the wrong chapter in your biology book?
What if you realized your special someone had been lying to you?
What if you misplaced your money?

This new knowledge means that you have lost the "tomorrow" you were striving for.

Knowing what you know today about tomorrow, would you have acted differently yesterday?

Would you have checked the syllabus again?
Would you have demanded answers sooner?
Would you have taken your money directly to the bank?

Now that you've lost tomorrow, is yesterday still a friend?

It's a beautiful, sad question, one that I finally understand. I'm oddly proud to be able to say that. I'm thankful to my daddy for teaching me how to listen to things I might not understand, so that I can be prepared to understand them when I'm ready.

~Stephanie

Krispy Kreme Dream

4/6/13

{PC = Sam}

PC and I were in an apartment. It might have been at the beach. I think we were the only ones there.

I think we had an argument or something, because I sort of stormed out. He followed me, asking what I wanted to do, kind of to pacify me.

“I want Krispy Kreme,” I said. My hair was in a side ponytail, like I wear it to dance at Campbell. I don’t know why I know that.

“Okay, we can do that,” he said.

So we started walking. We were in a very dark, dirty, industrialized part of town.

Sam started to walk a different direction from me.

“No,” I said. “It’s this way. I’m sure.”

“I mean, I think this is the better way,” he said.

“Like, I don’t,” I said unreservedly. “I know where Battleground is. It’s right there. The Krispy Kreme is like RIGHT THERE.” I pointed. We couldn’t see it, because of the tall, dark buildings, but I was sure it was just on the other side of them.

“I mean, maybe you can go that way, but—”

“I am.” And I started walking. Sam didn’t say anything else. He followed me, although he still thought his way was more direct.

When we reached Battleground and looked to the left, where I thought the Krispy Kreme would be, we did see the Krispy Kreme. However, it was a lot farther down the road than I’d thought. In all actuality, Sam’s way would have been about as close. However, he was also surprised. His route would not have put us nearly as close to Krispy Kreme as he'd thought either.

Neither of our routes had been as accurate as we’d both been certain they were. I think we both admitted that.

When we got to Krispy Kreme, I got a box of a dozen doughnuts, but I wanted to mix and match the contents. I was getting doughnuts for my whole family, and probably, like, Cassidy too, so I had to get something for everyone. It was stressful. I didn’t know what the best combination was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think this dream might really mean something. Maybe I’m not 100% right in thinking that Sam and I ARE NOT the right ones for each other; and maybe Sam’s not 100% right in thinking that he and I ARE DEFINITELY the right ones for each other. Maybe God doesn’t engineer life so that we have to choose the one right option out of a million close-but-no-cigar options. Maybe he can work with several options and he actually lets us pick from a small selection of ones that he’s approved.

Krispy Kreme symbolizes the ultimate “right” decision and/or happiness. Maybe both our paths will lead us there, we just have to decide which one we want to choose.

{Although, neither of our paths were actually the best. Hm. What does THAT mean? Where’s the middle option? Through those dark, scary buildings? There wasn’t even a ROAD there. Hm.}

Do I want to be with him? I have to decide. And maybe either way I decide can lead to a good future.

But I feel like I’m not just choosing for myself. My trip to Krispy Kreme and how I get there are my choices, kind of, but I’m bringing doughnuts back for everyone. I have to get the right ones for the people close to me.

It’s stressful. And I don’t know what they want me to do.

Thoughts on Dating vs. Courtship

One of my Facebook friends posted an article on why modern dating is wrong, and courtship is the way to go. I had a couple of spare minutes before I had to meet a friend, so I figured this riveting article would be a good use of those minutes, and not be so difficult to pry myself away from that it would make me late.

{Clearly British Literature has heightened my tolerance for run-on sentences.}

I read the article, and it surprised me by making me angry and rebellious. It also made me think, which did not surprise me.

In light of that article, it is now time for me, a nineteen-year-old girl who has only dated one guy, to speak with authority about relationships.

Ultimate stance: Listen to God, and things will go well for you.

I don’t necessarily have a problem with dating. I don’t necessarily have a problem with courtship. I see three main issues with both.

Problems with Dating
 1. People do it for the wrong reasons. If you’re dating just to have someone to hold your hand, kiss you, take pictures with you, and be wild with, then you’re doing it wrong. Dating IS fun, but it isn’t FOR fun. It’s to discover the person God has specially planned for you to find and love.

2. People jump straight into dating. Since coming to college, I’ve watched new friends meet people of the opposite sex and immediately begin “talking” to them. A month later, they’re dating. I think that’s shallow and impractical. I don’t approve of dating someone you aren’t already good friends with.

3. Dating makes it more difficult to stay physically and emotionally pure. Like, yes. The second a girl opens her heart to a guy and her hand to his, they are, by definition, going farther than “just friends.” If they break up, they will have to carry their actions with them into any future romantic relationships.

Problems with Courtship
1. People who practice courtship are almost always prudish, overbearing, holier-than-thou types. I don’t know if courtship comes from this type of attitude, or if this attitude comes from courtship. Either way, it’s a huge turn-off to the concept and the people involved.

2. People who practice courtship assume that all dating is always wrong. My question is, “If my significant other and I are genuinely listening to God and seeking to do the right thing, how can you tell us it’s evil and going to blow up in our faces?”

3. Courtship puts unhelpful and stressful pressure on the girl and guy in question. Think about it. A guy kinda likes this one girl. But before he can get to know her as more than a passing acquaintance, he has to go through all this terrifying red tape and gut-wrenching screening process. Then when he and the girl finally begin “courting” and legitimately get to know each other, he better hope to God he doesn’t discover anything about her that would cause him not to love her completely and forever. And ever. Like, holy crap. That’s terrifying.

Obviously, we’re human and therefore going to misinterpret God and make mistakes. Dating is tricky, and it does make it easier to misstep. However, I’ve watched a lot of Christian friends date, get engaged, and marry without any devastating regrets. {Everyone is going to have some regrets in their life, whether they're romantic ones or not.} Like many things, dating has to be handled wisely or it CAN turn into something wrong.

As I think about it, I think the same thing can be said about courtship, just in a different way. There’s nothing wrong, per se, with courtship. How can doing next to nothing be “wrong”? But when your adherence to this principle becomes so rigid and romanticized that you believe the state of your soul is purer, higher, better than others’, that is wrong. Courtship seems to lead to a judgmental attitude, which God does not appreciate.

In conclusion, I think dating, when handled correctly and with Godly hearts, is healthy, constructive, and practical. I think courtship is fine, but is not always healthy or practical and can lead to arrogance.

~Stephanie