What Hurts the Most

You know what I miss the most?


The bad days.


Days when I would seethe in my room, clenching back angry tears and roaring for the day I could leave.


I miss getting into the green Honda, slamming the door and jerking too quickly on the seat belt. I miss him looking expectantly at me, that hint of amusement in his teal eyes, and me saying,


"It's just been one of those days. Let's go."


And he'd turn on P.O.D.'s "Kaliforn-Eye-A." The guitar riff came to mean driving off, fast. It meant my day was about to improve drastically. The riff meant we could do whatever we wanted. We were driving away together, and for at least a few hours, I would smile and love my life.


"Kaliforn-Eye-A" is what I miss the most, and what it meant. What hurts the most is knowing that I won't ever have nights like that again, when I come out of my house angry and just get into his car.


That makes me cry. That thought, that tiny collection of memories, is what absolutely undoes me.


~Stephanie