The Sixteen Loves

Gem and I were talking about the definition of "love" the other day. We agree that it is a choice, but I also now believe that it can be FELT, for sure. There are so many different kinds of love, but only one word for it.

Together we mourned the reality of English's insufficiency, and the linguistic ineptitude of those who use it. {Actually, I ranted like that and he agreed and offered statements like "I am gonna make my own language. With blackjack. And hookers." #Futurama}

But he really did inspire me to define all the many, most common uses of the word "love." I took it as both a challenge and a personal exploration exercise--and we know how those things turn out here on Peripeteia.

I give you...my Sixteen Kinds of Love.

1. The God Love - That love we can't understand because we're not, like, God. The totally unconditional, infinitely the patient, inconceivably complete love of our unfathomable Creator.

2. The Family Love - I understand that some peoples' families suck, and that sometimes friends are just like family. However, I actually believe that there is a love for actual blood family {and, like, legally adopted kids} that cannot be duplicated or substituted. I'm sorry, but I am never, ever going to love someone in the frighteningly fierce, protective, unconditional, self-sacrificing way I think I love my sister. I love her the most of anyone in the world, and her going to Europe has only made that more clear to me. In my mind, this is the highest form of love on earth.

3. The Best Friend Love -  It's the adamant loyalty, the absolute comfort. When there is someone who you can be rude to, but still not live without. The person who has seen you at your worst, but can still make you believe your best. This love is both casual and astonishingly resilient. The total opposite of the word "fragile."

4. The Love of Ideals - It's theoretical. It's personal. It's lofty. It's fixed. It's a lifestyle. It's a choice. It's a calling. Your love of Truth, Freedom, Responsibility, Mercy, Justice, Peace, Joy--whatever it might be--is a very real and legitimate Love. It shapes your soul.

5. The Rational Love - The love that kicks in when you're angry or frustrated or disappointed in someone. You have FELT true love for them, and intellectually realize that you do, but at the moment you have to rely solely on that fact because you don't currently LIKE the person.

6. The Fun Love - You've been dating for months. You've already seen each other without makeup/in basketball shorts. You've heard a lot of dirty secrets. You've watched a lot of movies and TV shows. You "get"each other in an effortless, smile-inducing way. Fun Love surfaces when you catch an eye-shining moment that makes you beam at someone, and it's like a lamp is turned on in your chest. It makes you want to laugh or hug the person, because you're just simply so EXCITED about BEING WITH THEM at that particular moment. You realize that you still love this person's company, that you'd still rather read a dictionary with him/her than go rollerskating with someone else, that you still think they're funny. It's light and fun and the brightest form of love I know.

7. The Gentle Love - The kind of love that comes from the heart of your soul and is reflected in your eyes when you look at that person. The kind of love that makes you cover someone with a blanket when they're asleep, or brush a tear off someone's face. A Gentleness so intense and clear that it's almost rough.

8. The Mushy Love - The kind of love that makes people text sappy things and stare into each others eyes and touch each others cheeks and sometimes gush to their friends about how amazing so-and-so is.

9. The Animal Love - Without becoming too graphic, this is the kind of writhing, white-hot, blinding, blood-rushing, desperate, gasping, teeth-gritting, nail-clawing sort of love that results in the creation of babies.

10. The Real Misspoken Love - This applies to inanimate objects that you legitimately love, even though you realize that "love" should only be used for people. For example, I Really Misspokenly Love the book Tex, and my dad's old Taurus, and--holy shit--my baby blanket, RB. Like, I would probably kill live animals in defense of those things, especially the latterest. Like, no question about it.

11. The Crush Love - This applies to unattainable hott actors as well as cute "real" guys/girls you barely know but get butterflies about.

12. The Mental Love - When you fall in love with someone's mind. This usually doesn't last long, because it morphs into one of the other kinds of love. But it is possible--for a short while--to be totally caught up in someone's impressive intellect.

13. The Preppy Love - "Oh my god, I LAHHHHHV himmmmmmmah." Used when you know someone well enough to notice that they have qualities that are universally appealing, like a cute smile or a love of animals or a way with parents. This Love applies to 80% of loves formed in private schools, cheer squads, and expensive youth camps.

14. The Misspoken Love - This applies to inanimate objects, like ice cream and Converse shoes. You feel strongly about your feelings towards a particular thing, but if pushed, you would admit that "love" is probably an inappropriate verb to use here.

15. Obsession/Infatuation - Everyone knows this one. When you dedicate an unhealthy amount of energy and brain space to a particular person. This is the kind of Love a stalker feels, as well as girls who are overly aware of a guy's biceps, or a guy of a girl's breasts. It's like Crush Love, but creepier and based on even less.

16. Addiction - *wince* This belongs here, as Gem pointed out to me. Anyone who's ever been addicted knows the powerful hate/love relationship with their poison of choice. Of course you hate that it controls you--and you might even hate the thing itself--but you love it because you keep. going. back. and there's a part of you that won't let go.

~Stephanie