This Weekend

Friday

The bouncers always draw random stuff on my hands. I'm gonna miss that when I turn twenty-one.

Friday night, I went out for the first time in a while. I expected it to be awful, because I was going with my friend Gerard, who is occasionally so insecure and thirsty that he can barely have a decent conversation with me {even though he has a girlfriend}.

However, we had an amazing time. I always forget that when dancing is involved, nothing is that bad.

I got in free, and got Gerard in at all XD Apparently he didn't fit the dress code, so I had to walk back to him and attempt a "He's with me ;)" at the security guy. To my great amusement, it actually worked. *crosses that off bucket list*

So Gerard finally got to see me dance {*rolls eyes*}, which had been on his bucket list ever since I had my legendary moment at a party last semester, and I had a lot of fun with this punk/skater guy. I liked him right away for his style, and then I noticed that he could legitimately dance. Bonus points. Our eyes met across the room and there was a mutual, mischievous agreement. Soon we were the best dance partners in the place {if I do say so myself}.

I become the funnest and most confident version of myself when I'm dancing. It's like slipping into another skin. It's like becoming Ember.

Also, THIS song. I love so much XD

On the way home, Gerard and I were practically euphoric. The music and dancing had peeled back our hard exteriors and we rejoiced in each other's company. We looked at the stars and got smoothies and drove through nice neighborhoods and talked.

It was an amazing night.
~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday

Seeing as I didn't get to bed til about 4am, I slept until 12:40.

I took my antibiotic pill with zero trouble. Holla! Good start to the day.

I was not very productive school-wise, but I didn't even care.

I had a delicious salad for dinner, and got ready to go to "The Magician's Nephew" play here at school. One of my friends from Milton class, Jacob, was Uncle Andrew. He did a wonderful job :) I stuck around to talk to him after the play, and he actually asked me out. I'm pretty sure I'm not interested in him that way, but my friend James has inspired me to say yes to first dates.

"You never know," he says. "I think it's the rudest thing for people to say no to first dates. There's no real commitment; saying no is just refusing to get to know someone."

So, I'm going to have coffee with Jacob sometime next week :)

After that, I decided to go for a walk. The night was beautiful, with air was sharp and clear as diamonds. I decided I would walk on all the paths on campus that I've never been on.

I took a notebook and spent one of the happiest hours of my life just wandering around, shocked by all the beauty I'd been missing all around me. There were ghostly teal Lothlorien pine trees, and funny little mops of green grass, and faint burgundy clouds against the charcoal sky.

I wandered down every path and into every brick stairwell and looked in every dark window. Basically I went around doing all the sorts of things that get you killed in horror movies. It was great.

Also, I successfully made a hard-boiled egg in the microwave. Yeah, you heard me. No explosion this time. Take THAT, Sarah/Cassidy/James/Mom/Daniel/Gerard/Everyone With Realistic Expectations of Life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday

Today, Bekah came to move her stuff out, seeing as she had a surprise baby and all. She brought Baby Natalie and her current boyfriend, Gabe. I liked both of them a lot :) Gabe is pretty much definitely a keeper. He's actually intelligent and engaging in conversation and really good with Baby Natalie.

The room feels much emptier than I was prepared for. I don't really like it. However, I can certainly use the extra bookshelf space.

I went to Walmart and saved $2 with coupons. Small victories for the college kid XD

Only five days til I leave for spring break! So ready to see the people I love :)

~Stephanie

Blacklight Dance

Well. Hi. It's...me.

I'm gonna talk about the Blacklight Dance at the end. I'd rather end on that note.


Today, I went to Theater, and I dislike it. The professor is tiny and mousy, albeit nice enough. We have "theater lab" 2 hours a week, a ton of tedious little assignments and regulations to keep track of. As far as I can tell, it's just gonna be a massive, irritating waste of time.


Western Civilization was a little more encouraging. I really like Professor Stanke {isn't that unfortunate?} and it's exactly the kind of course I can enjoy and be good at. It's not heavily focused on historic dates or memorizing facts; it focuses on the WHYs and HOWs of history. Awesome :D The homework--so far--doesn't seem too bad either.


Then I had math, which you all know I was dreading.


It turned out to be very different from what I expected. I think it might be worse. I almost cried in class, but the feeling of dry helplessness was too resigned for tears.


My professor is Chinese. He speaks with a heavy accent, doesn't actually finish half his sentences, and uses tons of math terms interchangably. He goes into detail on really obvious concepts, using tons of examples, and then flits around more confusing aspects of math, explaining things weirdly and not finishing his sentences.


I have no idea what the homework is, and nothing he mentioned in class is in the first chapter of our textbook.


I am going to call my mother as soon as possible and get her advice on what to do about this. There is an easier math class, and if at all possible, I plan to switch to it on Friday.


What a...I just...I can't even explain how I feel about the math class. It makes me feel a little bit better to know that it might not be 100% my fault that I hate the class. Like, I'm not just retarded this time, I have a foreign teacher.


{For the record, I like him a lot as a person. He's funny and nice and very interesting. But I cannot deal with him teaching me a subject I don't understand even when my MOTHER teaches it to me.}


But ANYWAY.


Let's talk about the Blacklight Dance now XD {You can see why I didn't want to end on my academic woes.}

We waited in the long line to get in. I was pretty excited, Rebekah seemed nervous. I get the feeling she cares a little more about what people think than I do. {In a lot of ways, that's probably a good thing. I should care more sometimes.} She kept asking what I thought it would be like, and telling me that if a guy grabbed her, she was clinging to me.

All well and good. However, given the way she behaved with Ryan the Dickbag at the street fair, I did not think being grabbed by guys is as high on her hate list as it is on mine.

We finally got to the door and walked in. The room glowed darkly with ultraviolet light; neon wall and floor decorations smoothly pulsed with light. The bass in the loud music hummed in my chest and made my body come alive.

Dance. Dancing. Dances. They wake me up. They bring me to life.

At first, it was just a crowd of people afraid of to look stupid. I danced minimally, scoping things out and trying to analyze the best way to navigate the situation. Rebekah alternated between batting her eyelashes at tall guys and squeezing my elbow for "moral" support.

But then a guy came up behind her and grabbed her hips. She did not panic. She did not cling to me. She "danced" back on him XD {Quotation marks because I don't think grinding should actually count as dancing. Although if it did, she'd get an award. She's not shy about it. Personally, the whole concept makes the pit of my stomach feel ill. Call me immature, but I think it's just kind of disgusting.}

Unfortunately, I had to make my opinion known at some point, when a guy came up behind me and tried to initiate the same thing.

"Sorry. That's not really my thing," I told him, putting a little distance between us. He walked away upset, and I felt a little bit bad, because I saw his friends give him a hard time.

Rebekah gave me a disparaging look as she grinded on her guy.

"Just do it!" she said. "It's not my thing either!"

"Nope," I said.

The song ended and her grind buddy literally left before she could turn around and see his face. She has to ask me later if he was any cute.

"Why won't you dance?" she asked.

"It's really not my thing?" I told her. "And also Sam?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's not like you're saying 'Date me!' to anyone."

Apparently you have sex with your clothes on first, and dating comes later nowadays.

But then things got better. Two guys came up to us and said they remembered us from a couple of nights ago. {I think they played Mafia with us. Er, I guess we really played with them.} Brenden was tall and sort of a cross between a football player and a surfer dude. Conner was shorter and less good-looking, but more original.

By that point, I had loosened up enough that I was actually having fun and felt like myself. Brenden and Conner seemed nice, and they expressed no desire to grind with us. Brenden danced like a dork on purpose, and kind of pulled it off. That gave me permission to break out many hilariously terrible dance moves of my own, like "Make the Pizza," "Mow the Lawn," and the Monkey.

Guess what?

Brenden and Conner loved that. They thought it was awesome. They started doing the moves too, and eventually the three of us were dancing all kinds of styles, some less stupid than others.

I attempted the robot, which was either somewhat successful, or fascinatingly awful. It must have been one of those, because people watched.

My confidence skyrocketed. No matter what ridiculous thing I did, Brenden, Conner, Seth {new guy} and Rebekah thought it was great.

We tried to get Rebekah to loosen up and dance like a dork, but she just kept saying she couldn't dance.

I had progressively more and more fun and got more and more comfortable with myself.

I went around and learned dances that different people were doing, including some weird hardcore-type thing Connor showed me.

I did this backbend thing where I lean back really far and my head almost touches the ground, then I straighten back up. I hadn't ever thought that was especially cool, but when I did it a little bit, like six people around me were like, "OHHHHHH!" So I did it a couple more times, going back farther each time.

A guy with long blonde hair was like, "Can you touch your head to the ground?" I shrugged. He told me to try, that he wouldn't let me fall over. {Honestly, that's not a problem. I'd go to my knees before I'd actually fall.} So I attempted it. My head did graze the ground, but then I sank to my knees. A gazillion hands helped me up.

Brenden, Rebekah, Connor and I created our own dancing circle. Two black guys and a black girl joined it and taught me the Dougie. Then they tried to do my "Low" dance {it's hard to explain; Cassidy--and maybe Sam--will know what it is} XD It was funny.

Towards the end of the dance, Rebekah and Brenden ended up grinding after all. Connor asked me to do the hardcore-spazzing dance in the middle of the room, where people were showing off their skills. I said sure, so we broke into the cirlce of awesome African-American dancers and went crazy XD They all OHHHH'd and cheered, so I went ahead and did my "Low" dance and the backbend.

People went crazy :3

Guys, I know this has sounded like a whole lot of bragging. But I'm just really shocked and happy to be so incredibly accepted. Not just accepted, but LIKED. Liked a significant amount. I've never had the guts to go all-out before. For some reason, last night I just decided to go for it, and it turned into one of the funnest nights of my life.

Although, so many things reminded me of Sam and Cass, sometimes so much that I was hard for me to breathe and I felt like crying. The palms of my hands are cut up from where my nails dig into them when I try not to be emotional. I wish they were here with me.

Right now, I'm going to tackle some more National Government reading, because it's due tomorrow, and I have a test.

Back to being stressed-out. *sigh*

~Stephanie

:')

Sometimes writing doesn't make me happy.

Sometimes books don't make me happy.

Sometimes music doesn't make me happy.

Sometimes friends don't make me happy.

Sometimes warm weather doesn't make me happy.

But dance.

Dance always makes me happy.

When I dance, it isn't like my problems are solved. It's like they don't exist. When I dance, I can't have problems, because I don't have a mind. My brain becomes so whole that it encompasses itself and becomes a separate, quiet entity. All I have left is a warm, white sphere of wholeness. It's almost a little like sensory deprivation, but...not creepy.

Maybe "happy" isn't the right word for how dancing makes me feel. It's too thin, too petty. "Whole" is more what I feel. Like the shards of my life and heart have come together and suddenly--there's quiet. There's peace. There's power.

Dancing makes me feel--as cheesy as it sounds--like I can do anything.

While I'm dancing, there's only my soul, my body, and the music, beating and breathing together.

When I finish dancing, the world rushes back at me in a whirl of sensations. The colors, the sounds, the temperature, the ground beneath me. I'm back in my body, and I feel like I can do anything from here on out.

If I could just dance for the rest of my life, I'd be one of the happiest people in the world.

And today could potentially be my last dance recital ever.

Happy senior year to me :')

~Stephanie

Ooh. So It's THAT Kind of Post.

I am actually going to write a post now. This is not a comic. This is not a picture I found on Facebook. This is not a fill-out. This is not a quick complaint that I didn't even proofread.

(**EDIT: It is a complaint. But I swear I proofread it...**)

*takes a deep breath*

I haven't written, really written, in so long. Do you know when the last time I wrote any scrap of fiction was? February 16th. The last time I put some effort or thought into a legit story of mine? NaNoWriMo back in November.

I go through phases like this every once in a while, and I always think I'm losing myself. I think my imagination has shriveled up and died and I'll never write again. I think I'm a totally different and terrible person and I'm not turning out the way I want.

At least I've learned to recognize it as a pattern, because the last few days, I've kinda felt like that XD Again.

Do I feel like myself? Not really. But I don't exactly feel like a fake either. I feel like a new person, and I'm not sure I like this person. But I'm well on my way to becoming this person forever.

I don't write anymore. It isn't because I'm uninspired. I have plenty of inspiration lying around. If I would just look it in the eye and say, "Okay, I'm ready to write," I could fill a notebook right now. So why don't I?

I think I'm scared.

I'm scared that it won't be any good, but what I'm most afraid of is not finishing. Anything. Ever. With the exception of the five Fire Fairy books and some short stories, that's true. I have never finished a story.

I think my defense mechanism is just not trying. If I don't try, I can't fail.

But I also can't succeed.

"...at the worst, if he fails at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." ~ Theodore Roosevelt

I used to think that way. I used to scorn people who wouldn't take risk or were too lazy to try. I still scorn those people, but the problem is now I'm also one of them.

In addition to being apathetic about writing, I'm starting to become that way about college.

The deadline for my second choice school, where I got accepted, has passed and I didn't accept. All the other deadlines are passed too. Right now, I'm holding out for my #1 university where I've been Wait Listed. Unfortunately more students than usual accepted their acceptance and are going, which means it's more than likely I won't get in.

I sent in some examples of my writing to at least set me apart from my fellow Wait Listers, but I never got a confirmation. I asked them to please let me know when they received the message but they never replied and I haven't recent the stuff.

I need to write a highly enthusiastic and articulate letter telling them that I'm still waiting and I know that Wake Forest is the place for me. I was gonna do that Tuesday, but I didn't and I still haven't and now it's Wednesday. I have plans for most of tomorrow and all of Friday and I'm attempting to make plans for Saturday. On Monday I leave to go to the beach for a week.

I also need a job. I'm honestly not sure how to go about getting one. My big idea is to walk into a bunch of stores that I wouldn't hate working at and say, "Hi, I'd like to apply for a job." But I haven't done that yet, ergo I have no job. I'm hoping to put that brilliant plan into action tomorrow, but I might be lying to myself. I'll find out.

I really don't want to work with food, but beggars can't be choosers and right now I'm pretty much a beggar.

Prom is also kinda stressing me out. But at least it's just the material parts of it, not the people or the idea of prom.

I love my dress, so yay. But I haven't tried it on with the shoes and earrings and I have no clue what I'm doing with my hair. Theoretically I'm getting it done by a professional this year, since I haven't been that happy with how it's looked the past two years. However, I don't know what I want my hair to look like and I haven't made an appointment yet. So that's stressful.

And dance. I love dance. I **LOVE** dance. And I'm very attached to my class and my studio. It's a very huge part of who I am. I could very easily get sentimental about it. And tonight was the last class I'll ever attend. I'm going to miss the actual LAST CLASS, where all the seniors are like "AWWWWWWWW" and everyone is like, "AWWW WE'LL MISS YOU *SOB*" and where my incredible teacher Mrs. Lauren will probably cry.

For some reason I really, really, really, really want to be there for that. I realized that tonight. That it means a lot to me to be there. But I won't be. 'Cause senior beach trip. Which will also be awesome and sentimental and full of people I love. But like...

Dance.

*sigh*

In the middle of all this, I'm losing my will to be a Christian. I don't know if I said that right. It's like, I think I do believe in God, and I think Christianity has it right. But at the same time, I'm so, so...just...

Not into it.

I've graduated from "I'm having a spiritually 'off' day" to "I am a total hypocrite who doesn't belong in the house of God and is having trouble giving a sh't about that."

>.<

I think Christianity is right, but I don't want to be part of it right now. It's too much responsibility. I have to be a good examples, repent, surrender myself to God and for some reason I just CAN'T GO THERE RIGHT NOW. So I feel like it would be better to remove the label of "Christian" than to be a fake.

Although it's not like I can tell that to anyone. Except you guys. And Cassidy. And Aaron. And Sam. Although Sam will probably try to find a way to make this his fault. It isn't.

And I've noticed that he just comments on posts in which I mention him. So he may comment on this one. Although since I just pointed that out, he might intentionally not say something. Although since I just point THAT out...

........alllllllllllright, I'm completely off topic now and no one understands what I'm saying.

I just. I don't know. I'm a lunatic. An absolute raving lunatic.

D: WHAT?!

Ugh >.<

~Stephanie

Dance Competition

Hey, That Girl XD Thanks for following!

Saturday:

I was pretty nervous about my solo. If I forget the dance, I'm alone and screwed. If I do badly, there's no one to cover me up. Plus there were all kinds of things that might go wrong, like the floor being different from what I was used to, the stage being bigger/smaller/oddly shaped, not getting the counts right, etc.

But by 7:50, thirteen minutes before I went on, I had pulled myself completely together. That's the thing about me: I might be vomiting from nerves two hours before, but right before a big event, I get very confident and collected and focus on chilling other people out. This was no different.

Right before I went on, I got briefly, extremely nervous again. But then I walked on stage and didn't have the mental space for panic.

The dance went alright. It wasn't BAD, but it was not great. I messed up the counts, despite constantly practicing the day before, and didn't let my body fall the way it was supposed to a couple of times. The girls said I did well though, and I didn't actually see myself, so I guess I'll have to trust them.

The awards rolled around not too much later, and I did about how I expected. I got 7th place among solos, and first in my category, BUT the category had like four people in it XD So that doesn't mean much.

Still, it wasn't a terrible experience like I expected. It wasn't amazing, but hey, I have another day tomorrow, so it could get a lot better.

Or a lot worse. Hm.

Although, I'm not sure it can get worse than the trophy I won today XD

Yup.

Sunday:

Sunday was definitely better for my nerves because I was dancing in groups. No more solo action. I've discovered that I like dancing with people MUCH more than alone. It's such an energy bond. You have energy, you feed off their energy, and you just end up feeling unstoppable.

The first dance I had was hip hop. I was the least worried about it. I know the dance, I love the dancers, and it's so much fun. We performed, and I felt good about my part. When you know the dance really well, you can focus on making an impression on the judges XD Love it.

I was most nervous about the contemporary dance, which we did next. I don't know if I've complained about Riley here before, but I'm going to now.

She showed up so late to the competition that our dance had to be skipped and moved to a later time. We were still running through the building to get backstage as the announcer said, "And number 425, Jet Plane."

Riley then had the nerve not to do the dance. As in, she literally sat on the stage for part of the dance and didn't do the moves. As I was doing our floor part, I saw her out of the corner of my eye, just sitting there, not going to the floor with the rest of us.

I messed up the end of the dance though, so :3

When we got off the stage, our teacher, Mrs. Lauren was like, "That was probably the worst you guys have ever done it."

But somehow, the dance came in 9th out of 12, and the hip hop one came in 10th. We think there must have been a judge who was down on hip hop, because that dance was definitely better than the contemporary one.

The last dance was with the entire competition team, so girls from 8-18 years old XD The music was a remix of a bunch of different songs with "magic" themes. In the beginning, we're wearing capes, which we take off after the first two eight-counts.

However.

My cape wouldn't come off. The velcro had a conniption and wouldn't un-velc. So I had to yank it over my head XD Personally, I think I pulled it off pretty well, and Mrs. Lauren said so, too.

I felt really good about the dance, and when we got off stage, Mrs. Lauren said, "That's probably the BEST time you guys have ever done it." WooT! :D

However, we didn't get a particularly real award for it, because the other dances were miniature So You Think You Can Dance episodes. I didn't care, though. You know why?

BECAUSE NOW THE COMPETITION IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDD

I don't think I've ever been so glad for something to be over in my entire life. Ha. Lle. Lu. Jah.

{Points if you read that correctly the first time XD}

So yeah. That was my first ever dance competition :)

~Stephanie

St. Patrick's Day

It is St. Patrick's Day! Hope you're wearing green. And Ginger, my thoughts go with you today XD I know how much you hate St. Patrick's Day.

However I, for one, am probably not wearing green. Know why? Today is my first ever DANCE COMPETITION. I have no illusions of first place trophies, but it would be really nice if I didn't forget the dance or fall off the stage. So please join me in those hopes XD

Maybe I'll post a video of me doing my dance sometime. I do love it. A lot. My teacher is incredible.

Although actually, if you're reading this, I've already done my solo at the competition. It was at 8:03 eastern time. So...

XD

Ah, what the heck. Wish me late luck. I'll let you know how it went on Tuesday.

~Stephanie

Choreography = Writing

My awesome dance teacher, Lauren, is also a brilliant, BRILLIANT choreographer.

It's an hour's drive to and from the dance studio from her house, so she listens to loud music and choreographs while she drives every day. In all her 10 years of teaching, she has never once written a dance down. And yet, if you ask her to do "Stronger" from her 2007 class of 13-15 year olds, she'd be able to do it on the spot.

Right now, she is currently choreographing THIRTY. ONE. DIFFERENT. DANCES.

Good. Gosh.

How is that even possible?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! And she doesn't write any of them down?!?!?! GAH! It's freaking incredible. None of the dances are the same.

Since she choreographs in her head, sometimes when we do the dance in class, she'll stare at us for a minute and then go:

"No. Nope. Looked better in my head." And we'll do something else.

After we've learned the whole dance she always goes back and tweaks it, too. Maybe a turn didn't take up as many counts as she thought, or we need to use the other leg for a fan kick, or start with the right foot instead of the left at some point. She was trying to explain this process to the class one night.

"I just have to get the dance first, before I fix it," she said.

A comparison popped into my head, and my eyes lit up. "It's like a rough draft," I said.

"Yeah," Lauren nodded excitedly. "Exactly."

Thinking of choreography like writing has been a really exciting revelation for me. It helps me understand Lauren and dancing so much better.

The first attempt at the dance is like a rough draft.

How can Lauren remember so many dances? Well, how do I remember so many stories?

Choreographing on the go must be a lot like getting a story idea on the go.

When you see a dance in real life, sometimes it doesn't work the way you anticipated. When your characters do what you tell them to do, sometimes it doesn't feel right.

More often than not, Lauren's dances incorporate two groups of dancers doing different things. Some people ask Lauren why in the world would she make it harder on herself like that? I think I understand. When I'm writing a story, sometimes the characters do things that are completely unexpected, or react badly to something I give them, or refuse to cooperate. People might say to me, "That's ridiculous. YOU'RE the writer, aren't you? Make them do what you want!" And I just have to tell you, it's not as easy as it sounds.

Comparing choreography to writing has made me both appreciate and understand what Lauren does even more than before. It's so exciting to me when I can draw parallels like that that help me understand something else.

Isn't it cool how everything is connected?

~Stephanie

{danseuse}

I love my dance teacher a lot. She's an inspired dancer, a sarcastic drill sergeant, and great at casual advice. I've had her for the past three years, but she's never liked me a whole lot. I'm quiet at first, and I think she wrote me off too soon.

This year, she bothered to give me a second glance, and now she loves me. She exchanges glances with me when Adriana is being ridiculous. She laughs when I make an inside joke about Friday night classes. She likes my music choices. She compliments me on my wings {as in the tap move, not as in feathers XD}.

We're a lot more alike than I ever would have thought, and when we work on my senior solo, it's pure electric serenity.

The first time I let her listen to the song I'd picked, I was really nervous. I knew exactly the style and moves I wanted in the dance. What if she had a totally different idea?

But she had the EXACT SAME impressions as I did.

When we work on my dance, we turn the volume so loud we can't hear anything but the pulsing beats and chilling harmonies. We don't talk; we communicate only by dancing and exchanging glances.

We do the dance as far as we've gotten, and then she adds something to the end of it. I understand her style and the way her weight shifts so that I can follow her right away, without her having to teach me. If I don't do it quite right, she repeats the move. I repeat it back to her, and we go back and forth until I've got it.

Sometimes when we get to the end of what we know, it feels so intense and full and explosive and perfect that we scream. You can't help it when you hit a dance just right. Your heart flies up into your mouth and you have to open it and let it out in a huge, joyful noise.

No one else is in the studio, and the music is busting our eardrums anyway, so we scream and scream and smile and high five each other.

Then we do the dance again and add some more.

I never would have guessed that Lauren and I would be such kindred spirits. I look up to her in a lot of ways, but when we dance, we're like equals. She's better than I am, but I'm very good. We feed off each others' energy and love for dance, and inevitably, friendship has followed. She tells me what's going on in her life, and I help her sort things out. She doesn't really NEED me, but it's always nice to have someone to listen and reassure you that you're handling things the right way.

Dance--and Lauren--are so special to me. The thought of leaving them behind is like severing a cord of my heart. To me, dance is so much more than just a sport, and Lauren is so much more than just a teacher. I'm going to miss them both so much when I leave for college. But no matter what happens, I'll always look back on these days as ones that filled my soul.

~Stephanie

You Might Be a Dancer...

If it is almost physically impossible for you to begin something NOT on an eight count when music is playing.

If you wear leggings and soffe shorts in public and people think it's cool.

If you instinctively point your toes every time your feet leave the ground.

If you can recognize useless French phrases such as "step of the cat" and "on the neck of the foot."

If people do not like to watch dancing movies with you. {Because you will either non-stop groan and sneer or non-stop gasp and ooh.}

If you count your everyday-life steps in groups of eight.

If certain songs make your body twitch in choreographed motions...ohhhh, that's right. You danced to this song when you were seven.

~Stephanie

Dance

Youtube can be a horrible place, full of time-sucking stupidity and inappropriate, soul-damaging content.

But it can also be a great place to find dances.

About a month ago, while Listening to New Music, I got sidetracked and found this great user named katieshmatee, who uploads dances choreographed by Kate Jablonski {I assume it's the user herself}. The dances are all performed by kids in normal dance classes, albeit probably at a pretty prestigious studio.

The choreography is great, and I absolutely fell in LOVE with some of the dances. You definitely don't have to be a dancer to appreciate these pieces of art :D

Hope you like them as much as I do!

~Stephanie

Staying Creative: Not Forcing It

{Started this Sunday and...just finished. I'm really sorry guys. This week has been crazy. I'd like to say I'll get caught up and fill you in later today, but honestly, I'm not sure I'll be able to post until Sunday. This weekend is gonna be full.}

It's kind of ironic and awesome that Sunday was Don't Force It. It's even more ironic that I forgot to look at Pandora and so I didn't know that. Yesterday was the Shock Dance Convention, and it was probably the #1 place I've ever been to Not Force It.

The Convention...was totally not what I expected. I was picturing me with a schedule in one hand and map in the other, totally stressed out trying to figure out where the heckI was supposed to go next, getting everywhere late and having to jump into workouts that I couldn't do before being singled out for not getting something wrong while dodging bitches in booty shorts telling me to go back where I belong and stop messing with the REAL dancers.

God only knows why I was still really excited for the thing...

It wasn't like that at all. We stayed in the same massive room the whole time; our teachers were the ones who changed rooms. And WOW, did we ever have teachers. I'm still kind of in shock {lol} that I got to breathe the same air as these people for a little while.

Ryan Cyphert: {Hip hop} Well known for his innovative and explosive style of hip-hop choreography, Ryan perfected his skills in Phoenix, Arizona. He appeared on Star Search ‘93 and performed with Boyz II Men, Kid N Play, Salt N Pepa and others. Ryan has worked for NBC, ABC, and choreographed a number of videos and commercials.

He was the first teacher we had. He taught us hip hop, which was insanely fun. He's a great teacher. He was extremely laid back, telling us that the important thing was to feel the music and have fun. He told us about how he was a TERRIBLE dancer at age 15 when he somehow went to a dance convention and everything changed for him. He was patient and cool and funny and personal.

The hip hop dance, however, completely blew my mind. I did not think catching on to moves that fast THAT FAST was even possible. But here's the thing, guys:

Everyone else could.

Not the people I went with, but literally everyone else in the room. My friends and I were the worst dancers there. And I'm being completely honest. Do not give me any of this "You're your own worst critic" bull. We were the worst, and I am fine with that. We're still good. It's just that the other dancers there were INCREDIBLE. 50% I think could go on and win So You Think You Can Dance. The other 50% were just better than we were.

Matt Boyce: {Tap} Born and raised in New Jersey, Matt has studied and performed the art of tap dancing mentored by Mike Minery since the early age of ten. Matt made his first debut into the professional industry at the age of twelve when he became the youngest ever principal dancer for the New Jersey Tap Ensemble

God, I hated him. He was not a good teacher. He wouldn't slow down for anyone, wouldn't explain things, and his idea of "slower" is...well, not slower. There were also 70 other people in the room and I was near the back, so I couldn't SEE HIM.

When you can't SEE a tap teacher, and he doesn't TELL you what he's doing, and he won't SLOW DOWN, how the hell are you supposed to DO it?!

*clears throat and takes deep breaths*

Sorry. It's just that...I'm good at tap. Like, really I'm very good at tap. It's probably the one class I could have been really phenomenal at...if I could have seen the son of a jackal.

Gustavo Vargas {Latin}: Originally from Mexico City, Mexico, Gustavo has worked with Jennifer Lopez, Will Smith, Usher, Pink, Mya, Alicia Keys, Paulina Rubio, Roselyn Sanchez, Britney Spears, Enrique Iglesias, N'Sync, Jessica Simpson, and Eva Longoria. His TV credits are Dancing With The Stars, Bruno and Carrie Ann’s Dance Wars, the America’s Best Dance Crew intro, Eve, 7th Heaven, Drew Carey, Boston Public, AMAs, Grammys, Janet Jackson MTV-Icon and Strong Medicine. Movies include The Bachelor, Be Cool, Dirty Dancing II-Havana Nights, Spanglish, Master of Disguise, Along Came Polly, Jackass II, Rent, and Indiana Jones. Known for his partnering skills, Gustavo is technically trained and teaches all styles of dance.

He was so fun. I loved him. From him we learned the Samba {the REAL Samba, not "ballroom Samba," which, according to him, doesn't even exist. Samba came from the street and it's something you have to feel.}.

The steps were so freakin' fast and so nearly the same that I was lost half the time, but he stressed the value of having fun with it. He said the only really important thing was to be natural and feel the music.

It was also fun because the guys had a different part than the girls, so we got to watch them separately some of the time.

With dancing guys, there's a fine line between gay and hott. But when you can find the hott side...damn.

Melody Lacayanga: {Jazz} Originally from Daly City, Ca, Melody trained in classical and contemporary ballet, modern jazz, blues and Afro-Haitian at the School of the Arts. Melody was the top female dancer on season one of the hit FOX TV show, “So You Think You Can Dance” and has since traveled the world as a performer and artist.

She was pretty cool. By this time, we'd already done 3 hours of intense dancing and were starting to get a little burnt out. And hungry. And the way Melody said "Yes, guys?" after every sentence was a litttttle annoying.

The combination was insanely difficult, but I could kind of do it. It's hard for me to do multiple turns in general though, especially on carpet, so I fell behind a lot on those.

After lunch we had...

Nick Bass: {Hip hop} He has worked with Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Janet Jackson, Beyonce, Ciara, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Omarion, Nelly Furtado, Kylie Minogue, Jamie Foxx, Chris Brown, Prince, Boa, Madonna and many others. Nick has performed at the Grammy Awards, VMAs, AMAs, BETs, Soul Train Awards, and Dove Awards. He has also performed with artists on Saturday Night Live, So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing With The Stars, TRL, The View, Good Morning America, Jay Leno, and Regis and Kelly.

Nick was the best teacher we had all day. His dance was fun and went with the music. He went over things again and again until we all got it. When it looked like our brains were going into overload, he said, "We're gonna stop there today and have fun with what we've already learned."

Where some of the other choreographers were all about finishing THEIR dance because it was just that awesome and we lowly students would just have to either get it or get out, Nick seemed interested in us as people. He was just a really patient guy and good at explaining things. I feel like I took away a lot of good stuff from him.

Then a lady named Tina that I did not like taught us lyrical. My brain just doesn't do lyrical. It's so...it just doesn't make sense to me. The way she counted off... "A one....twothree....four.....five....sixseveneight." I never could get with her groove XD

Then we had Hannah Wintrode who was INSANELY AMAZING. Great teacher, INCREDIBLE dancer. Like. Oh my gosh. Click HERE for a video of her doing the exact dance we learned {we stopped learning after like a minute or so in though. Also, there's a part where the dancers are suddenly all in lingerie. Didn't learn that, wasn't aware it was there. I apologize XD}

Then we had...Merissa Gassel. She was good, I think, but by this time, I was completely wiped out. All I could do was fuzzily copy her movements, couldn't really commit anything more to memory XD

I left the convention feeling odd. I felt good, but also a little let down because there hadn't been a single dance that I had completely gotten. I felt like I hadn't actually gotten much out of the day, besides being disillusioned as to how good my friends and I are.

But then at dance last night, and I felt different. I could do all our dances twice as well as normal, and when we stretched, I could go much farther than usual. I felt more confident the whole class.

So maybe I did get something out of the day :)

~Stephanie

Check the Label

I was looking at the labels to my posts the other day, analyzing the trends. Here is what I have discovered:

I am not Sick much.

I talk about God twice as much as I am sick.

There have been three Holidays since I started blogging, and three holiday posts. Right on.

Although Writing is my life, I post about Pictures exactly four times more often than about Characters.

The label "Hott Guys" appears slightly more often than the label "Thinking." Hmm.

I have posted six times more about someone else's book than about my own.

But I was relieved to see that there are more Book posts than Movie posts.

The number of posts on Friends is nearly double the number on Family.

I have managed to refrain thus far from creating a "Brothers" label.

There is only one post concerning Work, School, or Shopping. Lawl. I'm lazy.

I talk about Books twice as often as I talk about Reading. How does that work exactly?

The second largest label is "Random."

And I talk about myself more than anything.

Sometimes, I wonder...

Yep. I just wonder. I guess I should slap this post with a Thinking label. Or a Label label.

You know what, I'm gonna label this post with everything >:D

~Stephanie

~dancepictures~

Thanks for following, Natalie :)

So, the dance recital went well :D No major screw-ups or costume malfunctions {at least on my part XD} and a lot of my friends came :] All in all, a pretty terrific year.

Captions on the bottom, labeled left to right :]

"Dynamite"

Caroline, Karlye, Me, Susanna, Leah.

"Dynamite"

Caroline, Karlye, Me, Susanna, Leah.

"Hotel California" {instrumental}

Me, Adrianna, Kelly, Caitlin, Rachel, Caroline.

"Highway to the Danger Zone"

Rachel, Me, Karlye, Caroline, Kelly, Caitlin.

"Burlesque"

Casey, Caroline, Susanna, Me, Caroline, Caitlin

Afterwards

Adrianna, Me, Susanna, Shelby, Karlye, Mrs. Lauren {my teacher}

Afterwards

Mrs. Jennifer {my favorite teacher} and me

Afterwards

Susanna and me

Afterwards

My sister Sarah and her friend Kailee

Me and Sarah

Good times, good times :]

~Stephanie

~{.dancedance.}~

Heat filled the room, heavy and sticky. Thick heat, dense heat. The room felt small, like there was a charged, pulsing pressure building.

Deep inside, Ember felt her heart thudding a rhythm. Steady and deep, her body responded, letting her beating heart set the pace.

From her lips came small paths of air, hard, steady, controlled. She pushed air out, she pulled air in.

Her whole body beat and breathed at once. Her heart thudded from her chest to her ankles; when her lips drew a sip of air, so did her fingers. Beating, breathing, steady, together.

She felt her body improvise, a thud of her heart led her head to turn. With the next breath, her legs found their way into the air. Again, her arms twirled, her feet spread themselves wide. Her body twisted, her hands pulled into a tight spin.

Before she could notice, her heart had stopped beating. She had stopped breathing. There was no thud; there was no air.

There was only Ember and the music. From somewhere at the center of who she was came a bright spark that quietly exploded.

The world was there only as an afterthought. Nothing was in the front of her mind, only that she was. She didn’t feel tired or anxious or frustrated; she didn’t feel happy or proud or calm. It was a feeling much deeper.

She felt whole.

And there's an excerpt from one of my stories :]

It's especially appropriate because today is my dance recital! I've been dancing for almost 15 years and it's the love of my life. Whenever I write Ember dancing, it's really just me writing myself, from my heart.

I love a lot of things, but dance is somehow in an entirely different category, an apple among the oranges of my life.

Here's hoping the recital goes well :]

~Stephanie