On the Whole, the Best 365 Days Ever

Left:  this year's spring formal (Mafia themed). Right:  last year's spring formal (Gatsby themed).

"Maybe I'm just trying to find things that were wrong about that night, because really, it throws a good cynic for a loop when an evening turns out perfectly." - 20-year-old Me, when Gem and I became "official"--March 23, 2014.

Today it has been a whole year, and I still feel like a cynic thrown for a loop. How has this past year been real?

I honestly don't know what it would have been like without Gem. Possible, certainly, but not much besides that. Junior year of college has been an utterly indescribable beast (and I'm still not convinced that I'll make it out alive); Gem has kept me saner and happier than I could have been otherwise.

I remember in June (head-over-heels in love, all blushing and lightheartedness and sparkles and warm fuzzies) thinking "Dang. This can't last. It's gonna suck when this feeling wears off." But guess what?

It hasn't worn off.

Sure, there's been arguing and frustration and embarrassment, but I sit here today and blush over how good he looked at this year's spring formal, and smile when I think about seeing him again, and sparkle when someone asks about him, and fill with warmth when I think about the little things.

Little things like how in a big city, when we're about to have to run across the street before the light changes, he always glances back and holds his hand out for me. How I told him one time that I think guy should open the girl's car door on special occasions, and now he remembers every time. Or how whenever I say I'm feeling lonely, the next thing I know, he's FaceTiming me. Or how he still asks me out on Dates even though "we're already dating," because he says he loves taking me places.

I love dating him. He's the one I would choose, 100% of the time :)

I don't let him read this blog, but I'm gonna say it here anyway: "Happy Anniversary, Gem!"

~Stephanie

P.S. I will try to post something not Gem-related soon.

Guilt, Fifty Shades, and Valentine's Day {all unrelated, believe it or not}

Let me tell you a little something about myself (because after reading my thoughts for four years, you know nothing, of course):  When I feel bad about how long it's taking me to do something, I continue to not do it.

Examples:
- Justin texted me on February 11 asking if I was on campus because he was visiting. I was busy and didn't reply that day. I feel bad. So I still haven't replied.
- I have been working on a promotional piece for someone's website since the beginning of the year. She emailed me with some critique at the beginning of this month. I was swamped in schoolwork and didn't know what to do about it. So I temporarily ignored it. I feel bad. So I am still ignoring it.
- James wrote me a letter about ten months ago. It was amazingly great. I didn't write back right away. I felt bad. So I still haven't written back.
- I haven't blogged since Christmas Eve. I feel bad about it. So I've been not blogging.

Hi? *sheepish look*

{But I mean, in addition to all the guilty feels, I have also been swamped in homework and all the, like, not responding to other stuff, so...}

I also haven't had anything to say, besides life updates, which is kind of not what this blog was intended for, you know? It was supposed to be social commentary and life hacks and sort of pointless well-written pieces. It has mostly devolved into me alternately whining about school work and gushing about Gem.

Hey speaking of Gem. Doesn't he look like the world's most precious and endearing squirrel in this picture?

Yeah. But really, back off; he's mine.

I really wanted to post a response to all the commotion about "Fifty Shades of Grey" (Gray? Grey.), but...I dunno. It seemed pointless. People who hate it already know why they hate it. People who like it also know why people who hate it hate it. It's not really complicated. But if I were going to post about it, I would probably make these three points:

1) BDSM is not going to send you to Hell, so stop condemning people who like it rough. However, what is depicted in "Fifty Shades" isn't necessarily how "correct" BDSM is supposed to work. So. That's not good.
2) I have read a lot of "Fifty Shades," and it is an absolute disgrace to good writing. I am 100%, utterly, unreservedly certain that I can write better erotica than that. Hands down. Not even kidding. If it weren't immoral I would offer to send you proof. "Fifty Shades" completely disgusted me from an artistic standpoint. This is honestly what infuriates me the most about the whole thing. If someone ever writes an erotic novel that is good, I will review it and admit it. It can be done well--not MORALLY, but at least ARTISTICALLY. Which brings me to...
3) It's definitely porn. There is nothing classy or artistic about it, it is just straight up girl porn and not well done. See point two. Maybe if it were actually well-written it could at least be artistically valuable, but it's literary shit.

Alrighty. I am now dragging myself away from this topic. I don't think any more needs to be said from me. It would get ramble-y. {That being said, if you have questions or vehement disagreement or anything, I would be glad to listen and respond.}

Mmm. That's enough content for now. I really do have school work to do.

Here what else has been up, just btw.

Passion Conference 2015

I Turned 21

{I also went "out," of course, but there are not very good pictures from that.}

My suite mates threw me a surprise party when I got back :3 They are seriously the best.

I Celebrated My First "Real" Valentine's Day (i.e. with a boyfriend who did more than just text me "Happy V. Day" at some point during the 24-hour span)

We went to a local state park, which was gorgeous.

 

Then got cleaned up and headed to a restaurant, where we ate the best food I think I've ever had. Not even kidding. When we tried the chocolate lava cake dessert, we just lost it. Did not even try to be mature adults about it.

~Stephanie

From Christmas 2013

12/24/13

Dear Christmas 2014 Eve Stephanie,

Hey :) How are you? I come bringing you good news. Would you like to hear it?

You are in a better place than me! Isn't that a relief? I am so happy for you. I worked really hard to get you here. I dedicated myself to my school work, and opened myself up to new friends, and tried to get deeper with God, and wrote more, and read more, and pushed Sam to the right place on my priority list.

You are the result of a very difficult Christmas 2013, and probably a pretty tearful following New Year's Eve. How do you feel? Pearls are made from being trapped. A phoenix rises stronger from the ashes. Diamonds form under great pressure.

You a pearl, a phoenix, and a diamond, produced from the captivity, heat, and pressure I'm feeling right now. I'm so glad that you're alive. Aren't you glad? Isn't it nice just to be alive?

I don't care if you have a boyfriend or not :) If you do, I trust that you think a lot of him and the two of you are a reasonable kind of happy. If you don't, keep believing that God has someone good for you, someone who will ask you on real dates, and write you letters, and pray with you, and make you laugh, and propel his own life forwards.

I hope you're loving being an English major. I think you are, even if you've been frustrated this year. You love words so much. Just think about how you feel when you read a good book, and how powerful writing inspiration is. So many people have told met hat I'm a good writer, so you must be even better. Remember, every time you think you've lost your touch, you read and love something you wrote LAST time you thought you lost your touch. Things go in cycles. You're destined to write something worth it, I'm sure. Believe that.

You're not fat. Don't even think that. You look great, I'm totally sure. I'm going to make sure of it.

I bet you have time to read a whole book between now and when you go back to school. Go for it!

Please don't be sad :) I'm fighting considerable sadness myself, and the thought of you being happy is one of the only things keeping me going.

Love you, Stephanie of Christmas 2014! I hope your first year out of the teens has been alright!

~Christmas 2013 Stephanie

Thankful. Or "Hashtag Blessed," If You Will

This has been an enigmatic Thanksgiving.

I got home on Monday night with two term papers to write completely. They have made me stressed, irritable, and unable to relax. {I still love being an English major. But really, fml.} As I type this, I have one complete rough draft of one paper {due Monday}. Today I will research and outline for the other {due Tuesday}, and write it tomorrow and Monday.

I really need an A on both papers. Unfortunately, I think I only have the time, energy, and resources to pull out Cs or Bs. But hey. In five days, it'll be over. For better or for worse, in five days there will be nothing I can do and I am pretty damn sure I can live with that.

For the next fifty minutes, I am giving myself a break. I will eat lunch, and I will blog. Because deep down inside, I'm actually perversely happy. This Thanksgiving has kind of sucked, but at the same time, it's been uniquely great. I want to take some time and Be Thankful since I didn't actually do it on Facebook like everyone else on the planet.

Family

Or more specifically, a Mom who's like my best friend, partner in crime, and confidante now {when did she stop judging me and start being my ally?}; a Daddy who always looks for the best in every person and every situation; and a sister who I would CHOOSE to hang out with pretty much any day of the week.

Roommates

Or more specifically, Harley {the redhead with the thumbs up}. Harley is my best friend at school. We get along flawlessly. I think we're the only two in the apartment who haven't gotten on each others' nerves. I help her with her papers; she lets me use her printer. She washes the dishes; I pick up her late-night cravings on my way back from work. There are no conversational boundaries. We laugh til we cry. And we form a Thermostat Team against Mary and Allison who like the apartment to be Hot As Actual Balls.

Internship

Yeah, it totally sucked away all my homework hours and made me have to do these papers over freaking Thanksgiving. BUT it also introduced me to the world's best boss, the world's coolest coworker, the world's greatest coffee, and a lot of unbelievable opportunities for the future. So cheers.

SRMUN

The Southern Regional Model United Nations conference. Like the internship, this conference kind of made my life Hell and contributed to having to do papers over freaking Thanksgiving. BUT AGAIN, I met amazing people, made hilariously awesome and eye-opening memories, and opened excellent future doors. So I am thankful it happened.

Cassidy {on the right}

Who apparently doesn't have any recent pictures of just herself. So I am also thankful for Allison on the left. But Cassidy is the girl I am closest to on the planet. I can't live without Sarah, and Harley is my everyday buddy, but Cassidy knows it all. She supports me, listens to me, advises me, helps me see things more clearly {including myself}. We laugh together, have those eye conversations, discuss makeup, discuss people, discuss futures. She may or may not have a Pinterest board dedicated to MY wedding one day... She's gorgeous, brilliant, loyal, hilarious, and I am so lucky to have her in my life.

No More Wisdom Teeth

Seriously. Having my wisdom teeth removed had been hanging over my head for like a decade.

The Road Trip

After three years of joking around, we took the trip of a lifetime. Those laughs, pains, sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and stories will be a highlight of my life until I die. I'm sure. From sharing a tent, to belting out songs in the car, to seeing the St. Louis Arch, to walking around Chicago at night... There are no words. Just trust me when I say this trip easily ranks in the top five Best Experiences of My Life.

Working Out

The place, the ability, the people to do it with. I love feeling strong and healthy.

This Kid

I'm sorry. I'm just really, really, inappropriately, overpoweringly happy that I'm dating him. I'm not even gonna try to be sarcastic and offhand about this. I'm in love with him and I think he's amazing.

He's the kind of guy who would like to spend an evening playing cards, but went out clubbing with me anyway.

He's the kind of guy who gave up forty-five minutes and a lot of convenience to figure out a way to watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving with me.

He's the kind of guy who buys me books and reads Paradise Lost for me even though he's not an epic poetry fan.

He's the kind of guy who can both make me blush and make me feel genuinely valued.

I've been lost in love before, and it almost destroyed me. But being lost in love with Gem feels an awful lot like being Found.

Runners Up for Most Appreciated In My Life:
1. ChapStick
2. Coffee
3. New windshield wipers
4. That hangnail finally leaving
5. Not having to have braces
6. Chocolate

And also, thank YOU for sticking with me :) I really do love you guys.

~Stephanie

Don't Forget

So, Valentine's Day is coming up, as Natalie 's blog reminded me a few weeks ago.

I have a confession:  I tend to forget about Valentine's Day. Not all the way, as in I look at the calendar and it says February 14th and I'm like, "Whoa! Today is Valentine's Day!" But it's never in my mind as one of the annual holidays. I don't have strong feelings about it (I don't think it requires pink and red fireworks, but I don't think it's stupid either), and I've never had a "real" Valentine's Day.

I've kept a Valentine's Day journal since like 2007, where I record every Valentine's Day. I can't remember if I recorded 2013, because I was at college and the V. Day journal was at home. I probably didn't, but even I did, it would just read something like, "Yeah, I have a boyfriend for the first time this year, but it's not like anything special was done/said/given/thought/made, so lawl."

This year, I made plans with my family. We talked about it a few weeks ago, and decided that my parents and Sarah would come to Campbell and we'd all go out for a nice dinner and visit. Except that a couple of weeks ago, Sarah texted me and said something to the effect of,

"So, I'm really sorry, but the parents have made other Valentine's Day plans...I'll still come though!"

Oh. Thanks, Mom and Daddy. And ACTUALLY thanks to my awesome little sister, who has witnessed way more romantic injustice than I'm okay with her seeing. She's seventeen, but I still wish I could protect her from the bad stuff.

Honestly, I think this year will be fun :) Valentine's Day is a holiday dedicated to love, but nothing in the rules says it has to be ROMANTIC love. The love Sarah and I have for each other is incredibly strong and fun and beautiful, and I'm happy to celebrate with her.

So this Valentine's Day, celebrate with your significant other, but don't forget all the other kinds of love that are just as--or more?--worthy of celebration :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

~Stephanie

Twenty Things...

...to do the year I am twenty.

It's coming up fast...

1. Go to a music festival
2. Make a pie from scratch
4. Read twelve books
5. Watch a really good horror movie
6. Buy dinner for my family
7. Choreograph a dance
8. Learn all the lyrics to Eminem's "Rap God" (...jeezus, this'll be the hardest thing I do all year XD)
9. Go on a blind date
10. Watch all the Movies of the Year since I was born
12. Be part of a triathlon team
13. Finish a piece of writing that I'm proud of
14. Make a grilled cheese using an iron
15. Write at the Farm
16. Get my eyebrows done
17. Read "Paradise Lost"
18. Go in an abandoned building
19. Go to Ashville for summer solstice
20. Say "I love you" to someone out loud, and mean it

~Stephanie

Happy Things

I guess I just need this list.

Happy Christmas Things
1. Pancakes
2. Sugar cookies shaped like donkeys
3. Adorable smiles on snowmen and Santas
4. 24-hour Christmas music on the radio
5. Hot chocolate
6. Christmas stories with pictures
7. Sarah reading The Mortal Instruments trilogy and loving it
8. Children
9. Perfect bows on presents
10. Someone's face when they love your gift
11. Being warm in bed
12. Christmas songs {just not the horrible, depressing ones *cough* "Christmas Shoes" *cough*}
13. Footie pajamas
14. Finding out I got a 4.0 this semester :)

~Stephanie

Santa

My little sister and I never believed in Santa as kids.  Mom did when she was little, and she loved it. However, Daddy felt extremely lied to when the truth came out, so he was determined not to put us through the same thing. Instead, Sarah and I were told that "the spirit of Santa," meaning giving joyfully, was very much real, but the guy at the North Pole with jacked up reindeer was just a story.

When I was little, I really wanted to believe in Santa. I felt kind of deprived of the magical wonder I saw in the eyes of my peers. Plus, it was hard being the only disillusioned one in a group of kids discussing what Santa would bring them. It could be exhausting to handle the infamous question "DO YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA??" Mostly I considered it an early exercise in creative truth-telling and redirection.

"Well, I always seem to get what I ask for."
"How else would the presents get there?"
"I'm sure my parents tell me the truth."
"I've read a lot about him."

Maybe it's why I'm so good at bullshitting now. Who knows.

I did slip up once. My cousin Kathleen, who's two years older than I am, grilled me about Santa Claus one year. I must've been five or six. She became frustrated with my creative non-answers and literally cornered me, demanding to know HOW ELSE WOULD THE PRESENTS GET THERE?! By that point I was pretty frustrated by her ignorance anyway, so I just out and told her.

"Look, Santa is not real. Your parents put the presents under the tree after you're asleep."

That knowledge really took a toll on her, and Aunt Celeste/her mom was not pleased with me. She took the matter up with my dad, who--I imagine--handled it with a brilliant blend of subtle sarcasm and a dry apology.

Still, I felt kinda bad and never slipped up again. {If only refraining from everything were that simple.}

Honestly, there were lots of times when I regretted not believing in Santa. I always wanted magic to be real, and sometimes tried to convince myself that Santa really did exist, that THAT was the lie my parents were telling me. When I was like fifteen I heard something on the roof on Christmas Eve and got really excited.

But, honesty again:  If my parents had told me that Santa was real, I would have had the same reaction as my dad. I would have felt tricked and betrayed and lied to. I would never {seriously, like, to-this-day-and-beyond kind of never} have trusted my parents again.

An extreme reaction? Definitely. But for better or for worse, that's the way my mind works. My parents definitely made a good call in the long run.

Eventually, I'm going to have to decide what to tell my own kids. I'm really torn as of now. For some kids, the belief in Santa can be fun and magical without a backlash of fury when the truth comes out. It's just that you have to make the call before you know what kind of kid it's going to be.

{I wonder if you could experiment on your kids. Tell one the truth but not the other and see what happens. Of course, the enlightened one would more than likely disillusion the other.}

With my luck, I'll probably have a kid just like me, so Santa will not be the way to go. But I guess my husband will get some say in the matter.

Haha, that's a good one...

~Stephanie

Christmas Like A...

As children, the time between Christmases takes a whole lifetime to pass, and the magical season itself lasts for what seems like a year. Everything is sparkles and exclamation points, and the joy we conduct could power a Tanglewood light show. Christmas seems truly magical.

As we get older, the shopping, entertaining, and staying “merry” take more energy than we can muster, much less spare. The magic of Christmas is lost in the tangles of stress it produces. We tend to mourn the lost simplicity and cheer of childhood. I was sure stuck in a rut of confused depression for a few Christmases.

But then I started to understand things differently. As I’ve grown up and realized what a broken person I am, Christmas has started to mean more. It means even more now than it did when it was all sparkles and exclamation points.

God himself looked down through the mystical gauze of time and space and saw how helpless, hopeless I would be. He knew there was absolutely no way in heaven or earth that I could become righteous on my own. But for some reason, he loved me. He loved me with a fierce gentle love. He loved me so much that he would not leave me to suffer and fail. He loved me so much that he sent a piece of his own self to make things right.

As I’ve grown up, I’ve realized just how dangerously imperfect I am. I’ve realized what a phenomenally powerful, forgiving, loving Savior it would take to make me whole. God sending his son to stand between us and death is nothing short of a miracle. It’s even more magical than we realized as children.

Ironically, the gut-wrenching reality check of “Wow, I’m So Messed Up” made Christmas more special and magical for me. Feeling Christmas like a child was beautiful and perfect—while I was a child. But I think it’s important to grow in your celebration of Christmas. God will give us perceptions that match our spiritual maturity. I’ve loved learning to see Christmas like a teenager, and I’m fascinated and excited to see what “Christmas like an adult” will look like for me.

So this Christmas, don’t get too lost in the nostalgia. This Christmas, let God show you what he wants you to see. The magic of Christmas isn’t over when you turn twelve. God has beautiful epiphanies to reveal at every age; we just have to keep our hearts open.

~Stephanie

P.S. Thanks for following, James, whom I can't find a link for! XD

The Santa Chromosome: I Don't Have It

There are twelve days 'til Christmas and I have not bought a single Christmas gift.

Some people, like my sister Sarah, seem to be blessed with elf blood and a Santa chromosome, which allow them to create, think of, and procure the PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT every year. {Or if you're like Sarah, five or six of those per person until you have to be cut off by your mother.}

Then you have people like me.

Where gift-giving fills Sarah with glowing light and sparks of passionate generosity, it fills me with feelings of Titanic-sized ineptitude and an irrational annoyance at anyone who has dared to become important enough to warrant a gift.

Luckily, because I seem incapable of normal human attachment/affection, there are only five people in the world whose gifts must be PERFECT AND THOUGHTFUL AND SHOW HOW MUCH I CARE. But when you're an obsessive, deeply loyal perfectionist like myself, five people is plenty enough to give you heartburn and a stomach cramp when December 1st hits the calendar.

I'm sure lof people have trouble picking out gifts, but normal issues/experiences/feelings have a way of becoming extreme emotional hurdles when the ever-dramatic Stephanie deals with them. When I try to analyze my ineptitude at gift-giving, it mostly ends with my insulting myself with comments like, "You just suck at this because you're selfish and lazy and don't love people. Why don't you just go kick a kitten while you're at this?"

My dad says it's hard for me to get into the gift-giving blitz because it doesn't resonate with me personally. I don't put a lot of stock in material things, so thinking of presents is difficult. But that makes me sound like this incredibly noble, wise person, which I'm almost positive I am not. However, Daddy's answer is more encouraging and nice than my version, so sometimes I let myself believe it.

Actually, come to think of it, there's a little bit of evidence to support that theory. A lot of times I get so paralyzed by the prospect of gifts and stores and money and using money at stores to buy gifts that I end up giving homemade presents.

One time, I made Cassidy a Wordle of memories, phrases, movies, songs, etc. that reminded me of her. I made it in her favorite colors and framed it and gave it to her. She liked it. For her birthday, I once wrote my grandma a poem. That was a big hit. Once for Sam, I made a CD of songs that reminded me of him. He liked it, I assume XD

My dad was definitely right about one thing:  personally, I don't put a lot of stock in material things. That's not to say that I wouldn't love a journal with writing in a different language, or crazy eyeliner, or Batman Converse. However, it's the foreign language, the craziness, and the Batman that make those gifts. It's not the journalness, the eyelinerness, or the shoeness, if that makes sense. It's not the actual item; it's the evidence that the gift-giver really KNOWS me, and tried to find something I would like.

It's literally THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.

So, in the middle of all this, I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I'm just really bad at buying people presents. It will probably always intimidate me, and I will probably never be great at it.

But I think if I put real, long-term effort into them, I can give pretty good presents when it matters. I think the people who I care most about will always have enough depth to know when I care, whether it took me $50 or 50 hours to produce proof.

~Stephanie

St. Patrick's Day

It is St. Patrick's Day! Hope you're wearing green. And Ginger, my thoughts go with you today XD I know how much you hate St. Patrick's Day.

However I, for one, am probably not wearing green. Know why? Today is my first ever DANCE COMPETITION. I have no illusions of first place trophies, but it would be really nice if I didn't forget the dance or fall off the stage. So please join me in those hopes XD

Maybe I'll post a video of me doing my dance sometime. I do love it. A lot. My teacher is incredible.

Although actually, if you're reading this, I've already done my solo at the competition. It was at 8:03 eastern time. So...

XD

Ah, what the heck. Wish me late luck. I'll let you know how it went on Tuesday.

~Stephanie

Forgotten Loves

My post goes up on Miss Unlimited today :D Click HERE to go read it!

And don't forget to check the site on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for other great teen bloggers.

~Stephanie

Mediocre Valentine's Day Advice

{<<<<< There's something new over there, the Awesome Face. I've been meaning to do something like that for a while. If I find a post that made me laugh, or think, or that I believe deserves more attention, I'll link it to the Awesome Face. Check it out every once in a while.}

Happy Valentine's Day from Pandora! :D

If you have a girlfriend, make her a card {MAKE, not buy}. And spend at least 10 minutes on it. Seriously, you can spare ten minutes. That's like three commercial breaks. Go.

Ideas to Include:

- a funny drawing

- an inside joke

- something you love about her

Chocolate is also good. Pretty much always.

If you have a boyfriend, get him something that will make him laugh. It doesn't have to be big or expensive. Inside jokes work well for this, but WARNING: you have to make sure he actually remembers the joke XD {And if he doesn't, be a good sport and just laugh it off yourself. Don't chew him out, for St. Valentine's sake.}

OR. Just go the candy rout. Candy is great.

Aaaand if you're single, don't be bitter. It doesn't make you seem tough. It makes you seem pathetic.

:D Have an awesome day!

~Stephanie

One...

Savior born.

Merry Christmas, guys :)

~Stephanie

Tis Two Days Before Christmas

'Tis two days before Christmas

And all through my home,

The family is chattering,

not a member alone.

My dad's making jokes,

while my mother just grins.

And my grandma stops by

just to nag me again.

Sarah is showered

and ready for bed.

While I try to shake songs like

"Noel" from my head.

The lamps in the windows

are all shining bright.

And the sky arches smoothly

to hug the cold night.

Except I am lying;

It's not cold at all.

It's fifty degrees,

which is average for FALL.

But the lamps are quite shiny,

that much is still true,

And nearby I see presents

In red, green and blue.

In my room is some proof

it's my year for the cross.

And I'm chatting of Santa

to my friend Aaron Ross.

{I hope it's okay

that I just told his name.

I'm sure he won't mind

all the sure-to-come fame.}

But back to the ev'ning

of Christmas I share

with my family and dog,

full of loving and care.

My room is all jolly

with Santas and things

And I've even got tinsel

which glitters and clings.

Upstairs in the hall

hang the pictures of me

and my sister each Christmas

in front of the tree.

The fire is roaring

And though it is gas,

I shrug off it's faux-ness,

in its heat I bask.

The stockings are lying

all neat on the floor

Just waiting to be filled

with goodies galore.

My tummy is full

of rich chocolate fudge

I'll eat it all day

{'Til I'm given a nudge.}

My house is so pretty

and festive and kind.

We're all happy inside

So the heat we don't mind.

A warm Christmas is fine

if that's what God picks.

{And Matt won't get stuck

when a flagpole he licks.}

What matters this year

Is what's inside your heart.

Just live, laugh and love.

I think that's a good start.

At first when I came

to the computer to write

I had no intentions

of poetic delight.

But I stared at the post

with its yawning white face

and I knew that a poem

was right in this case.

So I hope I've done well

and concluded this right.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve

and to all a good night.

~Stephanie

Christmas Traditions

Three Christmas Traditions At My House

1. The Open House: The second week in December, my mom and Sarah start baking insane amounts of goodies. They have a schedule of what to make when, so that they could tell you which batch of cookies will be in the oven on Wednesday at 2:47pm. The second Sunday in December from 2-5, as many people as possible come to our house and eat all the delicious treats. It's awesome.

2. Baby Jesus: We have a manger. It's wooden and baby-sized and my dad made it when I was like one or something. Every year, it sits empty on display until Christmas morning when a doll appears in it--Baby Jesus. When I was little this was one of the most exciting traditions to me. I would check the manger every day, and be so thrilled when on Christmas, Baby Jesus had finally come.

3. The Cross Collection: Every year, someone different in my family makes a Cross in secret. There are four people in my family, so ever four years it's my turns. You can make the cross out of anything you want, however you want, but it should mean something to you. It should symbolize something that happened to you in the past year, or a revelation you had, or something that changed. The person works on the Cross during December, not telling anyone what it is. When the Cross is finished, it's wrapped up like a present and put under the tree. The maker gets to pick someone to open it on Christmas morning.

The Cross tradition is especially exciting to me right now because this year is My Year. My senior year and I get to make the Cross? How cool is that? I may tell you more about this later, because I'm really happy with my idea.

~Stephanie

The Wise Men Busted

Thanks for following, Jillian!

{1} After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem {2} and asked, “Where is the one who has been born King of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him.”

{9} After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. {10} When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. {11} On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped Him. Then they opened their treasures and presented Him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh.

Do you see the part where it talks about the THREE Wisemen?

Me neither.

See, people always assume that because there were three gifts, there must have been three Magi. But the reality is, the Bible doesn't actually say. We just know there was more than one wiseguy, and they brought three presents to Baby Jesus.

Who was, in fact, uh, not a baby anymore.

*shocked face*

"On coming to the house..." *buzzer sound* Jesus was born in a stable. The mention of him being in a house suggests that it was a while after Jesus's birth when the However-Many Wisemen showed up. Mary and Joseph had relocated to somewhere a little less animalistic to raise the son of God.

To me that makes more sense anyway, because the star the Magi followed wouldn't have appeared until Jesus was actually born. I mean, the star was said to represent a king's birth, not his due date. So the Wise Men didn't see the star in the West--

Hm? Do I have it wrong? Was the star in the East?

In verse 2 up there, the Wise Men do say, "We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him."

And then there's...

*hums The First Noel*

"They looked up and saw a star

Shining in the East beyond them far."

We've come to think of the star being in the East because of that song, and sometimes because of the Bible verse. But guess what?

That's not what the Wise Men meant.

The star was leading the Magi to the West. The Wise Men were IN the East, probably somewhere around Iraq, I believe. So when they say "We saw his star in the east," they don't mean the STAR was in the east; they mean that THEY were in the east when they saw it.

The Not-Such-A-Baby-Anymore Jesus was westward in Bethlehem, near Jerusalem. So yeah. The Star was in the West, the Magi were in the East.

And there you have it. Three commonly known "facts" about the Wise Men busted.

So, with only four days until Christmas, I'mma give you this:

FOUR WISE MEN :D

~Stephanie

Santa

The past couple of days have been quite good. I've actually been getting some school work done, and before I noticed, I'm almost finished for the break. When has THAT every happened?

Today I did another thing I've never done before:

I wrote a letter to Santa.

Why have I not done that before, you might ask. What kind of failed childhood did I lead?

Reasons Why I Have Never Written to Santa:

- I hate writing letters

- When I do write letters, I forget to mail them.

- I did not believe in Santa as a child.

When my dad was little, he believed in Santa. However, there comes a time in every believing child's life when the parents must have that hard conversation about the existence of the nice old guy who sneaks into children's houses on Christmas Eve. My grandparents told my dad that Santa Claus was not really...real.

It crushed my dad. He felt lied to and betrayed. He felt that he could no longer trust his parents. If they had so faithfully lied to him about Santa, why should he believe them when they said talking to strangers was dangerous? Or that one shouldn't pet stray dogs? Or that it was necessary to look both ways when crossing the street?

Because of that deeply traumatic experience, my dad was very determined that his children would not believe in Santa. Although I missed the magic of the reindeer and North Pole and elves, I think my dad made a good call. My sister probably wouldn't have had a problem with being abruptly disillusioned at some point, but I think I would have reacted the way my dad did.

God knows I have trust issues enough already. Imagine what I might be like if the rug of my parents' trust had been yanked out from under me in third grade?

*shudder* Merry Five Days 'Til Christmas, y'all. I'll let you know if Santa answers my requests, although I'm not sure they fit the description of what the jolly old elf is allowed to bring.

~Stephanie

Seven Songs

There is only one week until Christmas. It comes faster every year. This year in some ways it feels like it came too quickly as usual, but in other ways it feels like it's been Christmastime forever.

Until yesterday, I had only listened to Christmas songs ALL. MONTH. LONG. That is pretty impressive in my opinion. However, on the way home from celebrating Christmas with my aunt yesterday evening, I was scrolling through my iPod and was hit by an overwhelming thirst for non-Christmas music. It actually felt like my soul was parched for music.

I put together a playlist of all the songs I just felt like listening to at the moment and listened with closed eyes. It felt like drinking water. I love music. I didn't realize how dehydrated December had made me XD

Still, Christmas songs have a special place in my heart {with glaring exceptions like Christmas Shoes, a song that should be forbidden and wiped from all memory} so I decided to post seven personal favorites today, with Christmas exactly seven days away.

1. I Celebrate the Day ~Relient K

2. O Come O Come Emmanuel

3. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

4. Merry Christmas, Here's to Many More ~ Relient K

5. Good King Wenceslas {RELIENT K VERSION. You have to listen to that XD}

6. Christmas This Year ~ tobyMac

7. First Noel ~ tobyMac and Owl City

~Stephanie

All I Want for Christmas...

8 Things I'm Asking For:

1. iTunes cards

2. Nail polish

3. Books {of course}

4. A Batman T-shirt

5. Chuck season 1 {I love the show, but I just now thought of this, so I'm not holding out hope that I'll get it.}

6. A gift card to the Fresh Market

7. An As I Lay Dying hoodie

8. To submit my application in to Wake Forest {seriously, mother, I can do nothing more until you get my transcript in order}

That was the hardest list I've made in a long time. I had NO IDEA what I want for Christmas. My stomach is now in knots because I have so much trouble thinking of anything. Good grief.

~Stephanie