Book Review: The Forest of Hands and Teeth

[Note: As far as I can tell, I'm one of very few who hate this book, so you might want to try it out and see if you disagree too! :)]

Title: The Forest of Hands and Teeth
Author: Carrie Ryan
Stars: 1
Less-Than-500-Word Review in Short: Mary and her friends wander around trying to find the ocean until the twentieth climax where something finally happens and you care absolutely nothing about it.
Back-of-the-Book: “In Mary’s world, there are simple truths.
The Sisterhood always knows best.
The Guardians will protect and serve.
The Unconsecrated will never relent.
You must always mind the fence that surrounds and protects from the Forest of Hands and Teeth.
Slowly, Mary’s truths are failing her. She’s learning things she never wanted to know about the Sisterhood and its secrets, and the Guardians and their power. And, when the fence is breached and her world is thrown into chaos, about the Unconsecrated and their relentlessness.
Now she must choose between her village and her future, between the one she loves and the one who loves her. And she must face the truth about the Forest of Hands and Teeth. Could there be life outside a world surrounded by so much death?”

I Say: Ignore the back-of-the-book. It just sets you up for disappointment.

I had great hopes for this book. The first few chapters weren’t even bad. But by the end, I was just glad it was over. “The Forrest of Hands and Teeth” took everything I hate in a book and smashed it together.

The characters were awful. From beginning to end, I couldn’t have cared less about Mary if I had tried. For some reason, all the characters seemed alike (except Mary who was uncommonly dim-witted and obsessed with finding ocean). If by chance they were portrayed differently, it was with thin, hollow, flat, emotionless, shallow words. Not the strong, colorful words that make great stories.

That brings me to something else I hate: lack of good description. I hate flowery paragraphs as much as the next guy, but I’ve got to be able to “see” what’s going on. When I read, I see the story like I’m watching a movie. Whenever I come across a book that I can’t “see,” it’s disorienting. With “Forest,” I just saw words. I could never tell where anyone was or what was going on. It was like being blindfolded.

The plot went up and down and nowhere fast. The story felt based on nothing. Lust is passed off as love. The Sisterhood’s secrets? I was like “Oh…that’s IT??” and the Guardians’ power…I never saw that at all. Things you think are important aren’t, and things that shouldn’t be are.

I Liked:
- Excellent similes

I Didn’t Like:
- Atrocious characterization
- Horrible plot
- No climax (or maybe it was several…)
- Insufficient description
- Mary is maddeningly slow
- Love is portrayed as lust

Audience: There’s some sensuality. Ryan tries to pass it off as real love, but really it’s just Mary lusting after this guy that you never get to know well enough to care about.

Imagine wandering around blindfolded with robots led by a girl who can’t recognize a number when she sees one pursuing a crayon. That’s how reading “The Forest of Hands and Teeth” feels.

~Stephanie

Life Goals

Our pastor mentioned something about this in his sermon a while back. It wasn't the point of the sermon--I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even know what I was talking about if I brought it up--but it made me think really hard.

He said something that made it to my brain in a sentence like this: "So when you're just going through life, making money or having kids or whatever it is you want to do with your whole life..."

Sometimes things like that hit me funny. Stuff that everyone thinks about, even stuff I think I've thought about too, but suddenly a wall of my mind falls away and I realize I haven't even skimmed the surface of that thought train.

So, right there in church, I briefly allowed myself to hop down that bunny trail. What is it that I "want"? What is it that I want my life to do for me?

Of course, "happiness" is what came to mind right away. I want to be happy. Everyone does. But...how am I gonna make that a reality?

Do I expect my husband to make me happy?

Do I expect being a lawyer to make me happy?

Do I expect writing to make me happy?

Do I expect my children to make me happy?

What if none of those work? What if I have a husband and practice law and write and have kids and I still have a horrible hollowness in my heart? What then?

And that scared the crap out of me, right there on the second row. First, that I'd never considered my ultimate life goal, second that I don't know how to achieve it, and third that if I never do, I'll be miserable.

Of course, sitting there on the second row in church, the obvious answer is that I should seek God. True happiness and fulfillment can ONLY be found in Him. I know that. I always have. But I'd never thought about how to...I dunno, help him along with it?

Honestly, the thought of having to put my happiness in God's hands is scary, and somehow I'd never considered it until that Sunday. I'm the kind of person who believes the statement "If you want something done right, do it yourself." How can I possibly step back and let God run MY life?

It sounds scarier now that I see that sentence before my eyes, but I'm definitely still thinking it. No one can make me happy but God, and it's flat-out stupid and unfair for me to put that burden on anyone else--maybe even myself.

As I get ready to leave for college next fall, all those "growing-up truths" and "plans for the future" ideas are taking on terrifyingly real new meanings. You'll probably be hearing a lot of panicked rants from me this year. I guess that's all part of the growing up process.

I just always thought I'd feel older when it hit.

~Stephanie

NaNoWriMo 2011

So it begins.

I have never done National Novel Writing Month before, and I sure as death and taxes have never written 50,000 words in one month, especially a month containing Thanksgiving, SATs, Renaissance Fairs and 11.11.11. Parties that I am throwing.

And yet for some reason I'm going to attempt it this year?

Writers are crazy.

And so will be my posting, I'm sure. If I post angry/depressed/bullying/rude/dysfunctional/etc. stuff this month, I apologize in advance. I also apologize if posting ceases altogether.

I'm completely freaking out. I can't write 50,000 words in a month! ARE YOU CRAZY? I've barely ever written 50,000 words on a single story in my whole life! "Mirror" is the only exception and for GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT REASON, I've decided NOT to do "Mirror!" I'm doing the fire fairy story, which is great and everything, but 50,000 words on a concept you developed when you were 12 suddenly just sounds like authorial suicide.

I hope this is gonna be fun, guys. I have a sneaking suspicion it will not be, and while I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to do it, I also refuse to waste a month of my life being completely miserable. We'll see how this goes.

Oh gawd.

Feel free to take the NaNo button on the sidebar if you're doing it. My username is Ember_Ink if you want to add me or whatever...

Oh, hey, who's doing it? Jay, right?

~Stephanie

P.S. Lawl, today's date is 11.1.11. I like that.

Happy Halloween >:D

I could tell you about how Halloween is a holiday created to get all the evil out of our souls before All Hallows or something, a day for being holy, or I could skip that cliche jabber and tell you about my personal Halloweens.

{I'm listening to the Mission Impossible theme song right now. You should try it. It makes life so much more interesting.}

Age 2: I was an astronaut, using the vacuum cleaner hose as my oxygen hose. {My parents used to be awesome...}

Age 3: I was a cowgirl with a cute hat and an actual knife in my holster :D

Age 4: I was a cowgirl again, but this year, my little sister, Sarah, was my cow.

Age 5: I was a cowgirl....AGAIN.

Age 6: At this age I rebelled against girls with cows and declared that I wanted to be a stalk of corn. My mom dressed me in green and tied toilet-paper-roll-yellow-construction-paper corn cobs to me.

Age 7: I was a boot. It's amazing what you can make with yarn and two cardboard boxes.

Age 8: This year escapes me at the moment...I may come back and tell you later.

Age 9: I had this awkward normal phase where I went trick-or-treating as the Swan Princess. Whatever.

Age 10: In 2004, I was a pirate princess--with an actual peg leg made from a cardboard box.

Age 11: I was a calculator made from white board.

Age 12: I was a fire fairy along with my four bestest friends at the time.

Age 13: Fire fairy again.

Age 14: Bwaaaaaa, too old.

Age 17: Fire fairy XD Booyah.

Happy Halloween. Embrace the acne that inevitably follows a large-scale chocolate intake and have a good night!

~Stephanie

Staying Creative: Finish Something

{I'm exhausted. S0z if I don't make that much sense. You'll get my drift though. I hope.}

The fire fairy reunion was terrific. It's amazing that after five years, none of us have called it quits or shrugged off the crazy childhood stories. I mean, out of the four of us, it seems like that at least one of us would have moved beyond them by now. Lucky for me, none of us have :D

We went to Goodwill and looked for costumes first. I didn't think we'd found much; I was preparing myself for them to suck, really. But shockingly, they did not. I actually think they were even better than our original attire.

We ate hot dogs.

I did everyone's fire fairy makeup.

And then we danced.

In the fire fairy story, we are entertainers for the Fire Lord, therefore dancing is a huge part of the story, and Jesse and I are dancers in real life. So, it seemed necessary to make up a dance.

We chose a song that goes back as far as the stories. A song that from the beginning, we thought felt like the fire fairies. The song is...

"The Foosa Attack." From the Madagascar soundtrack.

I would ask you not to judge us, but...go ahead. I don't mind XD

The song is only 37 seconds long, too, so we felt like that would be a reasonable length to choreograph. Ellie and Sarah thought it would be too short. Jesse and I know how choreography goes. It goes slowly.

Even slower than we anticipated actually XD The dance took us four hours to create and perfect. And wow. It is awesome. It is so fire fairies. It is so hot. It is so...us. I'm in love with it.

At 1:30, we all stumbled to my room and read through the first Fire Fairy story. It was a priceless hour :)

The next morning when Jesse's mom picked her up, we showed her the dance. She was impressed, which is saying something, because normally I could build a space shuttle and she'd be like, "Eh."

She told us how impressed and amazed she was that we all were still willing to get together and talk about this stuff. She said it was refreshing to see teenagers doing something like this. She said that she thought we might really have something here. She said the fire fairy stories have potential.

To a hopeful writer, those words are absolutely GOLDEN.

And it is with those encouraging words in mind that I tell you I am going to Finish Something.

I am going to Finish the Fire Fairy Story once and for all, and I'm going to do it for NaNoWriMo.

After five years of working pre-writing, I think I might have enough to make this happen XD

Ember, Flare

Flicker, Firefly

Firefly

Ember

Flicker

~Stephanie

Fire Fairy Reunion

Five years last July, five friends and I got together for Jesse's birthday sleepover. We were all highly fun, highly naive, and highly imaginative. After presents and hot dogs and a birthday craft, we went outside to play with sparklers. Being who we were, it was only a matter of time before the activity demanded an imaginary game.

As we danced around in the warm summer darkness, waving our sparkling sticks of fire, the idea came to all of us at once:

Fire fairies!

We spent the first several minutes deciding on names, always a very important part of an imaginary game.

I claimed the named Ember right off.

Jesse picked Flare.
Zooey called Sparkle.
Haley said Comet {which makes me laugh now, Halley's Comet...}

We helped Ellie decide on Star Dancer and Sarah come up with Flicker.

We played with our fiery wands and let the story evolve on its own. We found out that we had the ability to create fireballs with our hands, and fire shields could emerge from our fingertips.

When it got too late to play outside, we took the game indoors. We brought in the candle we'd used to light the sparkles, falling into a single file line to get through the door.

"We're going to worship the Fire Lord," I said. "He's evil."

That was met with unanimous enthusiasm.

The game kept going the whole sleepover. We gave each other ages and relationships with each other, and even gave Jesse's brother a role: he was Coal, the Fire Lord's most trusted spy.

The next day I started to write the story down. It had potential, I decided, and the game had gone in some directions that I didn't like and I wanted a chance to make it the way I thought it should be. I also didn't like the name "Star Dancer" so I changed Ellie's name to Firefly.

I told Ellie and Jesse that I was writing "the fire fairy story." They thought that was awesome, but none of us really put much stock in each others' writing at that point. We were 8 {Zooey}, 9 {Haley and Sarah}, 11 {Jesse} and 12 {me and Ellie} and never finished anything. But it was still fun.

I would write chapters of the story and consult my friends often. We inserted all kinds of real-life scenarios such as my crush on Jesse's brother and a fight some of us had. My little red notebook filled with fire fairy adventures and embarrassing heart doodles featuring the name "Coal." The excitement built and built until one night at church band practice when I saw the fireball at the end of the tunnel.

I knew the ending.

I scribbled furiously, hand cramping, brain going into overdrive. Must...write...it down...

It was finished.

I had finished it.

I had actually finished a story! And it was the fire fairy story! OUR story!

We all read it, time and time again, tweaking it, erasing pieces of it, and eventually typing it up. But I missed the fire fairies; it felt like a part of me was empty when I stopped writing them.

So I didn't.

With the constant help of Ellie, Jesse and Sarah, I wrote a sequel, and then a third volume, and then a fourth adventure. They all connected, they all intertwined, and eventually an overarching plot line emerged.

We wrote so much of ourselves into the story that it became more than just a game, more than just a story. It was another dimension of ourselves. It's hard to explain. The story was like a film that we saw the rest of life through. Sometimes the lines between fact and fiction were blurred, and it wasn't uncommon for us to accidentally call each other our fire fairy names. For the next three years, 50% of our souls were made up of mechanical pencil lead and tattered red One Subjects.

Then we all went our separate ways and things faded out a bit. We still talk; we're still very close; we never had a falling out. But it's different now, because we don't see each other as much, even though we all live relatively close.

This year Ellie and I are seniors. We're getting ready to jump into the world full-force, and we are so not ready for that. College is coming whether we like it or not, and after that...who knows? This is the biggest, most exciting and terrifying transition we've ever undergone, and we'll be leaving behind Sarah and Jesse.

So we've decided to have a fire fairy reunion tonight. Just one last time for sure, we're gonna go to Goodwill and piece together Fire Fairy costumes. We're gonna play with sparklers. We're gonna eat hot dogs. We're gonna listen to the music we loved back then.

And we're gonna read the stories.

The time comes when everyone has to grow up. But I honestly believe that a small part of you never should.

Here's to the fire fairies :)

~Stephanie

Staying Creative: Not Forcing It

{Started this Sunday and...just finished. I'm really sorry guys. This week has been crazy. I'd like to say I'll get caught up and fill you in later today, but honestly, I'm not sure I'll be able to post until Sunday. This weekend is gonna be full.}

It's kind of ironic and awesome that Sunday was Don't Force It. It's even more ironic that I forgot to look at Pandora and so I didn't know that. Yesterday was the Shock Dance Convention, and it was probably the #1 place I've ever been to Not Force It.

The Convention...was totally not what I expected. I was picturing me with a schedule in one hand and map in the other, totally stressed out trying to figure out where the heckI was supposed to go next, getting everywhere late and having to jump into workouts that I couldn't do before being singled out for not getting something wrong while dodging bitches in booty shorts telling me to go back where I belong and stop messing with the REAL dancers.

God only knows why I was still really excited for the thing...

It wasn't like that at all. We stayed in the same massive room the whole time; our teachers were the ones who changed rooms. And WOW, did we ever have teachers. I'm still kind of in shock {lol} that I got to breathe the same air as these people for a little while.

Ryan Cyphert: {Hip hop} Well known for his innovative and explosive style of hip-hop choreography, Ryan perfected his skills in Phoenix, Arizona. He appeared on Star Search ‘93 and performed with Boyz II Men, Kid N Play, Salt N Pepa and others. Ryan has worked for NBC, ABC, and choreographed a number of videos and commercials.

He was the first teacher we had. He taught us hip hop, which was insanely fun. He's a great teacher. He was extremely laid back, telling us that the important thing was to feel the music and have fun. He told us about how he was a TERRIBLE dancer at age 15 when he somehow went to a dance convention and everything changed for him. He was patient and cool and funny and personal.

The hip hop dance, however, completely blew my mind. I did not think catching on to moves that fast THAT FAST was even possible. But here's the thing, guys:

Everyone else could.

Not the people I went with, but literally everyone else in the room. My friends and I were the worst dancers there. And I'm being completely honest. Do not give me any of this "You're your own worst critic" bull. We were the worst, and I am fine with that. We're still good. It's just that the other dancers there were INCREDIBLE. 50% I think could go on and win So You Think You Can Dance. The other 50% were just better than we were.

Matt Boyce: {Tap} Born and raised in New Jersey, Matt has studied and performed the art of tap dancing mentored by Mike Minery since the early age of ten. Matt made his first debut into the professional industry at the age of twelve when he became the youngest ever principal dancer for the New Jersey Tap Ensemble

God, I hated him. He was not a good teacher. He wouldn't slow down for anyone, wouldn't explain things, and his idea of "slower" is...well, not slower. There were also 70 other people in the room and I was near the back, so I couldn't SEE HIM.

When you can't SEE a tap teacher, and he doesn't TELL you what he's doing, and he won't SLOW DOWN, how the hell are you supposed to DO it?!

*clears throat and takes deep breaths*

Sorry. It's just that...I'm good at tap. Like, really I'm very good at tap. It's probably the one class I could have been really phenomenal at...if I could have seen the son of a jackal.

Gustavo Vargas {Latin}: Originally from Mexico City, Mexico, Gustavo has worked with Jennifer Lopez, Will Smith, Usher, Pink, Mya, Alicia Keys, Paulina Rubio, Roselyn Sanchez, Britney Spears, Enrique Iglesias, N'Sync, Jessica Simpson, and Eva Longoria. His TV credits are Dancing With The Stars, Bruno and Carrie Ann’s Dance Wars, the America’s Best Dance Crew intro, Eve, 7th Heaven, Drew Carey, Boston Public, AMAs, Grammys, Janet Jackson MTV-Icon and Strong Medicine. Movies include The Bachelor, Be Cool, Dirty Dancing II-Havana Nights, Spanglish, Master of Disguise, Along Came Polly, Jackass II, Rent, and Indiana Jones. Known for his partnering skills, Gustavo is technically trained and teaches all styles of dance.

He was so fun. I loved him. From him we learned the Samba {the REAL Samba, not "ballroom Samba," which, according to him, doesn't even exist. Samba came from the street and it's something you have to feel.}.

The steps were so freakin' fast and so nearly the same that I was lost half the time, but he stressed the value of having fun with it. He said the only really important thing was to be natural and feel the music.

It was also fun because the guys had a different part than the girls, so we got to watch them separately some of the time.

With dancing guys, there's a fine line between gay and hott. But when you can find the hott side...damn.

Melody Lacayanga: {Jazz} Originally from Daly City, Ca, Melody trained in classical and contemporary ballet, modern jazz, blues and Afro-Haitian at the School of the Arts. Melody was the top female dancer on season one of the hit FOX TV show, “So You Think You Can Dance” and has since traveled the world as a performer and artist.

She was pretty cool. By this time, we'd already done 3 hours of intense dancing and were starting to get a little burnt out. And hungry. And the way Melody said "Yes, guys?" after every sentence was a litttttle annoying.

The combination was insanely difficult, but I could kind of do it. It's hard for me to do multiple turns in general though, especially on carpet, so I fell behind a lot on those.

After lunch we had...

Nick Bass: {Hip hop} He has worked with Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Janet Jackson, Beyonce, Ciara, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Omarion, Nelly Furtado, Kylie Minogue, Jamie Foxx, Chris Brown, Prince, Boa, Madonna and many others. Nick has performed at the Grammy Awards, VMAs, AMAs, BETs, Soul Train Awards, and Dove Awards. He has also performed with artists on Saturday Night Live, So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing With The Stars, TRL, The View, Good Morning America, Jay Leno, and Regis and Kelly.

Nick was the best teacher we had all day. His dance was fun and went with the music. He went over things again and again until we all got it. When it looked like our brains were going into overload, he said, "We're gonna stop there today and have fun with what we've already learned."

Where some of the other choreographers were all about finishing THEIR dance because it was just that awesome and we lowly students would just have to either get it or get out, Nick seemed interested in us as people. He was just a really patient guy and good at explaining things. I feel like I took away a lot of good stuff from him.

Then a lady named Tina that I did not like taught us lyrical. My brain just doesn't do lyrical. It's so...it just doesn't make sense to me. The way she counted off... "A one....twothree....four.....five....sixseveneight." I never could get with her groove XD

Then we had Hannah Wintrode who was INSANELY AMAZING. Great teacher, INCREDIBLE dancer. Like. Oh my gosh. Click HERE for a video of her doing the exact dance we learned {we stopped learning after like a minute or so in though. Also, there's a part where the dancers are suddenly all in lingerie. Didn't learn that, wasn't aware it was there. I apologize XD}

Then we had...Merissa Gassel. She was good, I think, but by this time, I was completely wiped out. All I could do was fuzzily copy her movements, couldn't really commit anything more to memory XD

I left the convention feeling odd. I felt good, but also a little let down because there hadn't been a single dance that I had completely gotten. I felt like I hadn't actually gotten much out of the day, besides being disillusioned as to how good my friends and I are.

But then at dance last night, and I felt different. I could do all our dances twice as well as normal, and when we stretched, I could go much farther than usual. I felt more confident the whole class.

So maybe I did get something out of the day :)

~Stephanie