My Life in Songs

Childhood

Something Beautiful ~ Childhood/fire fairies

            “It’s a voice that whispers my name.  It’s a kiss without any shame.  Like a song that turns in my head, singing love will take us where something’s beautiful.”

2010

Such Great Heights ~ Us. March 2010.

            “I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces.”

Naturally ~ We’re perfect for each other. March 2010.

            “I love the way you know who you are, and to me it’s exciting.”

The Best Thing ~ Us. April 2010.

            “This is the best thing that could be happening, and I think you would agree the best thing is that it’s happening to you and me.”

Come Right Out and Say It ~ Us. July 2010.

            “Why don’t you come right out and say it?  Even if the words are probably going to hurt, I’d rather have the truth than something insincere.”

The Crow and the Butterfly ~ What? Do you want me or not? I’m not waiting forever. July 2010.

            “When you and I were getting high as outer space, I never thought you’d slip away.  I guess I was just a little too late.”

Get Back ~ I miss the way we were, and it kind of makes me angry. July-August 2010.

            “Hold me like you mean it, like you miss me, ‘cause I know that you do.”

Jar of Hearts ~ Broken heart. July-August 2010.

            “Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars?  Don’t come back for me.  Who do you think you are?”

Devastation and Reform ~ Wow. I guess I’ll always be a vulnerable dumbass. August 2010.

            “I feel like I was born for devastation and reform.  I destroy everything I love and the worst part is I’ll pull my heart out, reconstruct, but in the end it’s nothing but a shell of what I had when I first started.”

It’s Killing Me ~ I’m afraid one of my best friends is destroying himself. August 2010.

            “I want you to know that it’s killing me.  I think I’ve got to let go ’cause it’s killing me.  You’re gonna do what you want, but you better please believe it’s killing me.”

Easier to Run ~ My problem is pretty much crushing. Fall 2010.

            “If I could change, I would; take up the pain, I would; retrace every wrong move that I made, I would; if I could stand up and take the blame, I would; I would take all my shame to the grave.  It’s easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb.  It’s so much easier to go than face all this pain here all alone.”

Somebody that I Used to Know ~ It’s hard to believe we were once so close. October 2010.

            “You didn’t have to cut me off, make it like it never happened and that we were nothing.”

What I’ve Done ~ I have to face my problem and get over it. Winter 2010.

            “I’ll face myself to cross out what I’ve become.  Erase myself, and let go of what I’ve done.”

Undo ~ Good God. How have I become this? There’s no way I can overcome it. December 2010.

            “You’re the only one who can undo what I’ve become.”

For the Moment I Feel Faint ~ God can handle this, even when I can’t. December 2010.

            “Never underestimate my Jesus. You’re telling me that there’s no hope?  I’m telling you you’re wrong.”

What Have You Been Doing Lately? ~ Friends change, and sometimes it sucks. Winter 2010.

            “Pardon me while I throw up.  I guess some people never grow up.  What happened to the salvation you claimed?  It breaks my heart to see how much you’ve changed.”

2011

The Lonely ~ I am okay. But there’s still a hole in my heart. January-March 2011.

            “Can the Lonely take the place of you?”

Hallelujah ~ Love is interesting. February 2011.

            “Love is not a victory march; it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.”

Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been ~ I’m pulling it together and I am not going back. Early 2011.

            “I’m sorry it took so long for me to change.”

Snuff ~ I’m trying not to be bitter, because I really do—or at least did—love him. March 2011.

            “Love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage.  So if you love me let me go, and run away before I know.  My heart is just too dark to care.  I can’t destroy what isn’t there.  If I can change I hope I never know.  So save your breath, I will not care.  I think I’ve made it very clear.  I only wish you weren’t my friend; then I could hurt you in the end.”

Up and Up ~ I’ve got this. I can be happy, successful, and engaging again. Spring 2011.

            “I’m on the up and up,  there’s nothing left to prove.  I’m just trying to be a better version of me for you.”

The One I’m Waiting For ~ He wants me back, huh? Sucks for him XD May 2011.

            “The way that girl can turn a head, she is such a threat but don’t ever forget:  she knows it.  She’s so confident that she’s what everybody wants, but nobody wants her to know that.”

Wouldn’t Change a Thing ~ How come he’s the only one I’ve ever felt that way about? August 2011.

            “We’re like fire and rain.  You can drive me insane, but I can’t stay mad at you for anything.”

Dance with the Devil ~ I know him better than he realizes. October 2011.

            “It’s easy to find what’s wrong, harder to find what’s right.  I believe in you.  I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies.”

Paradise ~ I don’t think I’m going to get into Wake Forest after all. November 2011.

            “When she was just a girl, she expected the world, but it flew away from her reach, so she ran away and asleep she dreams of paradise.”

2012

No Light, No Light ~ I love him so much, but I don’t want to be with him that way. I am sorry. December 2011-January 2012.

            “You can’t choose what stays and what fades away, and I’d do anything to make you stay.  You want a revelation, you want to get back, but that’s a conversation I just can’t have tonight.  You want a revelation, some kind of resolution.  Tell me what you want me to say.  ’Cause it’s so easy to say it to a crowd, but it’s so hard to say it to you alone.”

How to Save a Life ~ I’d do just about anything for him, you know. March 2012.

            “I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life.”

What Hurts the Most ~ I miss Ellie. March 2012.

            “What hurts the most is being so close, and having so much to say, and watching you walk away.”

Numb ~ God and I just no longer understand each other. Spring 2012.

            “I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there.”

Breaking Inside ~ College, dating, going to Italy. It’s too much. April 2012.

            “It feels like I’m breaking inside.  I don’t want to fall and say I lost it all, ’cause maybe there’s a part of me that hit the wall, leaving pieces of me behind.”

Dismantle. Repair. ~ Italy, thinking about Sam. April 2012.

            “The night was young, and so were we.  We talked about life, God, death, and your family.  You didn’t want any promises, just my undivided honesty.  And you said ‘Things are gonna change now for the better.’ ”

It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Death Wish ~ There’s more to everything than I thought. June 2012.

            “Remember back then when we met, you told me this gets harder?  Well, it did.”

I’m Not Okay ~ I feel crazy and desperate and depressed. June 2012.

            “I never want to let you down or have you go.  It’s better off this way.  I’m not okay.”

Chasing Cars ~ I miss him so much. All I want to do is be in the same room as he is. August-September 2012.

            “If I lie here, would you lay with me and just forget the world?”

Must Have Done Something Right ~ The song says it all. Every word. November 2012.

            “We should get jerseys ‘cause we make a good team.  I know that it’s so cliché to talk about you this way, but I’ll put all my inhibitions aside.  Everyone watching us just turns away with disgust ‘cause jealously they can see that we’ve got it going on.”