Wednesday, February 29, 2012

DumbThings I Did in February

1. Bit off part of my tongue. Oh, but I AM serious.
2. Didn't know that LarryBoy = Batman.
3. Dumped salt all over Collin's kitchen table.
4. Drank ketchup through a straw.
5. Bought the same song on iTunes twice.
6. Said "You too!" when the ticket guy told me to enjoy the movie.
7. Got out of the shower and realized I'd shaved one leg twice and not the other one.
8. Tried to make a pizza. Without turning on the oven.
9. Called my dog a kid's name by accident. In front of the kid.
10. Broke my sixth month no-crying streak ten days before the six month mark -_-
11. Put a list of dumb things I did on the internet.

Aaaaand, thanks for following, Juju etc.! XD I couldn't find a link to your blog :-/ Comment and I'll follow it and link you up.


Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Author God

In the fourth section of Mere Christianity, “Beyond Personality,” C.S. Lewis uses an Author God metaphor to explain how God views time.

On page 167-168, the book says, “Suppose I am writing a novel. I write ‘Mary laid down her work; next moment came a knock at the door!’ For Mary who has to live in the imaginary time of my story there is no interval between putting down the work and hearing the knock. But I, who am Mary’s maker, do not live in the imaginary time at all. Between writing the first half of the sentence and the second, I might sit down for three hours and think steadily about Mary.”

Probably because I’m a writer, I’ve always found it easier to understand God when I think of him as an author. He created a wonderful premise for us on earth. He made the world and its laws and he created the “characters” Adam and Eve with their unique personalities.

The Author metaphor has the potential to unnerve people, because they feel that by comparing God to an author, we’re saying that he writes our story all himself, with little freewill for us. For instance, if we think of God as an Author, we might be led to believe he actually planned and scripted the Fall.

Obviously no human metaphor for God is going to be perfect, but as a writer, I think this one makes a lot of sense.

When writing, you do get to create the characters—in a sense. (It usually feels more like meeting someone than creating them though.) You decide their hair color, put them into a family, and—to some extent—get to form their personality. You probably even have an idea of how you want their “story” to go.

However, as your character matures and is shaped by others’ actions, there comes a point when you are not exactly calling your character’s shots anymore. You might know that Paige needs to trust Darren for the story to work, but Paige has decided to take a more stubborn route.

After God's Adam and Eve characters took their own stubborn route, God did some reorganizing of the Story of Man. He realized that his characters were choosing a sad, inefficient path, but he was still determined to give them the option for the best ending, which is through Jesus.

Some might think that as an author, couldn’t you just force the character to do the right thing? Probably. But then not only have you violated the character, but your world of words turns brittle and gray. A good author won’t do that, and God is the very best. Instead, you have to persuade and enlighten your characters through situations and other people so that they will have a of heart. God does this for us.

Like an Author, God’s style is all throughout his Story; his fingerprints are on every tree, every sunset, and every person’s heart. God loves us, his characters, so much that he allows us to be ourselves, make our own choices—and sometimes we choose wrong.

At times it may seem like our Author is putting cruel obstacles in our way for no good reason, like he’s ruining OUR story. But we have to remember that it isn’t just OUR story; it’s God’s.

God doesn’t send misery to punish us. His heart aches when bad things happen, just as an author finds it hard to watch a difficult situation unfold. However, both God and the author know the ending of their story. They’re excited about the ending! They want their characters to see it, believe in it, run towards it! The author knows that Paige got kidnapped so that she could meet Luke; she knows that Darren got lost because he needed to meet Paige.

Thankfully, our Author is one of infinite chances, and if we love him, we can trust that he’s working our story towards the best possible ending.

It's true; no metaphor for God will ever be perfect. But personally, I find the Author God metaphor especially beautiful, relatable, and comforting.


Monday, February 27, 2012

Choreography = Writing

My awesome dance teacher, Lauren, is also a brilliant, BRILLIANT choreographer.

It's an hour's drive to and from the dance studio from her house, so she listens to loud music and choreographs while she drives every day. In all her 10 years of teaching, she has never once written a dance down. And yet, if you ask her to do "Stronger" from her 2007 class of 13-15 year olds, she'd be able to do it on the spot.

Right now, she is currently choreographing THIRTY. ONE. DIFFERENT. DANCES.

Good. Gosh.

How is that even possible?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! And she doesn't write any of them down?!?!?! GAH! It's freaking incredible. None of the dances are the same.

Since she choreographs in her head, sometimes when we do the dance in class, she'll stare at us for a minute and then go:

"No. Nope. Looked better in my head." And we'll do something else.

After we've learned the whole dance she always goes back and tweaks it, too. Maybe a turn didn't take up as many counts as she thought, or we need to use the other leg for a fan kick, or start with the right foot instead of the left at some point. She was trying to explain this process to the class one night.

"I just have to get the dance first, before I fix it," she said.

A comparison popped into my head, and my eyes lit up. "It's like a rough draft," I said.

"Yeah," Lauren nodded excitedly. "Exactly."

Thinking of choreography like writing has been a really exciting revelation for me. It helps me understand Lauren and dancing so much better.

The first attempt at the dance is like a rough draft.

How can Lauren remember so many dances? Well, how do I remember so many stories?

Choreographing on the go must be a lot like getting a story idea on the go.

When you see a dance in real life, sometimes it doesn't work the way you anticipated. When your characters do what you tell them to do, sometimes it doesn't feel right.

More often than not, Lauren's dances incorporate two groups of dancers doing different things. Some people ask Lauren why in the world would she make it harder on herself like that? I think I understand. When I'm writing a story, sometimes the characters do things that are completely unexpected, or react badly to something I give them, or refuse to cooperate. People might say to me, "That's ridiculous. YOU'RE the writer, aren't you? Make them do what you want!" And I just have to tell you, it's not as easy as it sounds.

Comparing choreography to writing has made me both appreciate and understand what Lauren does even more than before. It's so exciting to me when I can draw parallels like that that help me understand something else.

Isn't it cool how everything is connected?


Sunday, February 26, 2012

100 Books

I got this post from Anna of Artist's Charm a while back {her post} :) Apparently, the average person has only read six out of these hundred, which is astonishing to me.

Here's the list; I'm going to copy Anna's method and bold the books I've read, and italicize the ones I've started but not finished.

1 Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch – George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland -Lewis Carol
30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34 Emma – Jane Austen
35 Persuasion – Jane Austen
36 The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41 Animal Farm – George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50 Atonement – Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52 Dune – Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72 Dracula – Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal – Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession – AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchel
83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89 The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94 Watership Down – Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

Twenty-four down, three started, seventy-three to go...

Not TOO bad XD


Saturday, February 25, 2012

{me gusta}

Thanks for following, Shena!

no...but yeah.


Friday, February 24, 2012

Holy Mother of Cows

<<<<<<<<< What's your opinion?


Not to be confused with Lent, which started two days ago.

I've always wanted to participate in Lent. The idea of giving up something so I can focus on what's important is romantic and interesting. However, I usually miss Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent, and figure, "Aw dang. Well, there's always next year."

The years I HAVE noticed Ash Wednesday, I usually give up something relatively small, or with conditions. One year I gave up "books, before reading the Bible." That was hardly any sacrifice at all. I could pick up my Bible, read a few random words, and proceed as usual.

Once I tried to give up "computer before doing school work." That didn't last in any way, shape or form.

This year, I saw Ash Wednesday coming, and decided what to do ahead of time.

The idea occurred to me as Sarah and I were coming home from dance one night. I had forgotten my phone at home, and was going through some withdrawals XD I'd reach for my phone to see the time, to check for texts, or just to hold it over and over. I couldn't get it into my head that MY PHONE WASN'T WITH ME, and I started to notice how attached and dependent I was on it.

So I decided to give up my phone, except for between the hours of 9 and 11 at night. Two hours for checking and sending messages etc.

Then I found out that one of my friends is giving up bread for Lent. {Holy mother of cows. How??}

And then that another is giving up MUSIC. {I would literally not be able to do this. I think I would actually become ill. Or do something terrible.}

And then there's me. "Yeah, I'm giving up my phone, except for between the house of 9 and 11 at night :D"

So far, I've been two days phoneless-during-the-day. It's been mildly difficult, but actually not bad. Not bad at all.

And some people are giving up BREAD.

So I'm starting to rethink the boundaries I set.

Giving up "texting, except between 9 and 11 at night"? Isn't that a lot like giving up "books, before reading the Bible"? Am I really giving up anything at all? Most of the texting I do anyway happens between 9pm and 11pm.

So I think I'm going to take this a step farther. I think I'm going to cut out texting entirely. Until April 8. For 46 days.

I've read that sentence six times now. And I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm really not sure. It's a terrifying, lonely, boring, tragic thought. FORTY-SIX DAYS? WHAT? It makes me slightly panicked. I'm really not sure if I can do it. The more I think about it, the less sure I am. Holy...mother of cows.

But I'm sort of tired of mediocrity. I'm tired of doing things "good enough." I'm tired of taking easy roads that I pretend are risks.

Can I do this?

For the last time, I really don't know XD


Thursday, February 23, 2012

Kids Know What's Up XD

Thanks for joining us, Gabi and Kayla! :D

Found this on Facebook the other day. Too funny not to share XD

How do you decide who to marry?

Alan, age 10: "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming."

Kristen, age 10: "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."

What's the right age to get married?

Camille, age 10: "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then."

Freddie, age 6: "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

Derrick, age 8: "You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids."

What do most people do on a date?

Lynnette, age 8: "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough."

Martin, age 8: "On the first date, they usually just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."

I actually lol'd.


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

You Might Be a Southerner...

{Thanks for following, Sarah!}

if waving to strangers isn't considered creepy.

if "regular tea" means tea with sugar, dammit.

if you can catch a crawdad {or know what a crawdad is, for that matter}.

if you have seen someone refill their own drink at a sit-down restaurant, then proceed to fill other peoples' glasses on their way to put the pitcher back.

if nothing seems odd about the following sentence: "We might could do it, if we had the right tools."

if you never age out of saying "sir" and "ma'am."

if, for heaven's sake, you know what chiggers, ticks, and poison ivy look like.

if having your mom insulted is a {MUCH} bigger offense than having your bike stolen.

if someone not with your group has ever said, "Bless you!" after you've sneezed.

if the door for the next person coming isn't a magnificent show of manners--it is the ONLY thing to do.


P.S. Happy birthday to my bestishsometimesmaybe friend Ellie! XD

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Book Etiquette Part I

Because some people just don't seem to know the rules.

When Discussing a Book
1. You're telling Johnny about a book that you love. He says he's interested in reading it.
"I liked parts of it a lot, but some of it is a little unrealistic."
-this is the only acceptable way to discuss the merit of a book with someone who hasn't read it.-
"Yeah, I liked it up until the part where Bob died."
"Well, it's good, but the escape from the Castle of Certain Doom is sort of dumb."
"But I do love this part where Bob gets together with Jill!"

2. Johnny asks you what the book is about.
"It's an adventure story about some people who have to survive in a tumultuous kingdom ruled by an evil lord, and how they deal with it."
"It's about this guy named Bob who falls in love with Jill. They get taken to the Castle of Certain Death and have to escape and stuff, but in the end Bob dies."

3. Johnny is reading a book that you love, and you want to know how far into the story he's gotten.
"What's Bob doing?"
"Where are they right now?"
-never ask about romance. there is no subtle way to do this.-
"Has Bob died?"
"Have they escaped the Castle of Certain Death?"
"Have you gotten to the kiss?"

4. You've now determined where Johnny is in the story.
*nod* "Cool. Keep reading."
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. THAT part."
"So you haven't--you don't know about--he hasn't--OH EM JEE."

5. Johnny has now finished the book.
There are no secrets now. You may now yap freely.

Further Tips Rules:
1. There is great value in speaking in page numbers.
2. When discussing the story with someone who hasn't finished the book, always speak as though you're at the same place as they are. For instance, if you know that Bob is going to stab Jill in the back in the next fifty pages, talk like you still think he's great.
3. If you can't restrain yourself from spoiling a story, do not say anything. Do not suggest books. Do not read in the first place. Leave the country. And above all, do not ever discuss literature with ME.


Monday, February 20, 2012

I'll Tell You What's Up

"...her heart in turmoil torn." ~ The Odyssey

{WARNING: This is a highly emotional and volatile post. I did no editing. I just let it flow. And it ended up a bit more...well, a bit MORE than I originally intended. So. Be ye warned.}

I've been feeling...weird lately. I was going to say "terrible," but that seems a little extreme.

It mostly hits on Sundays. At church. During the week, I feel like I want to get closer to God. I read my Bible, and pray, and usually God and I have a pretty good time. But then Sunday rolls around, and my pastor tells us to "close our eyes and let God lay someone on your heart whom you could mentor."

And I squeeze my eyes shut and hear/see/feel/get no one. Just a blank mind filled with those red and teal swirls and sparks that happen when you close your eyes too hard. But nothing particularly God-sent.

This did not used to be a problem for me. I used to wonder what the big deal was about hearing God, because I literally heard him whenever I felt like it. If I didn't know what to do, I'd pray, listen, and God would actually put the thought in my mind. It was awesome. And easy.

But lately, it's neither. My mind is a hollow, empty void surrounded by a steal wall. Apparently I'm not letting God in anymore.

So now my closeness issues aren't just keeping me from deep friendships, they're blocking me from GOD?


Then there's school stress. I don't even mean getting into college. I don't even mean financial aid. I don't even mean senioritis. I meant that every week I have one, or two, or fifteen projects due. It is terrible. I've started being really half-assed about stuff, which isn't usually how I operate.

And dealing with my friends is also hard. "A" doesn't talk to me anymore. "B" wants to date one of my friends who is not interested and uses me as a middle-girl. I bug "C" all the time and so am afraid of ruining that friendship. "D" is just one of those people who complicates things. "E" is getting MARRIED. "F" is still in love with me {it has been five years. The answer is still no.}. Etc. Etc. ETC.

And whenever I try or even THINK about trying to talk about these things...I immediately feel like an attention-whore.

Nothing is wrong! I swear! I'm fine. I really, honestly am FINE. There's nothing wrong with me or my life. But for some reason, my brain doesn't GET that. It makes problems anyway. It flips itself into overdrive and mulls things over until I feel miserable.

I can't talk about this stuff because I'm doing it all to myself. I don't NEED help, therefore I don't DESERVE help. For me to want to talk about things is selfish and stupid and petty and unnecessary and attention-whoring. Even writing this BLOG POST feels utterly abhorrent and wrong.

It's also winter, which I hate. Although we did just get some snow, which I love. It was beautiful. And is supposed to melt today :'(

Somehow this all seems to culminate on Sundays though. When I'm sitting in church, you know, NOT hearing God, and suddenly I feel so lost and sick and dizzy that I just want to sit down. Or go sleep forever. Or throw up.

I don't know what God is saying to me. I don't know how to deal with my friends. I don't know what friends God likes and which ones he hates. I don't know which friends I should keep and which ones I should move on from. I don't know when to let go or pull closer and I DEFINITELY don't know when or how to open up.

So I just end up mouthing the words to the songs, clapping without making a noise, smiling without using my eyes. I end up trying not to vomit on the front row, and wishing I could connect with the pastor's sermon.

I end up feeling like I should leave the room, or the building, or the city because I don't belong where I am. I feel like a fake, a fraud, a hypocrite. I feel like being in church is wrong. Not because I don't believe, but because my mind is so riveted on other things. I feel like I should sort myself out before I come to God. I can't even give him the space in my head he deserves because it's crammed with other stuff.

I know I need to MAKE room for God. I know that's how it works; I've heard that all my life. But how do I make room for God when I don't know how to push other things out of the way?

Yes, I know I'm eighteen, and a senior, and that this will all blow over. I know you who are older probably felt the same way. I know I'm supposed to feel this way to a certain extent. I know it's not really as big a deal as it seems. I know in three years, this will seem silly and I'll laugh it off. But guess what?


If this whole post didn't do it, I know that paragraph probably made me sound like a completely bitch. I really am sorry. You guys are awesome and shouldn't have to put up with this.

But guess what? I didn't make this blog for you. I made this blog for ME. I made it so that I wouldn't have to worry about saying the wrong thing. I made it so that when I feel like shit, I can say so. So, hey, guess what again?

I feel like shit.


Sunday, February 19, 2012

Everything Looks Perfect

"'Cause everything looks perfect from far away."

I hadn't listened to this song in a really, really long time. But I did the other day, and that line stuck to at me. "Everything looks perfect from far away."

In "Gulliver's Travels," Gulliver visits the island of Lilliput, a place filled with people one-twelfth the height of a human. The Lilliputians look beautiful to Gulliver, but it's because he's so big and far away. They're actually hideous.

From here: He's hott; she's gorgeous; they hold hands; they smile; they work things out.
From up close: He's vain; she's insecure; they're clingy; they're forcing it; they're passive-aggressive.

The world.

You really can't see the truth from far away. Some things that are terrible from a distance make sense up close. Some things that look perfect from far away are atrocities up close. You just can't tell.

So you have to make a choice.

You can live your life at a distance, believing that everything is wonderful, and live in fear of being disillusioned.

Or you can get up close, running the risk of disappointment, and live with the knowledge that you're nobody's fool.

It's your choice.


Saturday, February 18, 2012

Why Batman?

Some of you may know that I like Batman.

Most of you know that ^that^ was the understatement of the century.

I like Batman so much that I'm tempted to say I actually love him. The sad thing is, if he were real, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like me that much. Aaron says it isn't personal; Batman doesn't like anyone. I guess that's true, but he loves Alfred and Robin, right? {And then there's Catwoman, but UGHDON'TGETMESTARTED.}

Batman and Superman are without a doubt my favorite heroes, and as I said last week, if you prefer Superman, that's fine with me. However personally, I decided that the Dark Knight was my hero of choice about two years ago and uphold that choice to this day. Why? For six very good reasons.

1. He has a passion for justice.
All my life, injustice has outraged me. You believe he's guilty just because that kid says so? You're letting her off the hook just because she's bawling? You think it's okay to steal just because it's for a good cause? No, no, NO!

As I've matured, I've realized how much broader the scope of injustice is. I'm a passionate patriot and I think allowing injustice to stand in America is a CRIME. It is a crime to murder, steal and cheat, but it's also a crime not to confront those offenses. It's the duty of Americans to uphold her values with our own lives.

Batman embodies this passion--even when it's difficult. Which brings me to point number two...

2. He doesn't let personal issues get in the way.
Before you wet yourself laughing, let me clarify. Yes, the whole reason for Bruce Wayne becoming Batman is a personal issue {his parents being killed}. However, as Batman, I think he does a great job of upholding justice and disregarding personal drama.

3. He has a past.
Superman is cool. However, he grew up on a farm with a great family, whereas Batman grew up in a gritty city as an orphan. Batman has something to remember, something use, something to fight for in his past.

4. He does not have powers.
Hopefully this thought has already occurred to you, but...Bruce Wayne is just a normal guy. He's not from Krypton; he's not an Amazon; he hasn't been hit by lightning. Most other heroes are SUPER. They've been blessed with unusual power, and therefore are more obligated to give back to society.

Bruce Wayne didn't have his destiny spelled out for him. He decided he wanted to fight crime all on his own, and he made it happen.

Which segues nicely into reason five...

5. He's extremely resourceful and intelligent.
Batman uses the resources he has to make what he needs {or at least delegates Lucius Fox to do it XD}. He realizes that the best solution to every problem is not ALWAYS "punch it in the face." He uses his brain as well as his brawn. He also makes me laugh sometimes. I like the time when Robin was trying to get him to watch "It's a Wonderful Life," and Bruce was like, "-_- *sigh* It's not relentlessly cheerful, is it?"

6. He's dark.
Let's face it: I prefer a dark, brooding vigilante to a wide-eyed, wholesome hero. I would have crushed on Batman over Superman even without all these awesome reasons. The reasons aren't why I fell in love with Batman.

They're why I'm STILL in love with him two years later.


Friday, February 17, 2012


“You are the hardest person to encourage,” Mom said one night.

I blinked. “What?”

“You always have been,” she said, sort of smiling. “Any time someone tries to encourage you, you take it the wrong way.”

“You interpret it as ‘meddling,’” Daddy clarified to me.

I blinked again. Then laughed. “Oh gosh,” I said. “You’re right. I hate it. I’d rather people just stay out of my stuff.”

Daddy chuckled. “It’s really hard to deal with as parents,” he said. “We have to be like, ‘Oh, you want to write a novel? That’s nice.’”

“But I DO like encouragement sometimes!” I said. I thought about all the times I’d been proud of something I’d written, only to have my parents shrug it off like it was just mediocre. Their doing that suddenly made a lot more sense.

“When?” Mom asked, raising an eyebrow. “When do you like to be encouraged?”

“I…” I frowned. It was never the same. Sometimes I’d want praise on writing, sometimes not. Sometimes I’d want to be told I was a good dancer, sometimes I didn’t. “I don’t know,” I finally said. “You’re right. That’s…that’s got to be hard. But people who know me well can do it.”

I thought some of my friends. I don’t know HOW they do it, but somehow they manage to read the signs that say TELL ME SOMETHING NICE and the ones that say PRAISE ME AND DIE.

Of course, if my own family—not to mention ME—hasn’t figured out how, then...what does THAT say?? I have no idea.

And I still have no idea what the formula is for my appreciating encouragement. All I can say is that I must be one of the most difficult people in the entire world to deal with. God bless my friends. And good Lord, God bless my future husband, wherever he is.


Thursday, February 16, 2012

How to Save a Life

Shena from Pens, Thespians and Words posts a song she likes every Monday. I've discovered that we have similar {*cough* awesome *cough*} taste, so I always pay attention to what she suggests.

A few days ago, she posted "How to Save a Life" by the Fray. I'd heard the song before in passing, but apparently I'd never really paid attention to it.

For whatever reason, the song hit me really hard. I was actually trying to multitask and do Spanish, but as the song played, I found myself staring at the screen, frozen, acutely aware of the warm, beating organ in my chest.

I can't put into words what I felt. I've tried.

The feeling was huge and swelling, tragic and thick, warm and prickling, intimate and breath-taking. It felt like my soul getting hit in the face by a two-by-four. It felt sore and beautiful and heavy.

It was somehow exactly what I was feeling at the time. The song ripped the words from my heart and melted them into a song. The result was concrete and heartbreaking.

Maybe it seems like I'm just throwing adjectives around, but this is the best I can do. I haven't been that close to crying in a long time.

"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up all night had I known how to save a life."

Thanks, Shena, for sharing such a powerful song.


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Forgotten Loves

My post goes up on Miss Unlimited today :D Click HERE to go read it!

And don't forget to check the site on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for other great teen bloggers.


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Mediocre Valentine's Day Advice

{<<<<< There's something new over there, the Awesome Face. I've been meaning to do something like that for a while. If I find a post that made me laugh, or think, or that I believe deserves more attention, I'll link it to the Awesome Face. Check it out every once in a while.}

Happy Valentine's Day from Pandora! :D

If you have a girlfriend, make her a card {MAKE, not buy}. And spend at least 10 minutes on it. Seriously, you can spare ten minutes. That's like three commercial breaks. Go.
Ideas to Include:
- a funny drawing
- an inside joke
- something you love about her
Chocolate is also good. Pretty much always.

If you have a boyfriend, get him something that will make him laugh. It doesn't have to be big or expensive. Inside jokes work well for this, but WARNING: you have to make sure he actually remembers the joke XD {And if he doesn't, be a good sport and just laugh it off yourself. Don't chew him out, for St. Valentine's sake.}
OR. Just go the candy rout. Candy is great.

Aaaand if you're single, don't be bitter. It doesn't make you seem tough. It makes you seem pathetic.

:D Have an awesome day!


Monday, February 13, 2012

Superman Wins

{Disclaimer: I'm WAY not an expert on superheroes. Like at all. Like sometimes I feel bad for even talking about them because I know so painfully little compared to what there is to be known. So yeah. I realize this.}

You might have noticed that Superman beat Batman in the "favorite heroes" poll I had up last week, 14 to 9. You might also know that I am wildly, madly, intensely {but not creepily or anything >_>} in love with Batman.

So you can imagine my response to the voting results, right?

Actually, wrong. I'm completely fine with Superman winning.

See, when I created the poll, I knew Batman was without a doubt my favorite hero. However, I also knew that if another hero were to win the quick popularity contest, it should be Superman.

Normally I'm really dogmatic about this sort of thing. Jeremy Sumpter is hotter than William Moseley, and you''re just WRONG if you think otherwise. The Twilight books are better than the Twilight movies and you're an idiot if you think otherwise. Sauron is a better villain than the Emperor, and I will heatedly argue that point with you for a long time.


But when it comes to Superman beating Batman in the poll...

It's okay.

Batman is my favorite for a lot of reasons, but Superman is so amazing that when he won, I just had step back and nod. It felt okay to me. It felt right.

Superman is great. He's incredibly strong, but somehow manages to stay Good. He's smart, but somehow manages to stay humble. The world is evil and retarded, but somehow he never gives up on it. He's powerful and brave and earnest and kind and somehow manages not to be the sissy kind of good that people despise. {Well, in my opinion, at least. I guess that could be open to debate.}

Superman is the most genuinely good person I "know." How can you NOT love him? He's just freaking fantastic.

So that's why I don't mind that Batman lost to Superman in the poll. Because Superman seriously is amazing, and anyone who prefers him to Batman is still absolutely all right in my book. Clark Kent would make a better friend than Bruce Wayne any day. {<--- admitted more reluctantly than you can imagine.}

Of course, this isn't saying anything about which hero would win in a fight.

Although, seeing as Superman is sort of indestructible, it wouldn't be much of a fair fight.

Unless Batman had kryptonite or something, but that seems a little below-the-belt to me too.



Sunday, February 12, 2012

Fragments II

Too good to waste, too short to stand alone.

- *me, working on the computer with earbuds in*
*my mom walks in* "Can I be with you?"
Me: "Sure! I'm not really gonna talk, though, but I'm glad to have you."
Mom: "Oh, that's fine! I just want to be in here with you."
*five seconds later*
Mom: *mouth starts moving and I have to take out my earbuds to listen and respond*
*five more seconds*
{repeat above}
{and again}
{and again}

- I once tried a hotel key in a door that wasn't mine to see if it would work. Like what if they made all the keys the same, assuming people would assume they were different? And no one knew? No way to know but to try.

- People who delete their Facebook histories make me smirk. It's like a mark of melodramatic idiocy to me. If you think you might be ashamed of it later, don't post it in the first place.

- I love Trollface comics. Like a lot.

- I am overly afraid of getting a tickle in my throat. Like, I'd almost rather throw up. And I HATE throwing up.

- The chipped nail polish on my right thumb looked like Africa the other day. I seriously should have taken a picture of it. It was great. There was Madagascar and everything.

- When I'm sick, my hair hurts.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Disney Princesses

Alright, guys. Your turn ;)

A little while ago I listed the ten Disney Princes in order of hottness, and now it's time for me to judge the Disney Girls.

I analyzed them with six different categories: hair, eyes, bravery, intelligence, funniness, and kindness on a scale of 1-10, and used that rating as a ballpark. However, I tweaked it to reflect my opinion accurately. For example, Cinderella scored significantly higher than Jasmine, but I like Jasmine better. So I moved her up the list.

Without a doubt my favorite princess. She loves to read; she longs a life greater than what everyone assumes for her; she sacrifices herself for her family; she stands up to the Beast; she falls in love with a friend; she doesn't let romance stop her from saving her father; and she doesn't give her heart away until she's 100% sure. Belle is incredible. I want to be just like her.

Hair: 7
Eyes: 7
Brave: 10
Smart: 10
Funny: 8
Kind: 8
Overall: 50/60

Rapunzel is adorable. She's innocent and hilarious and determined to live her dream. I think her and Flynn's love story is my favorite after Belle and the Beast's.

Hair: 10
Eyes: 7
Brave: 8
Smart: 8
Funny: 9
Kind: 7
Overall: 49/60

Jasmine is fun-loving and refuses not to marry someone she doesn't love. She's smart enough to see through Aladdin's attempt at lying. She has a pet tiger. She's Arabian. And I just really love Aladdin.

Hair: 6
Eyes: 7
Brave: 6
Smart: 6
Funny: 5
Kind: 5
Overall: 35/60

Mulan stands up for her family in a very real, dangerous way. She isn't good at being a "perfect" girl, but she doesn't become hateful or emo about it. She tries her hardest to do the right thing, and ends up finding something ever righter. And gets a hott warrior guy along the way.

Hair: 5
Eyes: 5
Brave: 9
Smart: 9
Funny: 7
Kind: 7
Overall: 42/60

I think Cinderella is gorgeous. I always loved her hair when I was little, and she has the most stunning, sparkling blue eyes. Granted, she's a bit of a spaghetti spine, but hey, at least she stands up to the cat.

Hair: 8
Eyes: 10
Brave: 6
Smart: 6
Funny: 6
Kind: 10
Overall: 46/60

Aurora {Sleeping Beauty}
She's very beautiful, has a great voice, and a cute imagination. She's also not terrified of her prince, even when he sneaks up on her in the woods. However, I've never admired the way she just went and cried when the fairies told her she couldn't see Philip again. Like, really? Sneak out the window. It's not that hard.

Hair: 9
Eyes: 5
Brave: 5
Smart: 5
Funny: 4
Kind: 6
Overall: 34/60

She's exceptionally hard-working, and struggles with finding a balance of work and fun. I can relate to that. She has pretty eyes, but terrible hair.

Hair: 3
Eyes: 5
Brave: 6
Smart: 7
Funny: 6
Kind: 7
Overall: 34/60

She's pretty cool. Definitely pretty, and she has some good ideas about...saving...animals...

Hair: 7
Eyes: 7
Brave: 8
Smart: 7
Funny: 5
Kind: 7
Overall: 41/60

*wince* Sorry. I happen to know this is a couple of peoples' favorite princess. But no. She's flat-out freaking GORGEOUS in pictures, but in the actual movie, she is not even that pretty. For real. She also forsakes her whole family for a guy she met once. Back-stabbing little rebel.

Hair: 9
Eyes: 8
Brave: 6
Smart: 1
Funny: 4
Kind: 3
Overall: 31/60

Snow White

Um...does ANYONE like her? Her voice sounds like she's singing under water; she's terrified of everything; all she does it cook and clean; she somehow misses all the warning signs when an evil-looking old hag offers her an apple after she has strict orders not to talk to anyone... Really, what is there to like?

Hair: 2
Eyes: 5
Brave: 2
Smart: 1
Funny: 1
Kind: 10
Overall: 21/60

There you have it, folks.


Friday, February 10, 2012

{birthday wish}

Quick question: I moved the Labels to the top there ^ How do you feel about it? Is it annoying? Let me know.

Thanks for joining us, Alexis and Esmi!

From my second to my sixteenth birthday, my annual wish on the candles was the same:

"I wish I had an older brother."

Pathetic? Probably. True? Definitely.

Of course, birthday wishes are just symbolic. They can't actually come true or anything.


But, I mean, why take a chance?

So I still make birthday wishes, and do not divulge them until 365 {or 366} days have passed and the wish has either come true, or not.

So far it's mostly been not. Though considering that for fourteen years I wished for the biologically impossible, I can't really blame the Birthday Fairy. {Although if you count Aaron, then my wish DID come true. So. Keep wishing, guys.}

On my seventeenth birthday, my wish was different. I wrote it down, and I quote:

"I wish I could have a great boyfriend. Not necessarily that I have to live happily ever after with him, but that he'll be wonderful and we'll have lots of good ties together and it'll at least be a good and not heart-breaking experience and we'll part ways mutually and still be friens and not regret anything."

I'm a very specific wisher.

The wish did not come true. However, I have fourteen years' worth of practice coping with null wishes, so it didn't really bother me XD

This year, my wish was something more practical; something that will actually have a long-term impact on the rest of my life. Wanna know what it is?

Lawl, nope XD Check back here in 363 days ;)


Thursday, February 9, 2012

Monopoly with Batman

I dreamed that the family, Batman and I were playing Monopoly. It was the Christian Bale Batman, in costume.

He landed on my {Monopoly} property or something, and owed me money. He had the money in his hand, but asked me if I would mind letting him pay later.

Me: “:D Sure, Batman! I trust you.” I felt sweet and innocent and like I was doing the right thing. For some reason I had the vague idea that he’d be proud of my love and respect for him, like giving him reassurance that he was a good hero or something.

But instead he gave me this scathing look of contemptuous disapproval that seemed to say, I have the money here in my hand, and you’re going to suspend justice just because you ‘trust me’?

Upon waking I felt embarrassed. However, the dream was enlightening and made me think. I shouldn't suspend reason just because I WANT to believe something. It’s irrational, unjustified, unintelligent and dangerous.

And Batman would definitely disapprove.


Wednesday, February 8, 2012


Thanks for following, Zeebz!

I had.

The best.



You guys know I was stressing. I wanted the day to be awesome, and I had a lot going on right even WITHOUT the birthday drama. I'd been so all-over-the-place upset that Aaron had repeatedly told me he'd send me Batman for my birthday to cheer me up. No matter how many times he said that, it would make me happy every time. He'd tell me to try not to faint XD

The birthday got off to a good start. I woke up at 7am to see my dad and Sarah before they went to school {my dad teaches} and open a couple of presents, because Sarah would probably have peed herself if she'd had to wait until 3:30 when she got home.

From my parents, I opened a portable speaker for my iPod! It's tiny and has amazing sound. It also has a little wristlet cord.

From Sarah, I got "Beauty and the Beast" and "Aladdin" DVD, as well as a poster she made with pictures of hott actors :3 Heath Ledger. Christian Bale, Hayden Christensen, Kevin Bacon, Jeremy Sumpter, and Alex Pettyfer. I love her.

Then I went back to bed XD

Two hours later my mom and I had breakfast, then I did a bunch of nothing and showered and at 12ish we went to Panera Bread to eat lunch.

We had a really great time. We talked. *I* actually talked. I told her a lot of things that are going on, and--as usual--felt cold and naked after I was done. Only this time I told her that talking made me feel that way. And we talked about THAT XD

Then we went to a store called Splurges that I had never been to before. I LOVED it. I got a necklace and two bracelets, one of which is silver leather {whatever XD} and says "COURAGE." It has to do with something God may have revealed to me at this conference over the weekend.

While were in the store, I saw some earrings that matched the ones I had on. I picked them up and was like, "Ha, if I had my second earring hole I'd wear these in the first ones and the ones I have in the second."

Momma laughed too. Then we stopped and looked at each other.

"Can we do that?" I said suddenly. "Can we go get my second hole?"

She hesitated only a second before saying, "Sure. If you really want to."

So I did it.

I got my second hole. I didn't overanalyze it. I didn't wig out about it. I didn't second-guess myself. I knew I wanted to do it, I decided to go for it, I walked into the store and just DID IT.

It's really not a big deal, but guys, I never do stuff like that XD

It hurt more than my first holes, and the lady did something weird with my right ear. The hole is in the right place and everything, but she didn't push the gun hard enough or at the right angle or something, 'cause she was like, "Ooh..." and it hurt like a bitch. But it's fine now XD

And I got to sign all the paperwork myself, being 18 and all >:) Ohhhhhhhh, the power. I feel so legit now.

So anyway, I came home and went to tutor Collin. He found out it was my birthday and was very surprised. He said, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" and then halfway through the homework he suddenly said, "Well, I wish I had known it was your birthday so I would have got you a present." :) He's occasionally awesome.

When I got home, my friends Jesse and Cassidy were already there, and I had a zillion more presents to open from my parents and Sarah. There was also a mysterious package from Amazon that had appeared on the front porch.

From My Family:
~ The album "Lungs" by Florence + the Machine
~ A huge Batman coloring book
~ A decorate "S" picture...thing
~ Batman magnets
~ A little Batman tin pail

Then there was the mysterious Amazon package. My parents claimed to know nothing about it. I didn't believe them. But they were telling the truth.

I picked up the package. It was small and extremely light. Hm.

I took my dad's pocketknife, slit the tape, and opened the box. At first all I saw were little, clear packing-pillows, but when I took them out...

There was a tiny plush Batman.



I was laughing and open-mouthed and shocked and ecstatic and actually sort of teary-eyed. But who...?

I knew who I thought it was from, but I wasn't sure. Then my dad, smiling, handed me the little receipt/card:

"Try not to faint. - Aaron"


He hadn't been kidding! He really sent me Batman!

That completely made my life. You really don't even understand. I'm pretty sure that's the best present anyone has ever given me. What makes it even greater is the fact that for the past week, Aaron's been telling me that he was going to send me Batman. But I thought...I thought he was kidding! It never occurred to me that he might actually SEND ME BATMAN. Lols XD It was just great.

Then all my friends showed up except Daniel, who's sick {:(} and we ate dinner, watched Tangled, and had an amazing time. Brianna wasn't annoying; Kirsten wasn't too hyper; Cassidy seemed like herself; Jesse didn't get marginalized; Sam was the best version of himself; and David wasn't a territorial douche. He and Sam even got along. THAT was a great birthday present!

We also named the plushie Batman. Because "Baby Batman" just does not work. We decided on "Quasi-B."

After the movie, people mostly stuck around for a while, but eventually the night had to come to and end.

I can't even tell you how amazing today was. I talked to my mom, I did something spontaneous, Batman came to see me, we watched a favorite Disney movie, and I felt the love of my friends. I had such amazing friends, guys. You just don't even know. They're so great. I love them a whole lot :)

I've got to learn to stop stressing. Life happens amazingly when you just let it do its thing.

Eighteen is off to the best possible start.


Tuesday, February 7, 2012


<<<<<<<<< **AH-CHOO!**

Wow! Thanks for joining us, Nicole, Kelly and Karleigh! {I love alternate spellings. I have a friend that spells this name "Karlye."} Hope you guys like it here :)

I was going to post something elegant and philosophical for my birthday, but I couldn't think of anything so here's a picture of a sheep instead.


Today I'm going to...

~ Eat lunch at Panera Bread.
~ Open presents, some of which hopefully have something to do with Batman.
~ Watch my mom make a chocolate pound cake for me
~ Have dinner with Cassidy {of course}, Kirsten {:D}, Jesse {she gets me}, David {he will never get me}, Daniel {yup}, Sam {maybe} and Brianna {alright}.
~ Watch "Tangled" with the aforementioned people.

Eighteen is going to be a hugely transitional year for me. I'm leaving home, going to college, losing some friends, gaining some new ones, and basically embarking on the rest of my life.

But tonight, it's just me and my friends watching a Disney movie about a girl who turns eighteen, achieves her dream, and falls in love.

It's sort of perfect, isn't it? Or maybe just ironic.

...perfectly ironic? Ironically perfect? Hm O.o

Either way, I'm pretty sure that's the story of my life XD


Monday, February 6, 2012


I love my dance teacher a lot. She's an inspired dancer, a sarcastic drill sergeant, and great at casual advice. I've had her for the past three years, but she's never liked me a whole lot. I'm quiet at first, and I think she wrote me off too soon.

This year, she bothered to give me a second glance, and now she loves me. She exchanges glances with me when Adriana is being ridiculous. She laughs when I make an inside joke about Friday night classes. She likes my music choices. She compliments me on my wings {as in the tap move, not as in feathers XD}.

We're a lot more alike than I ever would have thought, and when we work on my senior solo, it's pure electric serenity.

The first time I let her listen to the song I'd picked, I was really nervous. I knew exactly the style and moves I wanted in the dance. What if she had a totally different idea?

But she had the EXACT SAME impressions as I did.

When we work on my dance, we turn the volume so loud we can't hear anything but the pulsing beats and chilling harmonies. We don't talk; we communicate only by dancing and exchanging glances.

We do the dance as far as we've gotten, and then she adds something to the end of it. I understand her style and the way her weight shifts so that I can follow her right away, without her having to teach me. If I don't do it quite right, she repeats the move. I repeat it back to her, and we go back and forth until I've got it.

Sometimes when we get to the end of what we know, it feels so intense and full and explosive and perfect that we scream. You can't help it when you hit a dance just right. Your heart flies up into your mouth and you have to open it and let it out in a huge, joyful noise.

No one else is in the studio, and the music is busting our eardrums anyway, so we scream and scream and smile and high five each other.

Then we do the dance again and add some more.

I never would have guessed that Lauren and I would be such kindred spirits. I look up to her in a lot of ways, but when we dance, we're like equals. She's better than I am, but I'm very good. We feed off each others' energy and love for dance, and inevitably, friendship has followed. She tells me what's going on in her life, and I help her sort things out. She doesn't really NEED me, but it's always nice to have someone to listen and reassure you that you're handling things the right way.

Dance--and Lauren--are so special to me. The thought of leaving them behind is like severing a cord of my heart. To me, dance is so much more than just a sport, and Lauren is so much more than just a teacher. I'm going to miss them both so much when I leave for college. But no matter what happens, I'll always look back on these days as ones that filled my soul.


Sunday, February 5, 2012

First Four Words

Thanks for reading, Furree Katt! :D

So apparently I'm Lazy, Outspoken, Eccentric, Sentimental.

That's depressing. And not true.

I'm not Sentimental XD


Saturday, February 4, 2012


It was a few nights ago at dinner. My mom, my dad, Sarah and I sat around the table, eating {or in Sarah’s case, picking at} barbeque chicken and talking about nothing.

I’m not sure how it came up or why I latched onto it, but suddenly the conversation turned to the concept of Openness.

I snorted a little, which made my dad look at me expectantly, paying attention to whatever it was I was going to say. I hadn’t planned to say anything, but he looked so eager to understand me that I reluctantly replied, “I’m not a very, um, open person.”

And I put this smile on. It’s not a real smile, but it’s not a completely wooden one either. It’s an expression I’ve began to notice more lately, the mask I put on when I tuck my heart away but want to look lighthearted. It’s all in the corners of my mouth and my eyes.

But Daddy didn’t exactly drop it. I guess I hadn’t expected him to.

“Why not?” he asked genuinely.

I shrugged. “My friends don’t have deep things to share,” I said. “I mean, Kirsten is brilliant and Cassidy is great, but it’s not like they’d have anything really helpful to say if I bared my soul. So why bother?”

“It’s not all about what they can tell you,” Daddy said. “Sometimes it’s the process of putting something out in the open so that YOU can deal with it.”

“That’s what I have Jordan and Aaron for,” I told him, trying to go back to my chicken. “Plus, if all I’m going to do is deal with it on my own, why should I risk the judgment of opening up?”

“Because you’re missing out on deep friendships that way,” Daddy said, his eyes very deep and serious and focused. “You are missing out.”

“No, I’m not,” I insisted. “I told you. I DO open up, just not…not to people that I actually SEE.” Daddy tilted his head and I knew I’d have to explain more, so I went on. “It’s easier that way, Daddy. I get all the benefits of openness that you’re talking about without any of the judgmental awkwardness that inevitably follows.”

But inside, gears were turning in my head. I had never thought about this before. I knew I was much, much closer to people that I didn’t come in physical contact with, but WHY…? That had never crossed my mind really.

Now that I thought about it, it DID seem sort of like…cheating. I mean, I truly loved and trusted Aaron and Jordan every bit as much as my "real" friends, but... Was I getting the benefits of deep friendship without taking any risks? It didn’t seem completely right.

“Well, you just have to decide if it’s worth the risk of opening up,” Daddy said.

“It’s not,” I said immediately. “People would never look at me the same.”

“Then you must not have very good friends,” he said pointedly, knowing that would get to me because it definitely ISN’T TRUE.

But the fact is, he just doesn’t know the wealth of garbage that dwells in my soul. He thinks I’m strong and iron-moral’d and perfect. He thinks girls don’t deal with pornography or erotica or anything physical like that. He’s told me before, that “if we had boys,” they would put parental controls on the computers and stuff. Like sexual perversion is strictly a male issue.

Well, it’s not, Dad.

And probably Kirsten and Cassidy would understand that. They wouldn’t hate me or shun me or think I was the anti-Christ {not at all that my dad WOULD}. I guess it’s not exactly their “judgment” that I fear, it’s their…their sympathy, their pity, their encouragement even.

I don’t want them looking sideways at me during certain movie scenes. I don’t want them saying, “Um, maybe we shouldn’t watch this episode…” I don’t want them to make uncomfortable or judgmental connections to the characters or stories that I like or don’t like—especially when they would be right.

In the end it’s not the act of “opening up” that I’m opposed to; it’s the fact that if people knew about me, they would look at me differently. They would SEE me. They would KNOW.

Friends that I don’t see in real life can’t do that, because they, um, don’t see me in real life.

What I do definitely seems like cheating. However, I’m not sure how much difference it actually makes. Am I really MISSING any of the friendship depth and sorting things out, or have I just figured out a risk-free way to have those things?

I’m not sure. But I admit, I’m getting tired of having an elephant in the room that only I can see.


Friday, February 3, 2012


{HEY! Remember when I said I'd been chosen to be a columnist for the Miss Unlimited Website? If you don't, you can click here or just go directly to the introductory post on the MU website that went up this morning :D My post goes up on February 15th, but starting on the 6th you'll get to read posts from other teen bloggers who have been selected. The website is still growing, so we'd all appreciate if you would spread the word to teen girls you know who might benefit from it :) That is all.}

Apparently I am Irresistible.

Okay, so it's the Pandora blog that has been named irresistible, if you're into splitting hairs and being technical.

Thanks, Shena!

The rules are simple.

1) Post seven random facts about yourself.
2) Award ten other bloggers.

1. I hate posting random facts, because random facts sometimes evolve into the most interesting posts, and by blowing all my facts in a list, I feel like I'm wasting valuable thoughts.

2. But I'm still very flattered that Shena awarded me :D It made me really happy, so I suppose it's worth wasting thoughts.

3. That didn't make sense.

4. Ahhhhhh, I'm cheating so baaaaaad{ly}.

5. I love the idea of water. Mermaids, swimming, diving, doing flips under water are all extremely beautiful, desirable things in my head. But in reality, water sort of scares me. And I can't do an under water flip.

6. I dislike the color orange. But I have orange fingernail polish that I love.

7. I try to take the intention of awards seriously, in that I'm not going to give this to you unless I think your blog is Irresistibly Sweet. {So, like, Aaron and Jay, don't get your hopes up.}

So, now I will tag...

Elizabeth, because she's one of the few bloggers who knew me before Pandora, and she's stayed as kind to me as ever. That makes her blog Sweet.
Anna, because her blog layout is Sweet in a cute-yet-definitely-mystical way. I love it.
Katie, because she's Sweet and real and her blog title is beautiful {Beauty Like a Kaleidoscope}.
Furree Katt, because...okay, seriously? Go to her blog and you'll see why I don't have to be specific. She and her blog are both seriously Sweet.
Miss Raquel, because she recently posted about The Hunger Games and bowties. Sweeeeet.
Sara, because she has a Sweet voice and rocked it at her school's talent show!
Mary, because her last few recipe posts have literally been Sweet.
Ginger, because she recently gave her blog a makeover that is completely Sweet.
Tela, because her blog is called "Normal's Overrated." She totally gets it.
And last, Gabrielle and Addie, because they are two of the sweetest bloggers out there. I love their blog and their story.


Thursday, February 2, 2012



A lot of Christian girl bloggers use the word like it means "the desire to be a prostitute."

I understand not wanting to be obsessed with "the things of this world," but just because something is "mainstream" does not automatically make it shallow, sexual and sinful. A lot of mainstream things are, but a lot of unpopular things are too--you just don't hear about them as much.

Then, of course, there's the eye-roll moment when the girl actually READS the books or WATCHES the movie or LISTENS to the music and suddenly--OMG IT IS THE BEST THING EVER.

{It was especially awkward when I read the Harry Potter books after years of swearing they were Satan's handiwork. Ohhh yeah. That was uncomfortable.}

I do a lot of judgmental, irrational things. However, I'm glad to say that shunning mainstream stuff on principle is no longer one of them. Frankly, I could not care less whether something is popular or not. What matters to me is not what everyone says, but what I personally think.

Pointy-toed shoes are ugly.
Hollister is overrated.
The Twilight books aren't that bad.
The Hunger Games books are really pretty good.

In my opinion, people should spend a lot less time condemning or affirming things on the basis of what the world says. I mean, I think the real point of "in-the-world-but-not-of-it" might be to form your own ideas based on personal preference and prayer. Your pastor's word is not God's, and the girl with the Abercrombie jeans is not Satan.

Everyone Loves Glee =/= Glee sucks.

Glee sucking is what makes Glee suck XD Ahahaha. Lawl.

*ahem* Sorry.

People need to stop judging and start experiencing. God doesn't want us to shun the world, and he doesn't want us to be sheltered, shell-shocked sissies.

Just something that's been on my mind.


Wednesday, February 1, 2012


You may have heard of this little book trilogy called "The Hunger Games."

{And by "may have heard of," I mean "definitely are aware of."}

A movie is being made of the first book, "Hunger Games," and will come out in March. I've read the trilogy, and I definitely enjoyed it. The concept is completely original and the characters are tremendously believable, which is always very important to me. I admit that I sobbed at the ending, even though it's not exactly sad. Depends on who you are and how your mind works.

As does one's opinion on a certain character named Peeta.

Now, I'm not going to go into Peeta's part in the story or any spoilerific plot points. I want to talk about a mindset that happened to be brought to my attention in the context of this fictional guy named Peeta. A lot of my girl friends LOVE Peeta, and I can understand that. But the other day, I heard a girl's reason for her obsession and my jaw dropped:

"He isn't radical."

Now, admittedly, taken with the other things she said, this isn't quite so horrifying. But a lot of girls would take that sentence alone and wholeheartedly agree.

He isn't radical? And that's a desirable quality?!

Radical: adj. of or going to the root or origin; fundamental. Thoroughgoing, especially as regards change from accepted or traditional forms.

So radical can mean two things.

1) Digging deep. Dismissing or wading through superficial crud to find what the real issue is. This is where the "radical symbol" in math comes from. If I type √4, you know I'm looking for the ROOT of four.


2) Doing something different. When A, B, and C fail, try D. If you're stuck in a rut, the best way to get out of it is probably not to continue spinning your tires in it. If the world is doing something wrong just because it's the way things have always been, you NEED to be radical.

Get to the root of the problem.

And do something different.

Christopher Columbus was radical.
Einstein was radical.
Abraham Lincoln was radical.
Martin Luther King Jr. was radical.

I challenge you to find one person who changed the world and who WASN'T radical.

No seriously. Name ONE.

What especially got me is the fact that this girl is a Christian.


Jesus Christ was radical in the most radical sense possible. Being a Christian is ALL ABOUT being radical. Fixing the root of ourselves by asking for forgiveness. Helping the poor by finding the root of WHY they're poor and eradicating it. Loving our neighbors as we love ourselves at our core, our root. Discovering that God is the center, the root, the radical of the world.

"I love Peeta because he isn't radical."

That's like saying, "I love dance because it's boring" or "I love writing because it's useless" or "I love football because it's dumb." How can you even say that like it's a compliment?

When I fall in love, it will be with someone radical. When I fall in love, it will be with someone who challenges me at the root of my being, who challenges me to find the problems in life and inspires me to do something about them.

When I fall in love with someone, it will be with someone who is in love with Jesus Christ and understands the tremendously radical lifestyle he has called us to.

When I fall in love with someone, it will be with someone who accepts that radical challenge and strives to live life intentionally, thoughtfully, adventurously, lovingly, excitedly every day.

When I fall in love with someone, it will be with someone radical. And that will be one of my very most favorite things about them.