Aspirations

You know how some people--and maybe you're one of them--can make a cup of coffee or a bag of M&Ms last for like hours? The cup just sits beside them on the desk as they attend to their work with focus and tranquility, largely oblivious to the delicacy at hand. Occasionally they'll take a sip. The steam starts to subside, but they don't seem to mind. They have mastered the arts of moderation and indifference.

I am profoundly jealous of this mastery.

I first noted this kind of detachment when I was eight years old. Matt, a first-grader, would come over to our house after school if his babysitter had some other commitment. Sometimes Mom would give us a snack--chocolate chips or something--to eat as we did our homework.

My chocolate chips were always gone within the first three or four minutes. They were delicious, and after a single chip, I became a temporary chocolate addict. I couldn't resist eating them one after another until they were gone, and my homework barely started.

Matt did his homework with the meandering, selective attention of a little boy who does not want to use a number line to practice subtraction. However, he ate his chocolate chips the same way. Every few minutes, he would blink at his snack as if he'd just remembered it, pick up a couple of chips, and then immediately forget his snack's existence again.

How could he care so little about chocolate chips? How was he not driven crazy by their tempting presence until it was fully relocated into his stomach?

As a third-grader, I chalked it up to the fact that Matt had funner food at his house (which was true). He was used to candy for snack; it wasn't a treat for him. It has lost its novelty. I wondered if the same phenomenon would be true for me if I ever became rich enough to have fun food on hand at all times.

To some extent, that philosophy proved true. My family now has orange juice on a regular basis, and I no longer feel compelled to drink it all the time just because it's there. The same is true of cookies, and Cheez-Its, and flavored yogurt. I have risen above the animalistic urge to consume these relatively mundane foods.

However.

With "treat" foods and beverages, the art of pacing oneself is still lost on me. I buy a smoothie, and it's half gone before I'm even back in my dorm room. I open a 2-serving bag of M&Ms, and within ten minutes, it's empty. I grab an iced coffee on the way to work, and I'm sucking at the ice fifteen minutes later.

Meanwhile, I watch people around me exercise this intensely classy combination of absentminded appreciation and tranquil indifference to their "treats." Large iced coffees go minutes and minutes and MINUTES without even being touched, and people don't even seem to be struggling to resist.

Maybe they're just all rich and have treats all the time and the novelty has been lost, like Matt with his chocolate chips? Or am I totally and abnormally self-control-deficient when it comes to delicious things?

All I know is that I envy the air of maturity embodied by people who can resist their treats. It's a level of maturity to which I genuinely aspire.

And I will get there, even if it means drinking steamless coffee and drooling on my keyboard.

~Stephanie

But Only a Little Bit

I am lying on my bed with a stomachache. Normally I would write this kind of thing in my journal, but that would require me not to lie on my back with my eyes closed.

I am stressed and I have a lot to do, but I have decided that it is okay for me to lie here for a while until I don't see the world in roiling waves of green nausea. I think that is one of the marks of being an adult:  having to assess whether or not you can afford to ignore your work for a bit. When you're a kid, you can ignore your work all day every day and not think twice about it. No guilt. No stress. That's why there are grown-ups:  to make you do your work.

But now I'm a little bit of a grown-up. I have to buy my own paper towels and toothpaste and chocolate milk. I have to get out of bed and wash my dishes and turn my light off at a decent hour. I have to wear clothes that fit the occasion and compose emails professionally and dedicate enough time to my homework.

{But I'm still in college, living on campus, so there's a lot of adultism that I haven't had to deal with yet. I'm pretty glad.}

Blugh. I just want someone to hand me peppermint tea and make me smile and help me see that the 70+ pages of political ethics and United Nations reading isn't actually going to kill me. I want someone to tell me that they liked my pigtails today and that having a tiny gold Batman ring is pretty much the coolest thing they've ever seen. I want to sit close to someone around whom I don't have to hold my stomach in or keep my shoulders back or try to look pleasant.

I sort of want to come apart real quick, but not in a helpless, emotional way. I just want to unstitch myself, come apart at the seams, and spill out all the stuff inside my heart and mind. I want someone to listen to me mumble aloud my chaotically elegant train of thought and not judge me based on conversational relevance or profundity.

Hmm. I'm starting to feel better--somewhat unfortunately. I can no longer justify lying here on my back with my eyes closed. I guess I have to go do my work now.

Alas, I am a little bit of a grown-up.

~Stephanie

Front Loader

Have you ever watched your washing machine wash your clothes? We've had a front-loading washer since I was fifteen and here I am at twenty, watching it happen for the first time.

I didn't mean to watch it. I spilled detergent on the floor while pouring it into its little slot, so I was bending down to clean it up when the water started pouring into the machine and caught my eye. It only came from the left side, and started to soak the Batman boxers I use as pajama bottoms. The boxers darkened and sagged, falling in on itself, shrinking. I watched a sock do the same thing. The washer spun slowly, dumping the clothes to the right in a labored motion. My sheets got a turn to darken and shrink.

Pretty soon some frail white soap froth came into the picture, and the clothes were so damp and squeezed together that the once-ambitious load filled only a third of the machine.

I watched several of my brown hairs stick sloppily to the clear door. More joined, in a tangled, rotating display. The clothes smashed the hairs against the window and twirled them around. It was gross, really, but interesting to know how the knots of hair that I would later pick out formed.

I don't know why I didn't get up off the cold, hard tile laundry room floor and do something else. Eat lunch, read a book, work on the new editing project I'd just received. I guess I knew that those things would happen anyway, but that I would likely never again take the time to watch my clothes get clean.

~Stephanie

Such is Life Sometimes

I have twelve post drafts right now. Most of them are very good ideas, both humorous and genuinely thoughtful. However, I don't feel like writing anything intentionally humorous or thoughtful. I don't feel like writing anything at all, but it's been an appalling amount of time since my last post.

I should've written a seriously heartwarming Father's Day piece, because I have the best dad in the world. I should have at least posted a damn picture of us on Facebook and been like "Omg i hav the best daddy everrrrrrr love you daddddd," but I didn't do that either.

Truth is, I've been mostly frustrated with everyone for a while. Like actually everyone. Everyone annoys me in ways that vary in legitimacy.

Right now I am lying on the living room couch in an overheated tangle of red blanket and pillows. My hair is freshly cut and salon-straightened, which always makes me feel glamorous. The glamor is counteracted by the Nike shorts paired with a nice shirt, though.

The overhead fan is on. But it's still too warm.

I'm not complaining. I'm only trying to think of things to say.

I've gone through this post and deleted every instance of "really" and "just." That added up to five deletions. I think refraining from using those words will make my writing stronger.

I have a job with Classical Conversations as a production intern now, in addition to working at my dance studio. I'm basically living the dream, even though I'm totally still broke. Both jobs pay more than minimum wage, involve activities I enjoy, and offer flexibility. I have no legitimate complaints there.

I feel kinda sick. I've eaten a lot of cookies and ice cream in the past few days. (We hit three graduation parties on Saturday alone.) I currently feel really gross. I've reached the stage where I choose to communicate in sign language and don't want to move my body. I think I'm allergic to being full.

This Thursday, Sarah leaves for Italy and Greece on her 19-day trip. James is logging as many hours at our house as possible before she leaves. Poor guy. He's going to need therapy by the time she gets home.

As will I. But we don't go there. Everyone knows I'll miss her a ton. We don't have to dwell on it.

I fell asleep on Gem's shoulder last week while watching Sherlock (ten hours of babysitting four kids will wear you out). He said I was adorable, but I was actually just embarrassed, so yeah. For the record, I am not actually adorable. He keeps getting that word confused with accurate adjectives likes "difficult" or "exhausted" or "awkward."

I don't know. I will post something eventually. For now, just try not to expect much. It irks me.

~Stephanie

P.S. Look at THIS post. Number 12 is about Gem, and now I can finally say what I was afraid to back then :) I have a huge crush on him and it feels scary serious.

Sunflower Award

Thanks, Alana! :)

 

11 Facts

~ I can crack my elbows.

 

~ I find death growls sexy.

 

~ My stomach gets noticeably way tanner than the rest of my body.

 

~  You know how basically everything in my Fire Fairy stories has come true in real life? {No? Well, it has. To a truly freaky degree.} Well, it recently occurred to me that Ember and Coal break up because Coal can't control his ability to lie and deceive, and Ember just can't handle it anymore.

mind = blown.

~ Bearing that in mind, I wonder when Ellie will announce her pregnancy with a boy...

~ On my first date with Gem, there was an ice storm--everything was either closed or massively crowded--and we saw Mr. Peabody and Sherman XD

~ My hair is getting increasingly curly. I mostly like it.

~ I've recently started blushing. I have never been a blusher. But someone just brings it right out. I hate.

~ I recently love turkey a lot.

~ I still don't like flowers. Except orchids. Which I still like.

~ I am 85% sure that I'm going to see Linkin Park again in August!!!!! :D

 

1) What's a musical instrument that you've always wanted to learn how to play, but haven't yet?

I really like that you added "yet." It allows me to believe that I may still learn to play...THE GUITAR! :D I have a beautiful, black acoustic guitar named Liath who does not get played hardly at all.

 

2) If you could live inside the world of your favorite book, what would it be?





Mmmm...well, my favorite book is probably "The Great Gatsby" or "Tex," but I wouldn't necessarily want to live in them. Middle Earth is hands-down the fantasy world I would choose to live in.

3) What was your favorite thing to play with when you were little?

Dollhouse (those "shows" would go on for eight hours with nooooo problem) or Slaves/Orphans/Pirates/Spies/A Combination of Those Four.

4) If you could decide what the weather was like all the time, what would it be?
75, breezy and clear. But I would miss thunderstorms a painful amount.

5) If you had to chose between being a wife/mother and being a career woman, what would you chose?
Wife/mother. But nothing will stop me from writing.

6) What's your biggest regret?
Honestly, nothing comes to mind. All my potential regrets have made me who I am, and I've found ways to appreciate them without "regretting" per se. Except recently, I have realized that I wish I hadn't shared as much vulnerability with PC. I gave away things that should have been saved until they could be beautiful.

7) Who is your hero and why? What could you do to make yourself more like that person?
THIS IS MASQUERADING AS A SINGLE QUESTION. {No, I could not spell "masquerading" without spellcheck.} Um... I've always wanted to grow up and be like my dance teacher, Mrs. Jennifer. She's a talented dancer and choreographer, and she's an absolute model of graciousness, sarcasm, and fun. She has four awesome kids, and I love the way she handles them. She also genuinely listens to everyone and remembers things like a machiiiiiiiiiiiine.

Step 1 of being more like her is making a more conscious effort to listen, invest in, and care about people. I'm truly pathetic at those things.


7 New Questions
1. What is your favorite flavor of Goldfish? Are you aware that cupcake-flavored Goldfish exist?
2. Which do you usually value higher:  justice or mercy?
3. What is your favorite emoticon?
4. What's the last thing you said out loud?
5. What was your first email address? Why that?
6. Who's an actor/actress you hate?
7. Is/was your house more fun when mom's gone, or when dad's gone?


I nominate...anyone who's low on posting ideas and wants to use these questions :)


~Stephanie

Fragments XIV

~ I definitely just had to double-check the Roman numeral for "fourteen."

~ Also, I think this should actually be Thirteenth. Damn. Guess you're not getting a thirteen. Or maybe I'll slip thirteen in somewhere later, like in between thirty-six and thirty-seven for no reason.

~ I woke up today to a bleeding inner lip. Apparently that soft bit of flesh had been crush between my teeth for hours. It seems wrong that your body would hurt itself like that while you were unconscious. Isn't it supposed to, like...NOT do that?

~ I went clubbing last night, Thursday night. I woke up for my 9am today, went to class, and came right back to bed. Didn't get up til about 1 o'clock, so like forty minutes ago. I'm debating whether or not I'm going to Latin in twenty minutes. The professor never takes attendance and rarely stays on the topic of Latin anyway. I probably won't go. I might go get a coffee.

~ My best-friend-at-college Gerard's and my relationship just got weirder, in that it's still not weird. We had this talk last night wherein we confessed that we care about each other in an incredibly deep, different way, but mutually agreed that we can't/won't/shouldn't date. I don't want to date him. He doesn't want to date me. We just love each other in this unusual, mind-blowing, weird way. Something about it feels really noble. He said it felt Shakespearean and jokingly blamed me for it. "You're the English major. This has to be your fault."

~ I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard I was the one forcing a relationship into a bad place XD At least Gerard realizes that that's a joke.

~ I've been watching the TV show "The Following" on Netflix. If you like books, mysteries, thing that give you chills, Kevin Bacon, or Poe, you will like this show. So far, it's my favorite post-Breaking Bad show.

~ My church is doing a connection project/experiment. On Easter Sunday, someone from my church is going to approach me and ask 1) How God is working my life, 2) What goals I'm working toward, and 3) How the church can help. I'm a little anxious about this. I'm not in a terrible place God-wise, but I'm not very dedicated or connected, and I honestly believe that no one can help me with what I'm currently struggling with.

~ The word "with" is starting to sound like gibberish in my head. It's one of those words whose meaning easily deteriorates with mental repetition.

~ Sometimes I hit something on my keyboard that makes all my symbols mixed up. My question mark will be an underscore; my open parenthesis will be an asterisk. I have no clue what I press to cause this, and Google had not been helpful either.

~ I just ran out of paper with one page to go on my international relations report. After freaking out about what to do at midnight the night before the paper is due in hard copy at 9am, I went across the hall and asked my neighbor for some paper. She was naked, but she had paper. Score.

~ I just saw a girl eating an apple upside down. Why would someone do that?

~ I found just found THIS. And even though this post won't go up til May, right now, April 23, it's helpful. Unfortunately, I'll probably forget about it before it's time to write another paper.

~ Stephanie

Fragments XII

- For me, one of the hardest things in the world is trying to do homework in the library basement. On one hand, it's quiet and studious and easy to concentrate. However, it's like I can hear the books around me breathing, whispering, listening, looking. It's like a thousand papery minds looking over my shoulders. I hear their thoughts and ideas murmuring around me and it is so damn difficult not to walk over and pick one up.

- PC texted me the other day, saying that if I ever needed anything, he would never ignore me. For the first time in months, I actually texted back, saying that I appreciated it and if he ever needed something specific from me, I'd do what I could. The irony? He ignored the text XD *adds nail to friendship coffin*

- Gerard told me that I can't go clubbing now that I have a boyfriend. Well, what he actually said was "I don't think your man would approve" when I suggested the two of us go out again.  Is he right? *sigh* Either he is, or it's one of those "It's-Different-For-Every-Couple-You'll-Have-To-Ask-Your-Boyfriend" things. I hate those things.

-The immediate difference in my mood once warm weather hits is astounding. Every year I'm surprised.

- I've had the song "Drop It Low" stuck in my head for probably five days now. I kind of like it. It gives me an unexplainable confidence.

- Is anyone else bewildered and disgusted by the slough of girls who love anchors because they symbolize refusal to sink in the storm of life? Do they not know what anchors do?

- Remember Yahoo!Avatars? I just now did. Good times. I used to spend way too long messing with my avatar's hair and clothes etc... I created an avatar for all the female characters in the Fire Fairy story. {I used to be kind of single-minded ;)}

- My Milton professor is still hot. {My family + Cassidy and I call him SMP:  Sexy Milton Professor.} I got to meet with him one-on-one the other day. His eyes are extremely blue and they sparkle. They actually. sparkle. And we interact like friends, bouncing off each other's ideas and amicably interrupting and getting these looks of excited inspiration. He's so young for a professor. But he has a son old enough to watch Sid the Science Kid. How old does that make him?

I am going to Google him. {...aaaaaaand that sounded so much more sexual than I intended.}

- He got his Ph.D. in 2011. So, graduate college at 22; two more years for master's degree would put him at 24; I'm gonna give him 4-6 years to get a Ph.D. Soooo, I can pretend with relative legitimacy that he might be under thirty.

Wait, NO. That would make him under thirty as of 2011. That was three years ago. Gah, he's like Jesus-Begins-Ministry aged now. *siiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

Not that ANY of this matters because he's married with a kid and I have negative a million genuine interest in ever being involved with a professor. But he's hot and I'm avoiding an international relations paper, so...yeah.

- Maybe a Pinterest pin called "50 Ways to Organize Every Room in Your House" fills some people with excitement, but it causes my eyes to widen in horror. I get overwhelmed by ice cream flavors, and that's a simple decision for immediate use. Don't even get me STARTED on things involving color.  "50 Ways" per hypothetical house room just sounds like a nightmare to me.

- I'm building up my tolerance of spicy food. It's already relatively high, but jalapenos can still pose a challenge if I eat a ton of them in a row. So I've taken to eating a ton of them in a row. I do like them.

- Gerard is definitely my best friend here at college. All the kind of "college moments" I expected to have as a child involve him. The midnight pizza runs, the talks by the fountain, the putting him between me and sketchy guys at clubs. You know last night we went to Raleigh and drove to the very top of a parking garage and got out of the car and just looked at the city. The night was mild and clear and breezy. We looked down at all the tiny people and talked about how funny it was that everyone had just as complete a backstory as us.

There were stars and city lights and the deepest feeling of mutual understanding I think I've ever felt. It was breathtakingly beautiful and almost a little confusing. We just stood there, perfectly comfortable, with our souls set quietly out in the open. I've been happy lots of times, but that night is a happiness I know I'll never forget.

~Stephanie

The Unexpected Hanging

{I wrote a real article! Yep, I got legitimately-ish published last week, in the Classical Conversations daily online magazine. Click HERE if you want to read it :)}

A judge tells a condemned prisoner that he will be hanged at noon the following week, but that the hanging will be a surprise. The prisoner will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon the day of.

After much thought, the prisoner realizes that he will escape the hanging.  The “surprise hanging” can’t be on a Friday, because if he hasn’t been hanged by Thursday, there's only Friday left – therefore it wouldn't be a surprise to be hanged on Friday.

The surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because if he hasn’t been hanged by Wednesday night {and Friday has been eliminated}, then he'll know the hanging will be on Thursday--making a Thursday hanging not a surprise.

By continuing this line of thinking, the prisoner decides he cannot be hung on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday either.

So he retires happily to his cell, confident that the hanging will not occur at all.

The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner’s door at noon on Wednesday — which, comes as an utter surprise to the prisoner.

Everything the judge said has come true.

~Stephanie

P.S. Totally didn't make this up. I heard it in BritLit class :)

Baby Name Perfection

Some of you may know that I used to be obsessed with baby names.

Some of you may know that secretly, I still am.

Naming characters is often the hardest part of a story for me, and yet I CANNOT ever be satisfied with a stand-in name so that I can keep writing. {This problem has derailed more than a few stories.} The past couple of years, I haven't been writing nearly as many stories though, and when I do, I often leave the characters intentionally unnamed. Adds mystery. Saves time.

As far as real-life goes, I've kept a running list of potential baby names since I was about seven years old. However, for some unknown reason, I've stopped doing that lately. Until a few days ago, I had zero realistic girl name possibilities, and only a handful of old standby boys' names {Joshua, Caleb, Daniel, Matthew}.

But then my brain randomly clicked into High Gear Analytical English Major and I settled on two perfect girls' names. Not only do I love the names, but they double-handedly satisfy fifteen separate salutes to friends, family, and fiction. And they're not even ridiculous. {The names, I mean. The explanations are, naturally.}

And here they are.

Shut up. What do YOU do in your spare time?

~Stephanie

Sensitive? ...Nah

I don't cry particularly often. However, in the past two weeks, a completely unprecedented number of things have brought me to, or close to, tears. I ask you:

What the heck?

Things That Have Made Me Feel Like Crying
1. An episode of the Twilight Zone
2. The fact that no one listens to my adorable environmental science professor
3. My parents being controlling
4. My throat hurting
5. "Atlas" by Coldplay
6. A picture of two cute bunnies
7. The ramen bowl breaking
8. Seeing a commercial for the series finale of What Not to Wear
9. The Springboks winning the Rugby World Cup in "Invictus"
10. Hearing that a bunch of Justin's friends are bailing on his birthday party
11. The Andy Griffith Show

Thankfully, only two of these things resulted in actual waterworks. Hopefully I'm not becoming, like, sensitive or something XD

~Stephanie

College Cravings

*happy sigh* You know, I could really go for some chocolate milk right now.

I wish I had some. But I don't. I guess I could go buy some, but I'd really rather not deal with that right now.

...

Ahh, I really want something though. I'll go the healthy route. Craisins.

*eats craisins*

Okay, no. That's not even close to anything I felt like eating.

Well, I have yogurt. And cocoa puffs. That's dairy and chocolate, sort of. If my taste buds squint really hard, maybe that will scratch the same itch as chocolate milk.

*eats yogurt and cocoa puffs*

Awesome. Yeah. That was good. Well, kind of. It was food that tasted nice. But it was all smooth and sort of tasteless... I wish I had something salty. And crunchy. I want chips.

*eats chips*

Cool. These are good. Wow. I'm so thirsty now. What have I got? Tea. That has caffeine and it's midnight. Damn. Water?

*drinks water*

I don't want water. And I have a little bit of heartburn. You know what I could really go for right now?

Chocolate milk.

...

*goes and buys chocolate milk*

Moral of the story:  Sometimes only one thing will do, so save yourself the heartache and useless calories and JUST BUY THE DAMN CHOCOLATE MILK.

~Stephanie

The "Made Ya Look" Look

I knew I had personal quirks, but college has a way of revealing what my friends at home must have gotten used to.

Recently I've become conscious of my unusual conversational habits. Eye contact makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, so I tend to avoid it or abruptly disengage it mid-conversation. This confuses people when I tell stories or give hypothetical dialogues. I'll be telling a story while making eye contact ("So he just walked away, rolling his eyes at the professor.") and then I'll suddenly look over the shoulder of the person I'm talking to and continue ("Like, WOW. Are you kidding me?").

More often than not, the person I'm talking to will hurriedly look over his/her shoulder, thinking that my exclamation was a real-time reaction instead of a continuation of my story. I think this is also due to the way my voice tends to break off and deceptively shift tones.

I'm trying to quit doing this. I'm sure causing people to falsely look over their shoulders all the time is at least as uncomfortable for them as eye contact is for me, and honestly, eye contact is a life skill I need to master.

While we're on the topic of things that make me uncomfortable, my dorm this year is suite style, meaning that my room and one other room are joined by a bathroom. Major pet peeve of mine? Having people near me when I'm trying to relieve myself. The idea of people being able to hear my bodily functions is enough to scare the pee into permanent residency inside me.

I guess I'll have to get over that too.

~Stephanie

Iron Lace

8.11.13

Everything is weird and pleasant. Life has a filmy quality. It feels like a dance. Blurred and beautiful. Abstract and aggressive. Gentle. Lyrical.

It feels like pinnacles and breakthroughs building. Like iron lace. Beautiful and terrible.

Things are so wrong, but they feel so right... I never understood that concept before. So obviously wrong, but at the same time--guiltless.

I'm not supposed to try to coax myself into feeling chaotic. But shouldn't I?

Everything is so weird and pleasant.

~Stephanie

Fragments VI

- This flight announcer guy sounds exactly like Christoph Waltz. Like...I swear it's him. I wonder if it could be?

- It makes me smirk when people talk about "dancer bodies." It sounds good, but it really means big feet and a small chest.

- Apparently, it's technically legal for women to go topless in North Carolina.

- I think it's really important for kids to know how to set a table correctly.

- All my college friends have received their dorm room assignments except me. Why? It would seem that my application "didn't get completed." However, I got email confirmation that it had gone through, and it's a fact that the housing system got screwed up in May. If I end up without a residence or a good roommate, I will be pissed and out of luck. A lot of times, I really hate my school.

- Little families make me really happy.

- So do young married couples. But they also make me irritated. Old married couples are the best. They're so content and adorable. Gah.

- ...I get mushy sometimes.

- Rarely.

- But apparently it happens.

- I will never have an inside dog. I might really like the dog {Gilbert <3}, but after drying off with a clean towel and coming out covered in dog fur, I've redrawn the line and decorated it with barbed wire and land mines.

- I really hope we get on this flight. Flying standby is great, but you do get what you pay for.

~Stephanie

Things Girls Lie About

I'm not the hugest fan of Jenna Marbles. But I did laugh at this video, and since I haven't come up with anything legitimate to say yet, I'm going to post it. Have a good day.



~Stephanie

This Post is About the Moment When...

your stomach burns and you can't tell if it's hunger or adrenaline.

the invisible words tickle your mind and watch you go crazy trying to find them.

your inner voice disowns the rest of you.

you realize you've changed your mind.

your body falls asleep and your waking mind is trapped inside.

you can't tell if it's genuine or nostalgic.

you cry because you can't sleep, then realize it was a dream.

you can't get warm in the shower.

you flip a coin for yourself and realize you don't want to call it.

wasting time becomes like an addiction.

you try to write a blog post and it comes out retarded{ly}.

~Stephanie

P.S. No one has voted on the poll to the left XD How is that even possible? Vote. Although to be honest, I already know what I'm going to do at this point.

Hah.

~Stephanie

Fragments V

- I can never spell the words maintenance, privilege, or potato. {Always maintainance, priveledge, and potatoe}

- One of the most frustrating things in the world to me is when there is a set plan, and yet when the time comes to act, someone says, "So, what do you wanna do?" Like, I did everything I could to make sure I didn't have to hear that question. Why are you trying to destroy this experience?

- I find the phrase "ape shit" irrationally hilarious.

- The other day, Anna asked me a question about Sam's and my relationship, then immediately said, "Ah, I'm sorry. I don't want to upset you." Kirsten {a friend from high school} over heard Anna and laughed. Anna looked baffled til Kirsten said, "Oh, Stephanie doesn't get emotional."

- Is it just me, or does whistling always sound masculine?

- A week or so ago, I started Hiding/Unliking all the Facebook pages that post pictures and memes all the time. I was hesitant to do so, because some of them are really funny and worth sharing and help me avoid school work. However, I don't regret my clean newsfeed in the slightest. I don't know what I'm missing, and I'm so okay with that.

- I wanted cereal today and all my bowls and spoons were dirty. Did I wash them? No. I ate cereal right out of the box.

- Does ANYONE like the dog voice for the Beggin' Strips commercial?

- Wanna know something that actually makes me really furious? When people use two periods as an ellipse. ".." is nothing. It is either you looking cross-eyed at a period, or an unnecessarily half-assed ellipse. Please. Hit the key one more time.

- Guess what else I hate? {I'm really not in a negative mood today, for the most part.} The stereotypical annoying little kid in movies that befriends the badass character and becomes meaningful and unexpectedly {yeah right} loveable in the end. Not to me. I pretty much find them annoying and unlovable all the way to the end.

~Stephanie

Things You'd Often Hear Me Say

"I don't care, I just don't want to go home."

"Does it have peanuts?"

"Dang."

"Oh, sorry, I'm trying to crack my ankle."

"I'll text you when I get there."

"Hey. I need a word for..."

"Does it come in black?"

"Sorry, I'm deaf. What?"

"Batman."

"You know that episode of Friends where..."

"I can't, I have British Literature to read."

"I'm too lonely to sleep."

"Did you dream?"

"Because there might be dogs."

"At least I'll be able to write about it."

~Stephanie

Things You'd Never Hear Me Say

"You're right, I do have too much black clothes."

"Can you spell that, please?"

"Pass the peanut butter."

"You looked really cute and classy in your mirror pic."

"It's the government's responsibility to create jobs."

"Can we listen to Taylor Swift?"

"Stop writing me letters."

"I don't really want to hear your dream."

"Smoking is hot."

"'Much' and 'many' can be used pretty much interchangeably."

"Ronald Reagan wasn't that great."

"Turn down the music."

"I think truth is a relative thing."

~Stephanie