Saturday, March 31, 2012

Wes Bentley

Cass thinks he's ugly, I think she's crazy.

Before the Hunger Games movie, I had never heard of Wes Bentley. But after seeing him as Seneca Crane, I won't be forgetting him any time soon.

I cannot be the only one who finds him tremendously attractive.

At first I thought it was the beard {which is, after all, insanely awesome}. So I decided to find some other shots of him. And guess what?

He's still hott. {Hey, Aaron. Two Ts ;P}

I don't know much about his personal life, except that he was married for eight years and has a two-year-old son. He was also a drug addict, but he's allegedly recovering.

I don't really doubt that he was, but he sure doesn't LOOK like a drug addict XD

Ohhhh yes. And, as always, you're welcome.


Friday, March 30, 2012


1. Linkin Park
2. 2Cellos
3. Relient K
4. As I Lay Dying
5. Shinedown
6. Evanescence
7. Dead by April
8. Florence + the Machine
9. All-American Rejects
10. KoRn

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
{Evanescence} I think Bring Me to Life on Aaron's blog.

What is your favorite song of 8?
{Florence} Five-way tie? :3 Seven Devils, No Light No Light, Drumming Song, Howl, Cosmic Love.

What kind of impact has 1 left on your life?
{Linkin Park} Ooh. Huge. I actually did a post on this. Linkin Park put into words what I couldn't when I was going through dark stuff.

What are your favorite lyrics of 5?
{Shinedown} "I created the sound of madness." ~ Sound of Madness


"Just like a crow chasing the butterfly, dandelions lost in the summer sky. When you and I were getting high as outer space, I never thought you'd slip away. I guess I was just a little too late." ~ The Crow and the Butterfly

How many times have you seen 4 live?
{As I Lay Dying} Ah. Zero. But dang. I'd love to.

What is your favorite song of 7?
{Dead by April} I'm gonna cheat again: Trapped, Angels of Clarity, Carry Me.

Is there any song of 3 that makes you sad?
{Relient K} Oh yeah, a lot of Mmhmm and some of Let It Snow Baby, but it's a great kind of sad, so I don't know if that counts as "sad"...

What is your favorite song by 9?
Probably Can't Take It.

How did you first get into 2?
{2Cellos} My friend Jesse mentioned them, and then when I was at a youth rally I saw a video of them.

How did you first get into 3?
{Relient K} Hm. I think my dad just brought home a CD of them when I was like eight and he and I got really into them.

What is your favorite song by 4?
{As I Lay Dying} Dang. It's between Forsaken and I Never Wanted, however, I don't know as much of their stuff as I'd like to. I'm working on it.

How many times have you seen 9 live?
{All-American Rejects} Again, none XD

What is a good memory concerning 10?
{KoRn} Um? XD Well, one time when I was listening to Chi, Sarah thought some of the lyrics had "bluebird" in them. I'm still not sure how she got that.

Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?
{Florence} Hm. Not really.

What is your favorite song of 1's?
{Linkin Park} Cheat? Papercut, Hit the Floor, Easier to Run, Breaking the Habit, Numb, What I've Done, Valentine's Day, Leave Out All the Rest. It is SO HARD for me to pick favorite songs. They all mean different things at different times, and some songs mean more at different times... *sigh*

How did you become a fan of 10?
{KoRn} Sam.

Alright, I'mma give this to the guys: Jay, Aaron, Sam, Jordan, Jamie, Late Phoenix, and any other guy reading this.

Sam, I know you don't blog, but you mentioned starting. So. Start.


Thursday, March 29, 2012

Typical Friday Night

Dance competition in one week. I should get my bridesmaid dress for Ellie's wedding, I guess. Assuming the wedding is still on at this point. Aeneid memorization due in 5 days. I wonder if she IS still getting married. I haven't talked to her since January. Three hours of dance practice tonight. I don't have a costume for competition. I haven't read my theology assignment yet. Dance practice from 10am to 3pm TOMORROW. I'm starting to resent my life. Two weeks worth of Spanish homework needs to get done today. We may have to get a hotel room because my solo is at 8:03 in the morning and the competition is like three hours away--

Sarah: "Hey, Steph, Momma and Daddy think they're going to be home after six, so they said we should just cook the pizza for dinner and not wait for them so you can get to dance on time."

Me: "Okay."

Sarah: "We just had pizza for lunch though. Do you mind having it again?"

Me: "No. I like pizza."

Sarah: "Okay, what time do you want to eat?"

Me: "We, like, just had lunch."

Sarah: "That was five hours ago."

Me: "Oh. Okay. I'll eat whenever."

Sarah: "How much time do you think it'll take you to eat?"

Me: "I don't know. Not long."

Sarah: "I'll make the pizza."

Me: "Awesome."

Sarah: "When do you want me to start it?"

Me: "Sarah, I don't care. I'm not even hungry right now. I can't think about that."

Sarah: "Like, 6ish--"

Me: "How about I'll just have a sandwich. You can fix the pizza whenever you want it."

Sarah: "No, just tell me what time you want to eat."

Me: "I don't know. I'm not even hungry. I don't even care at all."

Sarah: "Well you have to care at ALL--"


Sarah: *is offended*

*sigh* Sometimes, you just have to roll with life.


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Best To Do List Ever

A strange bucket list compiled by yours truly from various sources, including my mind.

1. Wear a shirt that says "Life" and hand out lemons on the street.
2. Have a food fight.
3. Sleep on a trampoline.
4. Get a tattoo.
5. Make a grilled cheese sandwich with an iron. {Benny and June :)}
6. If I become a teacher, make a test where all the answers are "C" >:)
7. Have a caricature drawn of me and not be sad when my nose is massive.
8. Put vanilla pudding in a mayonnaise jar and eat it in public.
9. Never taste alcohol.
10. Dress up as Waldo and go to the mall.
11. Ride in a hot air balloon.
12. Turn around in an office chair and say, "I've been expecting you."
13. Go zorbing.
14. Egg something.
15. Dye my hair.
16. Walk into a store, ask what year it is, and then run out screaming, "IT WORKED!" after someone answers.
17. Ride on a llama. Or a camel.
18. Go skinny-dipping.
19. Write a book that I think is amazing.
20. Teach a parrot to say, "Help! I've been turned into a parrot!"


Tuesday, March 27, 2012


I can't remember if I've ever talked about my friend Alicia, like maybe when I posted journal entries from the Europe trip. If I didn't, or if you weren't reading back then, I'll tell you about her now.

She's from Oregon and we met the first night in Spain. We were roommates.

My first thought: "She looks weird and she's probably going to hate me because I'm feeling cranky and homesick and will not be a lot of fun. Oh well. At least this is just for one night."

Only then I got paired with her for our homestay, and ended up being with her for three days straight in a tiny Spanish apartment with a family that spoke no English. And guess what?

We became best friends.

The whole rest of the trip, it was "Stephanie and Alicia." We sat together, ate together walked together, shopped together. We told each other secrets and used each others' hotel rooms if one of us got paired with a weird roommate. She saw me laugh, cry, cuss, panic, learn, go off on people, make amends, try new foods, and do scary things.

I became closer to her in three weeks than I'd become with anyone {besides Cass} in my whole life. It's amazing what tense situations can do for bonding. They accelerate it 150%.

Having the luck I do with relationships, I didn't become best friends with anyone from my state. Of course not. That would be too easy. No, I had to become best friends with a girl who lives 2,810 miles away. That's 47 hours.

Of course.

We parted ways the last day of the trip. Neither of us cried. We'd known it was coming. It sucked, but we had to walk away. I neatly retracted my heart and told her 'bye. We said we'd see each other again, but I didn't really believe that. People make promises like that all the time; they mean them in the moment, but eventually someone doesn't care anymore and the promise dissolves.

But guess what?

That didn't happen O_O

And now she's coming here, to my state, to my town, to my very own house, and she's gonna live with us for a week.

I don't even think it's sunk in yet. I've known for about a month that yes, it is actually happening, but...I still feel sort of numb to the whole thing :) My head is excited though :D

So, don't expect to see me around much until this time next week. I have posts scheduled for every day, but I won't be commenting :)

Send a virtual wave and greeting to Alicia!


Monday, March 26, 2012

It's Not Supposed to Feel Like This

It's not supposed to feel like this.

Hearing my parents say, "We'll support you whatever you decide" isn't supposed to be the most terrifying thing I've ever heard.

Getting Wait Listed at the only university I've passionately pursued for seven years isn't supposed to feel okay.

Getting accepted to a school three and a half hours away that I'd never previously heard of and whose colors are purple and freaking orange isn't supposed to feel like...a possibility?

Six months ago, wanting to go to Wake Forest was the surest decision I'd ever made. I was positive. I felt great about it. I loved the campus; I loved the students I met; I loved the educational philosophy.

Both my parents went to Wake. It has a dance program. It has a law school. It's near my amazing dance teacher's branch of the studio, and she's already said she'd hire me part time if I go to Wake.

It's close to my family, my church, my town, and my friends.

There was hardly a decision to make. I wanted to go to Wake Forest. I told everyone. EVERYONE knows. Everyone thought I could get in.

But then a few months ago, I heard about Furman. It's basically "the Wake Forest of SC." Same philosophy, apparently a beautiful campus, and the professors are supposed to be more interesting than Wake's.

As soon as I heard about Furman, I didn't want to hear any more. I never wanted to hear the name "Furman" again. I got this terrible feeling that it would be a good school for me. And suddenly I had to consciously not think about it so that Wake could keep it's place in my mind and heart.

But for some reason, I applied to both Wake Forest AND Furman.

A week or so ago, I got accepted to Furman.

Last Saturday, I got Wait Listed at Wake Forest.

They tell you to keep submitting stuff to Wake, maybe go for another interview, and we actually talked to the provost emeritus. He's on my side. He's gonna "make some inquiries" for us.

But the thing is, I don't find out if I got accepted off their Waiting List until AFTER May 1. Guess when I have to tell Furman if I accept their admission? May 1.

So right here, right now, I have to make a choice. Do I go where I've dreamed, prayed, wished, wanted, KNOWN to go for so long? Or do I throw out all my plans and plunge into this newcomer school that captured my sixth sense somehow?

My parents will support me in whatever decision I make. And for once in my life, I wish they'd just tell me what to do.


If I Die Young...

This song was stuck in my head the other day. I was going around the house humming and singing it mindlessly, when suddenly I stopped.

"If I die young..." I mumbled.

If Kimberly Perry dies young, she wants to be buried in satin and laid in a bed of roses.

But what do I want?

If I die young, bury me on the farm.
If I die young, put Ecclesiastes 7:10 on my tombstone.
If I die young, play Cosmic Love at my funeral.
If I die young, Jordan, hack my accounts and let people know.
If I die young, read my journals {and please accept my apologies in advance}.
If I die young, send up some lanterns, like in Tangled.
If I die young, someone finish "The Mirror." {The outline is in the green notebook marked "CREEPY STORY."}
If I die young, don't send flowers. Send money to this.

If I die young, cry. But don't KEEP crying. Remember me; remember what I believed in; and remember to do what YOU believe in.


Sunday, March 25, 2012

X Marks the Fact

1. My boy side
[x] I love hoodies.
[x] I love jeans.
[] Dogs are better than cats.
[] It’s hilarious when people get hurt.
[] Shopping is torture
[] Sad movies suck
[] You own a car racing game.
[x] You played with hot wheels cars as a kid.
[] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[] You owned a ds, ps2, ps3, n64, or sega.
[] You used to be obsessed with power rangers.
[x] You have watched sports on tv.
[x] Gory movies are cool.
[x] You go to your dad for advice.
[x] You hate drama.
[] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[] You used to collect hockey cards.
[x] Baggy sweats are cool to wear.
[] It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[x] Sports are fun.
[] You talk with food in your mouth.
[x] You sleep with your socks on at night.

2. My girl side
[] You love to shop.
[x] You wear eyeliner.
[] You wear the color pink.
[x] You go to your mom to talk.
[] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[]You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like going to the mall.
[] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[x] You like wearing jewelry.
[] You cried watching the notebook
[] Dresses are a big part of your wardrobe.
[] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[] You don’t like the movie star wars.
[] You are/were in gymnastics.
[x] It takes you around one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
[] You smile a lot more than you should.
[x] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[x] You care about what you look like.
[x] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[x] You like wearing high heel shoes.
[x] You used to play with dolls as little kid.
[] You like putting make-up on others.
[] You like being the star of everything.

3. Appearance
[] I am shorter than 5′5″.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[] I’ve had/have braces.
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[] I have more than two piercings.
[] I have/had piercings in places besides my ears.

4. Experiences
[] I’ve gotten lost in my city.
[x] I’ve seen a shooting star.
[x] I’ve wished on a shooting star.
[] I’ve seen a meteor shower.
[x] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
[] I’ve been to a casino.
[] I always get mistaken for much older than I actually am.
[] I’ve been skydiving.
[] I’ve gone skinny-dipping.
[] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] I’ve crashed a car.
[] I’ve been skiing.
[x] I’ve been in a musical.
[x] I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue.
[] I’ve seen the northern lights.
[x] I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
[x] I’ve played a prank on someone.
[] I’ve ridden in a taxi.
[] I’ve seen the rocky horror picture show.
[] I’ve eaten sushi.
[] I’ve been snowboarding.

5. Relationships
[x] I’m single.
[] I’m in a relationship.
[] I’m engaged.
[] I’m married.
[] I miss someone right now.
[x] I've played with someone's emotions on purpose before.
[] I’ve gotten divorced.
[] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[x] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

6. Honesty/Crime
[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve snuck out.
[x] I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[x] I’ve run a red light.
[x] I’ve witnessed a crime.
[] I’ve been in a fist fight.
[] I’ve been arrested.

7. Random
[x] I can sing well
[] Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[] I open up to others easily.
[] My parents are divorced.
[] I watch the news.
[] I don’t kill bugs.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[] I am a morning person.
[] I've been abused.
[] I paid for a cell phone ring tone.
[] I am a sports fanatic.
[] I twirl my hair.
[x] I care about grammar.
[] I have “?”s in my screen name.
[x] I’ve copied more than 30 cd’s in a day.
[] I bake well.
[] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes. 'Cause they’re funny.
[] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I’ve not turned anything in and still gotten an A in a certain class.
[x] I can’t sleep if there is a spider/cockroach in the room.
[] I am ticklish.
[] I love white chocolate.
[] I bite my nails.
[x] I’m good at remembering faces.
[] I’m good at remembering names.
[x] I’m good at remembering dates.
[] I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life

This was simple and fun. Take it if you want :) I'll read your answers.


Saturday, March 24, 2012


<<<<<<< Which phrase do you use?

Things I'd give you for...

My copies of Wicked Lovely and Forest of Hands and Teeth.
A pack of gum
My ChapStick

Some coloring books
My earrings
My M&M earbuds

School papers/projects that got amazing grades
My phone
My Ed Hardy shoes
All my nail polish
My dance shoes

My Ember bracelet
Our DVDs
Batman apparel
My little guitar that I don't play

My iPod
Stuff I got in Europe
Our new Kia Soul {red and black interior. I'm pretty sure this is love. But for a hundred thousand dollars...}

Not for any amount of money would I give you...
My journals
Real Blank {my baby blanket}
The stuff in our heirloom chest
My computer {i.e., all the files on it}
My notebooks
My family's land
All our books


Friday, March 23, 2012

Love Language

<<<<<<< Ever noticed that people say this differently?

In a comment to my post "Don't Touch Me," Alana mentioned this theory called the "Love Languages." I thought the idea that we express, receive and interpret "love" was fascinating, but I didn't pursue it right away.

But then one of my other friends mentioned it, and I had to do some research XD I found a quiz on the Five Languages of Love and decided to see what it had to say.

You could score a total of 12 points for each category. According to the Love Languages Theory, here's what makes me feel loved:

Quality Time 9
Acts of Service 8
Words of Affirmation 6
Physical Touch 4
Receiving Gifts 3

"In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful."

Somewhat surprisingly accurate, I think. I was kind of glad to see that physical touch wasn't dead last. I don't want to feel like a cold person all the time XD

I never thought about people feeling loved by receiving gifts, which makes sense considering it's my lowest score. To me, the other four categories are the best gifts. {Well, the first three anyway. Hah.}

If you're interested in figuring out your "Love Language," click HERE. Fascinating.

Thanks for enlightening me, Alana :) This was fun.


Thursday, March 22, 2012

I Tell Myself It's Liberating

Thanks for joining us, TayTay! :D

Sometimes I get these urges to post stuff that makes me uncomfortable. Like, I'll just be going about my business, and suddenly think:

"Hey, why don't I go through all the terrible poetry I've written and vomit it all over the internet?"

{But don't worry. I legitimately nixed that idea.}

I get ideas that are embarrassing and make me feel naked. Ideas that are personal and make me feel terrified. Ideas that make me think to myself,

You must be a glutton for punishment.

Only then I remember that I'm masochistic and it gets awkward XD

But no, seriously. I don't think posting cringe-worthy material has anything to do with the masochism. I think it's me trying to free myself from inhibitions. It's me wanting to get a hold of myself. It's my way of letting go and embracing the future.

I think writing personal posts is my way of undergoing the metamorphosis that every high-school senior undergoes. We all do it differently, and I think this is my way. Pandora is sort of an online journal for me, where I drag the skeletons out and bury them where they belong.

Sometimes I feel like apologizing to you guys. You feel the dirt from my soul and see the corpses in my closet. YOU must be gluttons for punishment XD Ah well. I justify my ranting by saying, "They can stop reading if they want to."

So yeah. Always feel free to stop reading Pandora. Because I'll probably never start censoring myself XD


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Indubitably Narcissistic

Thanks for following, Alana-F-Who-I-Can't-Find-A-Blog-Link-For :D

I was going through some of my really old blog posts {as in, pre-Pandora}, and I found this website where you basically get personality feedback. You pick 5 personality traits from a list, and then have others look at the same list and pick traits they think you have.

There are four quadrants: the Arena {known to you and others}, the Facade {known to you, but not recognized by others}, the Blind Spot {known to others, but you don't see it} and Unknown {no one, including you, thinks you have these traits}.

You end up realizing that how you see yourself isn't always the way you come across, whether good or bad. And it only takes like twenty-two seconds.

So, being the overly-reflective type, I decided to try it again and see what happens.

If you'd like to fuel my ego or give me a reality check, click HERE and pick some traits you think describe me :) It's pretty fun, so if you want to create your own profile and see what happens, I'll be glad to tell you what I think >:D Mwahaha.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Dance Competition

Hey, That Girl XD Thanks for following!


I was pretty nervous about my solo. If I forget the dance, I'm alone and screwed. If I do badly, there's no one to cover me up. Plus there were all kinds of things that might go wrong, like the floor being different from what I was used to, the stage being bigger/smaller/oddly shaped, not getting the counts right, etc.

But by 7:50, thirteen minutes before I went on, I had pulled myself completely together. That's the thing about me: I might be vomiting from nerves two hours before, but right before a big event, I get very confident and collected and focus on chilling other people out. This was no different.

Right before I went on, I got briefly, extremely nervous again. But then I walked on stage and didn't have the mental space for panic.

The dance went alright. It wasn't BAD, but it was not great. I messed up the counts, despite constantly practicing the day before, and didn't let my body fall the way it was supposed to a couple of times. The girls said I did well though, and I didn't actually see myself, so I guess I'll have to trust them.

The awards rolled around not too much later, and I did about how I expected. I got 7th place among solos, and first in my category, BUT the category had like four people in it XD So that doesn't mean much.

Still, it wasn't a terrible experience like I expected. It wasn't amazing, but hey, I have another day tomorrow, so it could get a lot better.

Or a lot worse. Hm.

Although, I'm not sure it can get worse than the trophy I won today XD



Sunday was definitely better for my nerves because I was dancing in groups. No more solo action. I've discovered that I like dancing with people MUCH more than alone. It's such an energy bond. You have energy, you feed off their energy, and you just end up feeling unstoppable.

The first dance I had was hip hop. I was the least worried about it. I know the dance, I love the dancers, and it's so much fun. We performed, and I felt good about my part. When you know the dance really well, you can focus on making an impression on the judges XD Love it.

I was most nervous about the contemporary dance, which we did next. I don't know if I've complained about Riley here before, but I'm going to now.

She showed up so late to the competition that our dance had to be skipped and moved to a later time. We were still running through the building to get backstage as the announcer said, "And number 425, Jet Plane."

Riley then had the nerve not to do the dance. As in, she literally sat on the stage for part of the dance and didn't do the moves. As I was doing our floor part, I saw her out of the corner of my eye, just sitting there, not going to the floor with the rest of us.

I messed up the end of the dance though, so :3

When we got off the stage, our teacher, Mrs. Lauren was like, "That was probably the worst you guys have ever done it."

But somehow, the dance came in 9th out of 12, and the hip hop one came in 10th. We think there must have been a judge who was down on hip hop, because that dance was definitely better than the contemporary one.

The last dance was with the entire competition team, so girls from 8-18 years old XD The music was a remix of a bunch of different songs with "magic" themes. In the beginning, we're wearing capes, which we take off after the first two eight-counts.


My cape wouldn't come off. The velcro had a conniption and wouldn't un-velc. So I had to yank it over my head XD Personally, I think I pulled it off pretty well, and Mrs. Lauren said so, too.

I felt really good about the dance, and when we got off stage, Mrs. Lauren said, "That's probably the BEST time you guys have ever done it." WooT! :D

However, we didn't get a particularly real award for it, because the other dances were miniature So You Think You Can Dance episodes. I didn't care, though. You know why?


I don't think I've ever been so glad for something to be over in my entire life. Ha. Lle. Lu. Jah.

{Points if you read that correctly the first time XD}

So yeah. That was my first ever dance competition :)


Monday, March 19, 2012

Letting Go

Thanks for following, Cassidy :) Love you.

"I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it." ~ William Faulkner

I had a revelation the other day. A personal ah-ha! moment. It was startling. And good, I think. But I hadn't come to a definite, closed conclusion in my mind until I wrote a comment on Bekah's blog. I read over my comment, and was sure that my words were quite true. I thought I'd share them with you guys, in the plain, comment form in which I wrote them.

In Bekah's post, she talks about losing her best friend, the friend she thought would be there forever. She just knew they'd graduate and live close to each other and have their children be best friends. Then something happened and the friendship abruptly withered.

{You can read her post here.}

And I wrote,

This just happened to me too, actually. It's incredibly hard. I have other good friends, but she's the one who knows EVERYTHING. She was with me when I started middle school, when I started writing my story, when I fell in love. She was the one who could talk me out of bad things and into good things. She kept me sane and helped me have fun.

And then all the sudden, something happened and suddenly she was too busy for me. We didn't really talk or see each other for about six months.

I went through a lot of hard things in those six months, but she didn't care. I needed her advice so many times. I couldn't sort things out on my own. But she was too busy.

Then just yesterday, she called me and gave me the biggest apology I've ever heard in my entire life. She realized what she'd done to me and she said she wanted to fix our relationship.

I expected to be over-the-moon happy, but instead, I just accepted her apology and calmly filled her in on my life. I didn't feel much of anything actually.

All these months, I'd been falling apart on the inside, needing her. Then when she finally came back, I realized something too:

I don't need her anymore.

I love her and I'll continue to be there for her, but now I can handle my own problems. I can think things through and make new friends. I don't need her. And it's okay. One might even go so far as to say it's a good thing.

Yeah, we had/have a lot of history that I'll never have with anyone else, but...I don't know. Sometimes you just know that it's time to move on. I'll still be there for her, and if I ever need her too, hopefully she'll be there for me. But she's no longer my other half. I discovered how to be whole in myself.

I'm sorry this was so long! It's just that I so know how you feel. I wanted to say hang in there, Bekah. She might come around. I really didn't think my best friend would, and yet she did. Yours might come back too, but in the meantime, do some soul-searching, some God-searching, and use this time to grow personally.

Who knows, you might discover that you're okay without her too.


Sunday, March 18, 2012

Another Step

I did something huge a couple of weeks ago. At least, it should have been huge. The second I actually went through with it, the weight dropped out from it.

I told my best friend, Cassidy, about "my problem."

I don't know what I was expecting. Shock? Horror? Awkwardness? Some distance in the friendship? Not being able to look each other in the eye?


I did tell her over texting. We were already having a serious conversation though, so it wasn't like I was randomly dropping a bomb on things.

I typed it out. It wasn't that long. Maybe two texts.

As I prepared to hit Send, my heart chilled out. It stopped beating so hard. A wave of peace swept over me, and when I sent the text, the gravity of the situation evaporated. I might as well have been telling her that I was going to have chicken for dinner.

Her reaction?

Total acceptance. Understanding. Zero judgement.

o_o Wow.

Nothing about our relationship changed. If anything, our connection is stronger and more open. But there was no shock. No horror. No awkwardness. No distance. No avoidance of eye contact.

Telling her was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I feel less like a fake. I feel...just more real :)

This is what having a best friend is supposed to be like. I've never had a friend like Cassidy in my whole life. I'd go into obnoxious detail about us, but I'm already planning to do that in a whole separate post sometime XD So I'll save it.

But yeah :) Another step in the right direction.

In your face, Satan.


Saturday, March 17, 2012

St. Patrick's Day

It is St. Patrick's Day! Hope you're wearing green. And Ginger, my thoughts go with you today XD I know how much you hate St. Patrick's Day.

However I, for one, am probably not wearing green. Know why? Today is my first ever DANCE COMPETITION. I have no illusions of first place trophies, but it would be really nice if I didn't forget the dance or fall off the stage. So please join me in those hopes XD

Maybe I'll post a video of me doing my dance sometime. I do love it. A lot. My teacher is incredible.

Although actually, if you're reading this, I've already done my solo at the competition. It was at 8:03 eastern time. So...


Ah, what the heck. Wish me late luck. I'll let you know how it went on Tuesday.


Friday, March 16, 2012

Things That Make Me Happy

1. All things Batman
2. Death growls
3. Writing something I love
4. Warm and sunny weather
5. Doing a difficult dance perfectly
6. Thunderstorms
7. Irony
8. Deep conversations
9. Dreams and dreaming
10. Cadbury mini-eggs


Thursday, March 15, 2012

What Hurts the Most


I'd heard this song before, I think. But some girls at my dance studio are doing a duet to it and I got to watch their dance. That's the first time I'd really listened to the song.

As embarrassing as it is, I almost cried right there. {Didn't though XD} In a lot of ways in a lot of cases, I feel like this song is the story of my life. It's sad, but for some reason I'm smiling as I write this post.

But I don't feel like analyzing why.


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Guatemalan Yes

Guess what, guys? My second post goes up on the Miss Unlimited website today! Check it out here and scroll down some XD Don't forget to keep visiting that site; I've seriously enjoyed reading the posts from the other teen writers.


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Aftermath

Thanks for reading, Catherine :)

This is continued from yesterday's "The Wreck."

Things were pretty okay until I got home, really. Then my dad switched attitudes completely. Suddenly, I was a terrible person. Suddenly, I never towed the line. Suddenly, I "had a princess mentality," and that's what caused the wreck.

He went on and on and on, demanding answers from me. I mostly stuck to, "Okay," "I know," and "I'm sorry." He kept pushing me and running all over me with this whole YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON approach. {At least that's what it FELT like.}

Then when I said, "I'm sorry" for the millionth time, he said,

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. That princess attitude."

What. The hell. Do you want from me? I had honestly done everything I could think of to do the right thing. For the past hour, I had been trying to put into practice everything he had ever told me. Taking responsibility, processing my actions, apologizing, trying to make it right. I actually thought he'd be proud of how I was acting. I was trying to do everything right.

And now he was telling me I'm a snot and that's why I make life suck for the world.

My mom to my dad: "I think she's just trying not to be upset."

Me: "Yup."

But he wouldn't shut up. Or back off. Or stop tearing me down and trampling me. I knew I was going to lose it. So I just started to walk away. He tried to stop me.

As I left, this strangled sound of frustration erupted from my throat. I literally saw red. It was the weirdest, most out of control feeling I've ever experienced. I didn't know your body could force you to scream so completely involuntarily.

I went downstairs and threw what was in my hand as hard as I possibly could at the floor. It was a CD in a case. It all came apart and went places. I literally had to throw it. There was no way to hold in the kind of emotion that was building in my body.

I went to my room. Unfortunately, I was crying. In myself was the most out-of-control rage I'd ever seen, much less experienced. I actually felt like a monster. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run away. I wanted to kill things and break things and shred my body.

I actually did cut/bruise my palms with my fingernails. I didn't mean to.

I couldn't figure out what to do with the rage inside. I knew a lot of things I COULDN'T do. But what TO do.

So I just went to music. I put in earbuds and turned up the music until I couldn't even think. I cleaned my room some, but I was still really upset. I wished the tears would stop. Angry tears are better than sad ones, but they still make me feel weak.

Eventually I was at least stable enough not to kill anything that moved. And I wanted to talk to someone. I wanted to tell someone. So I called Sam. I think we balance each other fairly well in the sanity department {or at least try to}. If I'm losing it, he's pretty chill, and theoretically vice versa. I was still definitely not okay when I called him. But by the time we hung up, I was.

Oh, and it turns out he knows the guy I hit. Go figure.

My parents had somewhere to go that night, so we were separated for a while. When they came home, they were both supportive and amazing again. My dad was nice to me and told me he was proud of me.

Um. Well. I'm glad.

One of these days, this will be in the past. But it's not yet. Right now, I'm just glad for all my friends.

Cass, I absolutely would not have been okay without you. Absolutely not. You were my head during all this.
Momma, thanks for sticking up for me and showing that you love me anyway.
Sam, somehow you talk me down from enormous mountains of not-okay. Thanks.
Aaron, I just love you.
Daniel {who doesn't read this}, I'm glad you're always on my side and help me gain perspective and sanity.


Monday, March 12, 2012

The Wreck

It was Sunday. I was driving. Cassidy and I were on our way to see the play "Little Women" that some of my friends were in.

I was turning left. I looked left. I looked right. Cass and I were talking. I looked left again. I looked right again. I went.

"There's a car there," she said.


I winced and steeled myself for one of those Wow, Close Call moments. But this time, it didn't happen like that.

A bump, a crunch, a scrape. A shocked, "Oh shit" from my mouth.

I pulled over, completely shocked at what had just happened.

"Is he stopping?" I asked Cassidy. "Is he pulling over?"

I hoped he wouldn't. I hoped he would just keep going. If he kept going, we could go home and figure it out without all the insurance and fault and complications. But no. He pulled over.

"What do we do?" I asked Cass. I know my eyes were about the size of golf balls. I didn't know what to do. I had no idea. I had absolutely no clue.

"We get out of the car," Cassidy said. "We have to talk to him."

I looked in the rear view mirror. It was a guy. He had long hair and a scruffy beard and what registered in my mind as a band T-shirt. Honestly--

"But he's creepy," I said.

Cassidy sort of laughed a tiny bit. "Well, that's unfortunate. But we still have to get out."

So we did. And he did too. You could tell he was a musician. He wasn't that old. We later found out he's 17, younger than I am.

I shook my head. "I'm so sorry," I said. I couldn't think of anything else that fit the situation.

He sort of shook his head and shrugged a little. "It's alright," he said. "Are you both okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, we're fine. Are you?" I mentally kicked myself. That should have been the first thing I said to him. It was my fault. It was very, completely, definitely, totally ALL my fault. I said so, even though I know you're not supposed to do that.

Then Cass told me I was going to have to call my parents. I hadn't actually thought that far ahead. I kind of wasn't planning to call them. In my mind, I think I figured if we were all okay, I could just go home and fix the car--

Oh. The car. The Kia Soul with red and black interior. That I had just recently named. {Jaxx, in case you wondered.}

The damange really wasn't that bad. The front right headlight area was a little crunched. And it was leaking some kind of fluid. So. Aw.

I did call my dad. He was fairly calm and said he'd come. The part that hurt was my mom in the background. In a voice that said "I-Knew-She-Was-An-Effing-Screw-Up-Kid," she said, "She got in a wreck, didn't she?" Ouch, Mom.

So the guy I hit, Cassidy and I just sort of hung out for a while. He was really nice. He kept saying that he was glad we were all okay, and that it was fine, etc. Thank God I didn't hit like some horrible old person.

Before my dad got there, a police man showed up. Greattttt. Any chance of getting this over with easily is now over.

The officer got our licenses and stuff, and my dad was there soon. I just kept saying that I was so sorry and I'd pay for as much of everything as I possibly could, and then keep paying. My dad's words were, "Yeah, this is a gift that's gonna keep giving for about three years because of insurance." Oh. Cool.

Nothing of note happened for a while, besides the guy I hit's parents coming. They were also awesome. The first thing his mom said to me was, "I'm glad everyone is okay, that's the most important thing." They were all so sweet and calm. I'm amazed.

I freaking love living where I live, guys. Turns out we personally know the man who handles the guy's insurance. Ha. Wow.

After a really long time, the officer started to wrap up the paper work in his car. My dad and I went over.

Cop: "She's so young and nobody was really hurt, so I'm not going to give her a ticket. This whole thing is going to be bad enough as it is."



"The Aftermath" coming tomorrow, haha. The post got too long.


Sunday, March 11, 2012

Loose Ends

Thanks for joining us, Valentina!

It's like I just got good at this whole living life thing, and now I have to uproot myself and go do it somewhere else.

Yeah. Everyone feels that way.

It doesn't feel like I'm going to college. It feels like I'm dying. I have to take all my chances NOW, because I'm leaving. I have to set everything straight with people because this might be it. I have to say goodbye to everyone and let them know what they mean to me because I'll probably forget later.

You feel like it's now or never, don't you.

Yeah. Like if I don't try things now, I'll miss my chance. I'll wonder forever what would have happened know. Fill in the blank with a million things.

But think about it this way: if you tie off all the loose ends now, you won't be able to pick them back up later. Or you'll have to UNtie them first. It'll feel like having to start all over. Whereas if you leave some ends untied, open, you can come back to them later. You're so sure that this is the end of everything as you know it that you're actually MAKING it that way.

...oh. I never thought about it like that. Like maybe it's a better idea if I don't...truncate my life.

Um, yes. Non-truncation is generally preferable.

So...I don't have to try it all now. Or end it all now for that matter.

Definitely not. In fact...please don't XD

Huh. Well. This...this isn't so bad after all, is it?

It isn't :)


Saturday, March 10, 2012

"Don't Touch Me."

Maybe-unfortunately, that is a phrase that comes out of my mouth a lot. I don't really know why, but for some reason, physical contact makes me shrink inside.

If my sister tries to get my attention by touching my shoulder, I flinch away.

If my mom comes up behind me and hugs me, my muscles scream to shove her off.

If someone reaches out to hug me, it's a conscious effort to move towards them and not away.

More often than not, I end up snapping at the toucher, at least when I wasn't expecting the contact. If I didn't see it coming, being touched is a sinking feeling, a jolt of adrenaline, and leaves my skin crawling. Physical contact feels a little bit like being trapped to me.

I'm not sure if I've always been this way, or if it came with puberty or something XD It definitely got worse around 12, when girl friends start to get all huggy and touchy-feeling. Not that there's anything wrong with that, really.

As horrifying and pity-inducing as this post might seem, this is actually NOT a big deal to me. This weirdness is far from crippling. If I see a hug or a poke coming, I can be fine with it. It's just the weird, knee-jerk reaction of WHAT THE HELL? GET OFF OF ME! that I find unfortunate in myself XD I'm trying to work through it, but, like most things, it's a work in progress right now.

So, for all, like, four of you know know me in real life, don't necessarily hesitate to make contact. But also don't be offended if I react as though you were trying to rape me XD


Friday, March 9, 2012


That word sort of bothers me, because it doesn't etymologically mean anything. ANNIversary comes from the Latin words "annus," meaning "year" and "vertere," meaning "to turn." So what does "blogoversary" mean? The turning of my blog.

Hm. Okay, so it makes slightly more sense than I originally feared.

I digress.


One year ago today, I posted a quick welcome and then jumped straight into the important stuff: hott actors.

Want to know a secret? I decided to start Pandora so that I could post that post. I'm serious. The desire to post about hott actors is what pushed me over the edge. It's completely true that my old blog had started to feel really fake and I had outgrown it. It was only a matter of time before I started Pandora.

But the last straw was when I got a lot of self-righteous, critical feedback for posting about hott actors on my old blog. It occurred to me that if my followers couldn't embrace the slightly more worldly pieces of me...well, then what the hell was I doing giving them all the awesome pieces of me?

The Perfect Girl box was running out of oxygen fast. I needed somewhere that I could be ME, whole damn thing.

Pandora have given me a venue of complete freedom to express myself, because I say up front that I'M NOT PERFECT AND I PLAN ON MAKING THAT REALLY, UNCOMFORTABLY OBVIOUS, 'KAYTHNXBAI.

Through Pandora, I haven't just revealed myself to the world. I've also revealed myself to MYSELF.

I've come to face myself--all of myself. The good, the bad, the ugly, the surprising, the uncomfortable, the tragic, the encouraging, the exciting and the furious. I honestly think Pandora has helped me grow as a person, especially in the areas of openness and personal direction.

Pandora also was--and is--the only place where I can openly talk about "my problem," meaning my struggle with masochistic erotica.

It's still ridiculously hard TYPE THAT OUT. But each time I do, it gets a little easier, and the burden on my chest gets a little lighter.

I'm slowly, surely, FINALLY becoming me, guys. And it's largely thanks to YOU. You who accept me, listen to me, counsel me, humor me, talk to me, believe in me, support me, challenge me, advise me.

I want to say Thank You. Creating a venue to express myself is something I did on my own. But having an incredible support system of fellow bloggers is not something I can do for myself. You guys continue to bless me every day. I hope Pandora and I can do for you just a little of what you do for me.

Happy birthday, Pandora :) Here's to many more.


Thursday, March 8, 2012

True Story

Thanks for following, Elegia!

On rare occasions, Facebook crap pays off XD

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that 1,100 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by, and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace, and stopped for a few seconds, and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping, and continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried, but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally, the mother pushed hard, and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money, but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the most talented musicians in the world. He had just played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, on a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?


Wednesday, March 7, 2012


Thanks for reading, LaFroggy!

Three years ago today, my family moved into this house. I can hardly believe we've been here that long. It feels like...a year. Two is a stretch. But it's actually been THREE...

Things Come to Like or At Least Gotten Used To:
~ 4 bathrooms. It is so freakin' great, guys. No more waiting with a bladder about to burst. Ever.
~ WALKING to find someone when you want to tell them something. At my old house, you could hear anyone from anywhere in the house.
~ A miniscule yard. I still dislike it, but I've come to admit that it isn't ACTUALLY that small; our old yard was just MASSIVE.
~ 2 TVs. And cable. How did we survive before?
~ Gas fireplaces. It hasn't ceased to feel fake, but I'll admit, the convenience of warmpth at the flick of a switch is aaaalmost worth it.

Things That Still Throw Me Off:
~ My parents sit at different ends of the table than they did at the old house. I don't even understand why they changed this when we moved. My mind is hardwired to think that Mom sits on the left and Dad sits on the right. I mix up their water glasses every time.
~ Having the air vents on the ceiling of my room. I just hate it. I always feel like there's air blowing on me and it gives me a headache.

Today is also the three-year anniversary of FINISHING DRIVERS' EDUCATION {although yes, I did JUST get my license} and meeting one of my best friends, Sam. W00T!


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Country vs. City

When some people see that, they see boredom. They see no public transportation, movie theaters or shopping malls. They see days of horrifying emptiness stretching as far as the eye can see. They see something to be escaped, run from as fast as possible. They see a prison.

When I see that, I see freedom. I see freedom to be as loud as you want without bothering the neighbors. I see freedom to let your kids run wild without worrying that they'll be kidnapped or killed. I see space to run and yell and spin and jump and lie down.

I see air filled with the friendly scent of grass and the spicy scent of leaves.

I see land that belongs to people, not corporations. I see land that you can DO things with, without checking committees or offending anyone. I see land that will live on through arguments and laws and regulations and time. I see something strong and beautiful and enduring.
When some people see the country, they see a prison. When I see the country, I see freedom.

When some people see that, they see excitement. They see things to do and people to see. They see a city that never sleeps, never stays the same. They see newness and beauty. They see cabs and subways and sidewalks. They see opportunity. They see freedom.

When I see that, I see crowds. I see noise and dirtiness and odd smells. I see walls closing me in and cutting me off from the world. I see frowns and shoving and people getting in my way. I see rushes and not enough time. I see conformity and a looming atmosphere. I see a prison.

I see so much individuality that true uniqueness is lost. I hear words guarded so carefully that inspiration doesn't have a chance. I see so much dependence that solitude is treated like a disease. I see rules and regulations. I see people getting offended while shrieking about tolerance. I see people all up in my business. I see no privacy.

I see a cage of conformity, a brig buildings, hubbub of hassle.

When some people see a city, they see freedom. When I see a city, I see a prison.

If you love the city, I'm glad for you. If you love the country, I understand you. To each his own, and that's just the way it ought to be. Whether you see freedom in the country or freedom in the city, we all have one thing in common:

We all think we're right XD


Monday, March 5, 2012

Eleven Again

Hey! So, Shena at Pens, Thespians and Words tagged me with the Eleven tag a while back. I actually already did this tag HERE, but Shena's questions are really fun, so I'm going to answer them anyway :)

1: What is your favorite book? This is very hard. I usually cheat whenever I get that question and give three or four {or ten} books. But this time, I'll say... "A Thief in the House of Memory." It's probably not my FAAAAVORITE BOOK OF ALL TIME!!!, but I really liked it a lot, and I've never mentioned it here before.

2: Have you ever traveled to another country? If you haven't where would you like to go? I have :D I've been to Spain, France and Italy. Italy was definitely my favorite. I love the food, culture, history and people. It's also incredibly beautiful. But I've always wanted to go to Greece and Ireland.

3: What is your favorite genre of music? Ooh. It depends, but I'll say metal{core} and Celtic. And punk. And whatever Florence + the Machine is. Okay, so aside from country and rap, I like whatever is good XD

4: What is your favorite hair color? I love black hair, but I wouldn't look good with it.

5: Do you like YouTube? Eh. It can be really helpful, but a lot of times it's a time-sucker and can lead you to a lot of crap XD

6: Which fictional characters have you had crushes on? If you haven't which character is your favorite? Oh jeez. *wince* I just made the list, and it's almost embarrassing. I'm pretty sure I've had more fictional crushes than real ones. Actually, I'm definitely sure.
Jack Swigert {NOT fictional, but when I was ridiculously young I had a crush on the Kevin Bacon version of him in Apollo 13.}
Legolas ~ LotR
Anakin Skywalker ~ Star Wars
The Thief Lord {Scipio} ~ The Thief Lord
Dustfinger ~ Inkheart
John Sager ~ On to Oregon
Aragorn ~ LotR
Murtagh ~ Eragon
Eragon ~ Eragon
Johnny Tremain ~ Johnny Tremain
Edward Cullen {Oh, bite me. ...HAAAAAAAAAA XD} ~ Twilight
Emmett Cullen ~ Twilight
Jace Wayland ~ The Mortal Instruments
Fang ~ Maximum Ride
Will Herondale ~ The Infernal Devices

7: If you could have a lightsaber, what color would you want it to be? Green.

8: What Jedi/Sith would you be in the Star Wars universe? I'm not sure. *goes to find a quiz* Alright. So, I'm 75% Luminara Unduli. I have no idea who that is... Shena? Help? :3 Second is Anakin. Nice... Obi-Wan is dead last. Hm.

9: Do you like anime? If so, which is your favorite? I do, but I haven't seen nearly enough to be a real fan. I like the Naruto I've seen...

10: What is your favorite thing to learn about? I really love ancient Greek and Egyptian culture.

11: Who is your favorite superhero? NANANANANANANANA. Guess. Or read THIS if you can't XD

Thanks, Shena! Those were fun!


Sunday, March 4, 2012


<<<< So. Do you?}

So, despite the fact that I'm eighteen, I'm actually new to having a license/driving alone.

{It's a long and tragic story. Maybe I'll tell you sometime. But I'm kind of tired of it, so more than likely not.}

To me, driving is easy and fun and liberating. I also enjoy using my own judgment without having my mother clutch the door handle like I'm NASCAR racing off a broken bridge into a lake of shark-infested acid.

*ahem* I'm feeling descriptive.

But aside from not having to drive with a woman who exudes tension and mistrust, I've noticed several other things as a new driver.

~ I get sort of attached to the cars around me. You learn each others' speed and breaking styles, and after a while it's almost like you know each other. But then someone makes a turn and the process has to start over. It's mildly depressing.

~ Drive-thrus are more challenging than I originally assumed.

~ I love driving in the fog. Like, I actually do. There's an element of adventure and excitement in having to trust that the road is going to be there when you get to it.

~ Oh. Messing with your iPod while driving actually DOES impair your focus. Weird.

~ Deer are retarded. They're so retarded that I don't even want to dwell on this bullet point long enough to make it funny because they don't deserve it.

~ Maintaining the speed limit is a constant focus. I didn't realize what a relentless facet of driving this is. I assumed you would just reach the appropriate speed and the car would stay that speed as long as you maintained the same amount of pressure. But that would be too easy.

~ I love watching peoples' expressions when I stop at a light and I'm blasting metal. Double-take citaaaaay.

That is all.


Saturday, March 3, 2012

Staple Foods





No matter where you go, there they are.

I love these three foods. They aren't technically "favorites," but they have a special place in my mind.

Bread. Cheese. Potatoes.

They're simple foods, the three foods that do their job in a clean, wholesome way. They're staple foods, the three foods that traverse the boundaries of time, place and world.

Les Miserables ~ Jean Valjean steals bread to feed his sister's children.
Farmer Boy ~ Almanzo and Alice split a baked potato.
Catcher in the Rye ~ Holden eats Swiss cheese sandwiches.
The Bible ~ Jesus turns five loaves of bread into enough for 5000 people to eat.
A Christmas Carol ~ The Cratchit family eats mashed potatoes with their Christmas meal.
Hansel and Gretel ~ The children use breadcrumbs to mark their path.
Dharma Bums ~ Ray offers to share his bread and cheese with a hobo.
Lord of the Rings ~ "Po-ta-toes! Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew?!" - Samwise Gamgee

Bread. Cheese. Potatoes.

I spent 80% of my childhood somewhere other than the middle class home of a small white family.

Probably 20% of my childhood was spent traveling dusty roads and sleeping in covered wagons.

About 15% was spent in abandoned cabins with my six brothers and sisters, making our way without adult supervision.

Another 20% of my childhood was spent fleeing on bare feet from various captors with various beasts by their sides.

10% of my childhood was spent in damp stone castles or the surrounding peasant villages.

5% each was spent in the Shire, Lothlorien, and on Tatooine.

But no matter where I was or what I was doing, three foods were always present:

Bread. Cheese. Potatoes.

Isn't that interesting? Or maybe it's just me. It very well might just be me. But every time I eat one of the Staple Foods, a little extra warmth lands in my belly. A little extra comfort envelops my mind. A little extra sparkle creeps into my eyes.

So next time you eat one of these staple foods, I hope you'll stop and remember how awesome they are.

Or at least how weird this blogger named Stephanie is XD


Friday, March 2, 2012

Eat My Salt

<<<<< Hm?

I tutor a first-grader named Collin. Sometimes he likes to stall and take maybe three or four minutes to get his butt to the kitchen table.

I don't really care. I usually just end a text conversations or look through pictures on my phone or read whatever junk is on the table until he comes down.

Yesterday, though, he took a lot longer. I waited.

His house is big. It's expensive. It's that kind of semi-awkward quiet where you're not sure if people are REALLY in other parts of the house, or if they're just lurking around.

I started thinking about The Sound of Music.

Have you ever seen The Sound of Music? There's a part where Maria comes to the Von Trapp family's house for the first time. Their house is big and expensive and awkward-quiet. The housekeeper tells Maria "Wait here, please" and goes to get Captain Von Trapp.

Of course, no one in movies ever "waits there," and Maria ends up in the ballroom, dancing around, only to get discovered by a none-to-happy Captain Von Trapp.

Then there's the part in Princess Diaries when Mia is waiting for the Queen to come downstairs, and she lifts the lid off a random glass container. Of course it makes a loud clatter when she puts the lid back.

Those movie scenes flitted briefly through my head without any real processing. People are stupid, I thought. You know how that is. You think about it, but you don't really THINK about it.

So I kept killing time. I checked my phone, I looked over Collin's spelling test, I centered the centerpiece, I looked at the salt and pepper shakers. They were sort of people-shaped. Maybe. Hm. What were they?

I turned one of the shakers around, expecting to see a face or something decorative, but there was nothing to see. What a boring salt shaker. Or maybe it was a pepper shaker.

Which was it?

Sense of judgement = blank.

*tips shaker over*

*ten thousand tiny white grains spill everywhere*

"Oh, sh't." It was a salt-shaker apparently. With especially large holes.

*hears footsteps coming*


Here I'd been, judging Maria for wandering into another room, and Mia Thermopolis for peeking into a dish, and what do I do?

I dump salt everywhere.

I'm not proud to say that I just brushed the crap onto the floor and hoped it would disperse enough that it wouldn't be noticed. I'm pretty sure it worked.

*sigh* Moral of the story: Don't judge characters so harshly. Chances are you're every bit as dumb.


P.S. The next day, they had moved the salt and pepper shakers from the table :3 They probably thought one of their kids did it. Little do they know that on occasion, and eighteen-year-old can be just as childish as a first-grader XD

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Reference Letter


Dear Sir or Madam,

Matt is one of my oldest and favorite friends. Church brought our families together when Matt was only three years old, and we grew—and are growing—up together. I have had the privilege of watching him become the person he is meant to be, and am constantly encouraged by the young man I see emerging. I am confident that Matt would not only benefit from the Westward Bound experience, but would also bring laughter, integrity and enthusiasm to the group.

Matt has a wonderful sense of humor. He appreciates teenage boy humor as much as the next freshman, but he also creates fun in unexpected and witty ways. His hilarious, though harmless, quips and comebacks make everyone laugh, and often spread a spirit of acceptance or diffuse tension. He manages to hit the sweet spot of being entertaining without being overbearing. Having Matt around is guaranteed to bring genuine laughter to the group, but also a spirit of integrity.

Young people often struggle with choosing the right thing over what the group might be doing. However, Matt has never been one to follow people—even his friends—against what he knows is right. He represents his principles in whatever way appropriate, be it quietly or persuasively. Matt’s sense of fairness goes beyond merely following the letter of the law; he understands the subtleties of right and wrong, and leads by example. You’ll find fewer people being unkind or dishonorable with Matt around.

Matt also leads by example when it comes to enthusiasm. When Matt believes in something, his passion is contagious. Even those who were originally disdainful may find themselves being drawn towards Matt’s attitude of willingness to learn and engage in a project. Matt is a diligent worker and a valuable ally when it comes to getting others involved and excited.

With his sense of humor and quiet leadership, Matt would unite the group and encourage a spirit of enthusiasm and integrity. I think he would be a tremendous addition to the Westward Bound group. He would benefit educationally and personally from the experience, but would also inspire the same in others. Matt is the kind of student every organization loves to have as a part of their project.

Reference letter for my un-biological little brother. Except that he's bigger than me now. Considerably.

Ah. I love him a lot.