Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Eleven

<<<<< Batman is NOT winning. Does THAT bother you? XD Vote.

I've been tagged by Gabrielle.

The Rules
1) post these rules.
2) post 11 random things about yourself.
3) answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
4) create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5) go to their blog and tell them they've been tagged.
6) no cop-outs in the tagging section like “if you are reading this/follow me,” blah blah blah. you have to legitimately tag people.

Questions from Gabrielle
1) What is your favorite song? Right now, I’ll say No Light, No Light {Florence + the Machine}, Through Glass {Stone Sour} and Angels of Clarity {Dead by April}.
2) Who is your favorite artist? Hm, this could be interpreted different ways. My favorite PAINTER? Jan Van Eyck. My favorite SINGER? Florence Welch.
3) Name a hobby or passion you have. Making lists.
4) Favorite quote? “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” ~ Napoleon Bonaparte
“To sit back hoping that someday, some way, someone will make things right is to go on feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last - but eat you he will.” ~ Ronald Reagan
5) Are you athletic, artistic, or both? I’m both, but perhaps more artistic.
6) One of your favorite movies? Batman Begins
7) Do you have a lucky number? What is it? Yes. 5.
8) What is your favorite season? Summer, without a doubt.
9) Do you have curly hair, straight, or in the middle? In the middle. Some days it’s beautifully curly, others it’s sickeningly wavy.
10) Dogs or cats? Cats. And I’m allergic.
11) If you had one wish, what would it be? That my best friend wasn't getting married in June.

Eleven Things About Me:
1) I love the way Dead by April says "clarity" in "Angels of Clarity."
2) I love Tyson chicken nuggets. And their commercials.
3) If someone called “Ember!” in a public place, I would turn.
4) I have developed a love for trollface comics. It’s a miracle I haven’t subjected you guys to them yet.
5) I prefer guy friends to boyfriends.
6) Ronald Reagan is one of my heroes.
7) I love to argue. So much.
8) Word limits are my nemesis. {Not my arch nemesis, mind you; just a low-grade one.}
9) My shoulder cracks. And it’s started to hurt and interfere with movement. But I will not go to the doctor. I’ll probably be armless by Easter.
10) I still think I would like to marry Bruce Wayne.
11) I just can’t get into Pinterest.

Eleven New Questions
1) Does it bother you when people turn the volume to numbers like 14 or 29?
2) Have you ever read a book that made you cry? If so, what book and why?
3) Batman or Superman?
4) What’s your most embarrassing nickname?
5) What’s the most outrageous rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself?
6) Would you rather go without chocolate or chewing gum?
7) Why did you start blogging?
8) Do you crack your knuckles or bite your nails?
9) Did you watch Arthur as a child?
10) Do you psych yourself up before killing a large spider?
11) What would you do if you woke up tomorrow and had lost all your followers?


~Stephanie

Monday, January 30, 2012

The Ellie Experience Part 2

*sigh* Being Ellie's friend is exhausting at best. We used to help each other equally; she'd rant to me, I'd rant to her, and we'd help each other out. I always felt better after talking to her. She would help me see reason, and I'd do the same for her.

I don't even LIKE girl friends that much, but being friends with her was one of the most helpful things in my entire life.

However, lately it's all about Ellie. I mean even before she got engaged. She didn't want to hear about my problems; I was simply her personal shrink and if *I* ever needed something, oops, it wasn't a good time to talk.

I missed her more than I could see coming. My insides started to fall apart rather unexpectedly. I starting thinking a lot of thoughts that needed to be sorted out, and suddenly I realized that the person I wanted to talk to the most was Ellie, who wouldn't talk to me. I tried my guy friends, who were great, but what I really needed was my best friend.

Then the other day when Ellie texted me, she said she knew she'd been a crappy friend lately, but I was seriously her best friend and she was sorry.

:D YAY!

See, sometimes I forgive too easily. Maybe "forgive" isn't quite the right word. But if someone has been a jerk to me {like Ellie}, the second they show a sign of acknowledging it and wanting to do better, I'm all over it. I smile, I laugh, I feel happy tears. Yay! My friend is back! I'll help you with your problems again, and I know you'll help me with mine now! Yay! :D

I actually have to guard against that tendency. {And by guard against it, I mean panic to someone I trust and cling to what they're telling me is the right thing to do because I really just want to believe that the friend will change.} But with Ellie I didn't guard that well. I was ecstatic that she'd "come back" and we could help each other with life again.

However even in the lull between helping Ellie make a difficult decision and telling her parents about it, she never once asked what was going on with me, even just to say, "I really want to hear what's up with you later!" In our conversation, it was painfully obvious that something was up with me.

Me: "I'm glad to help! Dealing with this stuff is fresh in my mind because I just did something a tiny bit similar."

A mentally ill person could read between the lines on that one. But she didn't even acknowledge the message in there. She just said,

"Well i'm so glad cause i need all the help i can get right now!!!"

:-/

Glad to help.

I really want to be someone who doesn't need help figuring out her thoughts. I'd love to rock on with life, shrugging things off and sorting things out on her own. That would be ideal. Then I wouldn't have to bother others, and I'd feel a lot stronger in myself.

Sometimes I think I'm becoming that way. When I started this blog, I felt that way. Up until recently I've felt that way. But then I just realized that was because I didn't HAVE confusing thoughts.

I wasn't getting stronger, there just wasn't anything to lift. Now that there is, I'd like some best friend help.

And now that there is, she's not around to help me.

~Stephanie

Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Ellie Experience Part 1

<<<<<<< Batman is winning. Does that bother you? Vote :D

Thanks for following, Alice! {She's also going to write for the Miss Unlimited blog, which is, by the way, launching soon, guys!}

{This is a rant that got too long and had multiple profound-ish conclusions, so I had to break it in half.}

Remember the friend I told you that got engaged? To the guy she'd been dating for only two months? {And she's definitely not pregnant.} And I think getting married is a stupid thing for her to do?

Because they're only seventeen.
Because they're not finished growing up.
Because who knows if they will be the same people in five years.
Because the people they turn into might not be compatible.
Because this means Ellie will most likely not go to college.
Because they have nowhere to live.
Because Ellie is doing it under pressure.
Because Ellie can't stick to a decision to save her life, so why is marriage a good idea?

That friend?

Well, the other day, she texted me:

"Stephanie."

"Yes?"

And she was having doubts. I gave her more or less neutral advice, not telling her not to marry Brian, just helping her to think things through. When it became obvious that she was coming to the conclusion I had already come to, I started slowly voicing my more biased opinion on what she should do.

We talked for three hours.

And she firmly decided to break off the engagement.

She knew she wasn't mature enough. She realized that there's literally ONLY SO MUCH maturity someone can have at seventeen. She realized that if she and Brian were meant for each other, they still would be in two or three years.

She was certain of her decision, and she told me to please be there for her and keep her straight, because now she had to face Brian. And her {really stupid, irrational, unhelpful} parents.

I told her to remember all the reasons she now firmly believed in. I told her I was there for her. I told her to trust the rational part of her brain, even when the irrational part reared its head. I told her to call me if she needed me.

She talked to Brian. She talked to her dad. She prayed.

And decided actually NOT to break off the engagement.

{As a general rule, I do not approve of profanity. It's distracting and unnecessary and not especially classy. If you agree with me, you might want to skip the next sentence.}

WHAT THE FUCK?

I knew this would happen. I knew it, knew it, knew it. She sees reason, sets it in stone, asks me to hold her to it because she knows it's the right thing to do, then turns right around and embraces the old way of thinking because she's a compliant flake who believes whoever happens to be talking with her at the time.

"Gods bigger than the fears, Steph," she says.

God is bigger than EVERYTHING, Ellie, that doesn't mean you should do stupid things.

"The Bible says to let your yes be yes, and your no be no. God will bless sticking to a decision."

Let's not even get too into that one, because if Ellie has ever stuck to a decision in the eight years I've been friends with her, I must have missed it. She quit flute, guitar, dance, soccer, church, a boyfriend, a school, another school, cheerleading, volleyball, another boyfriend, an engagement, and then she quit BREAKING OFF an engagement.

Don't even pretend like you're doing the "Let Your Yes Be Yes" thing.

But even if she were, it's still not a valid point. Someone could decide that theft is just the right thing for them. God is not going to reward them for making a bad choice simply because they STUCK TO IT. That's not how it works.

~Stephanie

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Priorities

Thanks for joining us, Grace S!

My best friend Cassidy and I are in love with Cassandra Clare's books {the Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices trilogy}. They're gripping, hilarious, sarcastic, well-developed and full of incredible characters.

However they are also full of the ever-popular Love Triangles. Despite Cassidy's and my usually-similar tastes, the concept of Love Triangles provokes very different responses from us.

Cassidy cannot stand them. As in she hates, loathes abhors, detests, despises and wishes Love Triangles would go burn in Hell for all eternity and beyond. She says, and I quote, "There's never a good solution. Someone is always going to end up hurt. Love is something so special and sacred; it's wrong for someone to have to compromise love that way."

She says love is THE most important thing to her. Nothing else in the world comes before love in her mind. Had she known the latest Infernal Devices book, "Clockwork Prince," was going to end the way it did, she says she would not have read it until the final book was released.

Then, as usual, you have me.

I do not mind Love Triangles. In fact, when they take the front seat of a novel, I tend to shrug them to the background automatically and focus on something else. It's not that Love Triangles bother me so much that I have to shut them out; it's not that I'm just a cold-hearted shrew who like to see people suffer. It's just that...I don't mind them. They don't affect me emotionally.

To me, yes; love is important. However, there are a lot of things in my mind that go before love. Family, Honor, Justice, Patriotism, THEN Love.

Now, you might be thinking "What if someone's family is unreasonably against the person you love? Do you side with your ridiculous, unfair relatives?"

No, because that would be a violation of Justice and/or Honor. If your family hates your beloved for an unjust reason, then go ahead. If your family insists that your beloved is too lowly for you, then that's a violation of Honor and you ought to go ahead.

However, the one you love has committed some horrible hate crime against your family or insulted your family's honor, then yeah, sorry. Family first.

Honor, in my mind, always comes before Love. Now WAIT. Before you flip out, let me explain what I mean by Honor. I do not mean Pride, Arrogance, or Public Appearance. True honor comes when you are standing up for the right thing against all odds, shame and slander. You stand up for yourself, your family, and the ones you love. You protect their Honor, because in my opinion, your own Honor rests on defending the Honor of those you love. Therefore, Honor is almost like a BRANCH of Love, and never HAS to give way to it.

What if the person you love has committed a crime and is sentenced death, but has had a genuine heart-change since the perpetration?

I'll have to get back to you on this. I can never make up my mind. But in less extreme cases, Justice always wins out. An dishonest piece of scum is not worth obstructing Justice for.

What if someone's country forces them away from the one they love? If it rips them apart for merely racial reasons, then again, that's unjust and dishonorable and you ought to ignore "patriotism" in this case.

But if the one you love is an unrepentant enemy spy or holds beliefs counter to the spirit of your nation, then sorry. Country first.

Love IS very important to me, but I do think there are certain principles that should not be broken for it. That's what I mean by Love not being my "top priority." Cassidy and I have talked about this, and we've agreed to disagree. Love is the most important thing to her, and it's just not the most important thing to me. I don't think any less of her, and she doesn't think any less of me {unless you count repeatedly calling me a cynic "thinking less"}.

How do you guys feel about this?

~Stephanie

Friday, January 27, 2012

Sleeping Beauty Questions

My friends and I recently sat down and watched "Sleeping Beauty." I fully expected it to be boring, predictable, cheesy, and stupid.

It was not.

I seriously enjoyed the movie. I don't know why I was so convinced it would suck. Even Princess Aurora wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated.

However, being the people we are, my friends and I couldn't help but make a few slightly sarcastic observances.

- It's heinously unfair for the king to command EVERYONE to burn their spinning wheels just to keep one girl safe.

- How could Aurora dream about the prince if she'd probably never seen a man before? She'd lived in the woodcutter's cottage alone with the three good fairies her entire life. How could she know what a man looked like? And how would you explain that, anyway? "They're like us girls, but with deeper voices and...different..."

- Don't the fairies realize that by putting the entire kingdom to sleep, they're wiping out a good percentage of the guys who might be able to kiss Sleeping Beauty awake? I mean, good thing Prince Philip wasn't in the kingdom at the time.

- Prince Philip loses his Shield of Virtue and his Sword of Truth while fighting Maleficent. Is that to say that you lose your virtue and honesty in your quest for love? Or that once you've found it, you don't need those things anymore?

Aaand that's what happens when four highly analytical seventeen-year-olds get together to watch an old Disney classic.

~Stephanie

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Disney Princes Go PG-13

Sorry Jay, Sam, and Aaron. It's another exclusively girl post.

While getting pictures for the Disney Princes list, I came across a fascinating page.


Someone has taken the Disney Princes and redrawn them in a slightly sexier light. Let's face it, girls: our taste has matured a bit since we were five.

Of course, not all the redraws work in my opinion. Some of them weren't especially attractive {Aladdin}, some of them were downright ugly {Tarzan and Shang}, some of them were better in cartoon {Prince Philip}, and some of them were unnecessary. {Like Will Turner NEEDED a redraw.}

But they all made me smile, and a couple of them were quite jaw-droppingly hott. I thought I'd share some of my favorites.

John Smith from Pocahontas

Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid

Peter Pan

Ahaha. You're welcome. Hopefully this didn't feel like having your childhood innocence brutally slaughtered in front of your eyes.

~Stephanie

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

You Might Be a Dancer...

If it is almost physically impossible for you to begin something NOT on an eight count when music is playing.

If you wear leggings and soffe shorts in public and people think it's cool.

If you instinctively point your toes every time your feet leave the ground.

If you can recognize useless French phrases such as "step of the cat" and "on the neck of the foot."

If people do not like to watch dancing movies with you. {Because you will either non-stop groan and sneer or non-stop gasp and ooh.}

If you count your everyday-life steps in groups of eight.

If certain songs make your body twitch in choreographed motions...ohhhh, that's right. You danced to this song when you were seven.

~Stephanie

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Rise of Elegant Eighteen

I should have seen it coming, but I'm shocked.

Guys, I'm going to be eighteen in two weeks. I have two weeks left of being a minor. It's crazy. It's weird. It's disturbing. It's frightening.

I know a lot of you who read this are already eighteen, or older, so you're probably laughing at me. I'll probably laugh at me in two or three years too. But right now, the prospect is uncomfortable, and I'd appreciate your not telling me how young and naive I am to be freaked out about this.

*comes up for air*

As much as the word "EIGHTEEN" has been making me jump recently, I have a bigger problem than just the age:

A party.

I'm drawing a blank. I have been for about four months now. It has to be awesome. It's my eighteenth. It needs to be awesome, unique, and memorable. It needs to represent me.

I know exactly how I want to FEEL at the party, and how I want others to feel. I want to feel happy and comfortable and crazy. I want everyone else to feel the same, with a small dose of This-Is-Unbelievably-Great mixed in.

I just don't know how to make that happen.

I LOVE parties. I love the music and the food and the people and the aura of spastic fun that hovers in the air.

However, I HATE hosting. I hate the part where if people don't have a good time, it's my fault. I hate the part where if the party is lame, *I* am lame. I how the part where everyone is watching if I do something stupid. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

*sigh*

But if I don't have parties, no one does, so I host anyway. This is especially the case of my eighteenth birthday party. I know for a fact that no one is planning a surprise party, so the burden of awesome rests solely on my shoulders.

Growing...

getting bigger...

pressing harder...

as the time for a birthday bash grows nearer and nearer.

I don't know what to do. I considered a Disney party, which was a hit last year, but it was Girls Only, and I'd like to accommodate my guy friends this year. I considered a Batman party, but that got tossed because my mom nixed all my ideas for it {out of Batarangs, a zip-line, and an insanely awesome black car, you'd think she'd have said yes to at least ONE of them}. Her suggestion was bowling. Um, not quite.

I am out of ideas. Beat. Drawing a blank. Don't know what to do.

This is where {hopefully} you guys come in? Do you have any suggestions? Any ideas at all? For those of you who have already become legal adults, what did you do for the big birthday? Help. Help. Help.

Please.

~Stephanie

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Test

Apparently my Cynic post got karma's attention, because people I know are breaking up with their significant others left and right these days.

For some of those couples, I feel this cruel sense of satisfaction at being so exactly right about what would go down. Oh, really? You got tired of him playing COD all the time? Couldn't see THAT coming. Oh, really? You finally decided that his lying to you actually IS a breach of trust? No waaay. Oh, really? Your forever just fell apart after four and a half months? Hm.

But then for some other couples, I'm devastated. People I thought had it together are also coming apart at the seams. WHAT?! You've been together for three years and have great relationships with God! D: WHAT?! You guys have been best friends your entire lives and suddenly each other is the devil? D: WHAT?! You two are an inconceivably perfect match for each other! D:

But no matter how I feel about the breakups, one thing is universal: the exes are become enemies.

I'm not seeing any simple parting-of-ways, no staying-of-friends, no taking-a-step-backs. These people are either turning on each other, or turning completely away from each other.

That's...sad. And I don't mean that in the condescending, "That's pathetic" way; I mean it in the lowered-eyebrows, widened-eyes, slightly-opened-mouth, tragic way.

To me, it makes it look like your entire relationship was a lie. One of you was NOT the person you professed to be. Someone was hiding something. Someone was ignoring something MONUMENTAL. To go from being perfect puzzle pieces to opposite-poled magnets in two weeks is just not natural; it's not real.

However, I believe there could be a saving grace coming for all this. Sometimes, when things fall apart it's literally impossible to stay friends at first. There's too much unsaid that you still can't say; there's too much hurt that you don't want to face; Sometimes it looks like your puzzle pieces have permanently morphed into those evil magnets, when it's really just a phase that has to happen.

I think the truest test of two peoples' friendship is how they carry on after a breakup. If you become swore enemies or cease to be friends...and that sticks, your friendship wasn't EVER completely healthy. But if you go through Hell with each other...and eventually find a way to stay friends...

That's what love is all about.

~Stephanie

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Being Belle

As you probably know, "Beauty and the Beast," the greatest animated Disney movie of all time, is back in theaters for its 3D version! Aside from the Lion King's 3D phase, I hadn't ever seen a classic Disney film in theaters. I was like 1 or 2 or -3 when they all came out.

So some of my friends and I went to see "Beauty and the Beast" last week :D It's amazing how much detail you notice on the big screen. I loved it even more than usual.

But of course, being me and my friends, we couldn't just go see a movie like this. Not just plain "go see it." Being me and my friends, we had do something unusual and awesome about it.

So we dressed up.

Me as Belle, Kirsten as Gaston

Now, I knew I would look odd. I knew people would give me weird looks. I knew I'd probably get stared at. But I admit:

Being legitimately mistaken for Belle by small children never occurred to me.

The first time it happened was in the bathroom. It was before the movie started, and already I've forgotten that I was wearing a costume. Kirsten and I really had to pee, so we raced into the bathroom and I slammed the door of my stall. Then I heard a little voice go,

" *gasp* Mom! Mom, I just saw Belle!"

I heard the mom gently acknowledge her daughter, but she was apparently talking to another grown-up. Then I heard little tapping footsteps and the mother say,

"Emmy! You can't look under the stall doors! People might be in there!"

O_O Oh my. She was COMING FOR ME.

The girl quit, but I waited for a bit in the stall anyway, sort of hoping she and her mom would leave. They didn't right away, and I didn't want to miss any of the previews, so I had to come out.

I cautiously opened the door and went to the sink. The little girl's mouth opened slightly.

"Mom. Behind you," she whispered.

I smiled and waved as the mother turned. Her eyes lit up in recognition.

"Oh, is that Belle?" she said, stroking the girl's light brown ringlets. "Say hi."

The little girl stared with huge, awestruck blue eyes.

I waved again and said, "Bonjour."

Then Kirsten and I had to get back to the theater. But that little girl in the bathroom pretty much made my life.

I got stopped three times on the way out after the movie by parents and their kids who wanted to say hi to Belle. I loved it. I've always wanted to be Belle at Disney, so it was kind of a dream-come-true experience.

At Panera Bread later that night the cashier lady asked if she could put my name in the system as "Belle." When I told her sure, she said, "This just made my day!" So when my sandwich was ready, the whole restaurant turned to watch "Belle" go and retrieve her order.

*dramatic, dreamy sigh* Day in the life, I suppose. Never a dull moment.

No really. Never XD

~Stephanie

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Re: I Tutor Satan

I dreaded going to Collin's house yesterday. It takes me two minutes to drive to his house. But I usually leave at like 3:50, because the sooner we start, the sooner we get finished. {One of the simple, grown-up logics that does not translate to seven-year-olds.}

However, yesterday I left the house at 3:59, and the childlike logic of Oh-How-About-I-Actually-Just-Put-It-Off suddenly made sense.

I walked into his house...he wouldn't tell me where his backpack was, insisting that I already knew. {Turns out it was on the floor in front of me.} Once he got the backpack, he wouldn't sit down for a little while. But eventually he did.

He'd forgotten to bring home a book from school to read, so we got one of his old favorites, "No, David!" that he can read in about five minutes.

We set the timer.

2 minutes and 24 seconds. Bam.

Then it was time for spelling. I braced myself, but refused to let him see that I was just as reluctant as he was.

In Collin's class, the kids are given a spelling test every Monday with about twenty words on it. The teacher highlights the words that he misses and sends the list home with him so he can practice the missed words. He tests again on Thursdays and Fridays, only having to write the words he missed.

This week, his missed words were what, back, snack, prism, and pyramid. In past weeks, Collin has never improved. The words he misses on Monday, he continues to miss all week, mostly--if not entirely--because he's a stubborn brat. Yesterday, I was expecting no different.

But he pulled out his list...AND ONLY PRISM AND PYRAMID WERE STILL HIGHLIGHTED.

:O O.O WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!

He got three more words! Our practice and my refusal to let him cop out even when he hated me paid off! I was through the roof with excitement!

"Collin! Great job! Look at that! You got THREE MORE WORDS! That's awesome! Don't you feel great? You should be so proud of yourself. I'm so proud of you!"

But I knew we still had to practice prism and pyramid. Things were sure to go down hill then.

He resisted the practice, as usual. Refusing to sit up, moaning, not holding the pencil.

But then.

He stopped. He sat up and sounded out pyramid.

He got it.

"Great job!" I said, high-fiving him. "Alright, now let's try for prism. Sound it out; say it slow for me." He did. "This word is kind of tricky, because it sounds like it has a Z in it, doesn't it? But it--"

"I know," he said, looking me straight in the eye. "It's an S, like in was."

*blink*

"Ah, yes. Yes, it is EXACTLY like that. Good job."

And he wrote the word.

:DDDDDDDDDDDD

*victory dance including screaming, beaming, jumping, etc.*

What do you freaking know? Tuesday's afternoon of holy flaming Hell paid off! He gets the words! He listens to me! He doesn't hate me! This is GREAT. I feel like a rockstar, and he does too, which is even more important. Yay :D

Wonder how long this'll last...

~Stephanie

Friday, January 20, 2012

Never Will I Ever...

Thanks for following, Elizabeth! Sorry I can't find a link to you.

I will never...

wear leggings as pants.
betray the principles of my country.
name my kid Harry.
be in a relationship with a guy whose profile picture is him shirtless.
say "totes adorbs" and mean it.
have liposuction.
call Achilles and Patroclus gay.
fully understand the appeal of Chuck Norris jokes.
say, "Who?! Oh. It's only Batman."
hide a music player on Pandora.
spell "Stephanie" with an F.
think Simon Baker is attractive.

Of course, "never" is a very strong word and it would be just like karma to play a joke on me and have me break these. However, come rain or shine or torture or bribery or drunkenness, I can swear one thing for sure:

I will never, ever name my kid Harry.

~Stephanie

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Disney Princes

I've done a lot of hott guy posts in my time {just check the sidebar on the right}, and even a hott actress one.

But it never occurred to me to look at the cartoons until today.

At church {I know, so sacrilegious of us}, my friends Cassidy and Jesse {who is a girl, and no, I didn't misspell her name} and I were talking about Disney movies. Before long, we were contemplating the attractiveness of the princesses, and then inevitably, the princes.

There are ten "official" Disney princesses, and they each have a "prince," even though some of them aren't technically royal.

I guess when you find the right guy, he's your own personal prince. Or something.

The point is, I've put the ten Disney princes into order of overall hottness, taking into account their personalities as well as physical aesthetics. And heeeeeeeeeeere they are.

Flynn Rider {Tangled}
Flynn is the hottest prince in my opinion, hands down. You guys know I have a weakness for expressive eyebrows, and he has that covered nicely. I also dig the goatee. As a general rule, I dislike facial hair. However on the off chance that a guy CAN pull if off, I find it extremely attractive.

Flynn's personality is actually what put him over the top by a lot. He's funny, witty, sarcastic, quick-thinking, and daring. He protects Rapunzel and falls selflessly in love with her, BUT. He still maintains his personality. I hate, hate, hate, hate, HAAAAAAATE it when a guy falls in love and suddenly he's all weepy and sunshine and butterflies. Why do you think the girl fell for you in the first place? DON'T LOSE THAT.

*ahem*

So yeah. Flynn is the hottest.

Prince Philip {Sleeping Beauty}
Did you realize Prince Philip was this attractive? I didn't even remember what he looked like until Cassidy insisted that he was hott. So we looked him up. She was right. Sharp jaw, mischievous eyes, not disgusting eyebrows. All good. So I watched some clips on Youtube, and was further encouraged.

"No. Carrots." He looks hott when he says that to his horse, who dumps him in a lake XD

He's also witty, sarcastic and smart. He definitely has more personality than Sleeping Beauty, who is not even known by her given name and says about twenty words {not set to music} the entire movie.

Aladdin
Physically, I don't find Aladdin suuuper attractive. However, he's the only prince who's chest/abs you actually get to see {besides Shang}, so he doesn't have a lot of competition there. He's also tan, which I love.

Personality-wise, I love Aladdin. He's adventurous and brave. He's carefree, but clever enough not to get caught. And in the end, he sets the genie free. How nice.

Prince Adam {The Beast}
The Beast in human form, Adam, is hideous. His nose is awkward and pointy and his lips are gross and his Adam's apple is so big it looks like he swallowed a golfball.

However. If we were going on personality alone, the Beast, AKA Prince Adam, would tie with Flynn Rider. Adam is the most real prince of them all. He has flaws. The other princes are "perfect." Adam was a selfish, angry jerk in the beginning, and had to learn how to love--and he did. He became kind, but knew how to have fun. He gives Belle a library, the most amazing gift in the world.

Their love story is legit. They don't like each other, then they look deeper, then they understand each other, then they make sacrifices, then they realize they've fallen in love. It's not just "OH YOU'RE HAWT LET'S MARRY" or "DAANG YOU HAZ A PRETTY VOICE I LUV YOU" or "I'M BORED LET'S FALL IN LOVE." Belle and Prince Adam are real people and they fall in love in a real and meaningful way. That's beautiful.

Prince Charming {Cinderella}
He's actually a little girly-looking now that I pay close attention. But, his features have a neat, precise quality that I like, and I love dark hair. So there you go.

Prince Charming admittedly has the personality of a cabbage, but he does do two things right. First, he asks Cinderella to dance. Then he goes to great lengths to find her again. Good job. You get some points, bro.

Captain John Smith {Pocahontas}
John Smith has a strong jaw, BRIGHT blue eyes and a pioneer-strong body. He's extremely attractive physically. I'm not super familiar with the Pocahontas movies though, so I can't say if his personality is significantly greater than the other princes'. I do remember him not being a pushover though, which is good.

But I really remember nothing from the movie, so even THAT might be misguided.

Shang {Mulan}
I'm probably going to get cyber-yelled at for putting him this far down the list. I know, he has a great body. A really great body. But his FACE. Not a fan. And I don't really do bulk. I mean, I like a ripped guy as much as the next girl, but he's just sort of huge. I dunno.

I do like his personality though. It's hott. Tough, determined, good fighter, strong sense of justice, good relationship with his father...

Well damn. Maybe I should have put him higher up the list.

Prince Eric {The Little Mermaid}
Dark hair, bright eyes, not-too-bulky body. Nice, nice, nice. I like him.

He's this far down the list because I haven't seen the movie since I was like seven and I really don't remember him much. He did not, at least, fall in love with only a voice or only a face, thank God. Originally it was Ariel's voice that got his attention, yes. But he continued to love her personality even after her voice was taken. So there. He has some depth.

Prince Naveen {Princess and the Frog}
Oh shut up. I am not racist.

Naveen just doesn't make an impression on me. I wish I could remember enough about him to move him definitively up or down the list, but I just can't recall much of his personality. He stops being a self-absorbed 'tard, which is good, and his features are smooth, which is fine. But as an overall package...doesn't do a lot for me.

The Prince {Snow White's prince}
Ew. Ugly face, no personality whatsoever. He appears twice. One to stalk Snow White, which is creepy, and once to kiss her when he thinks she's dead. Also creepy. He's not even around when she eats the stupid poisoned apple. If you could find her to kiss her, you could find her to save her. Just saying.

~Stephanie

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I Tutor Satan

The awkward moment when you want to murder a seven-year-old.

No seriously.

Every weekday afternoon at 4pm, I drive 2 minutes to the house of this first-grader named Collin to help him with his homework. Collin is blonde-haired and blue-eyed and--upon first glance--reasonably cute.

I have known Collin since he was one year old, and as long as I've known him, I've disliked him. Mostly it's his parents' fault. In their eyes, he can do no wrong. Spitting? Adorable. Screaming? Adorable. Kicking? Adorable.

Now that he's in first grade with homework, his parents are starting to realize that Oh, Hey, This Isn't Adorable. Their solution? Hire me to be a parent for them five hours a week.

In my mind, it's not quite Collin's fault he's a holy terror. He couldn't speak coherently until he was six because he was spoken to with baby talk until he went to kindergarten--where he stayed for three years. Everywhere he went, it was all about him. No one ever made him tow the line. No one ever told him no. No one ever expected him to play fair.

Until I came along.

I was not raised like Collin. I was taught to say "please" and "thank you" and form sentences consisting of the correct words, in the correct order, with the correct pronunciation. I was taught that you treat others the way you want to be treated, that the world does not revolve around you, and that the quickest way to Nowhere is to be a brat.

Needless to say, Collin and I are on different wavelengths.

Despite that, we actually got along very well for the first six months of his grade-school career. I ran the show differently, yes, but Collin seemed to like the structure. He liked the way I didn't assume he was an idiot. He liked the way I told him no.

I taught him all kinds of reading tricks, like "O-U says OW, like when you hit your knee on something" and "A-Y at the end of the word says AY" and "See the E that's separated from the A by just one letter? That's a ninja E. It's quiet, but it makes the A say its name."

I started to enjoy tutoring Collin, and I think he liked it himself. His grades went up and he became second in his class. I was working hard, but so was he. HE was doing well. HE was learning to read. HE was improving. It was great.

And if the story ended there, it really would be great. But it doesn't, and it's not.

This semester marks the beginning of Collin's spelling tests. That means he has to know how to spell five words a week. It's not even that big a deal, and he could spell them if he tried. But for God knows why, spelling has turned him into a completely different--and infinitely more hellacious--child.

If he just sat there saying "No, I won't," I wouldn't care. If he sat there SCREAMING "No, I won't," I could handle it. But he does more than that.

He won't sit in his chair. He gets up even after I've told him multiple times not to.

He throws things. And then either A) accuses me of doing it, and goes off on a long, loud tirade about "WHY'D YOU DO THAT? GOSH, STEPHANIE!" or B) demands to be allowed to go pick up whatever it is he threw. So he can chuck it again.

He snatches things, be it the book, the pencil, the paper, or anything else not attached to the table. He's especially fond of trying to rip the homework from my hands while screaming, "YOU'RE GONNA RIP IT! STOPPPPPPP!"

He thinks it's all a joke. He laughs. He smiles. He thinks he's adorable. That's not completely his fault, seeing as how it's been practically drilled into his platinum blonde head since he was born. But I have news: he's not adorable.

He's Satan.

He makes up his own rules. "In MY world, I don't tell lies and you have to let me go play." "Well, you said you would read this page for me." "We always take turns doing spelling words." "You promised me you'd let me get juice." We're not in your world; no, I didn't; no, we don't; and how dumb do you think I am?

He's stubborn. And not the silent type of stubborn. He does all of the above relentlessly, and today he wouldn't stay in his chair no matter what I said. So, I sat beside him and put my arm around him. Not going anywhere now, are you? That pissed him off. Insert twenty minutes of us sitting like that, him repeating--among other things--"Well, until you let go of me I'm not gonna be ready to write the words. I'm not gonna write the words til you let go of me. Too bad we're gonna be here for like three days."

Twenty.

Effing.

Minutes.

This is AFTER I'd gone through an hour and a half of the aforementioned Hell.

The only way I kept myself sane was by breathing slowly and forcing myself to smile and keep my voice even.

He thinks HE'S stubborn? I had news for the kid: He was pitting himself against the WRONG GIRL if he was hoping to out-stubborn me. He was looking at the girl who, as a child, sat in a kitchen chair for two hours because she didn't want to take a vitamin. He was looking at the girl who beat her FATHER in a verbal head-butting battle at age nine. He was looking at the girl who won Mock Trial, conquered chemistry, saved a playground and became a general in an all-boys playground army.

WHO IS HE TO CHALLENGE ME?!

Turns out pretty close to my match. But not quite. Yeah, I outlasted him and we wrote the spelling words. But holy mother.

I don't know what changed when January first hit, but I hope we get over this bump in the road quickly. I don't know how much longer I can keep myself from shoving a pencil up the little demon seed's nose.

Pray for me. I have to go again tomorrow.

~Stephanie

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Keeping My Options Open

People get their panties in a wad about a lot of things. But the thing I'm thinking about right now is the "choice" girls face: career or family.

Girls I know tend to write those off not only as mutually exclusive options, but as a decision that must be made RIGHT NOW.

I am, as the post title suggests, just keeping my options open.

I have always wanted to be a mom. I've never considered otherwise, BUT I've also never considered not being a writer.

Now, being a mom just might interfere with being a lawyer. Lawyers work SO long and SO hard that it would be exhausting at best, impossible at worst. But my theory is, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

There's no reason for me to make a decision right now. There's no guarantee that I'll meet Mr. Right first thing after college, so I'm not going to stake my life on it. I'm going to go to school and stay on the path towards being a writer and lawyer, but I'm not so married {lawl, pun} to the idea that I'm not willing to rethink if I meet someone that I want to settle down with.

It just depends on what happens.

For now, I'm just keeping my options open.

~Stephanie

Monday, January 16, 2012

Book Memories

When I rambled about Libraries a couple of weeks ago, one of Jay's comments made me think about books in a new way.

"There is something to be said about reading a book people have enjoyed before you."

I had never actually thought about it that way before: reading a book other people have enjoyed. Not just the same story, but the very same ink and paper and binding.

They might love it just as much as I do. The book saw their laughs and tears and smiles and they were just as important as mine. Their widened eyes, their horrified gasps, their frantic fingers are all preserved in the book, right along with mine.

The book knows and remembers them just as it will know and remember me. The story has a story, not just in the words on its pages, but in the essence of the pages themselves.

Maybe I'm going too far with this.

But isn't it a beautiful thought?

~Stephanie

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Ceremonials

I've always loved the style, so I bought Florence + the Machine's Ceremonials album a couple of weeks ago. It's been pretty much all I've listened to. I love it.

Florence is INCREDIBLY talented, vocally. I saw her perform live on New Year's Eve, and she sounded exactly the same as she does recorded. There is no auto-tune involved with her voice. For any singer these days, that's praise-worthy, but once you year Florence's astounding range, you'll be even more impressed.

I also love her musical style. Her music is anything but ordinary-sounding. It's mystical, or eerie, or incongruous, but never boring. A lot of it has minor keys in it, which I love, and there's usually something unexpected, like the random trill of harp. Often you have to figure out what the song is talking about for yourself, although I think she's more literal in Ceremonials than she was in Lungs.

The songs on the album fall into six tiers of favoritism in my mind.

Tier #1: "Seven Devils." I love this song. The beat gets inside of me and makes me want to move, dance. It's deeply minor-sounding, eerie, unusual. I just love it.

Tier #2: "No Light, No Light" and "Only if For a Night." I love these songs about equally, although it took a while for "Only" to make it up this high on the list. It gets in my head and I love the lyrics and sound. I also love the sound of "No Light," plus it's catchy and reminds me of Will Herondale from the Infernal Devices trilogy :3 Probably because it mentions bright blue eyes.

Tier #3: "Heartlines" and "What the Water Gave Me." I like "Heartlines" because it has some beautiful notes and harmonies, and it makes me think. "What the Water" I like mostly for the sound. Neither are absolute favorites, hence being on tier 3.

Tier #4: "Spectrum," "Leave My Body." Both are interesting-sounding songs that I probably should listen to more often, but the other three tiers just steal my ears XD Both these songs are catchy and typical-Florence interesting.

Tier #5: "Breaking Down," "Never Let Me Go," and "Shake It Out." They're okay. For some reason they just don't stick with me. If they come on my iPod, I'm always like "eh, nah" and skip it, because there are so much better songs on the album. "Shake" is actually the most popular song, the one most people will know. But I almost don't like it.

Tier #6: "Lover to Lover," and "All This and Heaven Too." These last two songs actually sort of annoy me. I don't enjoy them. You might have a different impression though.

Alright, well, here's "Seven Devils," my favorite song from the album. You should definitely check it out if you enjoy unusual, but still catchy, music.


~Stephanie

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Colors

I wrote this in October of 2010. Not exactly cheery, but I found it the other day and sort of liked it.

Colors
10.15.10

I see the world in black and white.
No red. No blue. No green.
I see the world in black and white.
With bits of gray between.
I see the small and big alike.
The world holds nothing new.
I see the small and big alike.
No green. No red. No blue.
I do not feel alive anymore.
I live all day in my head.
I do not feel alive anymore.
No blue. No green. No red.
I don’t know how to fix all this.
It’s all my fault, they say.
I don’t know how to fix all this.
‘Cause it’s just black and white and gray.

~Stephanie

Friday, January 13, 2012

Book Review: Dreadful Sorry

Guys, go Google "askew." Lawl.

Thanks for following, G-Fish! {Her blog is so my style, and she's an MU writer also.}

{She followed like forever ago, but it was new news when I actually wrote this post...}

Title:
Dreadful Sorry
Author: Katherine Reiss
Stars: 2
Less-Than-500-Word Review in Short: Follow Molly Teague and her 2-dimensional cast members as they unravel the mystery to her visions in this eerie suspense novel.
Back-of-the-Book: {there is no back-of-the-book summary}

I Say:
“Dreadful Sorry” is a story set in the early 1990s about a girl named Molly who has disturbing dreams that begin to blend with reality. Her sleep is haunted by visions of a strange house and people and feelings of guilt. When she meets her friend’s cousin, Jared, things just go downhill. He triggers the strange feelings in her. Her nightmares start morphing into reality and she gets caught up in a bewildering and frightening mystery.

I read the first few pages of “Dreadful Sorry” at the library. It seemed centered around unusual dream occurrences, so of course I added it to my armload.

After the initial interest I felt at the library, my impressions of the book were negative. At first I thought it was just the 90s writing style, which I’m not a huge fan of, but that’s not it. The writing was weak and colorless and the descriptions were terrible. The dialogue fell flat; it just wasn’t believable. I don’t say this often, out of courtesy, but I could have written this story better. None of the characters had real personalities. They were all the 2-dimensional stereotypes we call Mary Sues.

The practical, logical mother who doesn’t believe in nonsense.
The silly, pixie-like young stepmother who tries to be affectionate and relatable.
The honest, understanding father who wanted a little joy out of life.
The Typical Girl who’s caught in the middle and doesn’t know what to make of her situation.

It’s all there, laid out in the open with no deviation from the usual cast. Molly’s friends don’t even merit memory-commitment. They’re more paper-thin than her family and only show up in one scene.

Then you have the plot. I admit, Reiss did a good job of making the story unnerving and creepy and I didn’t sleep well after reading “Dreadful Sorry” late. Who could sleep well with “My Darlin’ Clementine” wavering eerily through their mind? But I think part of the uneasiness was due to the poor quality of the story.

The plot construction itself was not well done. The order in which events take place and mysteries are unraveled could have been better. I would have had Molly’s visions occur before certain research was done, et cetera. I think it would have made the mystery greater and the sense of realization more satisfying.

In the end, I did not like the answer to the mystery, which will definitely ruin a good thriller for you. I’m sure not everyone would feel the way I did about the explanation, but I sure as heck did not find it gratifying.

I Liked:
- The effect of “My Darlin’ Clementine” was brilliant and effective.

I Didn’t Like:
- Awful characterization
- Poor writing
- Not the best construction

Audience: Anyone could read “Dreadful Sorry,” so long as they’re old enough not to be freaked out. I’d probably rate it PG if it were a movie.

Because of the poor writing, Mary Sues and silly plot payoff, I won’t be reading “Dreadful Sorry” again, but it’s a relatively quick read if you want to see for yourself.

~Stephanie

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Fragments

Too good to waste, too short to stand alone.

- Today I walked into the bathroom and saw we were out of toilet paper. I decided I didn't have to go that badly and left.

- The :-/ moment when you think, "Well damn. There's no way I can compete with that."

- I'm a real critic and snob about books, but when it comes to music I'm a lot more...lenient. You like what you like, and unless it's Hannah Montana I'm not going to tell you it's crap. I like what I like, even when you might say it's crap. I think I don't consider myself competent enough in music to judge songs with any authority.

- "Whenever you feel worthless, remember: you were once the quickest sperm cell."

- I hate it when I'm buying books in a series and they change the binding design style in the middle. I have some Ranger's Apprentice books with a big ol' series number on the binding, and some that just have the title. It is irritating.

- Sarah and I were walking through Wal-Mart the day after Christmas and I turned to her and said, "I love this belt. Now I can put my phone in my pocket and my pants don't fall off." And then I noticed the hott guy beside of us. He tried not to smile as he walked away. I think he was probably really nice.

- When people put extra letters on their words, my mental voice actually says them. So when you say "I loveeee herrr." I hear "Ahee lohv-eeeee her-ehrrrr."

- I've always wanted to marry a childhood friend. But then I look around at my childhood friends and think, "Nah."

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Turning the Tables

Thanks for joining us, Steph :D

{This post was slightly inspired by a post Alana did a while back.}

If you've been reading Pandora for long, you know I have no reservations about hott actors posts. I enjoy hott actors, and I enjoy bringing you enjoyment of them. Posting about hott actors also gives me a chance to look at pictures of them for minutes on end, while telling myself I'm doing something productive.

However.

One day as I was reading Alana's blog, I had a idea:

What if I do a post on attractive actresses?

Now, you know that my sensual affections remain unfailingly tied to the opposite gender, but I figured why not? You know my taste in hott actors. Which actresses do I think are especially pretty?

I also thought it would be kind of an enlightening post to write for myself; I've never thought given a lot of thought to actresses I think are beautiful. {I know, right? A corner of life that HASN'T BEEN THOROUGHLY OVER-THOUGHT BY STEPHANIE? Almost inconceivable. But I'm not Vizini, so I can conceive of it. Okay, I'm shutting up and getting out of the parenthesis now.}

{LOLJK.}

{Alright, now I am.}

I apologize. It is late, and I am insane.

Anyway, I did some Googling, and here is my Top Twelve List of Most Beautiful Actresses {in order}.

#1: Olivia Wilde

#2: Diane Kruger

#3: Frieda Pinto

#4: Catherine Zeta-Jones

#5: Malin Akerman
#6: Leslie Coutterand

#7: Mary Elizabeth Winstead

#8: Ashley Greene

#9: Kristanna Loken


#10: Eva Green

#11: Megan Fox

#12: Hayden Panetierre

What do you think? Girls? Guys?

~Stephanie

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Book Tag

{This tag was stolen from Shena a while back :3}

{Btw, the girl I had in mind when I wrote Cynic just broke up with her boyfriend. I strongly disliked the chica anyway, so even though I know it's horrible, my inward emoticon went "IN YO' FACE!" when I found out. >.< I have got to work on not being a jerk.}

1. Favorite childhood book?

{I interpreted “childhood” to be like 10-12} The Thief Lord, On to Oregon, Homeless Bird

2. What are you reading right now?
I just finished “The Year of the Hangman,” which is a story about what could have happened if the British had won the Revolutionary War. {That’s what it’s supposed to be about anyway.} I’m about to start "Midnighters," which sounds fascinating and it's by Scott Westerfield, so I'm excited.

3. What books do you have on request at the library?
None. But I have about twenty that I want to eventually read.

4. What do you currently have checked out at the library?
Green Angel, The Year of the Hangman, and Midnighters.

5. Do you have an e-reader?
Not really. My family shares a Kindle, but I haven’t gotten into it. I thought I would LOVE having one available, but I pretty much never use it.

6. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once?
It depends. I used to read like three at a time all the time. Now I usually go with one new book and one old, comfortable book at a time.

7. Can you read on the bus?
I usually get carsick when I read on the road.

8. Favorite place to read?
Anywhere. If it’s a good book, nothing will stop me.

9. Do you ever dog-ear books?
No. No. No. No. NO. I used to, really badly. But now just a turned down corner makes me cringe.

10. Do you ever write in the margins of your books?
Hm. Occasionally. But usually only in school books, and ALWAYS in pencil.

11. What makes you love a book?
The characters must be complex and likable; the plot must be well-planned and reasonably unpredictable; it can’t have unnecessary filler.

12. What will inspire you to recommend a book?
When it has all the aforementioned!

13. Favorite genre?
Fantasy, probably, but it’s hard to find fantasy books that I love anymore. I’m definitely over the whole paranormal-romance thing. I enjoy new spins on old ideas, like redone fairy tales and behind-the-scenes historical fiction.

14. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews?
If it was a bad book, I give it a bad review. Charlie don’t care if a book has sensitive feelings.

15. Favorite Poet?
Dr. Seuss, John Milton, Shakespeare. I’m not very familiar with poetry, but I can tell you for sure that I love and respect those three XD

16. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time?
I usually go to the library once a week and check out two books. With school, that’s about as many as I can hope to finish in a week, if that many.

17. How often have you returned books to the library unread?
Almost never.

18. Favorite fictional character?
Heh, I just did this for a college application :D
Hector, “The Iliad”
Aragorn, “LotR”
Samwise Gamgee, “LotR”
Jason Bourne, the “Bourne” trilogy
Batman
Anne Shirley, “Anne Shirley”
Darth Vader
Hamlet
Betsy Ray, the “Betsy” series
Lois Lane
Tex, “Tex”
Tessa, “Infernal Devices” trilogy
Will, “Infernal Devices” trilogy

19. Favorite fictional villain?
Darth Vader probably. His cold, clever, calculating manner is just great. The best kind of scary.

20. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation?
Whatever ones I’m reading, plus something from the “Lily” series, and possibly a “Farsala” book.

21. The longest I’ve gone without reading.
Like…16 hours? XD

22. Name a book that you could/would not finish.
Everything On a Waffle, Sea of Trolls, and Shadow of the Wind. I’m still holding out hope for all of them, though. One of these days…

23. What distracts you easily when you’re reading?
If I’m not really into a book, anything. If I’m really into a book, nothing.

24. Favorite film adaptation of a novel?
Lord of the Rings trilogy, Harry Potter films, The Chronicles of Narnia. The Hunger Games looks promising too, especially since Suzanne Collins {the author} wrote the screenplay.

25. Most disappointing film adaptation?
Eragon. That movie was a disgrace to filmmakers and story-tellers everywhere and should never, ever be mentioned in the same breath as the book. {EVER.} Inkheart was also an unmentionable atrocity, and Ella Enchanted didn’t follow the book at all. However, it was actually a good movie, just a different story, so that’s alright. Eragon and Inkheart sacrificed accuracy for…absolutely nothing.

26. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through?
If it was unbearably tedious.

27. Do you like to keep your books organized?
Alphabetically.

28. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them?
What a question! Keep them! I’ve only ever given away one book, Wicked Lovely. A lot of people liked it, so okay, but I thought it was terrible.

I tag anyone who wants to do it. Let me know though, and I'll come read your answers :D

~Stephanie

Monday, January 9, 2012

{lyrics}

Sometimes lyrics just hit me. I get a weird Feeling when I hear them, a cross between a shudder and an adrenaline rush. Sometimes it's because the lyrics are great, and sometimes it's just because. For whatever reason, here are some of the words that have been giving me chills lately.

"The sun goes down, I feel the light betray me." ~ Papercut, Linkin Park

"I created the sound of madness." ~ Sound of Madness, Shinedown

"I believe in you, I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies." Dance with the Devil, Breaking Benjamin

"And the first time, that you opened your eyes did you realize that you would be my savior? And the first breath that left your lips, did you know that it would change this world forever?" ~ I Celebrate the Day, Relient K

"Life me up, let me go." ~ The Catalyst, Linkin Park

"Black lips, pale eyes. Cyanide sweet tooth suicide." ~ Cyanide Sweet Tooth, Shinedown

"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing a hundred men or more could ever do. I blessed the rain down in Africa. It's gonna take some time to do the things we never have." ~ Africa, Toto

"No light, no light in your bright blue eyes. I never knew daylight could be so violent, a revelation in the light of day. You can't choose what stays and what fades away." ~ No Light, No Light, Florence + the Machine

"This is the unforgettable sound; bringing you up and taking you down." ~ High Voltage, Linkin Park

"When you lie like the devil himself, no angel's gonna hear your cry for help." ~ Cry for Help, Shinedown

"Just like a crow chasing the butterfly, dandelions lost in the summer sky. When you and I were getting high as outer space, I never thought you'd slip away. I guess I was just a little too late." ~ The Crow and the Butterfly, Shinedown

~Stephanie

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Saturday, January 7, 2012

A Little Something About Me

Let me tell you something about me.





The end.

~Stephanie

Friday, January 6, 2012

Cynic

A lot of my friends are in romantic relationships lately. Some of them are new, and some of them are just continuing. It's weird.

It's weird because my friends and I have all been in the Single Boat as long as we've known each other, at least most of the time. Now some of them are leaving to board other boats, which range from the Level-Headed Cruise to the Head-Over-Heels Canoe to the Barge of Giggles.

The Single Boat isn't lonely, which might be what you were expecting me to say. For the most part, I don't mind. I mean, there are times when it bothers me not to have anyone, but on a day-to-day basis I'm perfectly fine with it. {Better single than sorry, right? XD}

No, the hardest part of watching my friends get into relationships is knowing how to deal with them now. There's always the classic third wheel issue, but my biggest problem is this:

I can be a real cynic. My knee-jerk reactions to relationship slobber are things you ought never say out loud, at least not right away.

"I love him!" ------> No, you don't.
"The good outweighs the bad." ------> If you have to say it like that, it's not true.
"We're gonna be together forever :)" ------> Really? I give it four months.
"I thank God for giving me such a perfect guy :)" ------> I thank God I'm not this dumb.
"I know ALL ABOUT relationships now." ------> Are you really that naive?
"He says he'll never do it again." ------> He's a liar.

I wasn't always like this, at least not to this degree, and I don't think it's the best way to be.

There is a balance between the mushy naivety I see in some of my friends and the cold-hearted cynicism I live by. Unfortunately, I have yet to move to that neighborhood of happy medium, probably because deep down I still think I'm right.

No, not every relationship is doomed to fail, but I actually believe most high school ones ARE. Yes, some people do find their soul mates in high school. My awesome dance teacher is walking proof of that. She and her husband have only ever dated each other, and they are a great and happily-married couple. But the reality is that that happens to less than 2% of high school sweethearts.

I believe high school relationships are mostly about getting over the initial dating ineptitude that plagues adolescence. They are about having fun and maybe learning how to kiss someone. They can be deep and meaningful, but even if they are does not mean it will last forever. The odds are very much NOT in young love's favor. {Hunger Games <3}

Because of all this, I prefer to think I'm just being realistic when it comes to teenage love. And maybe sometimes I am. But the knee-jerk cynical reactions to romance are not all well and good. Something needs to change in me. I guess I'll work on it, but honestly being cynical is easier than being hurt XD

For now I shall simply try to restrain myself from vomiting during chick-flick kissing scenes.

Hey, baby steps, alright?

~Stephanie

Thursday, January 5, 2012

-cry-

Thanks for following, Perfectly Imperfect and Swati {can't find a link for you}! Hope you enjoy the world of Pandora :)

{A very odd post.}

-cry-

Some view tears as beautiful.
Some say tears bring peace.
Some call tears a weakness.
Some see tears as release.

Some people weep when happy.
Some people sob when sad.
Some peoples' tears are lonely.
Some people cry when mad.

Some people give in to tears a lot.
Some people seldom cry.
When and why for all is different, and
I've come to wonder why.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know I'm a complete analytical nut and that I like to keep lists and records. Well, twenty-eleven was most definitely the "worst" for record-keeping, because I had a special notebook dedicated to recording a whole bunch of stuff throughout the year. One of the lists was of the times I cried and why.

Anger/Frustration: 6
Actual Sadness: 6
Sad Movie/Book: 4
Other {includes homesickness from Europe}: 4
Love-Related: 2
Nostalgia: 2

It works out that I cried 24 times in 2011. I cried the least number of times in May {1 time} and the most in August {5}.

However, the last time, to this day, that I cried was September 9th, 2011.

I'm not sure what to make of that. The obvious answer {which you are all shouting at the screen} is "NOTHING." It means NOTHING. It means that I haven't cried, and that's all it means. It's not a big deal, and if I hadn't been intentionally keeping track, I wouldn't even know.

You are probably correct. But the possibility of something meaning "NOTHING" has never stopped me from analyzing anything.

{Ever.}

Possibilities:
I haven't been sad since September 9th.
I've become completely heartless.
I've learned to control my emotions.
My tear glands have quietly self-destructed.

It is not Possibility 1, I can tell you that much. I've been sad and almost cried on several occasions since last September. {One of them may or may not have involved someone eating my last reindeer peep. It was a bad day, okay?}

I also don't think it's Possibility 2. I don't feel COMPLETELY heartless. A little bit, maybe. I'm definitely cynical and a little on the cold side. But I wouldn't classify myself as completely and totally without heart.

I think the most likely Possibility is number 3; I think I've learned to control my emotions a little better. Part of that reason is certainly because I don't want to cry about everything, but the bigger part is that I like to challenge myself. CAN I stop myself from crying? How long can I go?

{I've discovered that drinking water when you feel like you're about to cry helps immensely. The act of swallowing loosens that heinous wad of emotion that gets lodged in your throat. Just in case you want to become heartless too.}

I doubt my tear glands have self-destructed. I'd be using eye drops like nobody's business and definitely know if they had.

So I've stopped crying to see if I can and in the process become naturally less emotional? Most likely. But it never occurred to me until today that that might not be a good thing. Am I compartmentalizing dangerously? Will I soon explode into a shower of pent-up tears? What if I stop feeling things altogether?

I wasn't worried until something awful happened today and I felt like I should be crying. I almost WANTED to. But the little anti-tear monster I've created rose up and incinerated the feelings without my consent. I couldn't cry. I felt a faint prickling in my nose, but that was as far as it got.

It felt sort of awful. When you cry, even if you don't like to, there's usually a sense of relief and release that comes with it. It makes you feel freer and better able to breathe. But I didn't get that. I just felt the wind-up to crying and then it passed, leaving me feeling sort of indifferent.

Right now, I'm back to not caring. I wonder why I started this post and am contemplating deleting it. But, since I've spent the better part of 45 minutes analyzing and clacking away on the keyboard, I probably won't. I don't want to waste all my hard work.

I might make me cry XD

~Stephanie