I have a problem.
My Facebook newsfeed is clogged with blog posts about marriage. "Single and Not Waiting." "My Husband is Not My Soul Mate." "I Wasn't Ready For Marriage." "Got Engaged and Immediately Doubted My Decision." "Hey Young People: Now's the Time to Get Married." "Stop Dating Someone You Don't Have a Future With."
Oh. My. God.
Leave. Us. Alone.
{And thus, my problem: How do I blog about blog posts about marriage clogging up media without it being ridiculously ironic? Answer: I don't know. If I figure out a way before I finish this post, awesome. If I don't, I'm posting anyway. Everyone knows I love irony.}
I honestly don't know why this annoys me so much. Maybe because I feel like it's a trend. It's TRENDY to talk about marriage right now. It's an infinity-scarves-and-Starbucks thing. It's just what profound Christian twenty-something bloggers discuss. The theme came up out nowhere, and will probably disappear having made no lasting impression on the world.
Marriage is important, yes. There are lots of misconceptions about marriage, and singleness, and the terrifying pop-culture concept of "The One;" I get it. We need to talk about it. We need to clarify the misconceptions and dispel the terror. We need to return to the Bible and be smart about how much we depend on another human for happiness and wholeness. Yes.
But damn. I'm dating a guy and I love him and I'm happy and we both love God and we get along great and we see a future together and I don't need some chick in Canada telling me that I have to put God first--I know that. I don't need some guy telling me that getting married isn't going to cause me financial stress--I pretty much know that it will, in fact, because combining two separate incomes and lifestyles will always pose adjustments. I don't need someone to tell me that I'm going to have doubts if I say Yes to a proposal--I am human and also Stephanie. Of COURSE I'm going to freak out and second-guess. {Although I do happen to have liked Mo's post a lot.} {And I like Matt Walsh, too.}
Maybe I'm just being bitter and petty and immature, but I feel like the media avalanche of marriage commentary is unnecessary. Anyone seriously considering marriage will come to these articles' conclusions on their own, and if they don't--in some cases--maybe that's okay.
If you're a Christian and you don't know to put God ahead of your spouse, then there are issues that a bubbly blog post is not going to fix.
And maybe you can marry someone you believe to be your soul mate and have a totally healthy marriage. Maybe you can live a totally moral and successful life without the disillusioning kick in the teeth of "HA HA YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK BECAUSE THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT FOR YOU."
Don't get me wrong, those articles are well-written and I understand the merit of being freed from counterproductive notions of marital perfection. I just subscribe to the Morgan Freeman method of social problem-solving. How do we fix all these problems? "Stop talking about them."
Can we stop obsessing and looking to other people to feed us Truths about life? What ever happened to logic and personal prayer and self-awareness? I just don't see taking someone seriously who comes up to me and says, "Oh my gawsh, this article, like, changed my life-ah."
{See, I can't even hear that sentence in anything but a Valley Girl voice.}
I think lasting, heartfelt revelations regarding anything, but maybe ESPECIALLY marriage, need to come from sources much more personal than mass-distributed blog posts.
I like to think that my role as a blogger is to start conversations. I have conversations, debates, and evaluations in my head, and I write about them as a way to process my thoughts. I hope that my posts might spark similar discussions inside your heads. But I never presume to tell you what to think. I'm not going to lie to you, but I will also be the first to tell you that I am not an end-all-be-all source of Truth. I'm not an idiot.
I'm still not sure if I've answered my own question of "why do I hate the torrent of marriage-related articles." Yes, I think they're overrated; Yes, I think they're pretentious and unnecessary; Yes, I think real heart changes come from more personal sources than blogs.
But maybe I just hate them because they're trendy and I'm tired of them. That also sounds like something I would do.
What are you thoughts on this?
~Stephanie
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Monday, November 3, 2014
Colors on My Soul
"Teal”
10/27/14
I loved a boy with a teal soul.
He had teal eyes,
Neither blue nor green.
Ambiguous. Enigmatic.
Small and piercing; slicing, sharp.
They were a one-way door.
Sly and sneaking, seeking.
Secretive. Shocking. Stealthy.
They pierced, they sliced,
They sought, they stole.
It was a teal soul.
"Green and Gold"
10/28/14
I love a boy with brown eyes.
He has a soul of green and gold:
Deep with alive;
rich with warm.
Gentle and bold.
Present and open; promising, proud.
They brought integrity.
Passionate and polite, perceiving.
Persistent. Pursuing. Purposeful.
They healed, they prodded,
They praised, they protected.
It made me whole,
His green and gold soul.
~Stephanie
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
A Spirare
I just hit the "Publish" button on the post called "Aspirations." I clicked "View Blog" to proofread it again, and was struck by that word:
Aspiration.
Out of nowhere, its Latin roots assaulted me unbidden: a meaning "of, from, by, since" and spirare meaning "to breathe."
Aspirations: Something from which we breathe.
Our aspirations--our goals, our dreams, our desires--are not only what we strive to, but what we breathe from. They aren't just in our futures, they are in us now, motivating us. When we breathe, we breathe because we're working toward something, working to be something.
I got up this morning because I aspire to be an English major. To be an English major, I must get up and read things and write things and study things and drink a lot of coffee (it's in the major requirement. Don't check; it's there)--and breathe. Because I aspire to be an English major.
I'm really starting to love the word "aspire." It is a light word. It's airy and crisp and invigorating--like a breath, I suppose, but a really good one. A breath of cool, sharp air that fills you with energy like electricity and makes you want to jump higher and run faster and smile brighter.
Aspire.
To what do I aspire? From what do I breathe?
I aspire to be a lover of words: to speak them effectively, read them closely, write them artfully.
I aspire to be a champion of truth, valuing it in people, institutions, and ideas.
I aspire to travel: to see places that amaze me and meet people who change me.
I aspire to know God and make him known.
I aspire to drink my coffee at a mature pace.
From what do you breathe?
~Stephanie
Aspiration.
Out of nowhere, its Latin roots assaulted me unbidden: a meaning "of, from, by, since" and spirare meaning "to breathe."
Aspirations: Something from which we breathe.
Our aspirations--our goals, our dreams, our desires--are not only what we strive to, but what we breathe from. They aren't just in our futures, they are in us now, motivating us. When we breathe, we breathe because we're working toward something, working to be something.
I got up this morning because I aspire to be an English major. To be an English major, I must get up and read things and write things and study things and drink a lot of coffee (it's in the major requirement. Don't check; it's there)--and breathe. Because I aspire to be an English major.
I'm really starting to love the word "aspire." It is a light word. It's airy and crisp and invigorating--like a breath, I suppose, but a really good one. A breath of cool, sharp air that fills you with energy like electricity and makes you want to jump higher and run faster and smile brighter.
Aspire.
To what do I aspire? From what do I breathe?
I aspire to be a lover of words: to speak them effectively, read them closely, write them artfully.
I aspire to be a champion of truth, valuing it in people, institutions, and ideas.
I aspire to travel: to see places that amaze me and meet people who change me.
I aspire to know God and make him known.
I aspire to drink my coffee at a mature pace.
From what do you breathe?
~Stephanie
Monday, October 13, 2014
Aspirations
You know how some people--and maybe you're one of them--can make a cup of coffee or a bag of M&Ms last for like hours? The cup just sits beside them on the desk as they attend to their work with focus and tranquility, largely oblivious to the delicacy at hand. Occasionally they'll take a sip. The steam starts to subside, but they don't seem to mind. They have mastered the arts of moderation and indifference.
I am profoundly jealous of this mastery.
I first noted this kind of detachment when I was eight years old. Matt, a first-grader, would come over to our house after school if his babysitter had some other commitment. Sometimes Mom would give us a snack--chocolate chips or something--to eat as we did our homework.
My chocolate chips were always gone within the first three or four minutes. They were delicious, and after a single chip, I became a temporary chocolate addict. I couldn't resist eating them one after another until they were gone, and my homework barely started.
Matt did his homework with the meandering, selective attention of a little boy who does not want to use a number line to practice subtraction. However, he ate his chocolate chips the same way. Every few minutes, he would blink at his snack as if he'd just remembered it, pick up a couple of chips, and then immediately forget his snack's existence again.
How could he care so little about chocolate chips? How was he not driven crazy by their tempting presence until it was fully relocated into his stomach?
As a third-grader, I chalked it up to the fact that Matt had funner food at his house (which was true). He was used to candy for snack; it wasn't a treat for him. It has lost its novelty. I wondered if the same phenomenon would be true for me if I ever became rich enough to have fun food on hand at all times.
To some extent, that philosophy proved true. My family now has orange juice on a regular basis, and I no longer feel compelled to drink it all the time just because it's there. The same is true of cookies, and Cheez-Its, and flavored yogurt. I have risen above the animalistic urge to consume these relatively mundane foods.
However.
With "treat" foods and beverages, the art of pacing oneself is still lost on me. I buy a smoothie, and it's half gone before I'm even back in my dorm room. I open a 2-serving bag of M&Ms, and within ten minutes, it's empty. I grab an iced coffee on the way to work, and I'm sucking at the ice fifteen minutes later.
Meanwhile, I watch people around me exercise this intensely classy combination of absentminded appreciation and tranquil indifference to their "treats." Large iced coffees go minutes and minutes and MINUTES without even being touched, and people don't even seem to be struggling to resist.
Maybe they're just all rich and have treats all the time and the novelty has been lost, like Matt with his chocolate chips? Or am I totally and abnormally self-control-deficient when it comes to delicious things?
All I know is that I envy the air of maturity embodied by people who can resist their treats. It's a level of maturity to which I genuinely aspire.
And I will get there, even if it means drinking steamless coffee and drooling on my keyboard.
~Stephanie
I am profoundly jealous of this mastery.
I first noted this kind of detachment when I was eight years old. Matt, a first-grader, would come over to our house after school if his babysitter had some other commitment. Sometimes Mom would give us a snack--chocolate chips or something--to eat as we did our homework.
My chocolate chips were always gone within the first three or four minutes. They were delicious, and after a single chip, I became a temporary chocolate addict. I couldn't resist eating them one after another until they were gone, and my homework barely started.
Matt did his homework with the meandering, selective attention of a little boy who does not want to use a number line to practice subtraction. However, he ate his chocolate chips the same way. Every few minutes, he would blink at his snack as if he'd just remembered it, pick up a couple of chips, and then immediately forget his snack's existence again.
How could he care so little about chocolate chips? How was he not driven crazy by their tempting presence until it was fully relocated into his stomach?
As a third-grader, I chalked it up to the fact that Matt had funner food at his house (which was true). He was used to candy for snack; it wasn't a treat for him. It has lost its novelty. I wondered if the same phenomenon would be true for me if I ever became rich enough to have fun food on hand at all times.
To some extent, that philosophy proved true. My family now has orange juice on a regular basis, and I no longer feel compelled to drink it all the time just because it's there. The same is true of cookies, and Cheez-Its, and flavored yogurt. I have risen above the animalistic urge to consume these relatively mundane foods.
However.
With "treat" foods and beverages, the art of pacing oneself is still lost on me. I buy a smoothie, and it's half gone before I'm even back in my dorm room. I open a 2-serving bag of M&Ms, and within ten minutes, it's empty. I grab an iced coffee on the way to work, and I'm sucking at the ice fifteen minutes later.
Meanwhile, I watch people around me exercise this intensely classy combination of absentminded appreciation and tranquil indifference to their "treats." Large iced coffees go minutes and minutes and MINUTES without even being touched, and people don't even seem to be struggling to resist.
Maybe they're just all rich and have treats all the time and the novelty has been lost, like Matt with his chocolate chips? Or am I totally and abnormally self-control-deficient when it comes to delicious things?
All I know is that I envy the air of maturity embodied by people who can resist their treats. It's a level of maturity to which I genuinely aspire.
And I will get there, even if it means drinking steamless coffee and drooling on my keyboard.
~Stephanie
Monday, October 6, 2014
Double Life
I feel like I'm leading a double life.
On one hand, I am happier than I've ever been in my entire life. I am happier than I ever thought possible--much happier than I deserve.
It's the people: my suitemates are perfect living companions: we get along flawlessly, balancing late-night life discussions and sessions of politely ignoring each other while we do homework. We laugh loudly and often and share inappropriate details about our lives. It is truly awesome.
Cassidy is still my best friend. We understand each other, support each other, and share hilarious text messages that make me burst out laughing in moments of silence. Our relationship feels the same, except older. I think it's what growing up is supposed to be for best friends.
And Gem. Things with Gem are amazingly great. He gives direction to my aimless everyday inefficiencies and overwhelming mundane endeavors. I take the best naps with him. He has the best story ideas. He's the best kind of stubborn. He sent me a Batman ice cube tray in the mail the other day, for no reason. He takes me on dates because he likes to. He sends me spontaneous flirting texts in class and I cannot help smiling.
These people light up my life. Sometimes it almost makes me cry. God is so great. He has blessed me more than I thought possible.
I am so happy.
But on the other hand, I have never been this miserable for this long in my entire life.
This entire semester has been depression and struggle and frustration and helplessness. I have not had a single day where I woke up with a smile and thought I can do this. Every morning has been like a punch in the stomach, oppressive and nauseating.
It's a rule that semesters start off rough, you know? It's hard to shake the summer mindset. It's hard to say goodbye to friends and family back home. It's hard to watch the tan leach from your skin. I expected these routine difficulties. But I did not expect them to persist relentlessly into my third month of junior year.
I am DROWNING in homework, internship, tutoring, and copy-editor duties. Drowning isn't even the right word. Suffocating? Flattening? My Model United Nations class consists of "Here's a textbook. Read it, understand it, and be prepared for tests on it. Also, please become intimately familiar with all current events and events pertaining to the UN from the last fifty years."
There's a conference coming up in November, where I will represent Belgium on a UN committee COMPLETELY ALONE. I have no idea how to prepare for that.
In another poli-sci class, I am the only non-political science or criminal justice major. I have a midterm in that class tomorrow. I haven't had time to study for it.
In all my three English classes, which I love, I think I've completed about ten readings. There has been a lot of skimming and SparkNoting and bullshitting. I hate doing that. I love being an English major. If I didn't have all the tedious, impossible work for my political science minor, I might love my life.
But as things are, I honest-to-God do not know how I'm going to keep going. Am I going to start failing classes? Am I going to start getting sick all the time? Am I going to lose myself in this relentless struggle to juggle my life?
I feel so trapped. There aren't classes or jobs that I can drop. I have to keep doing everything, but it's only going to get worse, and I'm barely keeping my head above water as is.
I love school because I love learning. But at the same time, I do not want to do this anymore. I am so over being constantly graded. I am so over living a life that is functionally disconnected from Gem. I am so over the entanglements of busy work and...just academics.
I know that I don't want to quit school, but at the same time, these overwhelming feelings of depression and helplessness are not tapering off as the semester progresses the way they normally do.
I'm just frustrated. I know exactly what I want with my life, I just can't reach it yet, and I can't tell if I'm on the surest, most efficient path toward that goal. Am I somehow causing myself unnecessary pain and stress? Or is this just the way it has to be for now?
No answers, only questions.
The reality of impending adultness continues.
~Stephanie
On one hand, I am happier than I've ever been in my entire life. I am happier than I ever thought possible--much happier than I deserve.
It's the people: my suitemates are perfect living companions: we get along flawlessly, balancing late-night life discussions and sessions of politely ignoring each other while we do homework. We laugh loudly and often and share inappropriate details about our lives. It is truly awesome.
Cassidy is still my best friend. We understand each other, support each other, and share hilarious text messages that make me burst out laughing in moments of silence. Our relationship feels the same, except older. I think it's what growing up is supposed to be for best friends.
And Gem. Things with Gem are amazingly great. He gives direction to my aimless everyday inefficiencies and overwhelming mundane endeavors. I take the best naps with him. He has the best story ideas. He's the best kind of stubborn. He sent me a Batman ice cube tray in the mail the other day, for no reason. He takes me on dates because he likes to. He sends me spontaneous flirting texts in class and I cannot help smiling.
These people light up my life. Sometimes it almost makes me cry. God is so great. He has blessed me more than I thought possible.
I am so happy.
But on the other hand, I have never been this miserable for this long in my entire life.
This entire semester has been depression and struggle and frustration and helplessness. I have not had a single day where I woke up with a smile and thought I can do this. Every morning has been like a punch in the stomach, oppressive and nauseating.
It's a rule that semesters start off rough, you know? It's hard to shake the summer mindset. It's hard to say goodbye to friends and family back home. It's hard to watch the tan leach from your skin. I expected these routine difficulties. But I did not expect them to persist relentlessly into my third month of junior year.
I am DROWNING in homework, internship, tutoring, and copy-editor duties. Drowning isn't even the right word. Suffocating? Flattening? My Model United Nations class consists of "Here's a textbook. Read it, understand it, and be prepared for tests on it. Also, please become intimately familiar with all current events and events pertaining to the UN from the last fifty years."
There's a conference coming up in November, where I will represent Belgium on a UN committee COMPLETELY ALONE. I have no idea how to prepare for that.
In another poli-sci class, I am the only non-political science or criminal justice major. I have a midterm in that class tomorrow. I haven't had time to study for it.
In all my three English classes, which I love, I think I've completed about ten readings. There has been a lot of skimming and SparkNoting and bullshitting. I hate doing that. I love being an English major. If I didn't have all the tedious, impossible work for my political science minor, I might love my life.
But as things are, I honest-to-God do not know how I'm going to keep going. Am I going to start failing classes? Am I going to start getting sick all the time? Am I going to lose myself in this relentless struggle to juggle my life?
I feel so trapped. There aren't classes or jobs that I can drop. I have to keep doing everything, but it's only going to get worse, and I'm barely keeping my head above water as is.
I love school because I love learning. But at the same time, I do not want to do this anymore. I am so over being constantly graded. I am so over living a life that is functionally disconnected from Gem. I am so over the entanglements of busy work and...just academics.
I know that I don't want to quit school, but at the same time, these overwhelming feelings of depression and helplessness are not tapering off as the semester progresses the way they normally do.
I'm just frustrated. I know exactly what I want with my life, I just can't reach it yet, and I can't tell if I'm on the surest, most efficient path toward that goal. Am I somehow causing myself unnecessary pain and stress? Or is this just the way it has to be for now?
No answers, only questions.
The reality of impending adultness continues.
~Stephanie
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Surprising Existence
Remember when I posted my list of 50 Desirable Guy Qualities last November? I called the post "A Non-Existent Character."
Today, as I procrastinate a little during lunchtime, I remembered that post. Seeing as I'm dating someone I'm pretty crazy about, I decided to look at the list in light of Gem, just to see where things stood.
I'm not sure if you guys particularly care about this, as it really just pertains to me, but hey, this is my blog and I'll do what I want.
Here's the original post, with new comments in italics; green means Gem's got it.
Stephanie's List of Desirable Guy Qualities (in mostly no particular order)
1. Christian - Gem is one of the realist Christians I know.
2. musician {note: not "plays an instrument." I think playing an instrument and being a musician are
different things.} - This one is tricky. Gem plays the piano well, but he is not a musician. But he has the most amazing sixth sense with music I've ever seen. I'll have to explain it in a whole post sometime.
3. can dance
4. dark hair
5. good singing voice
6. likes to read - And he actually does. A LOT.
7. self-motivated - Depends. But in the interest of not going completely and totally overboard complimenting him, I'm gonna leave this black.
8. in good shape - *blush*
9. knows what he wants to do with his life
10. knows how to make his dreams a reality
11. loves Disney
12. has a sense of irony
13. has the same sense of humor as me
14. knows when to stop
15. likes kids
16. plays a sport - Used to be a swimmer
17. stubborn - Yes, but in an unusual way. It's like he's infinitely patient and steadfast when his mind is made up.
18. able to converse in an engaging and effective manner with people of all ages
19. a science or math person, maybe
20. likes to argue
21. pretty eyes
22. honest {includes keeping promises as well as not lying}
23. crooked smile
24. expressive eyebrows
25. will fight for those he loves
26. taller than me
27. tan
28. Having done drugs is not a problem, but he has to be morally against them now. - He has not done them, never will, and is against them.
29. mindful of money
30. Chivalrous. Opens doors, walks a girl home/to her car/to her dorm, sits on the outside at restaurants, walks next to the road, carries stuff, pays for stuff.
31. unselfish - He likes to do unselfish things for people, but part of it is that he likes to feel like a hero XD Sooo, not sure if this counts as totally unselfish. But to the untrained eye, yes.
32. not in the military
33. cusses occasionally and artfully - "Hell" and "damn" are pretty much the extent of it, but his comedic timing is pretty good.
34. can start a real fire
35. can tie real knots
36. good/similar taste as me in music - Mmm. This is a weird one too. We have pretty different taste in music. But...I have to say that his taste is also "good" because of simply how good he is with music.
37. doesn't disrespect his girlfriend when talking to his friends
38. can help me with writing - He's very perceptive and "real" with his help. He doesn't just compliment my writing, he points out inconsistencies or things that don't make sense, and gives real suggestions. It really took me aback at first, but I appreciate it a ton now.
39. good with directions - Freaking unbelievably good.
40. assertive - He's very careful and tactful with his words, but he is not afraid to take the lead in conversations or call me out on my BS.
41. good grasp of grammar - Yes. However, he does the your/you're thing entirely too often.
42. hard-working
43. confident
44. understands me - He understands me in this weirdly simple way, like it's natural and uncomplicated, even when I don't even understand myself.
45. patient {I'm not talking about the angelic sort of patience, but the calm, persistent kind of patience} - Yes. Just yes.
46. observant - Freakishly.
47. not a Yankee
48. politically conservative
49. adventurous - This is weird. I'd describe him as "adventurous" even though he's, like, kinda not. He likes adventures, but he's generally very practical and cautious--which is great, because it balances my ridiculous, dangerous impulsiveness.
50. writes letters - He does for me :)
45/50. Not bad for a non-existent character :)
~Stephanie
Today, as I procrastinate a little during lunchtime, I remembered that post. Seeing as I'm dating someone I'm pretty crazy about, I decided to look at the list in light of Gem, just to see where things stood.
I'm not sure if you guys particularly care about this, as it really just pertains to me, but hey, this is my blog and I'll do what I want.
Here's the original post, with new comments in italics; green means Gem's got it.
Stephanie's List of Desirable Guy Qualities (in mostly no particular order)
1. Christian - Gem is one of the realist Christians I know.
2. musician {note: not "plays an instrument." I think playing an instrument and being a musician are
different things.} - This one is tricky. Gem plays the piano well, but he is not a musician. But he has the most amazing sixth sense with music I've ever seen. I'll have to explain it in a whole post sometime.
3. can dance
4. dark hair
5. good singing voice
6. likes to read - And he actually does. A LOT.
7. self-motivated - Depends. But in the interest of not going completely and totally overboard complimenting him, I'm gonna leave this black.
8. in good shape - *blush*
9. knows what he wants to do with his life
10. knows how to make his dreams a reality
11. loves Disney
12. has a sense of irony
13. has the same sense of humor as me
14. knows when to stop
15. likes kids
16. plays a sport - Used to be a swimmer
17. stubborn - Yes, but in an unusual way. It's like he's infinitely patient and steadfast when his mind is made up.
18. able to converse in an engaging and effective manner with people of all ages
19. a science or math person, maybe
20. likes to argue
21. pretty eyes
22. honest {includes keeping promises as well as not lying}
23. crooked smile
24. expressive eyebrows
25. will fight for those he loves
26. taller than me
27. tan
28. Having done drugs is not a problem, but he has to be morally against them now. - He has not done them, never will, and is against them.
29. mindful of money
30. Chivalrous. Opens doors, walks a girl home/to her car/to her dorm, sits on the outside at restaurants, walks next to the road, carries stuff, pays for stuff.
31. unselfish - He likes to do unselfish things for people, but part of it is that he likes to feel like a hero XD Sooo, not sure if this counts as totally unselfish. But to the untrained eye, yes.
32. not in the military
33. cusses occasionally and artfully - "Hell" and "damn" are pretty much the extent of it, but his comedic timing is pretty good.
34. can start a real fire
35. can tie real knots
36. good/similar taste as me in music - Mmm. This is a weird one too. We have pretty different taste in music. But...I have to say that his taste is also "good" because of simply how good he is with music.
37. doesn't disrespect his girlfriend when talking to his friends
38. can help me with writing - He's very perceptive and "real" with his help. He doesn't just compliment my writing, he points out inconsistencies or things that don't make sense, and gives real suggestions. It really took me aback at first, but I appreciate it a ton now.
39. good with directions - Freaking unbelievably good.
40. assertive - He's very careful and tactful with his words, but he is not afraid to take the lead in conversations or call me out on my BS.
41. good grasp of grammar - Yes. However, he does the your/you're thing entirely too often.
42. hard-working
43. confident
44. understands me - He understands me in this weirdly simple way, like it's natural and uncomplicated, even when I don't even understand myself.
45. patient {I'm not talking about the angelic sort of patience, but the calm, persistent kind of patience} - Yes. Just yes.
46. observant - Freakishly.
47. not a Yankee
48. politically conservative
49. adventurous - This is weird. I'd describe him as "adventurous" even though he's, like, kinda not. He likes adventures, but he's generally very practical and cautious--which is great, because it balances my ridiculous, dangerous impulsiveness.
50. writes letters - He does for me :)
45/50. Not bad for a non-existent character :)
~Stephanie
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Giaraffe Emesis
I hope that this will be a brief post. I've been really productive this evening, so I don't want to break my flow, but I was also suddenly seized with the need to say something here.
I've been blowing through pages in my "New United Nations" textbook like nobody's business. Seriously, I think I read like twelve pages in an hour and a half, and that is flat-out UNHEARD OF. I'm even in the basement of the library, a place I usually reserve for literary homework. I have a strict No PolySci Homework policy when it comes to the library: I don't want to taint these sacred halls with the wrong kind of stress.
But this evening, polysci did not stress me out, so I made an exception.
Since coming to college, I have been listening almost exclusively to Mutemath's self-titled album. When I start getting ready for bed, I turn on Mutemath and hit my iHome's Sleep button until it promises to turn off in 30 minutes. Sometimes I'm asleep by the time the music stops; sometimes Gem keeps me up longer.
At any given time, I have 70+ pages of reading to do. I must read about the evolution of the United Nations; I must read about ethical philosophers and how their views apply to the government; I must read about different literary approaches (Allison: "So you're literally reading about reading?" Me: "...well, when you say it like THAT..."); I must read "Emma," which is wonderful; and I must read about how to write.
And sometimes I get to read about a girl who plays with fire, but not often enough to maintain continuity or remember my place.
When I'm not reading, sometimes I watch Lost. I am on Season 1, Episode 12, so no spoilers. I really like Sayid. I really hate Sawyer, but you're supposed to.
My school internship is going really, really well. I'm writing letters of inquiry, which means I get to write about Campbell University's projects in ways that appeal to lots of different money-giving foundations. I get to take one project and spin it ten or twelve different ways, exercising my creativity and persuasive skills. It is incredibly fun to me.
My alarm didn't go off yesterday morning. I woke up one minute before my class started. I was still only eleven minutes late.
My suitemates are amazing. We stay up and talk and laugh til we cry. I always have people to do things with, but they also understand my need to be left alone. We have "family dinner" every Monday night, which, so far, has consisted of Harley making spaghetti and us pulling together every table-like surface in the apartment to have room to seat everyone.
This Saturday, Gem and his sister, Abigail, are visiting. Harley's making tacos. We will not have enough table surface, but we've decided not to address that until the problem is staring us in the face. It'll be fine.
I'll be glad to see Gem, although not having any alone time with him will be a little disappointing.
How are you all doing? :)
~Stephanie
I've been blowing through pages in my "New United Nations" textbook like nobody's business. Seriously, I think I read like twelve pages in an hour and a half, and that is flat-out UNHEARD OF. I'm even in the basement of the library, a place I usually reserve for literary homework. I have a strict No PolySci Homework policy when it comes to the library: I don't want to taint these sacred halls with the wrong kind of stress.
But this evening, polysci did not stress me out, so I made an exception.
Since coming to college, I have been listening almost exclusively to Mutemath's self-titled album. When I start getting ready for bed, I turn on Mutemath and hit my iHome's Sleep button until it promises to turn off in 30 minutes. Sometimes I'm asleep by the time the music stops; sometimes Gem keeps me up longer.
At any given time, I have 70+ pages of reading to do. I must read about the evolution of the United Nations; I must read about ethical philosophers and how their views apply to the government; I must read about different literary approaches (Allison: "So you're literally reading about reading?" Me: "...well, when you say it like THAT..."); I must read "Emma," which is wonderful; and I must read about how to write.
And sometimes I get to read about a girl who plays with fire, but not often enough to maintain continuity or remember my place.
When I'm not reading, sometimes I watch Lost. I am on Season 1, Episode 12, so no spoilers. I really like Sayid. I really hate Sawyer, but you're supposed to.
My school internship is going really, really well. I'm writing letters of inquiry, which means I get to write about Campbell University's projects in ways that appeal to lots of different money-giving foundations. I get to take one project and spin it ten or twelve different ways, exercising my creativity and persuasive skills. It is incredibly fun to me.
My alarm didn't go off yesterday morning. I woke up one minute before my class started. I was still only eleven minutes late.
My suitemates are amazing. We stay up and talk and laugh til we cry. I always have people to do things with, but they also understand my need to be left alone. We have "family dinner" every Monday night, which, so far, has consisted of Harley making spaghetti and us pulling together every table-like surface in the apartment to have room to seat everyone.
This Saturday, Gem and his sister, Abigail, are visiting. Harley's making tacos. We will not have enough table surface, but we've decided not to address that until the problem is staring us in the face. It'll be fine.
I'll be glad to see Gem, although not having any alone time with him will be a little disappointing.
How are you all doing? :)
Road Trip: the Arch in St. Louis :)
Whatever Campbell's shortcomings, scenery isn't one of them.
Road Trip: Chicago
Gem: "Oops, these are too small for me...maybe you want them?"
True love.
Road Trip: the Bean
~Stephanie
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