Friday, July 5, 2013

My Dear Future Children

{Continuing with the unused topics from the Blog Every Day Challenge.}

Day Thirteen:  Issue a public apology.

My dear Future Children,

I don't know you yet, and you definitely don't know me as I write this. However, I'd like to apologize in advance, because I know having me for a mother is going to be...a mother.

I'm sorry that you don't have a cell phone, iPod touch, or TV in your room. Call me old-fashioned, but there's nothing outdated about a little healthy use of your imagination.

I'm sorry that I constantly correct your use of the word "much" versus "many," and "less" versus "fewer." Your college professors will love you, I promise.

I'm sorry that I only let you watch an hour of TV a day.

I'm sorry that I make your do your math homework to within an inch of its life. I just know how it turns out when you, you know, don't do that.

I'm sorry that I make you drink milk and water instead of soda and juice like all the other kids.

I'm sorry that I don't let you read Harry Potter until you're too old to enjoy the first two books. I know it sucks, but I'm so glad my parents did that for me.

I'm sorry that I randomly speak to you in Spanish, German, Latin, and God Only Knows What Else.

I'm sorry that you know all the words to Linkin Park and Relient K instead of the latest pop songs.

I'm sorry that I don't believe you're really using the bathroom for twenty-five minutes. The book you're reading has disappeared from its spot on the couch, leaving little to my extensive imagination.

I'm sorry that I embarrass you by tap dancing in the grocery store checkout line.

I'm sorry that I don't let you date when you're fifteen.

But you know what? I'm not really sorry for any of this. You kids are going to be awesome. And odds are, one of you is going to turn out to be like me and then your grandma can point and laugh at me and say, "Nature's revenge is sweet."

Your sarcastic Future Mom


  1. i love this post. so freaking much. your kids will definitely be awesome, i just know it!

  2. What a great post. I need to apologize to my future kids just for being crazy.

  3. Gosh. Your kids and my kids... they need to hangout. This is full of so much win. You're amazing Stephanie......