Advise Me

I'm bad at/with emotions. I only have like five friends that I actually like. I have trouble finding a balance between coming on too strong, and not coming on at all. Until a couple of months ago, I had never legitimately dated anyone.

And do you want to know something ironic?

All my friends come to me for crush/relationship/dating advice.

I like it. As easy-going and spontaneous as I am {XD}, I enjoy the chance to advise {*cough* control *cough*} my friends. The art of weaving logic with tact and foresight is fun. I tend to think 100% with my head when it comes to making other peoples' decisions, so things usually work out pretty well.

What's really funny, though, is when I'm text-advising two friends at the same time--about each other. Josh will ask me what to say to Jane, then when he uses my advice, I'll get a text from Jane asking what to say to Josh, etc. It's like I'm conversing with myself, but it works super well because I always know what's coming XD It's like writing a story, but with actual people.

I'm such a control freak. It's terrifying, actually.

And really, what the heck? All false modesty aside, I'm good at helping people with this stuff. But it doesn't make any sense, and they have no reason to assume I would be.

Maybe they figure someone who reads so much has seen *clears throat* just about everything in the book ;) {Ooh, that was bad.} Or maybe they notice that I operate on logic most of the time and want a little of that to balance their emotions. Or maybe I've advised them before and it turned out okay.

Guys' asking me for advice make a lot more sense than girls', because I always just figure they want a female perspective.

But for whatever reason, I'm often used as a sounding board and counselor, and SO FAR I've managed not to blow it enormously. However, there's a first time for everything, and now that 80% of my friends are in relationships, it'll probably happen sometime in the near future. When that happens, I'm sure you'll be among the first to know.

But for now, let me leave you with some things I've decided about advice:

1. Find out if they WANT to be advised. Some people just want to rant and vent, and that's totally fine. You want to make sure your advice is welcome before jumping in to fix things.

2. Keep it honest, but tactful. If you HATE that crazy, controlling emo bitch he wants to date, phrase it in a neutral way that will speak to him. "I don't know her as well as you do, but I'm wary of the potential unnecessary drama that could ensue."

3. Maintain foresight. Think through your advice. Don't tell her to go out with him if you know he's been an abusive alcoholic in the past month. Don't tell him to ask her out when you know she's not interested. Don't make plans or promises for other parties. Just keep it simple and exercise common sense.

4. Make suggestions, don't give orders. Try not to sound like you have all the answers and that your way is the only way. Not only is that annoying, but it's also untrue. There are lots of strategies to every situation. Plus, what happens if your plan goes wrong? If you leave it as a suggestion, it's not as blatantly your fault :3

And there's some advice on giving advice from the girl who has no right to advise anyone XD Oh, the arrogant irony of life. And me.

~Stephanie