Thursday, June 20, 2013

My Lot

Hi XD I'm in Florida with Cassidy, so blogging has been somewhere between impossible and unrealistic for the past few days.

I don't know if I've ever said this on Pan--Peripeteia, but I freaking LOVE Florida. The heat, the sun, the storms, the people, the water, the sand, the style, the shopping, the food, everything. Florida, Florida, Florida. I love it.

Also, Disney World is here, so really, how can a state get better?

I used to say I was going to move to Florida, but honestly, that won't happen. If I'm going to move far away, I'd rather live in Charleston, South Carolina or Italy. And I actually do love my home in North Carolina.

Anyway, in light of all this glorious traveling, I have a lot to make up in the area of blogging "every day." I'll eventually do all of them, but for now I'm going to pick one "deep" topic that I've missed, and a couple of "easy" ones.

Day Sixteen:  Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

Normally, the phrase "lot in life" is taken to mean "what I've been given, situationally." But, I have to tell you guys something:

I've been given the most perfect life a girl could ask for. I have a great family, great friends, great grades, great house, great church, great school, great luck, great everything. There is literally nothing to complain about in my "lot in life."

However. God knows I'm a screwed up person, so I'm going to stretch the boundaries of "lot in life" and talk about the fact that I feel everything to a ridiculously extreme degree.

Except for when I slip into depression and am utterly devoid of emotion, I feel everything 150%. When I'm happy, I feel like the happiest person in the world. When I'm sad, my soul is a deep well of blue sorrow. When I'm angry, it's an all-consuming rage that fries me from the inside out.

For a writer, feeling strongly is an asset. However, for a functioning human being, it can be a pain in the ass.

It's honestly hard to cope with. Broken hearts are an unbelievable bitch when you feel more hurt and angry and worthless than anyone else has ever felt. Ever. Mind-shattering joy is hard to manage when everyone around you thinks you've finally lost it because there's no way green mint chocolate chip ice cream would make a sane person this ecstatic. Overpowering, destructive rage is obviously a hazardous emotion. It pounces on me with a bitter determination that makes me want to claw the limbs off anyone who approaches me.

I also sometimes say ill-advised things that make Sam cover my mouth and Cassidy speak for me.

But I am working to overcome with this.

When I was little, the emotions consumed me. I was sick all the time, cried all the time, and fought with everyone. Slowly, my soul has stretched to hold the feelings, and I've learned to use words as a coping mechanism. It's getting better. Now I can write about how I feel, and write letters to people, and project my struggles onto characters.

Hopefully by the time I die, I'll have figured this out.

Day Seventeen: A favorite photo of yourself and why

I like this picture because I think my hair looks nice in it, and because I'm on my way to have my last dance pictures made. Bittersweet. After fifteen years of dancing, I had to say goodbye to that stage. FOR NOW.

And I like this one because it's one of my senior pictures, and I love those shoes XD

Day Nineteen: Five of your favorite blogs

1. Hyperbole and a Half
2. Natventures
3. One Sparkling Star
4. Teen Justice
5. Letting His Love Shine Through My Life



  1. Love this post. Feelings suck.

    You have no idea how huge I smiled when I saw my blog as a favorite :).

  2. feelings can be the best or the worst. it's funny how things like that work.