Saturday, March 1, 2014

Part 3

This Sole Broken Girl
11.11.13


This sole broken girl, and also this boy,
Just what have they done to themselves?
They made the wrong call, which caused them to fall
And the truth neither one of them tells.

That night in late spring, they had a good talk.
They would get right with God and be real.
So they gave it a shot and the girl soon forgot
How uneasy and wrong she could feel.

They worked very well, as everyone saw.
Communication between them was clear.
They made a good team and had fun in between
The busy-ness and growing-up fears.

But nagging away at the girl’s tender heart
Was the knowledge that things were not right.
She could not explain, so instead she refrained
From dragging the truths to the light.

Though they seemed great, on the outside at least,
The issues were brewing within.
The girl was too crazy and the boy was too lazy
And neither would admit their sins.

Dependent and selfish, depressed and depraved,
The girl fell into deep inner strife.
She couldn’t face God with her fragile fa├žade
Of a girl who did right with her life.

Lazy, manipulative, lying and lax,
The boy had issues all his own.
By hiding a lot, more the girl he got.
When she pressed him, he’d throw her a bone.

One day she knew that things couldn’t go on.
She told him that night they were done.
He took it with grace and didn’t lose face
So the dating went down with the sun.

The conviction was strong, though she wasn’t sure why.
It was just that the doubts always stayed.
He looked in her eye, needing no reason why,
And said just “I love you, okay?”

Soon after that night, a big truth came out.
Something he’d hidden forever.
A secret of souls, a secret so cold
She knew they could not be together.

So this was the reason for all the distrust.
So that’s why she couldn’t have peace.
It made so much sense that the girl felt quite dense
And for weeks couldn’t make herself eat.

I won’t discuss here all the pain that she felt.
It would make you ache deep in your soul.
But know it was brutal, and healing was futile,
For the boy would not let the girl go.

She watched from afar as the boy changed his life.
He went running and writing and prayed.
Her heart swelled with pride and it warmed her inside
As he told truth and stood unafraid.

She heard of his changes and grudgingly thought
Was there someone there now she could date?
This new boy…perhaps, but she feared a relapse.
The unease there still would not abate.

But little by little, her memories broke her.
The boy held the same place in her heart.
She trusted him not, but the lonelier she got,
The closer she inched towards the start.

Summer came then, at a really bad time.
She was not whole enough yet to see him.
But he still filled her days in so many ways
And her shell of resistance grew slim.

Instead of becoming an item again,
The two dragged themselves back to the pit.
They were physically close, their excuses verbose
All the progress and hope meant not shit.

They kept up their exploits of touching and fun,
Hauling their skeletons to school.
Their words of respect someone sane would reject.
Their hollow plans turned them to fools.

Their souls were so sick, they did not even see
Just how far their carelessness ranged.
Til one final night full of errant delight
And suddenly—90% changed.

He did not respect her, because she gave in.
She’d known for a while it was lies.
Love? Respect? Or lustful? And wrecked?
Both their words are just that in my eyes.

Broken and tainted, deceitful and wrong.
Is this what the two have become?
After so many tries, and so many lies
The heart of this girl is just numb.

He doesn’t respect her, and she doesn’t him.
If they did, they would act for their good.
Words are just cheap, and the prices too steep
To continue this as they both would.

So here we are now, the poor girl is done.
She’s cut the boy off at the source.
She can’t take his word; his “love” is absurd
Her smooth thoughts and mind become coarse.

She will try to be done; she thinks that is right.
But she hasn’t the strength on her own.
She plans to try God, though that will feel odd
And pray one day she won’t be alone.

~Stephanie

P.S. Part 4 coming sometime this year... I'm doing much better than I was in November :) When the mood strikes, I'll write a final closing piece--probably.

3 comments:

  1. Wow. Just wow. You're an incredible writer. Thank you for being willing to bare your soul to us.
    I'm praying for you. If you ever need/want to talk, you know where to find me.

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  2. i feel like i have been in exactly your shoes from reading this. it sounds so familiar, pretty identical to a relationship from my own past. the parallels i see are uncanny but i know that even though i feel like I went through the lowest of lows, i couldn't be happier now. so it's a good thing i ended things with my own PC - i let go of something 'good' (or so i thought at the time) for something WAY better.

    on the plus side, relationships (especially failed ones) tell us so much about our own selves and cause us to grow in so many good ways.

    also, it was really hard to write this without making it rhyme. the poetry. it does things to me. ha ;)

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  3. Thank you, Alana :)

    Natalie: You really are such an encouragement to me. I definitely learned a lot about myself, and about how I want (or don't want) to be treated. Things are already getting better :)

    ~Stephanie

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