Sometimes books don't make me happy.
Sometimes music doesn't make me happy.
Sometimes friends don't make me happy.
Sometimes warm weather doesn't make me happy.
Dance always makes me happy.
When I dance, it isn't like my problems are solved. It's like they don't exist. When I dance, I can't have problems, because I don't have a mind. My brain becomes so whole that it encompasses itself and becomes a separate, quiet entity. All I have left is a warm, white sphere of wholeness. It's almost a little like sensory deprivation, but...not creepy.
Maybe "happy" isn't the right word for how dancing makes me feel. It's too thin, too petty. "Whole" is more what I feel. Like the shards of my life and heart have come together and suddenly--there's quiet. There's peace. There's power.
Dancing makes me feel--as cheesy as it sounds--like I can do anything.
While I'm dancing, there's only my soul, my body, and the music, beating and breathing together.
When I finish dancing, the world rushes back at me in a whirl of sensations. The colors, the sounds, the temperature, the ground beneath me. I'm back in my body, and I feel like I can do anything from here on out.
If I could just dance for the rest of my life, I'd be one of the happiest people in the world.
And today could potentially be my last dance recital ever.
Happy senior year to me :')