Thursday, August 30, 2012

Mixed Feelings

Packing to go home is one of the weirdest-feeling things I've ever done.

I've been counting down the days ever since I got here. I've been crossing off days on my calendar. I've been changing the banner on my phone every day. I've been talking about it on the phone, and texting about it. The prospect of going home is what's kept me going.

Now, it's tomorrow. I'm going home tomorrow.

And I feel terrible.

I don't even understand what the problem is. I know I'm happy somewhere inside. I know I'm still excited. I know I still want to go home.

But instead of feeling ecstatic, I feel a little frustrated. I just stopped hating it here. I just made a few friends. I just started learning how to study. I just got into watching soccer.

Then at the same time, I don't feel very good about myself physically right now. I've been stressed, so I'm breaking out. And I'm afraid "freshman fifteen" is no joke. I've been snacking a lot, and I feel sort of disgusting. I went to the gym...once. My rooommate is reeeeally skinny and goregous and perfect, and being around her all the time makes me feel incredibly...not those things.

So I sort of don't want to go home. I'm getting used to it here and I don't want to screw that up, and I don't want people to see me because I feel like I've physically changed for the worse. It makes me frustrated and unhappy.

So yeah.

Apparently I just screw myself over. I can't ever be happy XD


P.S. My three-hour English class also went horribly. So that's not helping.

1 comment:

  1. The first part of your post about the weirdness of going back home is normal. When I moved away I felt the same. It will feel strange to leave where you are, strange when you get home, strange when you leave home, and strange when you get back. Be ready for that. When I go back it feels weird and incredibly good at the same time. This probably sounds crappy but what you're feeling, in my opinion, is normal.

    And don't compare yourself to your roommate. We're never happy when we do that.