Part 2

Remember That Girl?

11.14.12

Remember that girl, and also that boy?

This is now not the start, nor the end.

She mastered the art of winning her heart

And then let the boy in as a friend.

Fast-forward a while, a year if you will

To the lives of our fickle young teens

So much has occurred, so much growth has been spurred.

Lots more have they both thought and seen.

The girl wasn’t scared, the control was all hers,

So friendship was casual and nice.

She wasn’t quite sure if the boy’s feelings endured,

But testing it was not worth the price.

His clearance was low, she kept to herself

As one would expect from the past.

He still liked her a lot, and never forgot

How she’d caught him so hard and so fast.

For months upon months, he tried rather hard,

Though she felt and expressed nothing new.

She liked other guys and didn’t disguise

That she and the boy were all through.

The boy kept his space, he respect her there

Though he obviously hated her crushes.

It made her feel nice that she’d gotten him twice,

But her heart was unmoved by his pushes.

The girl had no time nor romantic desire;

She was happier just as she was.

She worked on her writing and found life exciting.

That’s what winning one’s heart often does.

Being free now from fear, her mind and soul grew—

A process the boy often helped.

He still stuck around, which was nice, the girl found.

She was surprised at how little she felt.

She made it quite plain that she felt not a thing,

Which the boy said was true for him too,

But she still felt the scope of the boy’s patient hope

And she struggled with just what to do.

She told him her thoughts, that there wasn’t a chance

And the boy let that be for a bit,

But as more time went by, the girl wondered why

They still seemed such a strange perfect fit.

After telling him no, one late winter night,

The girl started to feel something wrong.

The confusion inside built up til she cried.

She was mad; she’d stayed strong for so long.

What the hell did this mean? She demanded to know.

Why the hell did the boy even matter?

She confided at last to her best girl friend Cass

How her honestly-hard heart was shattered.

The boy was still there, she still spoke with him lots.

Three years had seen them stay friends.

They’d gone up and down and both gotten around.

The means could not explain this strange end.

The girl barely slept, her heart kept her up.

She struggled both in church and school.

Her feelings would pass, like they had at long last.

She refused to be seen as a fool.

Nightmares plagued her when she shut her eyes.

Was it wrong not to let her thoughts out?

What if he died with her thought still inside?

All her actions just filled her with doubt.

This went on for weeks, life was hard all around,

But the girl soon made up her mind.

If after trying her best, her thoughts wouldn’t rest

Then there was something in a “Them” to find.

She plotted to tell him how she really felt.

For the right time she waited weeks more.

When she told him at last, the relief followed fast,

Though she felt more reserved than before.

The boy proved himself soon, by asking her dad,

The step that had stalled him in past.

The girl heard with delight through the closed door that night.

She was worth the boy’s effort at last.

Dating was crazy and perfect and weird.

It took them a while to believe.

After years of just gray, dusk had given to day

Each other’s love they could freely perceive.

                               

What made this time different, you might want to know,

Since they’d never worked well in the past.

Their love story shows that with time you grow,

And ultimatums should seldom be cast.

The boy grew up loyal; the girl became strong.

They both became more of themselves.

The girl spoke without fear and the boy came to hear.

They took down their emotions from shelves.

The girl was still wary for months at the start,

Defenses and guards were still up.

But he loved her a lot, and he gave things a shot

And she told him at last that she loved him.

Months went by fast as summer and college flew by.

They kept close even though they were far.

They argued for fun, and over who won

And had fun even just in the car.

I guess time will tell if they make it forever

Forever’s a long time, you see.

But one thing’s for sure:  inner strength is the cure

For heartache and loving happily.

~Stephanie

Part 1

There Once Was a Girl

March 1, 2011

There once was a girl, and also a boy--

The most classic of all story starts.

But the normal ends here, and won’t reappear

In this tale of two separate hearts.

The girl was quite clever and happy with life

A free spirit who liked order too.

She knew who she was and liked it because

She always knew just what to do.

The boy was unique, an original for sure

With a quick wit and something all new.

He saw things just so, whether highly or low

And opened up truly to few.

The girl and the boy talked only one time

For the boy it seems that was enough

He was smitten quite hard and traveled quite far

But she wasn’t too into that stuff.

The boy didn’t give up or slack off all

Eventually, he figured, love wins.

He showed dedication and was a sensation

Among all the girl’s good friends.

The girl was herself, maybe more than before--

A boy wasn’t going to change her.

But after a while, he so made her smile

And her feelings became something stranger.

The boy was important, she let herself think,

But still he was only a friend.

She closed the door to anything more,

Thinking soon the whole thing would end.

The girl was just right, exciting and smart,

Surely not one the boy would let go.

She was flirty and nice and made him think twice

Before he did things that were low.

The boy and the girl made memories and plans

Silly ones, real ones and more.

They were perfectly odd and figured that God

Had led them to each others’ door.

Through big steps and little, the girl changed her mind.

Much too special was he to give up.

In the back of her head, the girl’s heart felt led

To let the boy know what was up.

But teen love won’t last, their heads told them both

So in order to see if it could,

They decided to wait, til a certain date

August 10^th, in six months, was good.

They made some more plans, for summer and life

Such golden and sweet weeks those were.

But how long could it last while moving so fast?

How long til the boy didn’t want her?

Slowly but surely, the challenge was gone.

He had caught her so now he was bored.

The chase had been fun, but now that he’d won

He felt she could just be ignored.

The boy stepped back, just to watch the girl wonder

Had she done something so very wrong?

The sweet things he said and his friendship both fled

Like harmony leaving a song.

The girl had been so sure that he’d been sincere

Having chased her for such a long time.

He’d helped her with writing and made life exciting...

The reason in all of life’s rhyme.

The boy broke his words as summer arrived.

Nothing was as he had promised her.

He hung with the guys, from sundown to rise

Doing things that made him a monster.

The girl’s heart was broken, to her great surprise.

She had never intended to care.

Love came in quiet and then raised a riot.

Now summer was empty and bare.

The boy found more chicks and had lots of fun

He talked to several at once.

The girl hid her pain behind laughing refrains

Of “Him? Oh, I’m done with that dunce.”

The girl’s friends believed her, well at least most,

But see, inside she was crushed.

After all they’d been through, what more could she do

But wait ’til her heart could be hushed.

As months rolled by, every promise was broken,

And the great plans were unfulfilled too.

The girl still got by, but she still wondered why

Her soul was feeling so blue.

The boy had a thought, one night in September:

Would she come back if he said that he’d change?

He decided one night with cruel delight

To see how far the girl’s feelings ranged.

The girl was no fool, as you already know,

But the boy had long gained her full trust.

He pulled at her heart, asked for a new start.

She said yes, but change was a must.

But though she was thrilled, her head said “Watch out.”

She had shed over him lots of tears.

As a matter of fact, she had made a pact

Not to say “I love you” for years.

The boy kept up his act, a couple of weeks

But he noticed that something was off.

The girl felt it too, but only she knew

It was because she wasn’t in love.

She liked him okay, but more from afar.

She knew now he wasn’t for real.

He meant no offense, but she had then since

Decided her heart he can’t steal.

She’d hurt for so long that she hadn’t felt

The healing that had since begun.

Although he soon left, she felt not bereft

Because her own heart she had won.

~Stephanie

This Weekend

Friday

The bouncers always draw random stuff on my hands. I'm gonna miss that when I turn twenty-one.

Friday night, I went out for the first time in a while. I expected it to be awful, because I was going with my friend Gerard, who is occasionally so insecure and thirsty that he can barely have a decent conversation with me {even though he has a girlfriend}.

However, we had an amazing time. I always forget that when dancing is involved, nothing is that bad.

I got in free, and got Gerard in at all XD Apparently he didn't fit the dress code, so I had to walk back to him and attempt a "He's with me ;)" at the security guy. To my great amusement, it actually worked. *crosses that off bucket list*

So Gerard finally got to see me dance {*rolls eyes*}, which had been on his bucket list ever since I had my legendary moment at a party last semester, and I had a lot of fun with this punk/skater guy. I liked him right away for his style, and then I noticed that he could legitimately dance. Bonus points. Our eyes met across the room and there was a mutual, mischievous agreement. Soon we were the best dance partners in the place {if I do say so myself}.

I become the funnest and most confident version of myself when I'm dancing. It's like slipping into another skin. It's like becoming Ember.

Also, THIS song. I love so much XD

On the way home, Gerard and I were practically euphoric. The music and dancing had peeled back our hard exteriors and we rejoiced in each other's company. We looked at the stars and got smoothies and drove through nice neighborhoods and talked.

It was an amazing night.
~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday

Seeing as I didn't get to bed til about 4am, I slept until 12:40.

I took my antibiotic pill with zero trouble. Holla! Good start to the day.

I was not very productive school-wise, but I didn't even care.

I had a delicious salad for dinner, and got ready to go to "The Magician's Nephew" play here at school. One of my friends from Milton class, Jacob, was Uncle Andrew. He did a wonderful job :) I stuck around to talk to him after the play, and he actually asked me out. I'm pretty sure I'm not interested in him that way, but my friend James has inspired me to say yes to first dates.

"You never know," he says. "I think it's the rudest thing for people to say no to first dates. There's no real commitment; saying no is just refusing to get to know someone."

So, I'm going to have coffee with Jacob sometime next week :)

After that, I decided to go for a walk. The night was beautiful, with air was sharp and clear as diamonds. I decided I would walk on all the paths on campus that I've never been on.

I took a notebook and spent one of the happiest hours of my life just wandering around, shocked by all the beauty I'd been missing all around me. There were ghostly teal Lothlorien pine trees, and funny little mops of green grass, and faint burgundy clouds against the charcoal sky.

I wandered down every path and into every brick stairwell and looked in every dark window. Basically I went around doing all the sorts of things that get you killed in horror movies. It was great.

Also, I successfully made a hard-boiled egg in the microwave. Yeah, you heard me. No explosion this time. Take THAT, Sarah/Cassidy/James/Mom/Daniel/Gerard/Everyone With Realistic Expectations of Life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday

Today, Bekah came to move her stuff out, seeing as she had a surprise baby and all. She brought Baby Natalie and her current boyfriend, Gabe. I liked both of them a lot :) Gabe is pretty much definitely a keeper. He's actually intelligent and engaging in conversation and really good with Baby Natalie.

The room feels much emptier than I was prepared for. I don't really like it. However, I can certainly use the extra bookshelf space.

I went to Walmart and saved $2 with coupons. Small victories for the college kid XD

Only five days til I leave for spring break! So ready to see the people I love :)

~Stephanie

"Paradise" Paraphrase

"Paradise Lost" by John Milton is brilliant and beautiful. One of my favorite books ever. However, for the sake of easy reviewing, I take notes in modern English. If you read it right, the last bit of Book V it's pretty intense and funny, and I would like you to know that. So here you go.

{Direct quotes are italicized.}

Angel Gabriel to angel Uzziel:  "Okay, I have word that Satan has sneaked into the Garden of Eden. You take half the angel army and patrol the south border, and I'll talk the other half and go north."

Gabriel turns to the angels Ithuriel and Zephron and says, "You guys go search inside the Garden for evil, and check on Adam and Eve."

Ithuriel and Zephron zip over to Adam and Eve, who are sleeping in their leafy tent. They see a weird toad squatting next to Eve's ear...

Ithuriel is like >.> and taps the toad with his celestial blade, revealing the toad to be a grisly-looking spirit.

Ithuriel and Zephron:  "Oh jeez." *wince and look away in distaste*

Ithuriel:  "You're one of the rebel angels, aren't you? Which one?"

Satan, filled with scorn, is like, "Really? You fail to recognize a celestial being? You might as well disown yourselves then. Or do you actually know who I am and you're just being cute? How superfluous, as your entire purpose probably is."

Zephron, equally scornful:  "You look nothing like you used to. You're now as repulsive as your sin. Come on. You hafta go explain yourself to Gabriel. You're not supposed to be here, you know."

Satan felt how awful goodness is, but appeared undaunted. "Yes, I'd very much like to see Gabriel. Take me to him, or I'll destroy you on the spot." He snorted. "That would be a small loss."

Zephron:  "You are evil and therefore weaker than me."

Satan is overcome by rage, but kept silent. Only the power of Heaven could render him speechless.

Gabriel sees Satan approaching and says to angel search party:  "Well. That appears to be Satan. He won't go down without a fight. Brace yourselves."  He clears his throat and calls to Satan, "What do you think you're doing here, on earth, screwing with God's perfect creation?"

Satan:  "You know, I used to think you were smart, but your question really throws me into doubt. Who in his right mind would just sit in Hell if he found a way out? YOU wouldn't. And anyway, if God wanted us fallen angels to stay in Hell, he should've made the gate stronger." He shrugged. "Plus, Ithuriel and Zephron will tell you:  I was just chilling next to Eve. I wasn't doing anything BAD."

Gabriel, furious but smirking:  "Wow, sure is a blow to Heaven to have lost someone as sharp as you. And now you've come here and gotten yourself captured and you're questioning MY wisdom? You think that fleeing pain and provoking infinite wrath is a wise idea?"

Satan says nothing; Gabriel continues, glancing around pointedly.  "I see you're here alone. No other fallen angels with you. What, you couldn't take the pain of Hell? I mean, surely if you'd told the other fallen angels what you mission is, at least ONE of them would've come with you."

Satan snarls. "You KNOW I don't shirk pain, you asshole. Your comments confirm your inexperience. It's better to try dangerous plans than try nothing and surely be damned to submission. I faithfully come here to seek new dominion, while you and your angels would rather grovel to God than stand up for yourselves."

Gabriel:  "You're a liar, not a leader, how dare you call yourself faithful? To whom? Your nasty fiends? Your stupid, ugly mind is finally reflected in your hideous, fallen physical form. You're just a sly hypocrite who wouldst seem Patron of Liberty. You fawned over God more than anyone!"

Gabriel shakes his head in disgust and points away. "Get out now, or I will drag you back to Hell myself and reinforce the gates and teach you not to scorn the facile gates of Hell too slightly barred!"

Satan's eyes flash angrily. "Talk about me captive AFTER you take me, bitch! Right now, I'mma fight you!"

At that, the angels glow red and surround Satan. In alarm, Satan grows and expands hugely, towering above angels.

The encounter would have been incredibly destructive, but Heavenly scales appear and Satan's side flies up, higher, weaker, than Gabriel's.

Gabriel says to Satan:  "Neither of us has power outside of what Heaven allows. But see this as a sign that if you resist, you will fail."

At that, Satan flees.

Fragments X

~ If you eat Red Hots like three at a time for about fifteen minute straight, your tongue hurts and your nose starts to run. Or so I hear. {Also, your cheeks turn pink.}

~ I'm kind of excited about all these "Bible" movies coming out. "Noah," "Exodus," and "Son of God"... It's interesting. Whether or not you're religious, Bible stories make epic movies.

~ But let's actually give "Exodus" its own tilde. Have you seen the cast? CHRISTIAN BALE AS MOSES AND AARON PAUL AS JOSHUA. CAN WE JUST...TAKE A MOMENT, PLEASE? OH MY GOSH. I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS EXCITED SINCE...I FOUND OUT JGL WAS GONNA BE IN "THE DARK KNIGHT RISES." AND I WAS PRETTY DAMN EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

~ I've recently been convinced to watch horror movies. I never have before, because I'm a chicken and my parents always told me about how scarred they were by watching a horror movie and how they wish they could take it back. But then my friend James pointed out that I liked to be scared, I like having nightmares, and violence doesn't bother me. I have literally the ideal personality for watching horror movies. So I've started. And have yet to be scared by Saw I or II, The Ring, Sinister, or Mama. Anthony has promised The Conjuring soon.

~ Red Hots update:  It also makes your teeth feel sensitive when you breathe in through your mouth sharply.

 ~ I like scarves and earrings now. Just in case any of you plan to send me late birthday gifts. I also still like Batman, in case that was ever in question.

~ I'm afraid that I've forgotten how to have a crush. I definitely don't have one on Anthony {who is single again, and asking me out. Mur.}. I might have one on a guy who's in my phone as "UB." I don't know. It'd be easier if I knew whether or not he liked me. I know this is going to sound conceited as hell, but I've never seriously wanted someone who didn't like me first.

~ Also, Aaron Paul is in this KoRn music video. So. Yeah. That's one more point for Aaron Paul, and one more point for KoRn. I love my life right now.

~ I always feel awkward labeling one of my posts "Funny." Isn't that kind of like laughing at your own joke?

I'm in a weird mood. I think it's all the free time I have this week. I get to look out the window and eat meals and, like...not sit at my desk for 14 hours a day. Annnnyway. I'll just go now.

~ Stephanie

Facebook Pet Peeves

In no particular order.

1. When someone re-shares something on your timelines, but doesn't Like it. Somehow it feels cheap, like they're trying to pass it off as their own without giving you credit for finding it in the first place.

2. When someone posts an inside-joke as his/her status, particularly when friends are tagged in it. Good for you, you have friends. But let me introduce you to this cool feature called the "private message."

3. That girl with 5000 friends who posts selfies all the time and gets about 200 Likes. It's nothing to be proud of, because really, out of 5000 people you're bound to find ones who will reward a little cleavage.

4. When comments on a picture or post are allowed to run rampant. There should never, ever, ever be more than five comments posted by the same person on the same post/picture. Ever. Again, let me introduce you to the private message feature.

5. When people use a sarcastic meme as an invitation to start a debate in the comments. No. It's a meme. It's funny. No one cares about opposite opinions when they post memes.

6. The tsunami of "fun," "thought-provoking," "so good," "inspiring," "sweet," "perfect" articles about dating/marriage/old-fashioned relationships/the value of waiting/serving your spouse/how to love being single/how to find The One by/not looking for The One, et freaking cetera. Good god. Me thinks everyone and their brother dost protest to much.

7. Stupid people. Sometimes there's just no acceptable escape. You can't delete them, but you simply MUST Hide them from your newsfeed.

~Stephanie

The Lamest Post Ever

Supposedly, if you've seen over 85 of these, you have no life.

Though I really don't need a survey to tell me that I'm lifeless.

{I bolded the movies that I recommend, in case anyone cares.}

() The Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
() Grease 2
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
() Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
() Starsky and Hutch
() Blazing Saddles

Total so far:5

(x) The Neverending Story
() The Neverending Story II
() The Neverending Story III
() Airplane
(x) The Princess Bride
() Willow
(x) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
() Labyrinth

Total so far: 9

(x) Saw
(x) Saw II
() Saw III
() Saw IV
() Saw V
() White Noise
() White Oleander
() Anger Management
() 50 First Dates

Total so far: 11

(X)The Princess Diaries
(X)The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
() Scream
() Scream 2
() Scream 3
() I Know What You Did Last Summer
() I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
(X) The Shining
() Candyman
() Stand By Me

Total so far: 14

(x) Scary Movie
() Scary Movie 2
() Scary Movie 3
() Scary Movie 4
() Resident Evil 1
() Resident Evil 2
() American Pie
() American Pie 2
() American Wedding
() American Pie Band Camp

Total so far: 15

(x) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
(x) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
(x) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
(x) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
(x) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
()The Wedding Singer
() Little Black Book
()The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
(x) Finding Nemo

Total so far: 22

() Finding Neverland
() Signs
(x) The Grinch
() The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original)
() Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
() White Chicks
() Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
() Robots

Total so far: 25

() Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
() Universal Soldier
() Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
() Along Came Polly
() Deep Impact
() Kingpin
() Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
() Meet the Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights

Total so far: 26

() Joe Dirt
() King Kong (Peter Jackson's version)
(x) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
(x) Passport to Paris
() Dumb & Dumber
() Dumber & Dumberer
() Halloween (original)
() Surviving Christmas

Total so far: 30

(x) Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
() Final Destination 3
(x)The Ring
()The Ring 2
(x) Flubber
() Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
() Practical Magic
() Chicago
() Ghost Ship

Total so far: 33

() From Hell
() Hellboy
() Secret Window
() I Am Sam
() The Whole Nine Yards
() The Whole Ten Yards
() The Day After Tomorrow
() Child's Play
() Seed of Chucky
() Bride of Chucky

Total so far: 33

(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
() Gothika
(x) A Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Remember the Titans
() Coach Carter
() The Grudge
() The Grudge 2
() The Mask
() Son Of The Mask

Total so far: 36

() Bad Boys
() Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
(x) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Ocean's Thirteen
(x) The Bourne Identity
(x) The Bourne Supremacy
(x) The Bourne Ultimatum

Total so far: 43

(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Pretty in Pink
() Lone Star
() Bedazzled
() Predator
() Predator II
() The Fog (original)
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
() Curious George

Total so far: 47

(x) Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
() Christine
(x) E.T.
(x) Children of the Corn
() My Boss's Daughter
() Maid in Manhattan
() War of the Worlds

Total so far: 50

() Rush Hour
() Rush Hour 2
() Rush Hour 3
() Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
() She's All That
() Calendar Girls
() Sideways
() Mars Attacks
() Event Horizon

Total so far: 51

(x) Ever After
(x) The Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
() Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
() Terminator 2: Judgment Day
() Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
(x) X-Men
(x) X-2: X-Men United
(x) X-Men: The Last Stand

Total so far: 58

(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
()Spider-Man 3
(x) Sky High
() Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
() Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
() Reign of Fire

Total so far: 63

() The Skulls
() Cruel Intentions
() Cruel Intentions 2
() The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
(x) Shrek the Third
() Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th Street (original)
() Old School

Total so far: 67

() The Notebook
() K-Pax
() Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
() Ice Castles
() Boogeyman
() The 40-year-old Virgin
(x) The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Total so far: 71

(x) Raiders of the Lost Ark
() Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
() Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
(x) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
() Basketball
() Hostel
() Waiting for Guffman
() House of 1000 Corpses
() The Devil's Rejects
(x) Elf

Total so far: 74


() Highlander
() Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
() Three
() The Jacket
() Kung Fu Hustle
() Shaolin Soccer
() Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic

Total so far: 77

(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
() Shaun Of the Dead
() Willard
() HighTension
() Club Dread
(x) Hulk
() Dawn Of the Dead
() Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Total so far: 81

() 28 Days Later
() Orgazmo
() Phantasm
() Waterworld
() Kill Bill vol 1
() Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
() Wolf Creek
() Kingdom of Heaven
() The Hills Have Eyes (original)

Total so far: 81

() I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
() The Last House on the Left
(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedii
() Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
() Ewoks The Battle For Endor

Total so far: 87

() Re-Animator
() Army of Darkness
(x) The Matrix 
() The Matrix Reloaded
() The Matrix Revolutions
() Animatrix
() Evil Dead
() Evil Dead 2
() Team America: World Police
() Ghost town

Total so far: 88

() Red Dragon
() Silence of the Lambs
() Hannibal
() Wall-E
(x) Batman Begins
(x) The Dark Knight
() The Prestige
(x) Cars
(x) Gone With The Wind
(x) Top Gun

Total seen: 93

I am lifeless. Barely-ish.

Are you?

~Stephanie

Don't Forget

So, Valentine's Day is coming up, as Natalie 's blog reminded me a few weeks ago.

I have a confession:  I tend to forget about Valentine's Day. Not all the way, as in I look at the calendar and it says February 14th and I'm like, "Whoa! Today is Valentine's Day!" But it's never in my mind as one of the annual holidays. I don't have strong feelings about it (I don't think it requires pink and red fireworks, but I don't think it's stupid either), and I've never had a "real" Valentine's Day.

I've kept a Valentine's Day journal since like 2007, where I record every Valentine's Day. I can't remember if I recorded 2013, because I was at college and the V. Day journal was at home. I probably didn't, but even I did, it would just read something like, "Yeah, I have a boyfriend for the first time this year, but it's not like anything special was done/said/given/thought/made, so lawl."

This year, I made plans with my family. We talked about it a few weeks ago, and decided that my parents and Sarah would come to Campbell and we'd all go out for a nice dinner and visit. Except that a couple of weeks ago, Sarah texted me and said something to the effect of,

"So, I'm really sorry, but the parents have made other Valentine's Day plans...I'll still come though!"

Oh. Thanks, Mom and Daddy. And ACTUALLY thanks to my awesome little sister, who has witnessed way more romantic injustice than I'm okay with her seeing. She's seventeen, but I still wish I could protect her from the bad stuff.

Honestly, I think this year will be fun :) Valentine's Day is a holiday dedicated to love, but nothing in the rules says it has to be ROMANTIC love. The love Sarah and I have for each other is incredibly strong and fun and beautiful, and I'm happy to celebrate with her.

So this Valentine's Day, celebrate with your significant other, but don't forget all the other kinds of love that are just as--or more?--worthy of celebration :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

~Stephanie

Things That are Twenty This Year

 Korn's self-titled album

 

the Segway

Kurt Cobain's suicide

 

the Wonderbra

 

the Lion King movie

 

 

the comet hitting Jupiter

 

 me :3

I'm two decades old today. I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm not completely sure what this means, except that it's probably time for me to learn to swallow pills and work the self check-out at Walmart.

 
In all seriousness though, I feel like I've grown up a LOT in the past several months. Decisions that I made as recently as November now strike me as blatantly selfish and foolish. My patterns of thinking, my justifications for my actions, my expectations of the future, my understanding of relationships...all that has changed dramatically in the past little while.

I'm ready to leave behind my teens--not in an eye-rolling kind of way, but in a smile-and-nod-of-finality kind of way. I have no regrets. I made some childish decisions, allowed the wrong things to get me down, didn't always try my best at school, and missed some pretty good opportunities--but who hasn't? I am better today than I would be without my mistakes, and that is simultaneously peaceful and exciting.

It's not that I think getting a 2 in front of my age will make me this flawless, mature person; it's just that lately I've been feeling an internal shift that coincides perfectly with my change in age. It makes me smile :)

Today I have regular classes from 9 to 3 {including two tests}, and then I'm homeward bound to celebrate with family and friends!

Wow, y'all. I'm a twenty-something o_o

~Stephanie

Not Jumping Out a Third-Story Window

Most of you who know me would agree with the following:

Most of the time, I don't work very hard at school.

That doesn't mean I don't get good grades. I happen to be one of those really annoying people who get A's on stuff they did in three days. Here's the difference:

I work harder in those three days than other people do in entire weeks. And I'm miserable.

And I'm in the middle of one of those three-day periods right now, except this time I've somehow painted myself into this hellish corner where it's going to be like a WEEK AND A HALF of brutal school work as opposed to a few days.

Since last Friday, I have not watched one. single. episode. of Breaking Bad. That's how serious I am.

What happened is a series of unfortunate events.

First, for some ungodly reason, I signed up for a group presentation, a solo presentation, and another solo presentation that are all to be given within the same week.

Second, snow days happened, and some professors are assholes.

Third, in the same ten-day period as the aforementioned presentations, I have three tests and a midterm paper.

Fourth, I'm an English major now {it's official! :D}, so tons of reading is always, always, always on my plate, and not in the kind of classes that can be satisfied with SparkNotes. Oh no. These professors expect a whole freaking lot more than that. {I'm not really complaining about this one; I respect it, it just makes this ten-day period kind of like scraping your forehead against a cheese-grater while having your nose hairs plucked out with red-hot tweezers and trying to get the people at McDonald's to get your order right.}

But honestly, y'all, I HAVE been working hard, and even though I'm not sleeping well and have several budding stress ulcers, there's a perverse satisfaction that comes with cramming school work into every waking minute and still managing not to shoot yourself.

Because you know you're going to do just fine in the end.

At least, that's what you have to keep telling yourself.

~Stephanie

Acceptable Excuses: College Version

Not only should your friends respond with solemn nods, but your professors should also be required to accept these as legitimate reasons for tardiness and/or crappy work.

- I was deciding between eating and brushing my teeth.
- My suite mate got to the bathroom first.
- I was watching Breaking Bad.
- I forgot it was TTH and not MWF.
- My clothes were in the washing machine. From last night.
- I was writing.
- ...I just really hate this class.

~Stephanie

Happy :)

{<--- Help me know.}

It's amazing how giving up a part of yourself can sometimes make you whole.

I keep wanting to write a post about how I feel lately, but every time I hit "New Post," I just end up smiling gently and hitting "Close."

I don't need to explain how whole and happy and peaceful and authentic I feel these days. Explaining would feel like justifying, and that thought makes me laugh. I don't need to justify feeling right. I just DO, and that will spill over into my actions, words, and expressions sooner or later anyway.

It's not that I write more now. It's not that I love my body more now. It's not that I journal more now. It's not that music speaks to me more now. It's not that I read the Bible more now. It's not that I dance more now. It's not that I sleep better now. It's not that I dream more now.

It's a completely intangible shift. It's all the way internal. It's like a film has been removed from my heart and soul. It's like I see myself in my inner mirror for the first time in years. It's like a peace that tingles in my veins. It's like God and I can hear each other now.

I don't know how other people could perceive this change in me, and yet I don't know how how they couldn't either.

~Stephanie