Melodramatic Arachnids

I turn on the radio nice and loud. I brush my hair. I undress. I step into the hot water of the shower. The warm, beating drops feel good on my face. I get out the soap and get started. My eyes wander to the ceiling...the corner...

Spider.

I freeze, that tiny jolt of adrenaline jamming into my stomach. It's small. It's just the simple black kind. But ew. Gross.

Now I'll have to spend the entire shower with my eyes glued to that corner. Not my idea of a relaxing 15 minutes.

I could just get out and go find a shoe or something. Or my mom. But I have soap on me now, and anyway, it's really stupid.

The spider is more scared of you than you are of him.

That's what it WANTS you to think.

*gulp*

I speed through the washing process, craning my neck to watch the Spider. I know it's ridiculous, so I try to limit myself to one glance every so often. But I just know that every second I'm not watching is a second he could be getting somewhere without my knowledge. So I keep staring.

Shampoo next. I naturally face the direction of the Spider, so it shouldn't be too hard to keep an eye on him. Lather, lather...I'll have to step closer to the Spider to get the tips of my hair. If I stay where I am, the water will just wash the shampoo off right away...

You're being ridiculous, just step forward a little bit, out of the water.

I take the step. Spidey doesn't move. *relief*

I rinse the shampoo out--

HEMOVED. HEMOVED. HEMOOOVED.

Oh my gosh, oh no, it's the LONG-LEGGED KIND. TEH KIND WITH THE TINY BODY AND LONG, CREEPY LEGS.

I can just picture him strutting down the wall, his long legs brushing and wobbling in jerky, predatory movements. Or worse, what if he TRIES to move but just falls? No warning, just BAM. Spider on my leg. Or arm. Or FACE.

Do I even have time to do conditioner? Should I risk it? Should I just get out now? I haven't even shaved yet. That might just have to wait. But conditioner, I think I can do that.

I grab the bottle and squirt some out. I'll have to step closer to the Spider, out of the way of the water again. In a tremendous display of bravery, I inch forwards a bit and hastily spread in the conditioner.

*whew*

I step back and go full-speed ahead, rinsing like nobody's business.

Has the Spider moved? I think so. I'm not sure. My eyesight is getting fuzzy from staring at the same spot for so long. Should I get out now? If I don't shave, I'll feel disgusting. I need to shave. But if I stick my leg out to shave, it'll be RIGHT UNDER THE SPIDER. It would be just ASKING for trouble. One little slip and he'd sure be on my leg. Ewwwwww...

I decide to risk it. I tear the little plastic thing from my razor and uncap the shaving gel. Squirt, lather... Now the moment of truth. I stick my leg out to shave, directly under Spidey.

On your mark. Get set. GO.

*shaveshave--the Spider's still frozen--shaveshaveshave*

Right leg down.

*squirt, lather, shaveshaveshave--So far so good--shaveshave*

Left leg down.

*rinse, replace plastic thingy, recap shaving gel*

Can it be? Am I really finished?

*shut off water*

*FLYING LEAP OUT OF THE SHOWER*

~~~~~~~~~~

So, I made it. The Spider is still there, and I'm safe. I'm pretty sure the shower was a speed record, too. Hopefully you found this amusing. Personally I see nothing funny about a girl being threatened in her own bathroom.

Well, maybe a little.

Anyone else have great Spider stories?

~Stephanie