Forever

More than any other concept, that one scares me.

Now, I'm not talking about the "forever" in "I'll love you forever!" That pretty much means "I'll love you until we die!" I also don't mean the kind of forever that's behind you. {"I've been waiting for this moment for forever!"}

I mean forever as in Death.

Death itself does not scare me. I also have confidence of where I am going after I die {Heaven}. It's just the amount of time that completely terrifies me. Have you ever thought about it? Do it. Right now. Take a moment and THINK as you read this. Let your mind roll through the mental meltdowns and explosions. Let yourself go crazy trying to make sense of it all, just for a few minutes.

Think about dying.

Think about being in Heaven for the first time. {*gasp* It's amazing!}

Think about being in Heaven for a century. "Okay, it's been a very long time..." {A century ago, neither of the World Wars had happened.}

Think about being in Heaven for twice that long. "Um..." {Two hundred years ago, Napoleon Bonaparte was born.}

Think about being in Heaven for three hundred years. "This...it's...um...it's still going..." {America was still over sixty years away from declaring her Independence.}

Think about being in Heave for four hundred years. "I'm losing it. I'm losing it." {Tobacco was just beginning to make it big in the New World.}

Think about being in Heaven for five hundred years. "Holy shiitake mushrooms, what am I supposed to do now??" {Five hundred years ago, Martin Luther had not yet began the Protestant Reformation.}

Now, consider the fact that even though you have been in Heaven for about six lifetimes, you still have forever to go.

Forever.

You will be in Heaven forever. There is nothing else coming. In six million years, you will still have seven million years to go. And after that, fifteen million. And after that, and after that, and after that. Without end. Your future is completely linear. Nothing new under the sun for infinity. Ever. Your life is like the Penrose staircase. As far as you can conceive, your life will be this. There is no escape. You are already dead.

There is no escape. You are already dead.

Does that scare the poop out of anyone else?

It's even worse if you're an atheist, in my opinion. Imagine ceasing to exist. Your life is snuffed out and--

...

You don't exist. You will never be again. You won't see; you won't feel; you won't touch; you won't speak; you won't think. Your mind is gone, obliterated. There is nothing for you, but that's because you do not exist. You've run your course and you are gone. You will never be again.

And you won't even care, because there won't be a you to care.

Reincarnation is the least terrifying afterlife in my opinion. You get to keep coming back, with manageable, comprehensible amounts of time ahead of you. {Who gives a damn if I'm a fly? At least I know there are only an average of 7 more days before I get to come back as a sheep or something.}

Does anyone else find this terrifying? Because it scares the bejezzus out of me. I would love to go to Heaven, yes, but maybe for a vacation, or an extended trip...

but FOREVER? :-|