Love

Is love an intellectual or emotional thing?

The other day I was sitting in class, thinking about the guy across from me.

Before this school year, I didn't know he existed, but he had started to grow on me and so--naturally--I started analyzing him.

He was giving a presentation, which worked out well. You're SUPPOSED to stare intently at people when they're giving a presentation, so it was a lot less weird than it might have been.

First I considered his looks, since that was something I wouldn't be able to do when we was just sitting in class {without being creepy}. My initial reaction was that he was not conventionally good-looking. He has an usual haircut, gapped teeth and some acne. But I had started to think that he had a lot of potential in the looks department. I might really did his vibe.

Then I considered his personality. I like his personality a lot. He's quirky in the same ways I am,; we share opinions on a broad variety of topics, like books and perfect words and the guy who writes our theology guide {hate him}.

But then he also sees some things very differently than I do. We were talking in class one day about what it would be like if we didn't have relationships with God. I said I thought it would feel like a part of our minds were missing. Her said he thought it would feel more like a part of our hearts were missing.

Which was weird. I don't usually go there with my thoughts. I dunno. It was just interesting.

But, believe it or not, this post isn't supposed to be about this guy at all. It's about about ME, mwahahaha >:D It's about how I deal with liking/loving people.

As I sat there in class, I mentally tallied up the guy's looks, personality, and compatibility with myself. Then I gave myself a nod and put him on my list of Potentials.

Then later at the library, someone dropped some books. They were behind the shelves, so I couldn't see them. A moment later the person came out. It was a guy my age, the attractive guy my age that works at the library. I'd kind of forgotten he worked there at all, but when I saw him my brain went into calculation mode again.

Good-looking. Taller than I am. Works at a library, so he has to like books. Also means he has a job. Or he volunteers, which could be cool or lame, just depending. Hm.

He made it onto the Potential list too.

But then on the way home, the whole day resonated weirdly in my mind. It hit me like a jellyfish in the face:

Is THAT how I deal with the concept of romantic relationships? I size people up mentally, calculating and analyzing, before they make it onto a list where I could potentially select them because they had "passed the test"?

It struck me as sort of creepy to be honest. I mean, at this point I have not given any thought to how I FEEL about either of the two guys who just made my list. It was all intellectual, no emotion involved. Is that how it's supposed to be? Do other people just go around making rational decisions about something that should be exciting and...I dunno, touch-feely?

It's late and I know that isn't a very good conclusion, but I'm too tired to write anything else at the moment XD Interesting thought, though, isn't it? Is love an emotional or intellectual thing? I'm pretty sure I'll be continuing this later when I can think straight.

~Stephanie