Saturday, March 10, 2012

"Don't Touch Me."

Maybe-unfortunately, that is a phrase that comes out of my mouth a lot. I don't really know why, but for some reason, physical contact makes me shrink inside.

If my sister tries to get my attention by touching my shoulder, I flinch away.

If my mom comes up behind me and hugs me, my muscles scream to shove her off.

If someone reaches out to hug me, it's a conscious effort to move towards them and not away.

More often than not, I end up snapping at the toucher, at least when I wasn't expecting the contact. If I didn't see it coming, being touched is a sinking feeling, a jolt of adrenaline, and leaves my skin crawling. Physical contact feels a little bit like being trapped to me.

I'm not sure if I've always been this way, or if it came with puberty or something XD It definitely got worse around 12, when girl friends start to get all huggy and touchy-feeling. Not that there's anything wrong with that, really.

As horrifying and pity-inducing as this post might seem, this is actually NOT a big deal to me. This weirdness is far from crippling. If I see a hug or a poke coming, I can be fine with it. It's just the weird, knee-jerk reaction of WHAT THE HELL? GET OFF OF ME! that I find unfortunate in myself XD I'm trying to work through it, but, like most things, it's a work in progress right now.

So, for all, like, four of you know know me in real life, don't necessarily hesitate to make contact. But also don't be offended if I react as though you were trying to rape me XD



  1. I just see this as an idiosyncrasy. At least you know about it but it doesn't mean it's wrong, unless you want to change it :)

  2. When we finally meet, I'm going to spend an inordinate amount of time poking you for no reason.

  3. My mom read this book called "the five love languages" (you should check it out). I have four siblings and when my mom read that book, each of us had a different love language. Mine is touch. For Sure. But then there is my sister Becky who has a bubble around her (a lot like you), she feels loved when people spend time with her.Yet, she hate getting touched. People are just different. That's how God made us to be :)

    Love always,