Monday, March 26, 2012

It's Not Supposed to Feel Like This

It's not supposed to feel like this.

Hearing my parents say, "We'll support you whatever you decide" isn't supposed to be the most terrifying thing I've ever heard.

Getting Wait Listed at the only university I've passionately pursued for seven years isn't supposed to feel okay.

Getting accepted to a school three and a half hours away that I'd never previously heard of and whose colors are purple and freaking orange isn't supposed to feel like...a possibility?

Six months ago, wanting to go to Wake Forest was the surest decision I'd ever made. I was positive. I felt great about it. I loved the campus; I loved the students I met; I loved the educational philosophy.

Both my parents went to Wake. It has a dance program. It has a law school. It's near my amazing dance teacher's branch of the studio, and she's already said she'd hire me part time if I go to Wake.

It's close to my family, my church, my town, and my friends.

There was hardly a decision to make. I wanted to go to Wake Forest. I told everyone. EVERYONE knows. Everyone thought I could get in.

But then a few months ago, I heard about Furman. It's basically "the Wake Forest of SC." Same philosophy, apparently a beautiful campus, and the professors are supposed to be more interesting than Wake's.

As soon as I heard about Furman, I didn't want to hear any more. I never wanted to hear the name "Furman" again. I got this terrible feeling that it would be a good school for me. And suddenly I had to consciously not think about it so that Wake could keep it's place in my mind and heart.

But for some reason, I applied to both Wake Forest AND Furman.

A week or so ago, I got accepted to Furman.

Last Saturday, I got Wait Listed at Wake Forest.

They tell you to keep submitting stuff to Wake, maybe go for another interview, and we actually talked to the provost emeritus. He's on my side. He's gonna "make some inquiries" for us.

But the thing is, I don't find out if I got accepted off their Waiting List until AFTER May 1. Guess when I have to tell Furman if I accept their admission? May 1.

So right here, right now, I have to make a choice. Do I go where I've dreamed, prayed, wished, wanted, KNOWN to go for so long? Or do I throw out all my plans and plunge into this newcomer school that captured my sixth sense somehow?

My parents will support me in whatever decision I make. And for once in my life, I wish they'd just tell me what to do.



  1. As hard as it is I think your parents are making the right stand for you. I know nothing about those schools but I have learned one thing: sometimes the choice that works out best for us is not the one we wanted, hoped for or expected at first. And yes they sometimes come last minute. What if you turn down Furman and Wake doesn't come through? Will you wait a whole year in peace? Whichever one you choose I think the effort you put in will be more important. I don't blame you if you hate this comment.

  2. I'm sorry to hear it's this complicated.

    Although it's three years until I go to college (choice is not so much a factor here, exams taken at the end of the 5 years determine how many college points you get, if it's enough you may be given your specific course, but exams are taken annonymously, so you have no contact with the college), I do feel your pain here.

    A pro/con list is definitely in order - if you stop and think,in all honesty, what is the possibility of you getting into Wake? Will Wake be worth the gamble?
    If it is where your heart lies, maybe it's worth the rolling of a dice - but both sound of exceptional standard.

    Is Wake a childhood dream you can shake, or is Furman just not your thing?

    I wish you luck in deciding - either way, you have your parents support and top class education.

    Are you allowed to visit a college before attending it in the US? If so, why not go and feel the atmosphere, you may have to be there to fully understand.

  3. Pray about it. A lot. I'll be praying that you find clarity. It's hard, I know. But if you listen to God, then everything will workout great.

    Love always,