Hearing my parents say, "We'll support you whatever you decide" isn't supposed to be the most terrifying thing I've ever heard.
Getting Wait Listed at the only university I've passionately pursued for seven years isn't supposed to feel okay.
Getting accepted to a school three and a half hours away that I'd never previously heard of and whose colors are purple and freaking orange isn't supposed to feel like...a possibility?
Six months ago, wanting to go to Wake Forest was the surest decision I'd ever made. I was positive. I felt great about it. I loved the campus; I loved the students I met; I loved the educational philosophy.
Both my parents went to Wake. It has a dance program. It has a law school. It's near my amazing dance teacher's branch of the studio, and she's already said she'd hire me part time if I go to Wake.
It's close to my family, my church, my town, and my friends.
There was hardly a decision to make. I wanted to go to Wake Forest. I told everyone. EVERYONE knows. Everyone thought I could get in.
But then a few months ago, I heard about Furman. It's basically "the Wake Forest of SC." Same philosophy, apparently a beautiful campus, and the professors are supposed to be more interesting than Wake's.
As soon as I heard about Furman, I didn't want to hear any more. I never wanted to hear the name "Furman" again. I got this terrible feeling that it would be a good school for me. And suddenly I had to consciously not think about it so that Wake could keep it's place in my mind and heart.
But for some reason, I applied to both Wake Forest AND Furman.
A week or so ago, I got accepted to Furman.
Last Saturday, I got Wait Listed at Wake Forest.
They tell you to keep submitting stuff to Wake, maybe go for another interview, and we actually talked to the provost emeritus. He's on my side. He's gonna "make some inquiries" for us.
But the thing is, I don't find out if I got accepted off their Waiting List until AFTER May 1. Guess when I have to tell Furman if I accept their admission? May 1.
So right here, right now, I have to make a choice. Do I go where I've dreamed, prayed, wished, wanted, KNOWN to go for so long? Or do I throw out all my plans and plunge into this newcomer school that captured my sixth sense somehow?
My parents will support me in whatever decision I make. And for once in my life, I wish they'd just tell me what to do.