Letting Go

Thanks for following, Cassidy :) Love you.

"I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it." ~ William Faulkner

I had a revelation the other day. A personal ah-ha! moment. It was startling. And good, I think. But I hadn't come to a definite, closed conclusion in my mind until I wrote a comment on Bekah's blog. I read over my comment, and was sure that my words were quite true. I thought I'd share them with you guys, in the plain, comment form in which I wrote them.

In Bekah's post, she talks about losing her best friend, the friend she thought would be there forever. She just knew they'd graduate and live close to each other and have their children be best friends. Then something happened and the friendship abruptly withered.

{You can read her post here.}

And I wrote,

This just happened to me too, actually. It's incredibly hard. I have other good friends, but she's the one who knows EVERYTHING. She was with me when I started middle school, when I started writing my story, when I fell in love. She was the one who could talk me out of bad things and into good things. She kept me sane and helped me have fun.

And then all the sudden, something happened and suddenly she was too busy for me. We didn't really talk or see each other for about six months.

I went through a lot of hard things in those six months, but she didn't care. I needed her advice so many times. I couldn't sort things out on my own. But she was too busy.

Then just yesterday, she called me and gave me the biggest apology I've ever heard in my entire life. She realized what she'd done to me and she said she wanted to fix our relationship.

I expected to be over-the-moon happy, but instead, I just accepted her apology and calmly filled her in on my life. I didn't feel much of anything actually.

All these months, I'd been falling apart on the inside, needing her. Then when she finally came back, I realized something too:

I don't need her anymore.

I love her and I'll continue to be there for her, but now I can handle my own problems. I can think things through and make new friends. I don't need her. And it's okay. One might even go so far as to say it's a good thing.

Yeah, we had/have a lot of history that I'll never have with anyone else, but...I don't know. Sometimes you just know that it's time to move on. I'll still be there for her, and if I ever need her too, hopefully she'll be there for me. But she's no longer my other half. I discovered how to be whole in myself.

I'm sorry this was so long! It's just that I so know how you feel. I wanted to say hang in there, Bekah. She might come around. I really didn't think my best friend would, and yet she did. Yours might come back too, but in the meantime, do some soul-searching, some God-searching, and use this time to grow personally.

Who knows, you might discover that you're okay without her too.

~Stephanie