Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Staying Creative: Freewriting

Hey, Kenzie {I can't find your blog link!} and Shayq'an! Thanks for following!

Blagghgheregh. *whimpers* I hate this. A lot. But here goes.

Freewriting...it should be liberating, spiritually enhancing...creativity-inducing...something like that. Instead, it just scares me. Freewriting has always been one of those things that makes me freeze up inside. I feel like Im' not allowed to erase or backspace, because it's supposed to be all about FREEDOM, and LETTING IT ALL OUT, and NOT WORRYING ABOUT ORGANIZATION.

Um. Do you know me? Like, remotely at all? Because if you do, you know I'm not a disorganized person. I'm not a letting go person. I am a free person, but freewriting doesn't feel like freedom...it makes me feel trapped.

I always end up feeling like whatever I wrote was stupid, which it usually is because I guess I always try to make it meaningful. I always try to write poetically, the way I think "freewriting" is SUPPOSED to be. All beautiful and graceful and emotional. Well, I'm not like that. I mean, if I'm sobbing into a pillow or something, I'll write about it. I don't RUN from my emotions, but the emotions I usually experience are the "hard" ones: anger, frustration, passion, excitement, hyperness... I'm not much of a crier, although I do get dreamy.

But you see, not when I write. Writing is a concrete thing to me, although I am very creative. I write dreamy characters, but when I write, teh world gets sharper, more focused. When I write, my thoughts align and I can think clearly and write EXACTLY what I mean to say. None of this "Eh, that word is close enough" sh*t. I want to say it RIGHT.

Which I guess is why freewriting sucks for me, because I want to get things right, and freewriting is all about letting yourself get it wrong, just so long as you get something.

So...Let's try this.

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to block out the noise of the prompt, pounding in my eyes. The stress of it all is annoying, frustrating, restraining. I feel trapped and gray and black. I feel scrunched.


I think I'm done.

Aaaaand that was my freewriting exercise...Gawd, I'm glad today is over. Tomorrow, getting away from the computer...that'll be okay. I can do that. Prolly.



1 comment:

  1. You're brave for trying. I guess I see the point of it. I used to basically free write my old stories and guess what? They sucked. But that could be because I thought every author wrote like that and I wasn't allowed to change it once I wrote it down. Would 'stream of consciousness' writing be the same thing?