Sunday, October 9, 2011


{I did not drink coffee today. S0z.}

Theoretically you have now heard about my day Friday, and how it sucked. Well, by Friday night at around 1 o'clock AM when my mom came home and the boys left, I did not even want to think about going to the fair the next day, much less getting up early to clean bathrooms so that I could. Only one friend besides the one whose family I was going with was gonna come. All I wanted to do Saturday was lay around the house drinking tea and reading books and watching TV and--get this--BEING WITH MY FAMILY. Yeah, I was that screwed up after Friday.

The stress and depression of having to go to the fair Saturday {how pathetic is that, guys?} actually kept me awake until almost 2AM.

I got up at 8 the next morning and went to see my mom. She wasn't even up yet, which was super depressing. I'm up before my mother on a Saturday morning. Blurgh. So I got in the shower, cleaned the bathrooms, and painted my nails before the one friend showed up. Let's call her Alice.

So Alice and I wait around for Emma and her family to come pick me up. I'm really trying to put on a good face, but the thing is, I don't actually like Alice. She's...kind of everything that annoys me. She's slow to get jokes, take hints, follow movies, and understand puns. Like, to a way extreme degree. She literally never gets anything I say, and I end up doing two MORE things that I haaaaaate: 1) repeat myself, and 2) explain why it's funny.

So yeah. Saturday is already in great shape.

Emma and her family show up, and Alice and I get in the car. Alice's family has been going through a tough time since...well, since I met her when we were seven. {It's really legit though; her parents are some of the most hard-working people I know, and they spend wisely.} Because of that, I offered to pay for Alice's fair ticket so she could come. I told her, and I quote "Don't worry about it! Your company is priceless :)"

Why do I do these things? Can anyone tell me? WHY?

So, the ride to the fair is interesting. I'm really good at faking having a good time. I laughed and joked the whole ride down, even when I got severely carsick. Even when her parents obviously had no clue where they were going, and I could have told them.

About halfway there, Emma says, "So what kind of rides do you guys like?"

See, here's the thing: my family doesn't ride rides. I mean, it's not that we're sticks in the mud, or scared of them, or think they're immature or anything as lame as that. It's just that we were poor for like the first fifteen years of my life, so we all got used to enjoying things a little on the vicarious side. We eat the food, we watch the shows, we see the exhibits, we ride the ferris wheel, and we have the time of our lives.

But it never occurred to me that hey, Emma's family might actually wanna DO STUFF.


So we get to the fair, and the admission tickets are $8, as opposed to the $3 they were when my family went Thursday. Oh. So when you add mine and Alice's extra cost, that's ten bucks I didn't expect to spend, and we haven't even set foot in the arena of merriment and fun.

Once we do set foot into that merry arena, I make another connection: rides = ride tickets, and ride tickets = money.

That I didn't plan on spending. And I'm assuming Alice doesn't have the money for those either. Wonderful.

So I buy eight tickets, which should give me and Alice one ride apiece until I can figure out what to do further.

Emma picks this ride that go up and then DROPS you down, but it's not like Tower of Terror. This thing goes in a circle up and down. If that makes sense. It looks like this:

So that was really fun, and for three minutes I forgot how stressed out and in knots my stomach was about making this work out and not look like the poorly prepared party pooper I felt like. {Hey, accidental alliteration. Hey, I did it again! [Sorry. I'm tired.]}

But alas, the ride ended and Alice and I were ticketless. I checked my wallet. It was down to eating or riding. After a moment of trying to gracefully decline request to ride some tantalizingly vomit-inducing rides, Emma figured out what was up and told her parents.

They forced 30 bucks into my hand and made me get a card with 40 tickets on it. I was like,

"No, really, it's fine... I never borrow money. I don't want to take your money. No, really, I don't want--OKAYFINE *forced grin*"

After spending eighteen of those forty precious tickets, it was 1:15 and we decided to get some lunch. In line at the pizza stand, I look over at Alice, standing awfully close to me, and say, "You have money for food, right?" I mean, just to make sure.

Alice: *wince* "No. Sorry."

Oh. Great. Cool...

We get slices of pizza and no drinks because 1) I now have to readjust some financial issues, and 2) I want to get a lemonade from the funnel cake guy I went to three times on Thursday. {We became odd friends actually. It was pretty great.} The pizza was my last six dollars besides the 10 I always keep in my camera case for just such occasions. I figured the 10 would buy Alice and me a drink and cover any absolute EMERGENCY cravings we suffered.

In the middle of this glorious moment of my life, Sam texts me:


I reacted with the calmest "Oy!" I could muster and held a fairly decent conversation {Or did I, Sam?} for someone who wanted to kick the prize-winning Holland Lop into an electric fan.

After eating the nasty pizza, I asked Emma and Alice if they would walk with me to get lemonade from my funnel cake guy. After acting like that was a bit of an inconvenience, but because they were such nice people they would, we set out on our way.

About halfway there, just past the shrieking child and crimson-faced mother, I decided to check my camera case to make sure the 10 was in there. I unzipped the pocket, and that electric bolt of nauseating Uh-Oh shot through my stomach.

The pocket was empty.

Well, sh*t, I thought. I'm screwed. I'm at the fair with no money to my name and a friend to take care of and I'm already 30 bucks into my friend's parents' cash supply. And I'm thirsty.

See, I get dehydrated easily. Like, it's actually kind of bad. I get dizzy and headachy and turn blue-white and it's rather uncomfortable. So finding a drink was quite high on my list of necessary expenses. Only now...

"My money is gone," I say, stopping Emma and Alice in their tracks. "Like, I always, always, always have it in here and now it's gone. And that was all my money. I have no money now. At all."

Emma looks at me like she's an especially dense scientist conducting a study on how people react when shot with bolts of electricity. She tilts her head and this little frown appears over her nose. "Oh, wow. That's...I'm sorry." And that's it.

Alice: "Oh my gosh, no... I'm so sorry, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. Oh my GOSH. Ugh. I'm sorry. Oh my goodnessssssss."

Resisting the urge to shove both of them into the hamster ball pool, I paste on a smile and we turn around and head back to Emma's parents.

Hopefully I don't die of dehydration.

We get back to her parents, and Emma tells them what's up. Her parents force money down my hand despite my protesting, although I was torn this time. I might pass out of dehydration if I allow my stubborn side to win. Still, I'm fighting furious-frustrated tears as I accept yet more cash. But after all they've done for me, I don't feel like telling them that I'm off to spend their money so TTYL! So I don't get a drink yet.

Then we meander around a lot, wait for Emma to ride rides, I take pictures with Alice and try to pretend I love her to death. I think I do a pretty good job. But then again, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed.

About 4, when I've been in the blazing sun with salty pizza and no liquid for 8 hours, Emma says, "Oh! Stephanie never got her drink!"


I'm determined to go to my funnel cake guy, just to see if he'll still know me. Of course, that's halfway around the fair now, so we end up stopping to ride the ferris wheel first, which Emma hates. Then she and Alice wanna do the swings. I do too, but there's only enough tickets for either me or Alice, so I tell them I hate the freaking swings so they should go without me. I pass the time trying to strike up angry conversations with Cha-Cha guides. Did you know telling them your day has been eff-ed up is against their policy?

Eventually, we make it to the funnel cake guy, and my precious lemonade. The guy is on break. Wow. Does that figure or WHAT????????? But then, just as I'm getting ready to leave, he sees me! He waves! He remembers me!

"You're back!" he says.

"I am!" I say, smiling. "And I brought friends."

"You came back to see me?"

"I did!"

He's so nice. I love him. It was worth the wait.

But by this time I'm so thirsty I'd suck the saliva from a fat guy's tongue, so my lemonade lasts around a minute. *sob* I suck all the ice and the actual half a lemon in the cup.

People look at you weird when you have half a fruit stuck in your mouth.

From there we did random other things before {FINALLY} heading home. I texted my mom to tell her we were on our way. She replied:

"You have your house key, right? Sarah and I are out shopping! :D"

-_____________- No, woman, I don't have my key. I took your tiny little shoulder purse as per YOUR ADVICE. I have money {well, okay, I used to}, a phone, and my camera. The end.

"No! Can you come home? I owe Emma's parents money. Don't wanna talk about it."

She wasn't real pleased with that response, but she said she'd hurry home.

We got home.

She wasn't there.

Emma's parents didn't seem up for waiting.

So Alice and I killed time on my porch with my really obnoxious dog until my mom got home. She was then pissed that she had hurried back when Emma's parents didn't even wait.

"I'd have left you two cooling your heels here if I'd known they weren't gonna wait!" she said.

Thanks, mom. Feeling the love.

From there we took Alice home {thank god} and then had a stressful evening at home.

You know, this weekend really coulda been better. Like, a lot. Like...