Thursday, October 6, 2011

Staying Creative: Quit Beating Yourself Up

I go through phases of beating myself up. Sometimes it's over little things that seem big at the time, sometimes it's over the same things that plague me time and time again.

For instance, I'll beat myself up that I chose to stay home and relax instead of go out to dinner with my family.

I'll beat myself up about the time I told a really hot guy that I was homeschooled at an inopportune moment and did not even get his name. {Yeahh, there's a story with that one. Click here.}

I'll beat myself up for eating three brownies when I was full at two.

And little stuff like that. {Although, I'm pretty sure losing Mr. Hot Beach Guy qualifies as at least a MEDIUM-sized thing.}

Then I'll beat myself up about the same, like, three things all the time.

"Jeez, you have such a big mouth. Why can't you just, like, NOT TALK? Huh? Would that be so hard? To just shut it for like ten minutes and be a normal human being??"

"Your mind is a sad, disgusting place. You will never conquer erotica, because it's already conquered you like six jillion times."

"You never keep up with math. You never will. You just suck. You fail."


But today, none of that. Nope. None. NO BEATING MYSELF UP.

Today we went to the fair, and it was AWESOME. I love people. Did you know that? I didn't. I mostly don't, actually, and I've actually said that to Cassidy. {Actually.} I just do not like people in general. But today, I did.

I liked the lady in the bathroom who stopped to make sure my sunglasses were okay when I dropped them.

I liked the funnel cake guy who told me where I could buy bottled water, then let me go get it while he made my funnel cake.

I liked the ferris wheel ticket guy who told me to take my time and not to worry when I couldn't actually locate my ticket right away.

I liked the soft pretzel guy who asked Sarah if she wanted a lot or a little bit of salt on her pretzel.

I liked the sleep number bed lady who told us that we could get this cover to put on mattresses that would make our bed like the sleep number one we wanted.

I also love the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of the fair.

I love the lights on the ferries wheel, spinning and flashing and making you smile.

I love the floppy-eared bunnies in the animal barn.

I love the candy-apple faces of the little kids.

I love the sheep baa-ing.

I love the venders begging to guess your age.

I love the live music, country or not.

I love the smell of sticky, sweet funnel cake.

I love the friendly, smokey smell of wood burning in Yester Year.

I love the head-turning scent of buttered popcorn.

I love the taste of freshly squeezed lemonade.

I love the taste of a perfectly crafted cheese pizza slice.

I love the playful, fleeting sweetness of cotton candy.

Basically, guys, I just love the fair.

And I love not beating myself up.

Well, at least for today.



  1. This is a really good post. People say 'pick your battles' and I guess that could apply to which moments we choose to beat ourselves up about.

    It certainly doesn't seem like you have a big mouth.

    Your fight against erotica is worth it. It doesn't define you, it's something you deal with.

    Math sucks. And I suck at it.

    I'm sort of similar with people. I make friends very slowly because I have a hard time truly caring about them the way a friend should. How's that for a big mouth?

  2. Which fair? Tell me please! We just went to the fair on Tuesday!

  3. You just have to tell me which fair!

  4. Reading this made me really happy for you. Extremely happy.

    I love days like this...days when everything just seems to go well.

    Something I've noticed helps me when I'm having a day where I beat myself up over stupid little stuff, is that I need to just STOP for a second and make myself readjust. I'll make myself concentrate on changing how I'm viewing whatever situation I'm facing.

    A good way to do it, for me at least, is to make myself focus on experiencing everything all over like it's the first time. I find that I beat myself up over stuff more often when I'm stuck in a rut -- the more new, beautiful adventures I can go on, the happier I am. If I can make myself focus on seeing and experiencing everything like it's the FIRST time, it takes a little bit of the negativity out of my day and replaces it with wonder and beauty.

    Doesn't mean it will work for you, but I thought I'd share what I do just in case :)