~searching dreams~

Thanks for following, Danielle!

So, if you read THIS post, you know I like nightmares. A lot. I love them and would have one every night if I could.

{Of course, if I LIKE them, are they still nightmares? Hmm.}

However. There is an exception to every rule. {Oh wow; excuse my quoting Esme Cullen.} There is one type of dream that I do not like, and thusly I guess you could call them nightmares, in which case I don't like nightmares.

...

Did that make sense at all? Whatever. Are you ready for this? {Hopefully by the title of the post you know what I'm about to say.}

Searching dreams.

I hate searching dreams with a cold-sweaty passion.

The desperation of getting there in time.

The panic of your legs not moving fast enough.

The frustration of not being able to open your eyes wide enough.

The fear of being lost.

The confusion of not understanding where to go.

You search and search, for a person, a place, an item. It's vital or crucial or maybe just mildly important, but you need to find it. You look in all the wrong places, you run into awful people and awful situations. Everything is dark and swirly and dirty and you feel like you're moving underwater. And you're searching. You need something and you're searching for it; it becomes something obsessive and deep.

And finally, you find it.

But it's never what you think.

See, all that is bad enough. The blindness, the deafness, the desperation, the moving-underwater feeling. It's bad. But that's just nightmare stuff. The searching part is when you find what the whole dream was about.

And it's always wrong.

If you're looking for a friend, they tell you to go away.

If you're looking for a bathroom, the toilets are dirty and unusable.

If you're looking for a water bottle, it's empty.

If you're looking for an door, it's locked.

The worst part about my searching dreams is the finding part. Maybe that's the way I often see real life. I'm constantly searching, but somehow I never guess right. I always think I've found something good, but it backfires. I think I've won, but the joke's on me. I'm always searching, always finding, and always losing.

Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing XD

~Stephanie