Monday, January 23, 2012

The Test

Apparently my Cynic post got karma's attention, because people I know are breaking up with their significant others left and right these days.

For some of those couples, I feel this cruel sense of satisfaction at being so exactly right about what would go down. Oh, really? You got tired of him playing COD all the time? Couldn't see THAT coming. Oh, really? You finally decided that his lying to you actually IS a breach of trust? No waaay. Oh, really? Your forever just fell apart after four and a half months? Hm.

But then for some other couples, I'm devastated. People I thought had it together are also coming apart at the seams. WHAT?! You've been together for three years and have great relationships with God! D: WHAT?! You guys have been best friends your entire lives and suddenly each other is the devil? D: WHAT?! You two are an inconceivably perfect match for each other! D:

But no matter how I feel about the breakups, one thing is universal: the exes are become enemies.

I'm not seeing any simple parting-of-ways, no staying-of-friends, no taking-a-step-backs. These people are either turning on each other, or turning completely away from each other.

That's...sad. And I don't mean that in the condescending, "That's pathetic" way; I mean it in the lowered-eyebrows, widened-eyes, slightly-opened-mouth, tragic way.

To me, it makes it look like your entire relationship was a lie. One of you was NOT the person you professed to be. Someone was hiding something. Someone was ignoring something MONUMENTAL. To go from being perfect puzzle pieces to opposite-poled magnets in two weeks is just not natural; it's not real.

However, I believe there could be a saving grace coming for all this. Sometimes, when things fall apart it's literally impossible to stay friends at first. There's too much unsaid that you still can't say; there's too much hurt that you don't want to face; Sometimes it looks like your puzzle pieces have permanently morphed into those evil magnets, when it's really just a phase that has to happen.

I think the truest test of two peoples' friendship is how they carry on after a breakup. If you become swore enemies or cease to be friends...and that sticks, your friendship wasn't EVER completely healthy. But if you go through Hell with each other...and eventually find a way to stay friends...

That's what love is all about.



  1. I completely agree. My first ex and I ... hated each-other. but then again.. we had the worst kind of relationship. and we completely skipped the friend stage...
    If Micah and I ever breakup.. I think after some time.. we'd be able to be friends. Not supper close or anything. but friends.

    Love always,

  2. I'm friendly with one of my exes, one I actively hate, and one I' m just , meh, what evs. The one I hate was a total dick. The one I am kinda friends with we just split with all his family shit, but he is in a better place now. And I'm happy for him. The meh one, he has a hate on for me, and I think he should just get over it. It's unfortunate really because I thought we could be friends, we said we would be friends, but in the end, didn't happen.

  3. That's an interesting thought and it's mostly right, but there is a strangeness there because you were closer to that person than ever before and all of a sudden you have to put the wall back up. At least I found it very strange though I'm on friendly terms with all my ex's.

  4. Alana: Yeah, that's always dangerous when you jump straight to boyfriend and girlfriend. I had one of those too. Tragic, really, because if we had known each other better beforehand things might have been different.

    Jamie: It's really hard. People says "exes can't be friends," and we all want to prove that wrong. Sometimes we can, but sometimes we have to accept the fact that maybe we're just completely incompatible, even as friends.

    Jay: It is strange. But, in my {extraordinarily limited XD} experience, you don't always have to put the wall back up forever. You can be really close friends and not be romantic interests.